by Edeet Ravel
Jack said if he’d known Mom was pregnant, for sure he would have come back, but no one had an address for him.
I’m glad about one thing. He didn’t run away from Mom. He didn’t leave her because of me.
Yours forever,
Fern
Friday
March 28
Hi Xanoth,
Today Jack came with me to the hotel so I could introduce him to Karl and ask if he could replace me.
On the way to the hotel, I suddenly got into a huge panic again. We were on the metro and I started thinking, who is this person sitting next to me? He was supposed to be my uncle, and he was going to move in with me, but he was a total stranger. A stranger who keeps talking about the right path. I sort of felt sick. It wasn’t as bad as when I heard Mom was in the hospital, but it was the same type of feeling.
Then, as soon as we walked up to the hotel, a cross-dresser who knows me came out and blew me a kiss and said, “Fern! How are you, sweetheart?”
I could tell Jack was shocked. I forgot to tell him it’s a gay hotel, and I realized that the whole concept was going to weird him out. Because I’m from Montreal, but Jack’s from a small town. And you forget when you’re used to something that it’s not the same for everyone. Now it was Jack who was scared about walking into a new reality.
I said, “I forgot to mention that it’s the gay village here, so most of the guests are gay. But it’s not a brothel.” I never thought I’d hear myself repeating Karl’s line. “It’s a real hotel and I get a payslip with deductions and everything.”
Jack said, “People have to find their own path,” but he sounded nervous.
Luckily Étienne was his usual hyper self. He said, “My, my, my, my, who have we here?”
Jack shook Étienne’s hand and said, “Pleased to meet you.” His voice was a bit trembly and I realized that he was anxious about being interviewed and meeting new people.
Karl was already upstairs hunting for tips. Étienne went up to get him and I asked Jack if he wanted coffee, but he said he was fine.
Karl came down and I introduced Jack and asked if we could talk for a minute. Karl said sure and we went into his office. He made himself a cup of coffee and Jack changed his mind and had one too. Poor Jack, his hand was shaking when he lifted the mug.
Karl sank down in his chair on the other side of the messy desk and said, “Just don’t tell me you’re quitting. It hasn’t been a good day so far.”
I said, “We were just wondering if my uncle Jack could replace me Tuesdays to Fridays for a while. He’ll be great.”
Karl didn’t even interview Jack. He only asked if the payslips should be made out to me or to Jack!
I showed Jack how to do a room. Then I took him down to the laundry to meet Sally. She was furious of course. She doesn’t like anything changing. When we were back upstairs I told Jack not to take it personally. I forgot who I was talking to. “She has her own path to find,” Jack said.
At 4:30 I left for the restaurant and Jack stayed on to help Sally fold sheets. When I got home from the restaurant he told me he went out for coffee with her! Wild. He asked her and she agreed. I hope she wasn’t too mean to him. Probably no one’s asked Sally out in a hundred years and she controlled herself out of shock.
So it looks like it might work out, Xanoth, at least for now. The salary slips are still going to be made out to me, by the way. It saves Sally work, and Jack says the money is in exchange for rent.
Yours forever,
Fern
Friday
April 4
Hi Xanoth,
Things are going OK.
Jack likes working at the hotel and Karl seems happy. On the home front, Jack replaced Mrs. Coleville’s bathroom mirror and the cracked linoleum, so with a bit of luck she won’t complain about him to David, and David won’t complain about the expense or about Jack living in the apartment. Jack says this is Canada and I’m allowed to have whoever I want in my apartment, even if I’m a janitor.
The leftovers from the restaurant should cover most of Jack’s food, and he also brought $200 with him. He doesn’t really eat much. And Karl told him he’s planning to paint the whole hotel, and he’s going to hire Jack to do it.
Every time Jack takes something from me he says, “I’ll accept the good that’s offered to me.” So he’s Mr. Mush, who cares.
