“I’m afraid if he has financial trouble, Rosanna will be only too willing to lend a hand.”
“Then I’d better focus on my talent so he’s not tempted to stay.”
“Not a bad idea. And the sooner he’s gone, the sooner Jules will stop sniffing around with questions he daren’t ask.”
“Is he driving you mad?”
“More for the very fact he’s not brave enough to ask. At least he’ll be out from under our feet for a few days.”
I eyed Lauryn warily. “Why is that?”
“Elena’s called the dukes together. When she calls—” The moment I started to protest, she waved away my concern. “She’s besieged, and I don’t begrudge her needing him.”
Judging the sincerity of her words, I nodded, suddenly caught by an idea. “Would it make it easier if you knew I was going north, too?”
“Jules didn’t tell me.”
“Jules doesn’t know.”Lauryn eyed me with matching wariness, so I added, “I need to find out a few things.”
“I suppose you’ll want me to take over your lessons.”
“Only if I’m late coming back.”
“What things? Nevermind. I don’t want to know.”
“Yes, you do, but you’re polite enough not to ask.”
“One of these days, old friend, I won’t be so polite.”
Chapter Fifteen
Politeness and good manners never entered my dreams, but Elena Dunneal did, pestering me when I should have enjoyed a peaceful sleep. I woke with her image holding a sword to my heart, commanding use of my mage talent. If not for the tears running down her flushed cheeks, I would've ripped out her throat. In my dream, anyway. Disturbed, I fumbled my way out of bed and made my plans. Knowing Jules was heading north that afternoon, I contrived to reach Ardenna first and commit the unforgivable.
By tacking a note to the accustomed crack in the cottage door, I evaded Anders' questions. Besides, I didn’t owe him any explanations.
Several weeks later than my previous trip north, I felt a distinct chill in the air, accompanied by the constant sight of drifting leaves and bare branches the closer I got to Ardenna. Unfortunate the Marain Valley vintners had started to shelter their delicate vines against the encroaching frost. No matter. Maybe I'd borrow a bottle or two from the Dunneal wine cellar.
Unable to find an available shipmaster to ferry me north along the Kieren River, I traded stories to a farmer's small children for a ride in his cart as far as the city outskirts and the tunnel entrance. Once safely inside, I found my way to the old storage rooms, stifling a sneeze from the dust. I shed my trousers and tunic, tugging on the careworn dress I'd pirated from Rosanna's cook. Neither Jules nor Elena would expect me in the city in a servant's dress.
Nor would they expect me to do what we'd vowed as children never to do. Eavesdropping on each other was unforgivable. Bad enough to spy on Elena in her throne room, but to eavesdrop on her private conversation with Jules was truly unforgivable. But they'd both betrayed my trust by lying, though it didn't make me feel any better to betray them. Shoving aside the guilt, I decided to go ahead anyway.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, I made my way with caution between aisles of stacked crates and released the latch on the panel leading to a little-used corridor. I timed my entry to coincide with Jules' probable arrival, and walked through the empty corridor as though I belonged there. I spied a forgotten basket tossed aside in a corner and snatched it up as an excuse should anyone question me.
Walking through the halls at a steady pace, I neared Elena's suite of rooms without incident. Unwilling to press my luck further, I edged along the corridors until I found the side entrance into her private garden. I knew she'd walk with Jules here if he'd arrived, from old habit. If not, I was prepared to wait.
Luck was with me. Jules appeared scant moments later. I held my breath, kneeling in a shadowed corner; far enough to be out of sight, near enough to hear, fervently hoping I wouldn't overhear anything I'd regret. Which made me think of Rosanna’s accusation. Yes, of course, it hurt to keep Elena at arm's length. But I wasn't ready to forgive her or acknowledge her side of this ridiculous situation.
But then why else was I here?
Waiting in the garden, I started to worry when they were both so silent, thinking of Lauryn back in Port Alain, until I heard the distinct rustle of paper. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized Elena had handed Jules a letter.
