Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

  “I’m right here,” I said. “Let it out, Tanner.”

  He nodded, and before I knew it he buried his head into my neck, and his body shook once again, this time, harder. His fingers gripped my shirt. I wrapped my arms around him and held him, wishing I could take it all away.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tanner

  “Tanner? Do you have a second?”

  “Sure, AJ. What’s up?”

  I wasn’t in any mood to be around anyone, but that was too damn bad. Despite the fact that we were in Tennessee to wrap up my shit, we had a show to do. And that meant we had to practice.

  The show was tomorrow, and there was nothing on Tracey. I wouldn’t put it past my father to lie just to spite us on where he actually disposed of her body. But the cops also said finding anything at this point would be almost impossible.

  I still held out hope.

  They would search one more time today, but after that, they couldn’t use any more man hours or resources.

  I understood.

  But God did I want to do what I couldn’t do for my sister before, and that was save her. I wanted to give her a proper burial. I wanted to say goodbye. I couldn’t leave her there where he put her. It would be like sentencing her to death again. I knew that didn’t make sense, but that’s how I felt.

  “Remember when you asked me to find McKenzie Konoski?”

  “Yes. Did you find something?” It seemed like a lifetime ago I asked him to call his friend and find Mackenzie’s childhood best friend.

  He nodded. “He did. She’s married; her name is now McKenzie Gilbert. Ironically, she lives a few hours from here.”

  My heart soared for the first time in days. I could make Mac so happy with this news. “Would you do me one more favor?”

  AJ nodded. “Call her?”

  “Get her to the show tomorrow. If nothing else comes of this trip, I’m going to make Mac so happy.”

  “You got it.” He turned to walk away. “Hey, Tan?” I stopped and lifted my chin to tell him to go on. “I’m sorry this shit happened to you. I wanted to tell you that.”

  My fucking eyes were about to water again. “Thanks, AJ. I appreciate all of you.” I’d turned into a pussy in the last few days. I still couldn’t believe I curled up like a little boy and cried on Mac’s shoulder.

  It felt damn good, though, even if I hated to admit it. With every tear I shed, I found myself stronger and better able to try to put all of this past me.

  I wasn’t Tanner Hartwell. I reinvented myself years ago, and I refused to go back down that path. It was the same reason I refused to see my father. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look at the man that took everything from me. He didn’t deserve my time and attention. Being back here in Tennessee, in the town where my life went to shit, was hard enough.

  The best thing I could do was get justice for Tracey.

  * * *

  “Would you do something with me tomorrow before the show?” I traced my finger down the swell of Mac’s breast, and she shivered. I smiled. I loved how responsive she was to me.

  “Not fair of you to ask me that while touching me like that.”

  “You mean like this?” I tweaked one bare nipple between my two fingers. Her eyes fluttered closed. “Or this?” I used that same hand to reach in between her legs and feel how wet she already was for me. I pushed one finger inside her and curved it, just how she liked it.

  “Tanner.” My name was a moan, and I loved it. I took her breast in my mouth as I continued teasing her. I added another finger, and she writhed, her hips moving.

  I withdrew my fingers without warning, and she frowned. I lifted them to my lips and sucked, the taste of her making my need to have her urgent and primal.

  I rolled on my back and pulled her on top of me. “Ride me.” She settled herself on my rock hard shaft and it was my turn for my eyes to roll back in my head. “Mac. Yes. Do me, baby. Just. Like. That.”

  She rocked on top of me, her hair falling in front of her face as she steadied herself with her hands on my chest. I gripped her hips, pushing inside her harder and faster. I let one hip go so I could cup one of her beautiful breasts.

  It was over much too soon. Mac lay on top of me and ran her hands through my hair as I caressed her ass. Hey, I was a man, and she had a fine ass.

  “You were about to ask me to do something with you tomorrow.” Mac laughed. “Before we got highly distracted.”

  “It’s easy for that to happen while you’re around.” I kissed her nose. “There’s no way I can see that body next to me and not do something with it. It’s much too sexy to ignore.”