I have more time now, so I took a bus down to my old library and took out a big stack of mysteries. I don’t like all mysteries. I don’t like if they’re random. The detective’s in love, she isn’t in love. The corpse is mutilated, it isn’t mutilated. Totally random. Also I need the characters to be smarter than me. Or if they’re not smart, they have to be interesting at least. Mostly I take out books that are set in London or Edinburgh or one of those places. I’ve had better luck with those.
It turns out Jack’s the one who gave Mom her moon necklace. I told him she never took it off. He started going on about the moon and its power but I tuned out a bit for that part. I’m not that interested in the power of the moon.
Yours forever,
Fern
Sunday
April 6
Hi Xanoth,
Linden left a message for me on the phone. Something like, “Hi Fern, it’s Linden, we were wondering if you could come over for dinner, it’s just me and my sisters, my parents are out of town so call me.” And she gave me her cell.
I didn’t want to go, but Jack said I should. My side: it’s pointless, I’m jealous, she’s only asking me out of pity, we have nothing in common, the whole thing is random, I don’t want to meet her sisters, especially Debbie who left me all those instructions on how to clean the house. I didn’t tell Jack all that. I just said it was pointless.
His side: when people reach out to us we have to respond, and there are opportunities and we have to take them, and Linden wouldn’t call if she didn’t want me to come.
So finally I said I’ll go if he comes with me. Why shouldn’t he get to eat a great meal in a big house? And if anything goes wrong, at least I won’t be on my own.
He said I had to ask Linden because she didn’t invite him, and maybe she didn’t want an old guy tagging along, especially when it’s all girls getting together.
I called Linden and left a message saying the only time I could come was Monday night and my uncle was staying with me so I thought I’d bring him too and I’ll wait to hear from her.
She called me back about an hour later. She said of course it’s OK if I bring Jack, and any time Monday was good.
I’m suddenly remembering that Linden’s mother gave Mom a copy of Fifty Ways to Make More Money. Is that insane or what.
I can’t remember what happened to that book. I may have donated it to the trash can.
Yours forever,
Fern
Monday
April 7
Hi Xanoth,
Dinner at Linden’s was strange.
We got there at exactly 5:00. I told Jack that Linden was rich, but he didn’t realize how rich until he saw the house. He probably only ever saw the inside of a house like that on TV.
Linden opened the door looking as raggedy as ever. She said, “Hi guys, come in, yeah, you know the drill, shoes off or my mother will know through telepathy all the way from Italy. Cool hair.” She meant Jack.
We took off our coats and followed her to the kitchen. She said, “Alice is upstairs locked in her room. Debbie’s rehearsing with her band but she should be home soon. Sorry about that manic note she left you, Fern. She’s obsessive. She can’t help it.”
She meant the note about how to clean the house. I was surprised that Linden remembered that note and knew how annoying it was.
She told Jack she was sorry about Felicity and how they all liked her. Jack said, “She mentioned your generosity,” but Linden didn’t seem to hear him. She was really hyper. She poured us this mango-strawberry juice and she brought a bottle of vodka to the table and asked if we wanted her to a
dd it to the juice. Jack got all excited and said, “No, no, I’m finished with that forever.” She sat down finally and filled her glass with juice and vodka.
Then her sister came down, Alice. She’s 13. She has really curly black hair and she’s kind of intense. Linden introduced her and said Alice was into animal rights. Then she said, “Non-human animals, that is. Sorry.” I couldn’t tell if she was making fun of Alice.
They started talking about whether to wait for Debbie. Linden said the band she’s in was rehearsing for a talent show. The band’s called A Singer Must Die. I like that name, for a band. Debbie does vocals and plays viola, which is like a big violin. I remember that from a mystery I once read, Murder After Bach.
Linden started listing a million things she could either defrost or take out of the fridge – salads, all kinds of pasta, Indian food, different kinds of pizza, and I forget what else.
