“Reid says stuff like that, too.” Maybe the men in her life were more alike than she wanted to admit.
Neither of them said anything for a minute. They sat in silence, staring at each other. She itched to get up and move. To leave the uncomfortable quiet.
“So, you’re going to stop all this nonsense and jump back in a relationship with him?”
That question set off a churning anxiety inside of her that made her dizzy. She could shore up her confidence and march over to Reid and he could say no. He might have had enough. She couldn’t really blame him if he did . . . but she would fight for him anyway.
“I’m not letting him go.” She became more indignant about that the longer she sat there.
Caleb tapped his fingers against the seat cushion between them. “Why are you here with me instead of with him?”
The question drove right to that dark place inside her. “Because you said you needed to talk . . . right?”
“So?”
She didn’t understand the comment. “So?”
“Don’t assume he’ll always be there. Don’t take whatever you have for granted.” Caleb reached over and squeezed her hand.
“Are you trying to teach me a lesson?”
“Maybe.” He smiled at her. “Go get him. And you can consider that an order if it makes it happen faster and with less hand-wringing.”
She opened the door to get out just as a truck rushed by her. She wrote it off to medical personnel switching shifts. “I might just tie him to the bed until he listens to me.”
“You can get kidnapped and track down bombs but you can’t keep one man in a hospital bed without restraints? That’s sad, sis.”
“You’re as much of an idiot as he is.”
Caleb leaned over the back of the seat in front of him and picked up a set of keys. He held them up. Let them jangle. “Last chance to leave with me.”
She remembered the feel of Reid’s fingers through her hair. The way he whispered her name right before he kissed her. How good it felt to be in his arms again. “I’m exactly where I need to be.”
Caleb winked at her. “Then get out.”
That sounded like a good plan to her. “We’ll see you at home.”
Caleb’s eyebrow lifted. “We?”
“It’s time Reid met Mom and Dad.” The idea scared her. They might hate each other. She could get trapped in the middle, but it didn’t matter. Her choice was clear now.
“Poor Reid.” Caleb made a tsk-tsking sound. “I almost feel sorry for him.”
Reid seriously considered ignoring the knock at the door. He’d snuck out of the medical clinic Tasha set up and headed for the hostel she took over. Tasha was out working on the lab but she’d called, demanding he return to the clinic. So had Parker. Even threatened to plunge him in a cobalt bath.
Hell, most of the Alliance checked in and told him to get his head out of his ass. Amazing how many of them used those actual words.
But he couldn’t. Not after waking up alone in that bed. He’d drifted off with Cara by his side. Now and then he’d wake up and to a nurse’s poking. That last time he thought he heard Caleb’s voice. And now Cara was gone.
Once again, when it came time for Cara to pick someone, she didn’t pick him. She ran to her brother. Walked away from them.
The realization made him homicidal. It was a shame Mickey was dead because he’d be a good target right now.
So, no. Company was a bad fucking idea. He wasn’t in the mood for one of Tasha’s pep talks or Parker’s stories. Every part of him ached. If he moved his head too fast he almost dropped to his knees in pain. But that didn’t stop him from wanting to slam things and break furniture.
They were in an information lockdown while Tasha and both the UK and U.S. governments got the formalities and details settled about the cobalt research. One wrong move and Russia would find out it was sitting on military intel about a bomb that could change the literal makeup of power in the world. That not everything blew up in that secret location up north.
And they weren’t the only problem. The CIA wanted to come in and look around. The only thing that stopped them was the number of dead bodies and the preference that Tasha handle everything in case her work backfired. Plausible deniability and all that. Of course, the CIA didn’t know the lab actually existed, which helped to keep the officers away. For now.
The knock sounded again and he started counting to ten. Being alone in the room made him think about Cara. About how he’d done everything he could and still came up short.
At the third knock he ripped the door open. She stood there, wide-eyed and clean. She’d clearly showered and her hair was damp. Shiny face, full lips . . . he almost slammed the door just to get away from her.
“What?” Admittedly, that greeting was not much better.
“May I come in?”
Her husky voice licked across his balls. Even pissed off, he wanted her. Seeing her made the heaviness inside him feel lighter.
All of that was reason alone to say no. He should have backed away. Probably should have gotten a room somewhere else. He hadn’t given her the room number. He guessed Parker sneaked her that information. Or Tasha. For being so tough, she did like to play matchmaker. He had no idea why because love sucked.
After an internal debate he did what he was always going to do and stepped aside. Gave Cara room to come inside. Then he had to fight the urge to step out and leave her in there by herself.
It was all juvenile bullshit, but right now he couldn’t stand to be this close to her. They’d spent more than two days rekindling . . . or so he thought. For her it was likely just another few rounds of sex. Nothing more.
He hoped the next assignment took him to China or Tahiti. Anywhere far away. A place where the noise would drown out the memory of her voice.
“You’re not saying anything.” She stood just inside the door and closed it behind her. She didn’t venture closer. Didn’t look around or engage him in mindless banter.
