Her mother saw the inability to give birth to grandchildren as her failure, as if she somehow gave Cara cancer. For Cara the inability was a fact like all the other facts in her life. It hadn’t always been that way, but it was now. Enough time had passed for her to accept.
“My family has spent so much time trying to make it up to me—that I was so sick as a kid. My parents want me to have a fun career and enjoy life. They still whisper the word cancer and never discuss grandkids.”
He scooped his shirt off the floor and slipped it over his head. Let it rest there. “It probably sucked to have a sick kid. I can’t really imagine that.”
“They treat me like I’m broken.” She pulled on the hem of his shirt and helped him slip his arms through. If he did it on his own, he’d likely rip out his new stitches. And then there was the part where she liked touching him. “You didn’t.”
“And that pissed you off.” He hesitated between each word.
She knew she was talking in circles and merging topics. But all the words had built up inside of her and now she wanted them out. “No, I’m saying I never really appreciated that until now.”
He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. “I know you don’t want to hear it, and you don’t believe me, but I did love you.”
Her heart went into free-fall. Zoomed past her stomach and kept going. “Past tense.”
“The end was rough, Cara.” His arm dropped to his side.
“Do you know why I didn’t give us a chance?”
“Fear?”
In part, but if she used that word he might not understand her point. “Because I saw my life getting swallowed up in yours.”
His eyes narrowed. “Okay, I’ll ask you what I asked you before. Do you still?”
She had no idea what she wanted or needed anymore. Once again they’d been sucked into this huge scary situation. The exact time when she shouldn’t make life-changing decisions, yet here she was.
Her brain kept misfiring. The world blurred and the right answer sat just out of reach. “What’s changed?”
The life seemed to run out of him. Some of the color left his face and his shoulders fell. Bending down, he grabbed his pants. “I guess nothing.”
“Reid.”
He dragged the pants up but left them unzipped. “This time I’m the one who needs air.”
“You know it’s dangerous out there.”
“I’m going to the front door of the mine and no farther.” He started to turn then stopped. “And for the record, it’s not that safe in here either.”
Then he was gone.
18
TASHA LOOKED out the apartment room window to the city of Perm below. Niko had traveled here, which meant she’d had to follow, and drag Caleb along.
Niko came in with fanfare. Talked about donating money for research and schools. Promised the backing of oil companies working the region. It was a fine public relations display. A performance he could have delivered from home via teleconference. But he felt the need to come here, right after she visited his office. She guessed it was easier to cover his tracks from inside Russia.
That’s why she hovered in the shadows. Instead of walking into a hotel where her identification would be tracked, they waited in an apartment building. A safe house used by one of her contacts. A place no one would think to look for her, or whatever name her passport said.
The question was, why congregate here? The hilly area sat on the banks of a river and was home to almost a million people. Across the intersection sat what looked like a red brick church with fancy spires topped with gold. In the distance, rows of high-rise apartment buildings.
Sitting on the border between Europe and Asia, the city thrived thanks to the oil industry. It was a twenty hour flight from home. After having been closed off to visitors before the fall of the Soviet Union, the place still moved at a slower, otherworldly pace.
She’d been here several times during her MI6 days. Niko brought her here now. One day she might come back as a visitor and enjoy some hiking, but not today.
“I have some information.” Caleb spoke from the desk he’d set up as a workstation in the corner.
He had routers and piggybacked on signals . . . she didn’t even try to understand all of the equipment. If it worked to hide his identity, she supported him buying it on the black market and hauling it up here. His job was to track information without being found out or pointing to their location, two things he excelled at.
She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed behind him. “Don’t tell me how you got it.”
He spun the chair around to face her. “You don’t want to know.”
“Exactly.”
He leaned back on the creaky wooden legs and stretched his feet out in front of him. “Using the coordinates of all the incidents and armed guards Reid has encountered, along with notes and plans from the expedition, I was able to pinpoint the general area of interest and track it over time through a series of satellite images.”
Since the satellites were supposed to be down, or knocked out for at least a short period of time, all of that should have been impossible. Tasha hoped his skills equaled those set out in the FBI file on him. “I sense an international incident or congressional hearing in my future.”
“You have troop movement here.” Caleb flipped one of his laptops around and showed her the screen. “Looks like we have troops conducting surveillance, circling and converging on this one section that stretches about twenty square miles.”
“Probably guarding.” No surprise there. The Russians had a lot of secrets buried in the Urals. Always had.
It was a good place to launch new programs and conduct research. Oil and gas companies moved in and out of there all the time, which added some needed income to the region and a whole new level of corruption. If she were in charge of Russian intelligence, she’d drag all of her people up there for training and then have the government hide every covert operation in the hills.
“Possibly searching for something.” Caleb clicked through a series of time-lapsed photos, showing one day then the next. “These bodies aren’t following an exact path. It’s more like fanning out, checking one section at a time then doubling back again.”
