I still wasn't at ease with him. Well, he wasn't at ease with me either. Lauryn seemed surprised when I agreed to join them on this last family outing before the coolness of autumn put an end to marine activities. Practically part of the family at this point, Kerrie came along, too, as did Brendan. Rosanna, the only one absent, preferred to spend the afternoon on solid ground. From the looks of the oncoming storm, I wished I were with her.
Jules squinted into the distance, light brown hair tossed by the rising wind gusts, his tone hushed as he acknowledged the truth. “You're right.” Turning to Lauryn, a little way behind us, he kept his voice calm, though his grip on the helm revealed whitened knuckles. “Get the boys below.”
She managed to collar the twins and drag them, protesting loudly, in the direction of the cramped cabin.
Brendan, opposite me, held onto the railing as the ship rolled and pointed to the threatening cloudbank. “Ships.”
The twins weren't quite through the tiny door when Brendan made his discovery. Lauryn struggled as they slid through her hands and ran directly into my path.
“Get below. Now.”
Carey started to protest, but Hunter grabbed him by his tunic sleeve. After a hasty appraising glance at me, he dragged his brother past their mother and into the cabin.
As the door shut behind her, Lauryn smiled in appreciation, catching her balance with elegant grace as the ship lurched. “Trouble?”
“I think so.” I looked ahead to where Khrista and Kerrie were helping Brendan with the sails as the swells rose to a dangerous height. “Jules, can you see any identifying sails on those ships?”
Jules squinted into the distance again, shaking his head. “No. Sorry.” He met my gaze with a trace of anxiety in his own, quickly banished. “If they're marauders, do you think the storm is connected?”
I grabbed the wooden railing as the sleek ship lurched again. “The mage council in Belbridge Cliffs might be trying to fight them by storm. The direction of the squall and our presence here might just be coincidence.”
“If that's true, I wish them luck,” he muttered, wiping spray from his face as the ship slammed down against the rising sea, “though it's not doing us any good.”
“Perhaps we should turn back to port?” I hugged my cloak closer as the air chilled. “We can always continue this adventure on dry land.”
“What in hell do you think I'm trying to do?”
Lauryn raised an auburn brow in my direction at his sharp tone.
When I started to shrug, dismissing his attitude, my attention was caught by a sight that chilled my blood. “Brendan!” I pointed to the cabin hatch as Carey wiggled his tiny body through.
Muttering an outraged oath under his breath, Brendan flew past Jules. Grabbing for a sure handhold wherever he could find one as the ship rocked against the rough seas, he yelled something inaudible at Carey. I ran forward to help Brendan, though whether to drag Carey back to safety or throttle his slender neck I wasn't sure. Not until I heard the panicked scream and inevitable splash.
“Carey!” Lauryn screamed, running madly past me, her face white with fear.
By the time Lauryn and I reached the forward railing, we were soaked from sea spray. Brown hair plastered to his forehead, Kerrie dove in after the boy, both of them disappearing as the swells rose and fell. Jules was frantically trying to get some measure of control over the ship as we edged perilously close to the storm, unable to turn back.
“Jules, there...” Khrista pointed landward when she caught sight of the two bodies struggling to stay afloat.
I grabbed a coil of rope and threw one end overboard in Kerrie's direction. When it fell short, I pulled the rope back in to try again. Brendan grabbed it from me with a mumbled apology and cast the soaked hemp back into the bay. Brown eyes watching its graceful arc over the water, Kerrie caught the slick rope before it slipped through his fingers. Carey held in his arms, close to his chest, Kerrie wrapped the rope firmly around his hands and held on tight.
Brendan, Khrista, and I struggled to pull them back in, their weight doubled from being soaked in the frigid sea. Safely back on deck, Kerrie shivered violently, teeth chattering. Carey, sheltered in his embrace, lay still. Lauryn grabbed the limp body from Brendan's arms after the young man freed him from Kerrie’s desperate hold. She rubbed his limbs with vigor to get the boy warm and start his blood flowing again.
“Let me have him.”