  “I feel the same way about you. The things you can do with your mouth, fingers, and…” Her gaze slid south, and I laughed. “All those sites were sure right.”

  I frowned. “Mac…” I didn’t like when she brought that up. It made me feel like the cheap piece of meat I’d marketed myself as for years.

  “I’m going to make a new site. I’m going to tell all those bitches that claim they’re going to be the next to be with you that I took you off the market.”

  My grip on her tightened and possessiveness reared up inside me. “You bet your ass I’m off the market. For good. And so are you. You’re mine.”

  “No one else sees—or feels—the size of my man.”

  “You know I regret that, right? More than anything.”

  She nodded. “I know you do. But you know it doesn’t bother me, right? I’m just teasing you.”

  “It should bother you. If there were websites talking about you like that…”

  She put her fingers on my lips. “I didn’t bring it up to make you upset. Now, tell me what you want me to do with you tomorrow.”

  “Would you go to my mom’s grave with me? I want you to meet her.”

  “Of course, Tanner. I would love to.”

  I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She was the most important woman in the world to me. The only woman I wanted next to me. Forever. “You’re stronger than she was, Mac. I wish she had gotten to meet you.”

  “I’m not stronger.”

  “Yes, you are. You were strong enough to walk away and become your own woman.”

  “Tanner, what you don’t understand is the control he had over her was terrifying. Plus, she had kids. She had you and Tracey. If I had a child with Andrew, the control would’ve been compounded. Do you understand that?” The thought of that monster’s baby inside her made my blood boil. Never would I want her to go through the pain of losing a baby like she had, but I was grateful as hell she wasn’t tied to him forever like my mom was tied to my dad.

  “You’re right. It’s hard for me to realize that because all I remember as a child is wondering why the hell she didn’t take us and run. We deserved better than watching our father beat her, and she sure as hell deserved someone better. Someone who would’ve loved her for who she was.”

  “Someone like you. You showed me I was worth more. You helped me work through who I was and what I wanted. You helped me believe the things he told me weren’t true. You were my friend when I didn’t have any. She didn’t have that, Tanner. She had two babies and a husband who didn’t let her leave the house. She had no chance of doing something else.”

  I stared at her, everything she said registering in my brain. This whole time, I thought I knew my mother. Mac made me realize I didn’t get her at all. Finally, I nodded. “You’re right. It’s hard for me to realize I blamed her all these years for things that she couldn’t control. She sacrificed herself and her happiness for us.”

  * * *

  “Mom, I’d like you to meet Mackenzie. She’s the love of my life. You’d love her if you could sit here and talk to her. She’s a survivor, like you. But she was luckier than you. She got out.” I leaned over and kissed Mac’s lips. She smiled and stole my breath away.

  “Mrs. Hartwell,” Mac began. I watched her lips as she spoke. “I love your son. I’ll take care of him always. You did—” Her voic
e cracked, and I felt like crying again. “You did a great job with him. He’s the most caring man I’ve ever known.”

  My heart swelled so big I swore it would burst out of my chest. “We’re going to take care of each other, Mom. I make you a solemn promise. I will never lay a hand on her, or our children. That’s not part of my DNA. Despite the man who fathered me and the horrible things he did to you and Tracey, I refuse to acknowledge that as a possibility. I love her. I cherish her. I wanted you to know that I’ll make you proud.” I cleared my throat, a lump of emotion making it hard to swallow. “I-I’m sorry, Mom. I judged you. I didn’t understand what it was like for you. I only wanted you to leave. Thanks to Mac, I now understand.”

  She scooted over and leaned her head against my chest. We sat there for a long time, listening to the birds chirp and the peaceful breeze blow around us.