The troop movement was minimal, as if they didn’t want to draw attention. “It could be we’re all in a race to find these scientists before they start talking about whatever it is they found in the field.”
He frowned. “We’re talking about my sister.”
“Who is alive and fine.” Tasha didn’t add “right now” because she knew Caleb understood that much.
They had an area and movement. They needed to pinpoint a reason for all that interest. Every question led them right back to the science expedition. That made Niko her number one priority.
“Bring Cara home now.” Caleb sat forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “I’m not kidding here, Tasha. She’s wrapped up in something dangerous and now you have a place to look without her. Enough is enough.”
He’d been repeating that refrain ever since they left DC. She’d ignored the requests because she had an agent in the field. Right there, ready to investigate. Pulling Reid out to act as a travel escort didn’t make sense. They might not have that kind of time, and she had the knowledge about the team and the area. Every piece of intel pointed to keeping Reid there, which meant Cara was stuck until they figured out the endgame.
But she was Caleb’s sister and hadn’t asked for this. She went in with the CIA but as a scientist looking for information. Not as an agent ready to shoot and run and hide.
Tasha sympathized . . . to a point. “I’ll have Reid take a run at figuring out what has everyone’s attention. If he comes up empty, I’ll pull them out.”
“It could be too late by then.”
“They are pinned down in the middle of this thing.” From the photos, it looked like the armed men on the ground were getting closer and could recheck the mine at any time. “The only way out may be to
keep going and work our way through all of this until we find the answers about what everyone wants out there and are willing to kill for.”
“You haven’t had any trouble bringing Parker in and out.”
Tasha had been waiting for that argument. “Reid made that decision at the start of this thing. That it was easier to move one person than three. But I’m sending Parker in as backup.”
Caleb shook his head. “Bring everyone in. Have the entire Alliance team descend on the Urals and end this thing.”
“That will guarantee a shoot-out.” And she would not risk her men. They were already in there without backup or support. She couldn’t depend on CIA reports because someone wanted to keep this hush-hush. That meant if a higher-up needed a scapegoat for this mission going sideways, she would catch the blame.
“Or the chaos will stop and Cara will be able to walk out without trouble.” Caleb stopped looking at his hands and glared at Tasha. “But that doesn’t work for you because the person behind whatever we’re looking at here will scatter. Be honest, this is about the mission, not my sister.”
To Tasha, those were the same thing. “It’s about five dead scientists.”
“Cara better not be number six.”
“She won’t be.” Tasha vowed to make that be true.
Reid read the message from Tasha a second time and swore under his breath. The last thing he needed right now was an afternoon of recon with Cara attached to his side.
She talked about tension and aftermath like she had any idea what those terms really meant while working undercover. He’d never had trouble controlling his hormones or his needs. If a woman cut him off, he took the hint and moved on.
All of those rules and that experience faded away when dealing with Cara. She pissed him off, ripped him in half, and distracted him from the work he should be doing. He’d actually welcomed the pain from being stitched up, thinking that would keep his mind off getting her naked.
No such luck.
The sex in the mine kept replaying in his mind. Not his smoothest work, but together they were on fire. Her breathing and the way her body clenched around his. That part of their relationship never failed them.
She insisted that’s all they had. Never mind that she shared her fears and concerns. Hell, he even talked about the foster homes. Not much, but then he didn’t have a single good memory, so why dissect those years? If only he could get her to understand that.
When it came to sex, she could live in the here and now. But for their lives together she needed to poke at everything that came before. So much of that part of his life was ugly and dark. She added light. Made him forget the rest . . . except when she used his past as a reason not to have a future.
She was so damn difficult. That practical brain of hers wanted to walk through every piece of the past and catalog it. She grew up with music and art and conditional acceptance. She never lived up to expectations, so she pushed even harder. But when it came to him, she didn’t even bother to open the door and welcome him into the family.
He’d been her dirty little secret. That should have been his first clue that the engagement wouldn’t last. Embarrassment, whatever had her turning away, ate at him.
He talked about loving her as if the feeling had disappeared. As if he didn’t care anymore. What a fucking joke.
As much as he needed some space, now was not the time. Instead of obsessing about her, he focused on something he could handle—the work.
He stalked back to the main corridor of the mine but stopped before making the final curve into the open. “Are you dressed?”
Footsteps echoed back to him before she popped up just a few feet away. “We need to talk.”
“No time.” A legitimate excuse even though it sounded lame.
Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“Your brother figured out—”
“Caleb is in Russia?” Her voice flatlined as she asked the question.
“He’s with Tasha.” And likely working every minute. Tasha had brought him in to work with the Alliance before, for discreet projects, but Reid was pretty sure Cara didn’t know that. Didn’t understand that Caleb had sold his soul years ago when he got caught fishing around in top secret government programs he didn’t have access to. Since then, he got called in when his particular set of skills required it.