“No, Alex.” Lauryn stared wild-eyed at me and then at Jules. He was still fighting the surging waves, though green eyes darted anxiously at his son before turning back to the helm, Khrista at his side.
“Lauryn…” I struggled to keep my voice even. “I can help him.”
Ignoring her maternal terror, I pried Carey's icy body from her shaking, resistant hands. When she finally released him, I placed Carey flat on the deck, and turned his small, curly head to the side, gently pressing on his chest. I squeezed the drowning waters from his body, over and over. He finally gagged and choked, the skinny little body jerking awkwardly as he coughed.
“Get him inside. Keep him warm and dry.” I met Lauryn's relieved expression with one of my own. Behind his mother, huddled by the cabin door, Hunter stared, tears streaming down his reddened cheeks. When I crouched down, he ran into my embrace and put his arms around my neck, holding me tight. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “He’s okay now.”
While Hunter calmed, the storm vanished as suddenly as it appeared. Clear, seasonal skies and a steady breeze pushed the tendrils of wispy clouds far out to sea, waves flattening as the sea calmed.
“The ships are gone.” Kerrie shivered under the heavy cloak Lauryn found for him. “Lost, or forced to retreat?”
“Forced to retreat,” Jules said quietly, staring out to sea. “At least the mages in Belbridge Cliffs fight back.”
I looked over Hunter's trembling head to where Jules controlled the sails, bitterness and cool anger in his eyes as he turned to face me. Instead of answering that challenge, I scooped Hunter into my arms as I stood unsteadily and went below in the cramped cabin to see about Carey.
* * * *
Harsh, furious knocking pounded at the cottage door not long after I'd started a blazing fire to chase the chill from my aching bones and from my heart. “If you don't open this door, Alex, I swear I'll tear it down with my bare hands.”
Sighing heavily, dreading this confrontation, yet needing to see it through, I opened the door and turned my back on Jules.
“My son almost died out there.”
I clenched my fists. Slowly, so very slowly, I forced myself to face Jules. Lords of the sea knew how I managed to keep my tone neutral. “Have you come to thank me for helping him?”
That stopped Jules for a mere second. “It should never have happened.”
“Because I should have controlled the seas?”
Jules' eyes had a dangerous glint to them, making me more uneasy than I should have reason to feel. “Yes. The seas, Alex. And the wind.” His accusation was more sullen than angry.
“And the wind?” I repeated, confused. What was he mumbling about? Wind? My mother was a seamage. If I were any kind of mage, chances were I'd be a seamage, according to mother's notes. I took a small step backward and leaned against the arm of the nearest chair.
“We were in danger.” He ignored my blank look, though whether he was even aware of it, I couldn’t tell. “Just as we were along the sea road…”
Something in the way he connected the two incidents made my stomach lurch as though I were back at the ship’s railing, rolling with the storm-tossed waves. Something in my expression must have finally made an impression on Jules because he fell silent. Impossible. Wasn't it?
“Did Elena plan the attack on the sea road?” When he hesitated, I jumped up and inched closer, unsure where my thoughts were heading, though instinct was screaming so loud it was giving me a blinding headache. Trouble very close ahead. I was afraid to go on, more afraid to stop.
“O
f course not! Don't be ridiculous. Why would Elena do something like that?”
But I'd caught the merest hint of hesitation. And Jules knew it. I edged closer, backing him against the cottage wall. “It would seem an opportune way to force your own personal mage to fight back, wouldn't it, Jules? And if Elena dreamed up today's little adventure—”
“She didn't.” Jules was immediately defensive, as he flattened himself against the wall, trying hard to scramble away from me. “You know that. I'd never risk my son's life, and neither would Elena.”
“You didn't know Carey would be so curious, though, did you? Besides, your mage would have controlled the seas and the wind.” And the wind. All color drained from my face as I reached to grab onto something, anything but Jules, for support. He caught me in his arms as I stumbled. I blinked rapidly to clear my head. “You bastard.” I snatched his tunic in my fist. “You and Elena think I'm the Crownmage, don't you?”
Jules looked in every possible direction but mine, then pried my fingers from his tunic and guided me toward the nearest armchair, keeping a firm grip on my arm. “Here, sit down.”