Jack said anything was fine with him. I said pretty much the same thing. Since it was still early, Linden said we should wait for Debbie, so we followed her to the TV room and sat down on the sofas there.
Linden asked Jack a hundred questions, and he told her things that I was also hearing for the first time. He talked about how he got arrested for stealing a car while he was drunk. He also talked about the farm and what sadists the owners were, not just to him and Mom, but to their own kids too. Once the woman chased her four-year-old around the yard with a carving knife and the kid got so terrified she had a seizure. He said it was a bad place, but it was important not to carry anger blah blah.
Linden and Alice were really interested. Alice didn’t say much but you could tell she was listening. Also she did something funny. She like leaned her whole body against Linden. Linden didn’t seem to notice and neither did Alice.
All of a sudden Alice got up and went to her room without saying a thing. Linden said, “It used to make me really mad when she did that. But I’m used to it now.”
Then she said, “Hold on,” and she got up and came back with a huge dark brown coat. She said a designer her mother was getting interviewed with gave her the coat, but it didn’t fit any of them. She meant it was too big. She said, “Here, try it on.”
Xanoth, it was the most gorgeous coat I’ve ever seen. It’s not real fur, but it looks like a sort of smooth dark pelt and it has this incredible hood and huge pockets and all these zippers inside for putting things so you don’t need a purse.
I said it was way too nice for just going around, but Linden said nothing was too nice and that I should take it.
I wasn’t sure. I don’t exactly know why. But Jack said, “Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” before I even accepted it so that was it, I have a new coat. It’s really warm and I won’t freeze to death now waiting for the bus.
Finally we ran out of things to say and we just sat there in silence. Suddenly Linden said, out of the blue, “I’m so messed up.” You can do that when you’re rich – say whatever’s on your mind.
Jack of course jumped in right away saying, “Things aren’t as complicated as we make them. We have to let go of the thoughts that are holding us back.”
Just then Debbie came home and they went to the kitchen to start supper.
Debbie’s the healthiest person I’ve ever seen. She has red cheeks and she’s tall and athletic. Her viola case was covered with cool stickers.
Linden and Debbie heated up lasagna and tortellini and put five different salads on the table. Finally we all sat down. And then came a strange conversation.
It began with Linden complaining about a note Debbie left her in the morning. Linden said to me, “She doesn’t only leave crazy notes for you.” She got up and went to the garbage pail under the sink and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. The note said, IF YOU HEAT OIL, DON’T FORGET TO PUT A TINY BIT OF LETTUCE OR BREAD IN THE PAN SO IT DOESN’T BURST INTO FLAME LOVE, DEBBIE.
Debbie smiled in a guilty way and said, “Six children –”
Linden interrupted her and said, “Yes, yes. Six children died in Montreal in 1990 when two of them over-heated oil.”
Debbie said to me and Jack, “If you put in a crust of bread or a tiny piece of a carrot or something, you’ll know when the oil starts to sizzle.”
Linden said, “Debbie knows the statistics of every type of accident that exists and how many people died of it.”
Alice didn’t say anything. She was sulking about the shrimp salad.
Jack said, “It’s a good trick. More people should know about it.”
Then I asked Linden who does the cleaning for them and for the Dixlers now. She said her mother hired a woman from the Philippines, but the Dixlers use a service where it’s different people all the time. We began to joke about how sorry we were for those cleaning people, and we explained to Jack about the Dixlers. Alice got angrier and angrier because of the way the Dixlers treat animals. I told them about the gross bugs I saw in the laundry, and Debbie said they’re silverfish, which is a perfect name for them.
Alice said that silverfish have been around for 300 million years and they have more rights to the planet than we do.
Linden said the Dixlers are on their fourth dog. The other three all died. Linden said they probably got bitten by one of the tarantulas.
Debbie joked, “Or ate the food,” but Alice didn’t think it was funny. She got all red and fuming. She said, “Why doesn’t someone just kill them?”
