“Brina,” he breathed out as he came, rocking his hips as his entire frame shook with a fire that burned straight down to his toes. No other sexual partner’s orgasm had caused such a heightened, satisfying response within him, a response that went way beyond a physical level.
After they both stopped moving, their breathing still ragged, he cupped her breasts and leaned his chest flush against her back to press a soft kiss to her shoulder. “I’m never letting you go.”
“Well, eventually you’ll have to,” she giggled as she tugged on the reins around her hands.
He clasped her butt cheeks and squeezed. “Or I could put you up on the saddle just as you are, tied and naked, and give you a ride to the house.”
You wouldn’t dare!” She began to tug on her bonds.
“Why bother putting your clothes back on, darlin’? They’re soaking wet. Plus, you’ll just end up without them again once I get you inside,” he finished as he reached over her and untied the reins.
“And here I thought taking off my clothes and ripping my underwear from my body was half the fun,” she teased as she cast him a saucy grin over her shoulder.
“Never doubt it.” Freeing her, he turned her in his arms and kissed her nose. “The storm’s fury seems to be letting up. We’d better get you into some dry clothes.”
Chapter Ten
Sabrina lay in Josh’s bed with his arms wrapped around her as they listened to the rain outside. They’d had a sexually charged dinner, amid many interruptions as Josh dabbed beef gravy on her nose just so he could kiss if off, which led to a heated kiss and finally they’d ended up in his bedroom.
The room was completely dark except for the occasional flash of lightning that lit up the entire room. Josh created a soothing rhythm as he ran his fingers through her hair from her scalp to the ends and then back again.
She moaned and said without conscious thought, “I could get used to this.”
Josh never stopped stroking her hair as he replied, “Then why not make this a permanent deal? Stay in Texas with me, Sabrina.”
Sabrina jerked her gaze to his in the dark, thankful for the brief flash of lightning that lit up his face so she knew for sure he wasn’t joking. A sincere expression greeted her questioning look before the room doused in darkness once more. She’d assumed he’d told her he loved her in the heat of the moment. Even though it had made her heart jerk to hear the words, she wasn’t sure he’d meant it in a committed way.
“We—we barely know each other,” she argued, trying to keep a calm on her rioting senses and thudding heart. He wanted her to stay permanently?
Josh shifted, pulling her underneath him, his response calm, assured, “I’ve waited a lifetime to feel the way I do when I’m with you, Brina. God knows I’ve had some inner demons to face along the way, but since you’ve come into my life, I’ve been able to find a sense of balance I’d never been able to before. I’m not just going to let you go.”
Surprised by his cryptic comment about his past and thrilled by his possessive, protective nature, her heart sank that she’d have to set him straight. She should’ve done so when he first told her he loved her. Putting her hands on his chest, she started to reply, “Josh, I’m here for now but—”
The phone rang, interrupting her. “Who the hell could be calling at this hour?” Josh cursed at the interruption as he picked up the cordless phone from its receiver on his nightstand.
“Hello?”
Sabrina waited, her entire body tensed at the possibility the phone call meant Josh would have to go fight yet another fire.
“Yeah, see you then. Thanks.”
Josh hung up the phone and turned back to her, answering her unspoken question. “That was Dirk calling to tell me when he planned to pick me up.”
“Pick you up? Not to fight another fire?” she asked, her voice unconsciously going up an octave.
Josh rolled over and pulled her across his chest. His hands flexed as he rubbed up and down her arms. “I meant, pick us up and no, there’s no fire this time. I promise.”
“Pick us up?” she repeated, curious as to where they were going.
“Yeah, my truck got towed yesterday while I was fighting that fire. Tomorrow morning Dirk’s going to take us to get it.”
He ran his hand up her shoulder and under her hair to cup the back of her neck. Rubbing his thumb across her jaw and throat, he said, “And yes, I meant us. I don’t want you out of my sight any longer than necessary. Your memory could come back at any time. By my side is where you belong.”