“Charlton Ravess is becoming intolerable, his accusations worse.” Elena took the paper back from Jules' outstretched hand.
I peered through unfamiliar shrubbery, poisonous for all I knew to keep intruders out.
Jules frowned. “Can't we do anything to stop him?”
“Short of murdering him? He criticizes every measure I propose in the assembly, twisting my intent to serve his purpose. Even lords who supported my father distance themselves from my policies. I don't know how to reach them.”
Jules slapped leather gloves against his thigh. “They look ridiculous.”
“They don't care. Believe me. I've talked myself hoarse trying to convince them they're making a mistake. The problem isn’t they don't support me. It’s that they're afraid to cross him.”
“Maybe they should fear you.”
“If I threatened them, I'd be no better than the Firemage.”
Jules tossed his gloves to the stone bench and paced. I ducked swiftly as he came close to my hiding place. “Cowards.”
“I don’t disagree.” Elena sounded weary and disheartened.
“You need to draw the Crownmage out into the open.”
In the tense silence, Elena shook her head fiercely. “No.”
“I'm not implying what you think. I know Alex isn't the Crownmage. I've accepted that. But something's going on with Anders Perrin, and no one, including my mother and my wife, is willing to tell me.”
“Can you blame them?” Elena's dark blue eyes flashed. “We've brought Alex enough pain. Leave her be.” As Jules started to protest, her tone sharpened. “I mean it, Jules. Promise me.” Her expression was vulnerable, and Rosanna’s words came to mind again, shaming me. “If I'd known the high price I'd pay, I'd never have troubled her,” Elena said quietly. “She'll never forgive me, and I'll never forgive myself for that.”
I wanted to cover my ears like a child, but I'd brought this on myself, and forced myself to listen.
“She's made her peace with me, surely—”
“No.” Elena shook her head, running slender fingers through tangled black hair. Sapphires and diamonds on the Dunneal ring glittered in the late afternoon sunlight. “I'm the one she's judged guilty. I need the Crownmage for selfishly political reasons.”
“Not selfish.”
She laughed with bitterness at his loyal defense. “To Alex, it's selfish. And maybe, just maybe, she's right. But I'll tell you one thing. She was right when she accused us of never asking what she wanted.” Elena’s smile was sad. “And somehow, Jules, I think that pains her even more than our lies. Even if by some farfetched chance she turns out to be the Crownmage, or any kind of mage, it's her choice to accept or reject that power, not my right to command her.”
“I know, but—”
“Alex has never forgiven me for pushing her to use her talent when we were children. I've done precisely the same thing years later. Only this time, she dug in her heels and refused to let me win. In some perverse way, I'm glad. I respect her for that.” Standing suddenly, she picked up Jules' gloves. “Alex is out of reach for the moment. But I have to do something about Charlton Ravess before he destroys what little influence I have left. And Jules, keep an eye on Alex. If the council starts badgering her, let me know. I'd sleep better if I knew she wasn't in danger.”
* * * *
Fire and ice entwined in my head some days later with exquisite pain. I tried to concentrate as Anders taught me to ease the discomfort and diffuse it smoothly through the rest of my body. But Elena kept running through my though
ts. Maybe Rosanna was right. Maybe I was doing Elena a grave injustice. But she knew what she was doing, admitted as much to Jules, and then to me the day her guards held me captive. But it wasn't enough. Why not? What was the point? Did I need to watch Elena suffer my own brand of lunatic insecurity before I'd be satisfied? That didn't say very much for me, did it?
So hard to concentrate. Finally, the heat turned to warmth, the ice to a blessed coolness, for one brief moment.
“Alex?”
My eyes flew open to find Jules peering at me with an anxious expression. I lost my focus, and my balance, as the warmth veered back to blazing heat and the soothing coolness to icy slivers. Intense pain centered in my head. I barely caught myself before falling face down on the hard floor. But not before the flame on the candle I'd been using for practice sizzled with steam as it was extinguished.
“Are you all right?” Jules whispered, helping me regain my balance.