  “They can’t find Tracey. The lake is her final resting place. I wanted to find her and put her next to you, where she belongs. But I realize now that it’s just her body. It’s not her. You reunited with her years ago. Maybe it was the only decent thing Dad ever did. He let you go. Now I have to let both of you go. But Dad will pay for this. If it’s the last thing I do, he will get put to death for taking your lives. I promise, Mom. And I know I said I was never coming back here, but I’m not saying that this time. I will come back. When I marry this gorgeous woman right here? I want it to be next to Tracey’s lake. I’m donating money to the city to put a park there in her honor. I want my children to play there and know that their aunt is with them. When we have a whole band full of kids? I want them to know how strong you were. How you gave up everything for their dad.”

  I noticed tears flowing freely down Mac’s face. “That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. She’s proud of you right now, baby. And so am I.”

  * * *

  “Tanner. I’ve got McKenzie.”

  AJ stood in the doorway to my dressing room. Mac wasn’t here yet. She met with Reece and the other detectives to finalize her statement regarding my father’s admission. Since we would leave later tomorrow to go home, she decided to do it today.

  I couldn’t wait for her to get here.

  “Send her in.” AJ nodded and indicated down the hall. Within seconds, a beautiful, petite woman stepped into the room. She looked nervous and maybe a little scared. She had long, dark, straight hair and opaque, almond-shaped eyes.

  “McKenzie, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Tanner.”

  She reached out her hand and shook mine. “The pleasure is mine. Wow. I can’t believe I’m here. How did you find me? I haven’t seen Mac in years.”

  “She told me all about you. She also told me her ex-boyfriend, Andrew, made her stop being friends with you. You used to be a vital part of her life, so I wanted to give her the chance to reconnect with you.”

  “And you’re dating her?”

  “I’m in love with her,” I answered. McKenzie’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open.

  “Wow. I’m happy for her. And you. Where is she?”

  “She should be here any time. So tell me about yourself. Mac says you always went by Kenzie. Is that still the case?”

  McKenzie smiled. “Yes. I’m hardly ever called McKenzie. I got married two years ago to my husband Collin, and we have a one-year-old daughter, Taylor. I’m a teacher, but I’ve been home with Taylor since she was born.”

  “And you live in Tennessee?”

  “Yes. I met my husband in college, and we moved here right after.”

  “Are you a rock music fan?”

  “If I said standing here talking to you made me feel like I was both going to vomit and pass out, does that answer your question?”

  I laughed. I liked this woman already. “Would you like to meet the rest of the band while we wait for Mac?”

  She nodded her head. “This is crazy. I can’t believe not only do I get to see Mac again, but the hottest rock band summoned me here. I think someone better pinch me.”

  I walked Kenzie around to meet everyone else, explaining who she was. April and Natalie got all teary-eyed when I explained. I loved that my girl had such a support system in those two women. I stared at the clock on the wall, hoping Mac got here soon. We were slated to go on in thirty minutes. The opening band played now, a local up and coming group Bex found. She was so good at finding these bands who deserved the same chance we had.

  The door swung open, and Mac walked in. Kenzie gasped, and Mac stopped dead in her tracks.

  Her mouth opened and then closed. She looked at me and then back to McKenzie, her head shaking in disbelief.

  “Mac.” Kenzie spoke first.

  Mac lifted her hands to her face, trying but failing to contain a sob at the sight of her friend. “Kenzie. Oh, my God!” The two women embraced, both of them crying on each other’s shoulder.

  Finally, they pulled apart and both began talking at the same time. I watched them for a few minutes until Mac suddenly stopped talking and walked up to me.

  “How did you—” She stepped up to me and flung her arms around my neck. Mac pressed her lips to mine in a hard and fast kiss. “I love you for so many reasons. I can’t believe you did this for me.”

  “Don’t you know yet,” I said against her lips. “I would do anything in the world for you.”

  Mac jumped up and down like a small child. “You’re here for the concert, right?”

  “Yes.” Kenzie hugged Mac again. “God, you’re more beautiful than the last time I saw you. I’m so glad you got away from that asshole.” She looked over at me. “And holy hell, Mac, did you get an upgrade!”

  We all laughed at her comment. “Why, thank you,” I said, bowing.