I threw his protective arms from me in fury. “Don't patronize me! I want the truth, Jules. Now.” I forced myself to a measure of calm and confronted Jules as he turned away. Staring into the fireplace, his wool cloak still damp from the storm, Jules looked pitiful, but I had no room for mercy or patience. And I didn't trust him. “If you value any bit of friendship between us—any bit,” I said coldly, “you'd better speak the truth now.”
Jules shivered lightly and squared his shoulders. “We had nothing to do with the squall today. That was coincidental, though we did plan the attack on the sea road, as well as the tale of my being under suspicion of treason,” he admitted, still not facing me.
I sat in stony silence, waiting.
“But there is trouble with Meravan and the Crown Council. They don't trust Elena and despise her independence, particularly Firemage Ravess. They want to control the monarchy. Elena thought it best to push you to your potential since you've been avoiding it. She thought if only you'd try once more.” He shook his head in dejection.
And who would I hurt this time, if she pushed me again? If I let her push me again? I forced the pain and fear aside. “But you didn't think so?”
His broad shoulders sagged. “I agreed with her. The Port Alain council has been watching you. Damn it, Alex, you saw how Brandt treated you weeks ago. He’s been asking questions.”
“Of whom?”
“The children, on their way home from the schoolroom. And so has that stranger at the Seaman’s Berth.”
“Because of my mother's reputation.”
“And maybe what happened years ago.”
“You believed I was the Crownmage because whatever perverted talent I'd manifested then was so very different,” I whispered, unable to believe what I was hearing. “The two of you thought it best to grab my talent for the good of Elena's cause, and to hell with what I thought, or what I wanted. To hell with my friendship.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? All you want is to pull my strings like a royal puppeteer for the supposed welfare of the people of Tuldamoran.” I got up and strode over to the fireplace, forcing Jules to face me. “Did Lord Ravess meet secretly with the council heads?”
Jules blinked in confusion at my abrupt switch. “Yes.”
“When?” Another blank stare until I prodded his chest sharply with my finger. “When, Jules?”
“One week ago.”
“What night?”
He swallowed, knowing full well he was caught in another lie. “Alex, if you’d just listen—”
I grabbed his tunic and shook him. “What flameblasted night?”
Jules calculated in silence, then, “The third night of the week.”
“Liar.” I took a deep breath to control the urge to smash my fist into his face. “I was there. He didn't budge from the safety of his home. And he didn't have any visitors. I would've noticed a crowd of mages.” I released his tunic and shoved him backward in disgust as scarlet crept from his neck to the roots of his hair. “I can't believe you still have the utter arrogance to lie to me even now.” I pushed him again in the direction of the door. “Now get out.”
“That isn't how it was, or how it is. You know us better than that.” When he reached out a hand to touch my face, I slapped it away.
“I'm not sure I do.” Turning my back on Jules, I walked toward the small sleeping chamber in the back of the cottage, and stopped. “Maybe I never knew either of you. Maybe you've both been lying to me all my life.”
He took a step toward me, but stopped as I raised a threatening hand.
“Get out.”
And when he finally went, I huddled on my bed, wrapped in grief and heartache, weeping bitterly. And, as Rosanna would have said, very sorry for myself, very betrayed, and very lost. But determined, in the middle of the night, to leave and never come back.
Chapter Nine
It didn't take much time to pack a handful of personal items. Mother's half-pendant, her notes, some clothes, a book or two, and coins I had put aside. Very little else mattered. Though it was still two hours before dawn, I couldn't sleep. Instead, I spent time packing and brooding and writing a brief note for Rosanna, after crumpling four others. Not much to say, I suggested she speak to her son.
I left in the hushed darkness before dawn, still feeling betrayed, alone, and sorry for myself. The trouble was I didn't really know where I wanted to go. Ardenna was out of the question. I'd had quite enough to do with Elena. I knew her troops would watch Belbridge Cliffs to the east because of the recent troubles. So west seemed my only option. West to Bitterhill, and perhaps beyond to Edgecliff and the Bitteredge Mountains, skirting Glynnswood.