“Why can't you knock like everyone else?”
“I did,” he said earnestly. “Several times. There was no answer, and I was concerned.”
“I might have been enjoying a pleasurable afternoon in bed with one of your eligible young men.”
“Oh.” At least he had the grace to blush.
“What do you want?” I tried to distract his attention from what I'd been doing.
“Someone tried to murder Elena.”
Tried. Didn't succeed. “Is she hurt?”
“No.” Jules brushed light brown hair back from his forehead and sat in one of my armchairs near the fireplace. “More shaken and furious than hurt. You know Elena. The assassins escaped, and she wants blood.”
“Meravan?”
Jules tapped a finger against his boot heel. “No proof. At least not yet. But if so, they had inside help. There's no other explanation.”
“Thank the lords of the sea she's not hurt,” I said quietly, disregarding Jules' wide-eyed expression at my sincerity. Did he truly think I didn't care?”She's concerned about Brendan. He was ready to saddle a horse and travel north to Ardenna, but Elena forbade him to leave Port Alain. I caught him just in time.”
“I don't blame her. He's safer here, though I can understand his wanting to be at her side.”
“Could you speak with him? I'm afraid he'll ignore her orders and sneak away when no one's watching. He's furious with the world right now. But he listens to you.”
“Why? No one else does.”
“That's not true, and you know it. Will you?”
“Of course.” I grabbed my wool cloak from its peg on the wall. My quarrel with Elena had nothing in the world to do with Brendan.
“Thanks.” Jules' green eyes were dangerously curious as he held the door open for me. “Then you can tell me as we walk back up the Hill what you were doing when I barged in.”
For reasons unknown even to me, I admitted the truth. “I don't understand,” I complained some moments later, tugging at the edge of Jules' cloak.
“What don't you understand?” His eyes were neutral, as he lounged against the carved gate to his mother's precious gardens.
“Why you're not being smug.”
“I saw how ill you were. I was honestly worried. Do you think I'd be so crass?”
“Well, yes.”
Jules grinned and lightly smacked my shoulder. “Under ordinary circumstances, I might have been.”
I crossed my arms and stared him down, watching the breeze wreak havoc to the top layers of his light hair. “I suppose you'll tell Elena.”
“Not if you don't want me to,” he said evenly, hands tucked in the folds of his cloak against the chill breeze.
“As though I'd believe you.”
He gripped my arm, oddly sincere. “I'm serious.”
I shrugged. “Not that it matters. My talent is useless.”
“I saw the flame and the water that put it out.”
I started to laugh and pushed past him through the well-oiled gate and into the garden. When he called my name, I stopped, chuckling to myself.
“What's so funny?”
I brushed tears from my eyes, still laughing. “I was trying to change the flame to a gust of wind. Wind, Jules. Not water. Now do you understand?”
* * * *
“Don't you understand, Alex? Besides, they can't stop me.”
“No, of course not,” I said, keeping my tone reasonable and taking a seat on the hard bench opposite Brendan. I'd cornered him by the stables, just in time.
Dark blue eyes watched with suspicion at my unexpected agreement. I waited, swinging my legs slowly back and forth. “Elena needs my help. But she only wants to protect me. I'm not a child,” Brendan sulked, reaching for the heavy pack of provisions.
“That's why she thought you'd understand.” I was rewarded with a blank expression. “You're Elena's only heir. She's not married and has no immediate plans to be married or produce heirs. If something were to happen to you, or if they held you for ransom, they'd use you against her without mercy.”
“But—”
“They'd force your sister to give in to their demands because she'd never risk you. Never. And you know that because you'd do the same for her.”
Shamefaced, his cheeks turned bright red. “I didn't think of that.”
I removed the pack from his hand and set it down. “You would have eventually. But by then, you would've been halfway home. Elena needs to know you're safe so she can go on plotting her vengeful plots. Trust me, she has enough to fret about without worrying you’ll scurry all over Tuldamoran, charging to her rescue.”
“Jules must think me a fool.” Brendan turned embarrassed eyes away from me and kicked the pack.
