He splashed water on his face, gargled with mouthwash, and jumped in his car, headed for L.A. Last thing I’ll let her do is destroy my business. It’s bad enough she’s wrecked my life. In his heart, he didn’t really believe she’d take anything. But he’d been wrong about her before. Now, he didn’t trust himself. He tried to prepare for the worst case scenario—her stealing his confidential files.
The thought made his stomach knot. Could I be so completely wrong about her? Guess I’ll find out tonight. He stepped on the gas, urging the Ferrari to a higher speed.
Chapter Nine
Erica stumbled back into the building. Did she have an agent? No. She had hoped Gunther could help her with that. She had wished Gunther would be happy for her. What a fool she had been. She’d lied to him, betrayed him, or so he thought. Now, he assumed she had never cared for him, but she was hopelessly in love with him.
Watching him crumble before her eyes had been devastating. Especially knowing she was the cause of his pain. She’d never seen him so vulnerable. I guess he did love me, even though he couldn’t say it. That’s the only explanation. She returned to the studio where the producers were chattering away. Everyone congratulated her. They didn’t know her heart had just been stomped to pieces.
She fell back on her acting ability and thanked everyone, took a few notes on what would happen next, and then ran to her rust bucket. She drove to a dead end street and put the car in park. Unable to hold back any longer, she rested her head on the steering wheel and sobbed.
When she finally controlled herself and wiped her eyes and nose, she thought of the irony of having her biggest success professionally and her biggest failure personally at the same time. She wanted to celebrate with Gunther, and now he wouldn’t speak to her. But she knew it was her fault. She’d lied to him. She had plenty of chances to come clean and didn’t.
She stopped at a fast food restaurant, picked up food, and drove to Gunther’s office one last time. She unlocked the door, grateful he wasn’t there. Though she’d only worked for him for a couple of months, she was surprised how many personal items she’d moved in. Her growing collection of coffee mugs, favorite candy, and such had grown slowly, like her attachment to Gunther.
Remembering her first few days working for him, when she had thought he was mean, she was ashamed that the betrayal she had expected from him had come from her instead. What have I done? Why didn’t I tell him sooner? In her heart, she knew that even if she had told him sooner, he would have had the same reaction. Perhaps not the shock of seeing her at the audition, still, he would have been just as angry.
How could I have agreed to this without thinking it through? It was supposed to be a scheme to pull one over on the mean boss. Not break the heart of the man I love. She made a pot of coffee and sat back in her chair. The office had become comfortable. Sipping from one of her mugs, she tried to memorize everything, from the elegant oil paintings on the walls to the plush leather chairs in the conference room.
This had been her home away from home. A place she had shared with Gunther. She sighed. I’m gonna miss being here. What’s going to happen with East West Productions? Guess I’ll be on the set, launching my career.
In the middle of her reverie, the door opened, and Gunther marched in. “Don’t touch anything.” He stopped in the middle of the room.
“What? You told me to get my stuff out of here.” She tried to sound confident to the point of belligerence, but her heart fluttered at the sight of him.
“Yeah. Your stuff. Don’t touch my confidential files.”
“I’d never… Do you really think I’m out to hurt you?”
“I don’t know what I think. I didn’t think you were a liar, and I was wrong.”
She hung her head, covering her eyes with her hand. “I’d never hurt you, Gunther.”
He laughed a mirthless laugh. “You already have.”
“I didn’t mean to. This scheme started with Amy. She said you were…”
“That little bitch? She’s a no-good…”
“I know! I know. I trusted her. Believed her.”
“She’s stupid and lazy.”
“I know that now. I didn’t then. Still, would you have hired me if you knew I wanted to become an actress?’
“Probably not.”
“I’m sorry I misled you…”
“Lied to me. Bald-faced, out-and-out…”
“Okay! I lied to you. I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else. I didn’t want to lie to you, even when I thought you were mean. But I needed a break. I was desperate. Can you understand that?”
He thought about her father. I’ll bet she was desperate. Then beg for a chance. Don’t lie. “I get the desperate part. But what about later? Why didn’t you come clean?”
“I knew how angry you’d be. I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what? My yelling at you, firing you?”
“I could take the yelling. Sure, I didn’t want to be fired. I didn’t want to hurt you…to lose…” She choked up.
“What? Lose what?”
“Your good opinion of me, your affection.” It came out in a whisper.
He was silent. “Give me the keys.”
Erica tossed the file cabinet keys to him. “I’d never…”
“Better safe than sorry.”
His words cut through her gut like a sharp knife. Tears clouded her eyes. “Is that what you think of me?”
“I don’t know what to think. I was so sure I knew you. Then this. I have no idea who you are.”
Erica shuddered before collapsing into her chair, sobbing into her hands. Something tickled her wrist. Gunther held out his handkerchief. She accepted it, smiling through her tears. “Where do we go from here?” she asked, terrified of the answer.
“Nowhere. You’re going on location, and I’ll be here.”
“Will you come see me?” Hope refused to die.
“I’ll be on the set from time to time. I always have a need to be there to fix one crisis or another.”
“But not to see me.”