  “Oh God.” Bex spoke up. “Please don’t feed the ego.” I rolled my eyes. “Time to warm up. Mac and Kenzie, AJ will take you to your first row seats. We’ll see you after the show.”

  * * *

  “Thank you so much, Tanner.” Mac straddled my lap, and I worked on sliding my fingers under her shorts.

  “I haven’t started yet,” I teased.

  She laughed. “Is sex the only thing you think about?”

  “Nope. I think about you. And sex. And playing my guitar. And having you.”

  Mac laughed. “Thank you for finding Kenzie. That meant so much to me. It’s like the years disappeared. I can’t wait to meet her husband and daughter.”

  After a sold-out show dedicated to Tracey and a huge donation to a national agency helping abused women escape their abusers, Jaded Regret was headed home tomorrow. My heart was heavy that I’d never get to put Tracey to rest, but I made peace with it.

  Mac planned to spend tomorrow at Kenzie’s home a few hours from here. It was great to see her with her friend again. I could tell how close they once were, and it didn’t take long for them to reconnect.

  “Can I come with you to Kenzie’s house tomorrow? I don’t have to…”

  “Are you serious? You would do that? I thought Bex may have some stuff for you guys to wrap up.”

  I shrugged. “The roadies and Natalie have work to do. We don’t. Bex and Johnny will sleep in and screw all day since they’re without kids. Beau and April will probably sightsee. That leaves me. All alone.”

  Mac laughed, but her expression changed as my fingers reached for her. I skimmed my fingertips against her sensitive skin. “Oh, Tanner.”

  “Yeah, baby. I love when you say my name like a prayer. Let’s lose the rest of these clothes. My dick is lonely.”

  “We wouldn’t want that to happen.” Mac climbed off my lap and unbuttoned her shorts. I grabbed her and slid her thong to the floor with them.

  “But first, I’m hungry.” I lay her back on the bed and spread her legs. Her chest heaved in anticipation. She knew what I had in mind. She also knew how many times I sent her over the edge with my mouth.

  I began with my fingers like I always did. Then I leaned over and took her in my mouth, my tongue moving like she liked.

  Mac grip
ped my hair, moaning and murmuring with every stroke. She tasted so fucking sweet, but I couldn’t hold on much longer. I was hard as stone and pulsing with need.

  Just as she gripped the sheets and rode her first orgasm on my face, her phone rang. She cursed but didn’t move to answer it.

  “Leave it.” I took her back into my mouth and sucked hard. She bucked off the bed, my name echoing around the room as she yelled it again and again.

  Her phone rang again.

  I took myself into my hand and pumped, trying to get some relief. I had to have a little bit of her for a second. I put my tip inside her wet folds, and we both groaned in relief. Every time with her was better than the last. I leaned over and took a breast in my mouth. She lifted my head, so our lips were aligned. She kissed me with every bit of sexual energy between us.

  And her phone rang again.

  “Son of a bitch! Who the hell!” I stood up and walked to her phone. The screen flashed Dad. “It’s your dad, sweetie.”

  She sat up immediately and reached for the phone. “Dad?” She was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, we’re coming home tomorrow. You do?” Mac looked at me and covered the mouthpiece. “My dad wants to visit when we get home tomorrow.”

  I shrugged. “Whatever you want, baby.” Now that I knew it wasn’t an emergency, I wanted her to say whatever she needed to say in order for her to get off the phone and let me get back inside her.

  “Okay, that will work. We’ll be there about dinner time. I’ll grab some takeout and we can visit. I’m so glad you’re coming. I miss you.” She paused, listening. “I love you too, Dad. See you tomorrow.”

  She flung the phone back on the nightstand and knelt in front of me. I forgot all about the distraction once she took me in her mouth. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling of the woman I loved.

  Chapter Twenty

  Mackenzie

  “Thank you again for finding Kenzie.” I laid my head on Tanner’s shoulder as the pilot lifted us into the sky, headed home. “Today was a great day. I miss her already.”