Warmed by how protective he sounded, she said, “I’m sure you can handle it without me.”
Josh sighed. “I was hoping to avoid telling you this…to keep you from worrying, but the escaped prisoner has an alibi. It seems he was busy breaking and entering in another house while you were attacked. So that means whoever attacked you is still out there.
“At this point, your attacker has to know by now that you didn’t die in that fire, which could make you a target. He doesn’t know you don’t remember what happened to you. And since the details are still fuzzy to you, for all you know, you might have seen his face and could identify him.”
“Oh God, I hadn’t thought of that.” Fear raced through her at the possibility Josh could be right. “Okay, I’ll go with you tomorrow.”
“After we pick up my truck, I’ll give Colt a call. I’m hoping he was able to get Renee off his back.”
“What are you talking about?” She frowned at him, confused.
“Renee’s checking ‘all angles’ on the stable fire and your attack. She received a phone call from a ‘concerned citizen’ about the attack at the Tanner ranch. The lady who called said she overheard Colt tease Elise at dinner that if he were really in dire need for money, he could just bump her off and collect the life insurance money.”
“That’s crazy!” Pure outrage filled her that anyone would even consider Colt a suspect. “Anyway, I was attacked, not Elise.”
“Yeah, but everyone agrees you and Elise could easily be mistaken for one another and you were attacked at night, so for all those reasons, Renee is looking into it.” His arms around her tightened before he continued, “Of course, I don’t agree with it. I’m sure Colt will set her straight.”
Once they’d finished discussing the case and the silence stretched out between them, Sabrina felt the tension build in Josh’s chest and arms, as if he were a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap. Wondering what current thoughts would cause him to tense up, her own stomach began to knot in response.
Why couldn’t she pretend he’d never said, “I love you” or asked her to stay in Texas?
“Are you planning to answer my question?” he finally spoke, his voice tight as he placed his hands on her arms once more.
She let out a sigh and replied, “I’m sorry, Josh. There can’t be more between us. I can’t stay.” I’m just not strong enough.
His hands gripped her arms in a firm hold. “Why?”
“As I said, we barely know each other. Plus I work in Arizona—”
“Bullshit! You told me how much work you got done today working at home. I’ll bet your job could be done anywhere. What you and I share is indescribable, Brina. I don’t want to just walk away from that. Give it to me straight or not at all,” he said in a clipped tone.
She stiffened in response to his anger. “Fine. You want it straight? I can’t deal with you being a fireman. That’s why I ran earlier. I felt physically ill while you were gone all day today, Josh. Then seeing you’d gotten hurt today, even the tiniest bit, threw me over the edge. I can’t go through that every day, hoping you won’t end up like my dad.”
“That was just a scratch, baby,” he cajoled. When she didn’t respond, he said in a subdued voice, “You asked me about Nick the other night. He was my childhood friend. That picture you saw was taken the day we’d played all day long, pretending to be a fireman and a police officer. That day he told me he planned to be a cop, and he said
I should be the firefighter I’d dressed as, since I was the best fire starter and extinguisher on the planet.” Josh chuckled fondly before his tone turned melancholy once more.
“We’d planned to meet in our fort the next day, but Nick never made it. His house caught on fire that night, killing Nick and his entire family. A previous lightning strike weakening the wiring might’ve been the culprit. The report was never conclusive as to what caused the fire.”
Sabrina’s heart contracted for how Josh lost his childhood friend. She laid her head on his chest and listened as he took a deep, steadying breath and finished his tale.
“Ever since then, I’ve wanted to be a firefighter.” He lifted his shoulders, shrugging underneath her. “I know it’s irrational, but I guess deep down every time I fight a fire, I’m fighting that fire I never could for Nick, since I couldn’t be there for him when he needed me the most.”