“Jules would've reacted just the same if Khrista were in trouble,” I said gently, fighting back the barest hint of envy, pushing it aside to simmer with all those other pathetic yearnings my merciless heart used to snipe at me. Besides, if I had a brother, I wouldn't have a clue what to do with him.
* * * *
I didn’t need a brother or sister. I had Lauryn, who argued with me all the way from my cottage to the Seaman’s Berth, where I’d eventually dragged her.
“Anders isn’t here.”
“That’s why we are.” I pushed open the swinging doors and waved to Chester, guilty as his eyes lit up.
“I thought you ladies despised my establishment.”
“Didn’t Kerrie tell you what was going on?”
“Yes, of course. If he didn’t, Khrista would never forgive him.” Chester scowled at me as he brought us both foaming mugs of ale, though he smiled for Lauryn. “Lady Barlow, it’s been a long time.”
“Too long. But that’s Alex’s fault.”
“It usually is.”
“I’ll take my business elsewhere,” I grumbled, glad his daughter was nowhere in sight, presumably at the mage council hall.
“I thought you had.”
“I was avoiding your guest.”
“He’s still here. Alex, who is he?” The inn was quiet as we’d chosen an off hour, and Chester took a seat at our table.
“At the moment, he’s not the enemy.”
“An odd way of saying he’s a friend.”
“He was my mother’s friend.”
Chester digested this bit of information. “Then he’s all right for the moment? Can I trust him?”
“He’s driving me mad, but, yes, you can trust him.”
“And answer his questions about the mage council?”
I nodded. “Just don’t get yourself in trouble.”
“I’m not afraid of Neal Brandt.”
“He’ll turn your daughter against you if you’re not careful,” Lauryn intervened, lightly touching the innkeeper’s arm.
“I’ll be careful. But so should you,” he warned, looking pointedly at me. “I’m serious. Neal Brandt is still asking my daughter about you. He’s also asking the children questions when they leave your schoolroom, wanting to know what you teach them, and how.”
Lauryn and I thought the same ugly thought. “Then he knows about Anders,” I murmured.
“He’s a mage?”
“A seamage. A rogue seamage.”
“One of the good ones, then. As for Brandt, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s keeping an eye on your comings and goings.”
“Then he can tell us where Alex disappears to, every so often.” Anders strolled into the common room, an innocent grin on his face.
“It should be obvious I’m trying to get away from you.” I caught the innkeeper’s puzzled expression and diverted his attention. “An ale for the gentleman, Chester, if you don’t mind. I suppose I’ll have to pay as he spends all his coins for lodging.”
“Now, Alex, that’s unfair.”
“Hush and sit.”
Anders nodded to Lauryn, leaving me with the distinct impression the two of them were trying hard not to laugh. Chester returned, a mug of ale for Anders and himself, uncertain of his welcome until I waved him to join us.
“You should heed the innkeeper’s warning.” Anders sipped at his ale, wiping a spot of foam from his upper lip. “Neal Brandt may appear civilized, but he’s vicious.”
“Like you?”
Chester nearly choked on his ale.
“What will our host think?” Anders demanded.
“He’s already warned me about you.”
Chester’s face flamed scarlet, though he managed to control his voice. “Alex tells me you knew Emila.”
“I did.” His gaze turned serious. “And it was an honor. No less to have finally met her daughter.” His expression was unreadable as he glanced at me, then away. “I owe a debt to Emila to keep Alex safe, and I’d appreciate a warning if Seamage Brandt makes any threatening moves.”
“You’ve my word on that, Master Perrin. I knew Emila Daine Keltie a lifetime ago, and the woman was special. No different than her daughter,” Chester said quietly, surprising me. “Now, I’ll let you chat in private. And maybe,” he grinned, “give you a better rate on your lodging, seeing as you’re friendly with the Barlows.”
“I’d raise his rate, if I were you,” I grumbled, “so he’ll leave.”
Mage Confusion (Book 1) Page 12