I'd never had any desire to find my father's people. Odd, but my thoughts stayed with Mother, maybe because the half-pendant kept her alive for me. Maybe because Rosanna barely spoke of him. Odd, but no matter. Glynnswood wasn't where I was headed. And even if I were, it would have been irrelevant. Three days later, after an uneventful journey halfway to Bitterhill, Elena's guards caught up with me.
It was my own fault, truly. Thinking Jules too ashamed to admit his part in my abrupt departure; and Elena too angry and proud to care, I was careless. All too soon, I found myself trapped under the intense, curious though polite, scrutiny of Elena's guards in a tiny, nondescript inn. Forced to wait for the captain to receive official orders as to what he should do with me, I fell asleep in a cramped, stuffy room, too numb to care.
* * * *
“Alex.”
I jerked awake at the soft insistent voice and sat up against the headboard of the lumpy bed. Shutting my eyes against the lamplight, I hoped it was only a nightmare and I could return to sleep.
“Listen to me, please.” Elena's tense, pale face stood out in sharp contrast to the dark sheen of her disheveled hair. For all her royal poise in the audience chamber in Ardenna, she huddled with uncertainty at the edge of the bed with Jules behind her.
“Why?” I drew my knees farther away from her, hugging them against my chest. “You've nothing to say I want to hear.”
“You're wrong.” Elena stretched a hand to my knee, flushing in pained embarrassment as I pulled out of reach. “I'm sorry, Alex, but you're so thick sometimes. All we wanted was for you to accept your talent.”
“Accept my talent?” I repeated in a voice hoarse with lack of restful sleep. “Easy for you to say. You haven't the slightest idea what it feels like to have something wild and uncontrolled inside you, afraid of what it might mean, or what it might do.” I took a ragged breath, striving desperately to stop my body from shaking.
“You were a child. Not hard to be scared.”
“I wasn’t scared, Elena. I was terrified. Lords of the sea, you should have been terrified, too. But it doesn't matter anymore. It's gone.”
“Maybe. Listen, I know it wasn't easy for you.”
Pathetic little orphan child. “Spare me your sympathy.” I tried, but couldn't quite keep the contempt from my voice. It was easier to be bitter and mocking than to acknowledge honest affectionate compassion. I struggled to hold back the tears and took the offensive instead. “I should be sorry for you, forcing you to leave whoever's been keeping you warm at night to go chasing after—”
“Damn you, Alex!” Dark eyes lit with impatient frustration. “You're being so difficult. It's not so hard to understand, but you twist my words and refuse—”
“What? To understand how easily you forget friendship and trust? Or accepting me for what I am? Or what I'm not? Or what I want or don't want to be? Even if I were a Crownmage,” I hissed, “you never asked if I wanted to be. You assumed I should be. You thought to push me again until I tired of fighting you, until I tried one more time, and maybe hurt some other poor innocent fool. But that was never your concern, Elena, not when you wanted something.”
“Stop it.”
But I couldn’t stop, I was so hurt by their manipulation I couldn’t see reason. “You've only worn the Tuldamoran crown a short while, but already you're plotting for power with the best of the treacherous council. I didn't think it'd be so easy for either of you to lie to me.” I laughed with bitterness, shoving aside the grief as though they were strangers. “I was wrong.”
“Please listen.”
“It doesn't matter anymore. I can't help you, Elena. So do me a favor and leave me the hell alone.”
Her blue eyes darkened, all hint of power and position replaced by overwhelming sadness. She didn't answer, but she didn't deny my words either.
Jules was silent through our argument, braced against the opposite wall in a battered old chair. “Just come home, Alex. Please. Mother's beside herself. I expect she'll probably disown me after this. Lauryn and Khrista will never forgive me if you don't come home. I know you won't come back for me, but at least for their sake…” Jules glanced at Elena, who turned her anguished face away, though not before I caught a glimpse of wet cheeks. “We never meant to disregard your feelings, but we did push them aside when matters started getting complicated. We never meant to hurt you, Alex. You have to believe that.”
Mage Confusion (Book 1) Page 7