That was a relief in the midst of all the numbness. “I’m talked out.”
She stepped away from the wall. Took a few steps forward, which sent him walking backward. He didn’t want to run or to dance, but being right on top of her wasn’t the answer either.
Not that the room allowed for much space. It held a double bed and a dresser. Nothing else. Just a thin trail leading from the bed to the door. And she was standing in the middle of it.
“I still don’t know why you’re here.” But he did. This was the second goodbye and it would shred him just like the first one did.
“Reid, listen. We need—”
“Why the hell can’t you just let me love you?” The question slipped out. It had been clawing inside him, begging for release. Now it was out there.
Not on a whisper either. He basically yelled it in a voice loud enough to shake the walls. When she didn’t say anything, he pushed one more time. “You are so damned difficult and all I want to do is make things good for you.”
“I want that, too.”
“You push me away. You find excuses.” He shook his head then stopped. “You are the most stubborn . . . wait, what did you say?”
She reached out, but he held up both hands, silently pushing her away. He had to. It was a form of self-protection. No one had ever gotten to him like this. He’d spent his life closed off and alone. With her, he hoped for something else.
Desperation clawed at him. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m sorry.” Sadness welled in her eyes. “You loved me and gave me all you could and I stomped all over it. Threw it away, or tried to.”
She had the right to do that. She didn’t have to love him. “That’s over. It’s in the past and we need to forget it.”
“It’s not.”
He had no idea what that meant. “Cara, I can’t keep doing this with you.”
This time when she took a step toward him, he didn’t throw up an emotional wall fast enough. When her hand flatt
ened against his stomach, he flinched. Not because he didn’t want her to touch him but because he wanted it so much.
He ached for her. Months of waiting and hoping. He’d gone after her. Tried to call, but she was off on this field assignment or that one. She kept him at a distance. Just thinking about how lost he felt ticked him off. She took his control and smashed it and now she . . . hell, he didn’t know what she was doing.
He reached for her hand, thinking to push it away, but he held on. “I know you need something else. Someone else.”
It physically hurt to say the words. Every syllable sliced through him. The pain in his gut grew until he thought he’d double over. If this was love, he didn’t want it.
“We met during this crazy time. We met again a few days ago during another adrenaline-pumping mess.”
He was starting to hate that word. “You think it was all fake or something. I get it.”
She shot him a sad smile. “You don’t.”
“Explain it to me.” One last time then he’d never have to hear this infuriating argument again. “Just say it and then go.”
“I love you.”
His brain was playing tricks on him. He wanted to say something but the words refused to form in his head.
She squeezed his hand. “Totally, completely, so stupid I can’t see straight in love with you.”
“I thought you . . .” That’s all he had. Nothing else came to him.
She stepped in even closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. The move brought his chest tight against hers. “I made a terrible mistake letting you go. I had reasons and they made sense at the time, but I am asking you to forgive me. To give me another chance.”
“Together?” His brain refused to work.
“This isn’t going away. I expected my feelings to fade or die off but they got stronger.”
“You love me.” He got stuck there. It was a big point, one he didn’t quite believe.
“Completely.” She dropped a quick kiss on his nose. “Like, I’m miserable without you. That kind of love. The minute I saw you again I knew the feelings between us weren’t about aftermath or whatever you guys call it.”
“Just sex.”
“No, baby.” Her fingers slipped into his hair. “It’s so much more than that, and I was ready to tell you that when you escaped the clinic.”
He rested his forehead against hers. Just for a second. “I couldn’t be there without you.”
“I wasn’t gone.” She kissed his cheek. “I love you and I’m not going anywhere. All I need is for you to give me a chance.”
“Love.” He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. He’d loved her from the start, strong and clear. She hedged and he tried to make allowances, but once she left, he couldn’t put it back together. Now this.
“It lingered. Never went away.” She shook her head. “It actually grew stronger until it beat like this steady rhythm inside of me.”
Everything he wanted sat right there, right at his fingertips. But he’d been here before. He wanted her to understand the road might not be easy. If she wanted out, this was the time. “You’re not worried you’re taking a risk? I ran the streets as a kid and did some bad things.”
She put a finger over his lips. “You can tell me what you want to tell me about your past. None of it matters because I know and love the man in front of me.”
“But—”
“There is no test you need to pass. Take the time you need.”
The heaviness inside him cleared. That clenching in his gut finally eased. “You’re not going to like everything you hear. Parts of my past are pretty shitty.”
She smiled at that. “Believe it or not, I’m not perfect.”
He froze. “I’m afraid to respond to that.”
“We’re both going to mess up, Reid.” She kissed him then. A lingering kiss full of promise. One that started a slow burn and heated fast. “This time I want to mess up together.”
“That’s weirdly romantic.”
She laughed, full and rich, and for the first time since she walked in sounding genuinely happy. “I do love you. All of you. You are the best man I know.”
He believed her. He could feel it in the way she held him and hear it in her voice. It practically bubbled out of her. “And I love you. All of you and forever.”