“What for? You’ve made it clear. You’re ambitious. You have talent. Whit said so, and he was right. He’s always right.” Gunther chuckled for a moment. “You’re moving on. You don’t need me anymore.”
“You’re wrong. I do need you.”
“You’ve never needed me.” He hung his head. “It hurts to say that.”
She rushed up to him, putting her hands on his forearms. “That’s not true. That’s not true. I’ve always needed you. I still do.”
He touched her cheek for a moment before wrapping his fingers around her biceps and easing her back away from him. “You think you do. You’ll see. Before long, you’ll be sleeping with your co-star. I’ll be replaced in a heartbeat.”
“I’m not like that. I don’t fall for every guy who comes along.”
“These won’t be just any guys. Handsome actors, directors, agents. Your Saturday nights will be filled.”
“I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”
“That’ll pass.”
“What about you?”
“Oh, now you’re concerned about me?”
“I’ve always been worried about you. I never wanted to hurt you, and now I have. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. It’s not true.”
“You’ll have a dozen girls here willing to sleep with you, right?”
“Of course.”
Again, she stepped back as if he’d slapped her.
“Doesn’t mean I want to.”
Her heart leapt at the tiny crumb he threw her. “You still want me?”
“It doesn’t matter. Because we’re done.”
“Why? Why do we have to be done? I did something…bad. To have my dream. Life has been so hard, and this is all that kept me going. You’ve been ruthless to achieve success. Can’t you understand it?”
“Hell, yeah, I understand it. Just don’t like it when it’s directed at me.”
; “You’re right. I should have told you, trusted you.”
“I don’t know what I would have done. But finding out the way I did… It was sneaky. You tried to keep me from the audition by setting up that meeting with Grace, didn’t you?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry. That was devious.”
“Yeah. Pretty clever. Until I got an email from Whit, reminding me.”
“That’s what happened. Ah, I see.” She nodded again.
“Now Grace is pissed because I canceled at the last minute. Another fence I have to mend.”
“Oh, no. Damn. I keep apologizing. I’m sure it sounds insincere by now.”
“Ya think?” He cocked an eyebrow at her.
Erica finished packing her things. “Well, this is goodbye then.”
“I’ll help you carry your stuff to your car.”
“Thanks.”
“It’s not goodbye. You’re still working for me. You’re a supporting actress on my film.”
“Oh. Yeah. I almost forgot.” She was dying to ask him about the audition, but she didn’t dare.
“You were pretty good, today. Damn good, in fact. I knew you’d get the part.” He took two shopping bags and still managed to open the door for her.
“You think so?”
“Didn’t I just say it?”
“I wasn’t sure.”
“You should be.”
They went down to the parking lot. There were only two vehicles in the lot. The night was quiet. Erica popped the trunk, and Gunther loaded the bags. She leaned against the driver’s side door and looked up at him. “What do I do about the fact that I still love you?”
“I don’t know. Hope it goes away like a case of chicken pox.”
“I don’t want it to go away.” She linked her pinky with his. Ignoring the mask he was wearing, she stepped closer to him and ran her hands up his chest. This could be the last time. “Christmas is coming up. What are you doing?”
“I’m going to Maine.” He took hold of her wrists, but didn’t push her away.
“To see your mom? Nice.”
“Don’t you remember? You bought the tickets.”
It came crashing back to her. She had made plane reservations for two. He’d asked her to go with him. “I’d better cancel the other ticket.”
“Why don’t you just change the destination? Don’t you have any family or friends you’d like to be with for Christmas?”
She shook her head. Just you and your mom.
“Keep the ticket. Cash it in. Whatever.”
“Would you kiss me goodbye?” She got up on tiptoes.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
She gave him her most pathetic look. He chuckled. “Turning those doe eyes on me again. You know I can’t resist those.” He leaned down and locked his lips with hers.
Erica fastened her arms around his neck, holding him to her. She opened her mouth, and he plunged in. He held her tight, his hands on her waist as his tongue danced with hers. Erica melted into him, molding her body to his. She wanted him and pressed her hips against his, feeling his response. He groaned, but broke from her.
She peered into dark eyes filled with lust. He still wants me. Maybe, just maybe.
“Goodbye, Erica. Thanks for all you did for the business. Making amends with Gracie and all.”
“Thanks for the connection to Whitmarsh Eddy, and for everything you did for me. I owe you so much.”
“You owe me nothing.”
He opened the car door for her. She put the old jalopy in gear and rolled off. Tears gathered as she watched him grow farther and farther away in her rearview mirror. What have I done? Traded one dream for another?
* * * *
December wasn’t Gunther’s favorite month. The holidays depressed him. The never-ending parade of Christmas parties, each more lavish than the one before, was trying. Gunther went alone and was teased for being there stag. He needed to be seen, to connect with producers, actors, and writers, but the gatherings with their synthetic cheer brought a hollowness to his heart.
Dizzy anticipation at the prospect of bringing Erica home to his mother had become lethargy. Looking forward to an old-fashioned Christmas in Maine with Erica and his mom turned to dread at facing his mother without his girl and fending off crushing loneliness, made worse by the holiday. He hoped to drown himself in work, but that proved to be a disappointment as well.