“Is that why you carry Nick’s gun too?” she asked quietly
He didn’t speak for a second. “Noticed that, did you? Nick’s dad bought those guns, and Nick gave me the other one. We practiced shooting all the time. Nick finally outshot me that day the picture was taken. He’d claimed that being a crack shot proved he’d be a hero one day. He never got to be that hero, so yeah, I guess I carry his gun to keep a part of him with me.”
She blinked back hot tears and felt the stirrings of deep love and appreciation tug on her heart. Sabrina fought the emotion that flooded her body. How, in good conscience, could she ever ask him to give up firefighting after that sad story? She couldn’t. “See what I mean. Fires cause nothing but pain and heartache.”
He hooked her chin and turned her face toward his. The sky lit up once more and Sabrina briefly saw his down-turned eyebrows and serious expression. “I’m working on trying not to see an invisible ghost in every fire I fight or setting unrealistic expectations for myself, but…” he paused and rubbed his thumb across her chin. “The need to fight fires will always burn within me, Sabrina. I can’t explain it any better than that.”
“Just as my own experiences affect the decisions I make,” she replied. “After losing my father the way I did, I vowed I would never have a relationship with a firefighter.”
“I could just as easily die in a car accident tomorrow,” he countered.
He was right, but she knew her own mind well enough. She’d make herself sick with worry every time he walked out the door, regardless of how many valid rebuttals he threw her way. “Yes, you could,” she replied, her heart sad. “But being a firefighter, the nature of the risks you take are beyond everyday life stuff. They’re beyond what I know I can handle.”
“So that’s it? In a few days, you’ll just walk away from me, from us, as if we’d never met, never connected, never meant more to each other than spectacular fuck partners?”
She gulped at how callous and cold he made her sound. She knew he was hurt by her rejection. Hearing that hurt in his gruff tone was bad enough. She was thankful for the darkness so she didn’t have to see his teal gaze shift to a deep sea green as it churned with turmoil.
Slowly she nodded, knowing he could feel her answer since his hand was still on her chin. “I will.”
He swiftly flipped her over on her back, pulling her arms above her head as he thrust his thigh between hers. “Then I have very little time left to convince you that staying with me is far preferable than living without me,” he said in a determined voice.
“Josh, I know you’re upset—”
“I don’t want your sympathy, Brina.” He pressed his erection against her entrance. “I want this to mean more,” he ground out as he thrust deep.
Sabrina screamed at the satisfying completeness she felt when he was seated inside her—every time she felt that way, damn him. Sad tears streamed down her face as he began to move within her in measured, deliberately slow, tantalizing strokes. Her heart raced and desire swirled in her belly as her body temperature rose.
When she moaned in ecstasy, his breathing sawed in and out, but his tone remained unwavering, determined. “I know I have your body, but I won’t give up until I have your heart and soul too.”
His vow stabbed at her, making their lovemaking the most bittersweet and emotionally intense she’d experienced with him. His heartfelt words, his knowing touch; the way they perfectly moved in tune with one another…it all broke her heart. Sabrina silently acknowledged to herself that Josh did have her body. He even had her heart, but she couldn’t allow her soul to burn up in that white-blue flame only he seemed to be able to ignite within her.
* * *
I sit in the wooden mission-style chair a few feet away from the front door. Mom doesn’t like that I’ve taken it from the kitchen table, but I don’t care. My hands are folded in my lap and I bite my lower lip, waiting.
Mom tries to lure me away with ice cream and cookies like she did when I was little, but I shake my head even though my belly is growling. I never look away from the door.
Dad’s coming home soon. He’ll burst through the door all sweaty and smelling of smoke, his face streaked with soot. He’ll say he came straight from work just to pull me into a bear hug.
My brothers try to engage me in conversation, but I tune them out, staying focused. The only time I look away is to glance at the clock on the mantel in the living room. It’s seven. Why isn’t he home yet?
“Sabrina, your father’s not coming.” Mom touches my shoulder. Why does she sound sad?