She pulled back and stared at him. “You get what I’m saying, right? Meet the parents. Move in together. Plan a future. I want all of it.”
Surprise spun inside him. He thought she’d want to baby-step. Do her version of a science experiment on their romance. “That’s a pretty big commitment.”
“You’re the right man for me.”
The words sparked something inside him. “I’ll give you everything. Protection, love—whatever you want, it’s yours.”
Need whipped around him and he leaned in for a kiss. Not a small one. No, he planned for this to lead somewhere.
She pulled back just before his lips touched hers. “You need to go back to the clinic.”
“Oh, that’s not happening.”
“Let’s make a deal.” Her fingers skimmed over his neck and down to the top button of his shirt. “We take a little time to make up then we both go back. As soon as you get the okay to leave, we both go. Until then, we’re together.”
The words spun in his mind. “I can probably live with that.”
She shot him a sexy little smile. “Any chance you have another condom?”
He swore. “No.”
Her fingers plowed into his hair, tickled his neck. “Then we’ll have to improvise.”
“I’ll use my tongue.” He couldn’t fight a smile. “I’m very good with my tongue.”
A tremor ran through her. “Will I be naked?”
“Oh, you’ll definitely be naked.”
“Then get busy, sweet talker.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
25
THEY FINALLY made it back to the hatch and the secret underground lab the next day. Just thinking about that description made Cara shake her head. Somedays she felt as if she went to sleep in that tent and woke up in the middle of a wild, out of control movie.
Activity buzzed around her now as she stood by a table and watched everyone else work. Caleb hadn’t left and worked with Parker to break down the equipment according to her specifications. Reid stood next to her carefully putting rocks in containers, just like she asked.
Being in charge felt good. Not that she really was. Tasha ran this show. She issued orders that had them all jumping. The main one was that she needed the lab cleared immediately and all of their butts on a private plan two hours from now.
That was fine with Cara. She was ready to leave Russia behind. Her hand brushed against Reid’s and he stopped frowning at a piece of limestone long enough to smile at her. Yeah, she was not leaving him behind. Not this time. Not ever again.
The fear of committing to him still rattled her insides. The idea of pulling her life apart and making room for him both thrilled and terrified her. She worried she wouldn’t live up and be what he needed. But he believed and she would lean on that until all of the rest of that old baggage fell away.
With every new kernel of information he’d shared last night in bed, her love and respect for him grew. He headed into danger because he believed it was his calling. And he insisted she was his forever. A woman could not ask for more than that.
“I’m ready to leave Russia.” Parker looked up at Tasha from his seat on the floor. “And I mean forever. I haven’t enjoyed any part of my time here.”
Reid wrapped an arm around Cara and brought her close against his side. The kiss in her hair lingered. “I thought it was pretty great.”
Parker snorted. “Because you got the girl.”
“I think he actually always had the girl,” Caleb said as he wrapped up cables and disconnected every line.
“We’re going with the word girl?” Cara smiled as she scolded. Couldn’t help it. Despite some of the knuckl
e-dragging tendencies, she loved this group.
Tasha walked around the room gathering up notes and stacking them in her arms. “I find it easiest to ignore them when they’re like this.”
“I’ll sleep better knowing you’re in charge of the research and intel.” And Cara meant that. Tasha ran a winning operation without sacrificing who she was. Cara thought she might be able to pick up a pointer or two on how to handle Alliance men and not lose herself in the process.
“So, what happens now?” She got that they were packing up and going, but that left a lot of unanswered questions in Cara’s mind.
Parker lifted a fist into the air. “The cavalry arrives.”
For some reason that answer made Cara more twitchy, not less. “You don’t mean an actual cavalry, right?”
“No.” Tasha folded her arms over the files pressed to her chest. “Russian diplomats and American diplomats will get together and shake their heads and insist neither knew about a rogue madman being on the ground. Eventually they’ll decide the talk of a lab was a rumor, maybe planted by terrorists and meant to scare everyone.”
“That’s comforting.” Cara decided right then she would never understand or enjoy politics. The idea that people would get in a room and actually debate whether to keep the lab running made her temperature spike.
“Someone at the CIA will also be asking questions about where all the research notes and cobalt went to since they won’t be able to find any trace of anything,” Caleb said as he stood up.
Now that made her feel better. “Oh, really?”
“I’m afraid that’s about to go missing.” Tasha pointed at the ceiling. “Then this lab will collapse.”
“You can make that happen?” It was a stupid question. Tasha conjured up weapons and helicopters in a country she didn’t live in. One explosion wouldn’t be that hard for her. Cara thought that was probably a good thing even though it sounded bad.
Tasha shrugged. “It’s my job.”
“And Niko?” Cara hated to admit that she barely cared about her one-time boss.
“I saved his life and uncovered a thief in his business, so for the time being he’s decided not to try to kill me.” Tasha rolled her eyes. “I’ve decided to watch him, but it’s clear he wasn’t in on the cobalt plan.”
Under the Wire: Bad Boys Undercover Page 26