Jack said, “There’s no point getting angry at one person, because the whole planet’s filled with people who are lost.”
Alice said, “We’ve turned Earth into one big concentration camp for non-human life,” and Debbie said, “Here goes.”
So Alice burst into tears, stormed out, ran upstairs to her room and slammed the door. Jack got up and went after her.
While he was upstairs I said, “I hate that Mom had to work there.”
Linden said, “If the world was made up of people like Felicity there wouldn’t be war or starvation or pollution.”
I said it was only because she was scared of everyone, but Linden said, “No, she was a nice person. Lots of people are scared and it makes them nasty, not nice.”
Alice and Jack came back and Jack said something about how great it was that they were all so close, and Linden said her mother read this book that said it’s good, if you have three kids, to space them two years and then three years apart, which is why Debbie’s 18, Linden’s 16 and Alice is 13.
And then she read this book about how it’s better for kids to sleep together in one bed, which is why Debbie has a king-size bed.
It got quiet for a few seconds then. I knew Jack was thinking the same thing as me, how different it was for us. And it made us sad to the bottom of our souls.
To get our minds off our thoughts I told them about the woman in my building who keeps on having kid after kid, even though there’s no one to support them. I said the kids all sleep together, but they just look grumpy and neglected.
Linden said, “Yeah, it’s easier if you have money,” but she said it like someone who doesn’t have money, not like someone who does.
Then Debbie said, “Daddy says we can get rid of all our money in one afternoon if we give it to the needy people we know, and that either you do that or you don’t. And if you don’t, that means you’re keeping it for yourself and your family, and that’s all there is to it.”
Linden said Alice would give everything they have to animal charities if she could.
Debbie said, mostly to us, “Mummy says sort of the same thing as Daddy, that it’s not her job to fix everything on the planet, and if she got lucky she’s not going to complain just because not everyone else is as lucky. She gave all that money to an orphanage in Russia, but that was a PR gig to get her on TV. Her big goal in life is to make sure her brother never gets a penny.”
Debbie said that they have to hold on to their money, because there’s going to be a global recession. She said there would be a fight for water and people were going to kill each
other for it. The strong will kill the weak. And the only people who’ll survive will be people who can afford to build themselves fortresses. She said some people already have secret fortresses.
Linden said there was probably going to be a nuclear war and we’d all die horribly. She said there are enough weapons in the world to wipe out the human race a million times over.
Alice said, “You’re only trying to justify having money. We’re already living inside a glass bubble in the middle of a broken world. We don’t have to wait for the apocalypse. The worst thing that ever happened to this planet was humans came. Unfortunately we’ll take all other life with us when we go.”
I was kind of surprised by how depressing they were all being, considering their lives.
Jack said, “No one knows the future.”
We had blueberry pie for dessert and then I said I was tired. I felt suddenly that I had to get out of there. Debbie said she’d drive us home.
Before we left, they forced us to take a silver machine that you can play DVDs on, and Linden gave me some DVDs to watch.
Jack says the machine is worth at least $1000. I said I’d sell it and he said it’s wrong to sell a gift. I said it wasn’t really a gift. They just had extras and they wanted to even it out. I said the only thing that’s wrong is if you’re friends with someone only for their gifts.
The coat is a real gift though. I love this coat.
That was my evening. After Debbie let us off, Jack and I did the garbage. It’s been really warm the past few days, and the snow’s almost all gone. It’s exciting to see grass on the lawns, all scrawny but still there, safe and sound. You have to live in Montreal, Xanoth, to understand the feeling of seeing grass for the first time after winter.
The whole dinner already seems like a dream.
I thought Linden and her sisters had a perfect life, but they don’t. They’re all messed up about being rich and about the future.
I guess no one has a perfect life. But the opposite of perfect – that happens all the time. It’s the easiest thing in the world to lose everything. Your home, your job, everything.