I want to look at her, but I’m afraid what I’ll see on her face.
“He’s never coming home, sweetie,” she says, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head in adamant jerks and press my lips together. My back aches and my butt hurts from sitting so long, but I refuse to move. “He’s coming, Mom,” I say, even though my voice shakes.
“He’s gone, Sabrina,” my brother Jason says. “You need to move on. Let him go.”
“No, he’s not gone!” I scream. I want to tear my gaze away so I can challenge him, prove him wrong, but I don’t. “Dad’s coming home!” I never got to say goodbye. Never got to hug him once more. He can’t be gone. I won’t let him be.
“He died, little Bri,” my oldest brother Thomas says. He places his big hand on top of my head to comfort me. “We all miss him.”
I close my eyes and the action pushes my tears down my cheeks. Then I blink them open and snap my aching spine straight again, dashing the wetness from my cheeks. “No. He’s coming!”
My eyes burn from staring so long without blinking, but finally the feel of my brother’s hand on my head fades away.
I exhale a sigh of relief. They don’t believe like I do.
Then suddenly my chair is being tugged away from the door. I try, but I can’t get up. I grab onto the seat and scream my fury as I’m pulled further and further away and the door grows smaller and smaller until I can no longer see it.
“Sabrina!” a man’s worried voice penetrates my mind. Why does it sound familiar?
Sabrina blinked in the darkness. She panted through the disorientation until tender lips pressed against her temple. “It’s just a nightmare, baby.” Josh pulled her against his sleep-warmed chest, gathering her close as he laid them back down in his bed. “You were screaming, ‘Take me back’ over and over.” He pushed her hair away from her face and turned her toward him.
Sabrina swallowed several times to calm herself. She hadn’t had that dream in a long time. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his chest.
He lifted her chin. “You’re still trembling. Talk to me about it. Maybe it’ll help.”
She appreciated his desire to make her feel better. Maybe it was because it was dark and she couldn’t see his face, or maybe it was because it bothered her that this dream resurfaced when she thought she’d shut that door in her life, but whatever the reason, she told Josh about her dream when she’d never told anyone before, not even her family.
When she stopped talking, she was surprised tears w
ere streaming down her cheeks. “I used to dream it every night for a while.” She sniffled, then sighed. “But I haven’t had it in a very long time.” Josh brushed her tears away with his thumbs and pulled her close to press a kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry, Sabrina, so sorry.”
She laid her head on his chest. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It was just a dream.”
Josh stroked Sabrina’s hair until she fell back asleep. As she told him about her dream, a heavy ache filled his chest. Whether she realized it or not, he was the reason she’d had that dream. Now, her freaking out on him when he came home late from fighting that fire made complete sense. How would they ever get past this? Sabrina’s demons were just as deeply ingrained as his.
When she sighed in her sleep and started to roll away, he turned on his side and pulled her back, spooning her against his chest. Kissing the back of her head, he slid a leg between hers and wrapped his arm around her waist. He didn’t want her leaving his side, not even while she slept. He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled deeply. He’d find a way to make this work. She was too important to him.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, Sabrina and Josh shared a quiet breakfast of bacon and pancakes, thanks to Josh’s fabulous cooking. Their mutual silence was almost as if they didn’t want to break the peaceful spell that had settled over them. But Sabrina saw the heat in his gorgeous teal eyes every time Josh looked at her across the table. It was as if he thought he could will her to say, “Yes, I’ll stay.”
When they were done with their meal, he stood then walked around the table to hold his hand out to her. He looked so sexy in his black T-shirt, faded jeans and black cowboy boots. Even the bruised black eye and cut on his cheek worked in his favor, enhancing his rugged good looks. All this “certified” cowboy was missing was his Stetson, but she was glad he didn’t have one on at the moment, because it would only hide his sexy blond hair. She really loved running her fingers through those thick wavy locks.
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