While he was revved up to plow ahead with his business plans, everyone else took time off, frustrating his attempt to drum Erica out of his mind, at least for a few weeks. Carla, his temp assistant, was efficient enough, but not a creative thinker, not as sharp as Erica. He wondered if Erica hadn’t been so good at her job because she was an actress and had a special feel for the business.
The first weeks of December dragged on. Finally, he prepared for his trip east to Maine. Flying alone, Gunther settled himself in his first-class seat, disgruntled to have to take two weeks off. He’d spend it with his mom.
Nothing to do there but huddle over the fireplace to keep warm. There’s never enough heat in Mom’s place. Always too damn cold. Gunther bought new warm clothing. He’d become accustomed to the comfortable, Los Angeles weather and wasn’t looking forward to a vacation in frigid temperatures. He made a face at the prospect of layering clothes until he resembled Santa Claus.
He closed his fingers around the armrest with a death grip when the plane took off. Once in the air, he was calm, though his spirit was low. Christmas had been important to him when he was younger, but as the years went by with no female emotional attachment, Gunther began to think of it as any other day.
This year, Christmas spirit had risen in his breast until the falling out with Erica. He’d hoped to surprise her with special gifts. Now, he spent his money on his mother with a few small gifts thrown in for her friends.
He wondered what Erica was doing for the holiday, assuming she wouldn’t be spending it with her father. A pang hit his heart when he thought of her alone. Filming stopped over the holidays, and the cast and crew scattered like mice when a cat arrives on the scene.
She wasn’t his concern anymore, but he missed making her smile. He had enjoyed making Laurel happy, and Dorrie, too, when they had been engaged. Then something got closed off in him. But Erica had opened it up again.
“Doe-eyes,” he muttered to the empty seat next to him where she should have been. He’d planned to take her to his mom’s for Christmas, then rent a car and drive up the coast, staying in quaint bed and breakfast places through the New Year. Thank God Carla had canceled his reservations. He didn’t think he could have brought himself to do it. She had given him a funny look, but hadn’t asked any questions.
The stewardess brought him a drink. He looked her over with no interest, although she was pretty. But she’s not doe-eyes. He’d tried to resist checking up on Erica, but one of the other producers had voluntarily filled him in on how well she was doing. He had eaten up the information, begging for more. Gunther smiled to himself. She’d be the top at anything she did.
Despite everything, he was looking forward to seeing his mother. It had been a year since the last time, and she could always put things in perspective for him. Still, two weeks in Maine with only his mom would be tough.
Sitting back, he stared out the window, allowing his mind to wander. He wondered what his brother, Gordon, would be like today, if he had lived. Would we be close? He was a math whiz. Would he be a financial genius? Gunther doubted they’d be bosom buddies. Gordon would have stayed on the East Coast.
He hadn’t been close to anyone except his mother for years. Maybe I can’t care for anyone anymore? He shook his head. Nonsense. I loved Erica. Just picked the wrong woman.
He closed his eyes and slept. In New York, he had to change to a small plane to Portland, where his mom insisted on picking him up. She had a house on the water in York. By the time he reached Maine, a light snow had begun to fall. He was tired and cranky. Clare picked up on his mood
and kept her conversation to a minimum.
He ate briefly then went straight to bed. He awoke the next morning to a winter wonderland, a fresh coating of several inches of pristine snow. Clare made him a big breakfast, and they lingered over coffee.
“What’s the plan for this year, Mom?”
“You’re only here a week, so I didn’t plan too much. There’s so much going on here, but I narrowed the list down.”
“I’m here a full two weeks.” He turned his gaze out the window. No fooling her. She’ll pick right up on it.
“Oh? What happened to the young lady who was supposed to join you?”
“We made other plans.” He added cream to his mug.
She turned the power of her stare on him. “I’m seventy-two, not a hundred and two, Gunther Quill! Give me a straight answer.” Clare put down her cup.
“We broke up.” Gunther avoided her eyes.
“Why?”
Before he knew it, the whole story had spilled out of him. Almost the whole story. He omitted details of their passionate nights. Clare sat patiently listening, nodding her head occasionally. She sipped her beverage and ate a homemade brownie while he talked.
He finished with a deep sigh. “So, she’s gone.”
“And you look like you lost your best friend.”
“I did,” he muttered, picking up a brownie.
“What are you going to do about it?”
He just stared at her.
“If you’ve come here to mope around for two weeks and expect sympathy from me, take your butt right back on that plane.” She straightened her spine.
“Nice, Mom.”
“I mean it. It’s Christmas, and if I can’t have a pleasant time instead of having to look at a sad sack all day, I’m gonna scream.”
“I’ll be okay. I’ll smile.”
“Gunther, this woman is the best thing that’s happened to you since Dorrie Rodgers, the sweet thing.”
“But, Ma. She’s a liar, a betrayer, deceitful…”
“You set it up that way.” She drained the last of her beverage.
“What do you mean?” He put down his cup.
“You refused to hire an actress. Who else would be dying to work for such a driven, workaholic producer as you but an actress?”
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