“I can’t believe he followed me here.” She shook her head. Started to pace.
“We don’t have time to discuss your family dynamic right now. I get that they smother you and try to make you into someone you’re not.” All fair complaints that, with her personality, would drive her nuts. But not the worst upbringing. “I’m betting that’s annoying, but as someone without family, I can tell you there are worse things than being loved too much.”
Instead of being insulted she looked wary. Wrung her hands together as she watched him with an assessing glance. “What’s happened?”
“We have a lead and we need to investigate it.” All accurate information. The problem was, he still didn’t know if he’d recognize the “it” in this case if he stumbled right over it.
“Outside,” she said in a dry tone.
“Yes.”
“And you’re not balking about bringing me along?”
“No.” Oh, he’d argued pretty hard on that point. Or he did until Tasha told him to get the job done and then cut off communication. She didn’t always handle having her authority questioned very well.
“Man, how much did that sex scare you?”
All the words slammed together in his brain. Every argument about safety and locating the rest of Cara’s team piled up on him. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Nothing.” She waved him off and turned back to her bag. Loaded it up with two guns then slipped the protective vest over her head. When she turned back around again she had a minicommando thing going on. “Let’s go.”
She walked right past him, not waiting to see if he followed. The mumbling under her breath was tough to miss. Between their relationship being in shambles and the mission being nothing more than a series of guesses, his concentration wavered. That amounted to bad news. If he didn’t focus, he’d get shot again . . . or worse.
He caught up to her as she reached the entrance. Without saying a word, he reached over her and pulled one of the heavy doors open. The two of them slipped through to stand in the wet grass and drizzling rain. The weather perfectly summed up what he thought of this trip so far—it was a complete mess.
Marking time to the coordinates on his watch, Reid walked them toward the last sighting of armed guards stopping a car and scanning the area. That meant being in the open as they snaked their way along the river sitting in the valley below.
They didn’t get very far before she piped up. “What are we looking for?”
“I don’t know.” He had more information but wasn’t exactly in a sharing mood. All his energy went into staying alert and watching for men to climb out from behind the boulders stacked along the path or the opposite side of the hill that led down to the water.
“That’s helpful.”
“Is this some sort of . . .” He stopped in his tracks and looked her up and down. “What’s it called . . . defense mechanism?”
She sent him one of those you-are-right-on-the-edge eye rolls. “I don’t even know how to answer that.”
“Your attitude is—”
“Don’t say it.”
The snotty clipped answers grated on his nerves. She wanted to pick a fight. He could hear it in her tone. Still, name-calling wasn’t the answer, so he refrained.
She grabbed his arm and he immediately stopped walking. He could lift her without trouble, but the whole bully thing never appealed to him. Not with people he cared about. A terrorist? Yeah, almost any maneuver had his okay then.
“For once, just tell me what’s going on in your head,” she said.
“You regret the sex. I’d point out that I warned you about that before we got naked.” The who
le idea made him want to rip the mine apart with his bare hands.
She shook. “I don’t.”
“Right.” No way was he falling for that line. “Caleb and Tasha think we’re not the only ones out here looking for something.”
“Reid—”
“We’re working. That’s it.” Having sex on a mission was enough of an aberration for him. He didn’t want to miss a warning sign or plunge them into danger by dwelling on the was-it-a-mistake questions now.
She hesitated for a second before nodding. “You think the rest of my team is out here. I get that, but has something changed to push us out right now?”
“This goes beyond your team.” Reid had been flipping that thought over in his mind. Normally he would keep the analysis to himself until he worked it out, but she had skills. She worked through problems for a living. “What if we’re dealing with more than one group here?”
“For example?”
“You were here on a job within a job. The documentary was your cover.” When she nodded, he continued. “What if some of your team members were also on a second job, one that differed from yours?”
“You’re asking because of the Russian commandos.”
He knew she’d get it. She likely put the pieces together long before he did. “The expedition is a government-sanctioned event in support of the documentary. So, why the armed attackers?”
“The CIA believes there is something going on here that needs investigating.” She made a face that suggested she was working out the factors in that impressive brain of hers. “Maybe we did stumble over something and found something we weren’t supposed to find.”
“Then why did they give the expedition permission to be up here at all? It’s too risky.” Someone was paying the bills and pulling the strings. Niko, but the CIA was involved as well. That made for two players with two agendas. The Russians added a third.
Reid wondered how many schemes they needed to unravel to figure this out. As if dealing with one group of bad guys wasn’t enough.
He could almost see her mind clicking into action. Give her a puzzle and she’d work it and work it until she solved it. They could use those skills right now.
Under the Wire: Bad Boys Undercover Page 19