“Well Tanner how are you feeling this afternoon? Excited for tonight?” I fumble with my sandwich while I speak to Tanner. I don’t feel remotely hungry now.
“Erm yea need a few beers before I wake up though. Will you see if there are any in the fridge Sophie?” I can’t believe he wants a beer this early in the day. The guy is going to drink himself into an early grave, and it seems our talk has just gone on deaf ears.
“Tanner I’m not looking in the fridge for beers for you. Its barely lunchtime and you want to start drinking? This really has to stop, I care too much to sit back and watch you drink yourself into oblivion.”
“Sophie it’s no big deal I’ve told you, it’s just a few beers here and there, no biggie. I’ll go and see if there are any in the fridge, don’t worry your pretty little head.” That statement alone has my body shaking with rage; I will not allow him to do this.
I get up off my stool and race to the huge silver fridge before Tanner can get there. I know he has a problem from the pure look of desperation that is on his face, I don’t let it deter me though. I swing open the fridge door and find the crate of beer that Tanner was referring to. I pull it out and place it on the counter beside the sink. Zack has now bounded behind us and is holding Tanner back.
“Look Tanner mate you know you have a problem, let’s let Sophie help you, yeah?” I’m glad that Zack is trying to help me here. The problem is only going to spiral out of control if he doesn’t get some help and quick.
I open the crate and pull each can of beer out of the pack and start opening each one. I then start the job of pouring each one down the sink; I will not allow alcohol to destroy one hell of a drummer. If I can do something to help him then by damned I’ll do it. I don’t care if it puts me into his bad books from now until the end of time. He is looking down a destructive path and I just won’t allow it. After I finish pouring the last beer down the sink I turn around to face Tanner, who has the glummest look plastered upon his face. The look of realisation etched on face hurts my heart. It’s the look of him finally realising that he has a problem.
“Tanner I’m doing it to help you not punish you. I have been watching videos online of the band and I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that you are one of the most talented drummers this world has ever seen. Please don’t ruin it. You are so damned talented and like I said before I don’t want to see you lying in a box. Just get your shit together or so help me, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
I want to cry so hard for him but at the end of the day he has to realise just how big a problem he actually has. Tanner fights against Zack and storms off into the private bedroom and slams the door closed behind him. I really do worry about that boy.
Its 3pm and the weather is glorious. The show is scheduled to start at 7pm and I’m frantically trying to get everything sorted in time for the boy’s first show. Sometime later I’m interrupted by a sharp knock at the door; I open the door to one of the roadies.
“Hey Sophie I’m here to start taking all the guys gear into the arena, you wanna point me in the right direction of the stuff. I’ll take it down to their dressing room.” Well I guess it’s time to get my game face on, it’s time to do action.
“Right no problem….” I suddenly realise I have no idea what the guy’s name is.
“Bill. Just call me Bill all the other guys do.”
“Great Bill, everything is over there on the hangers. Everything is labelled for each guy. I’ll make my way into the arena in a few minutes.” I need a few minutes to compose myself before I’m thrown into the madness that will undoubtedly ensue. This is our first night and I just know the after party is going to be the killer.
Am I going to be able to watch as cheap little whores throw themselves at Josh. I thought that I would be able to turn my emotions off and just throw myself into the rock lifestyle like the others seem to do, but I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to.
“Cool Sophie just give Trev a shout when you want escorted over, the rabid fans have already started to queue outside for entry. Its best you don’t go out there alone, you really will need a chaperone.” What the hell? I’m sure I can walk the few feet into the arena without needing a big bad bodyguard watching out for me.
“Look Bill I appreciate it but I’m sure I will manage to walk the short distance into the arena. After all the fans are going to be much more interested in looking out for the guys rather than a silly little stylist.”
“Don’t you believe it Sophie. You’ve made the news. Some fans don’t like such a new member to the team especially a woman. I would much prefer you to be escorted by Trev that way I know you will get there safely.”
What the fuck is it coming to? If only it was true that I was a threat. Josh made it very clear that he didn’t want me and that he would be on the lookout for someone to catch his eye. His words still cut like a knife.
Chapter 9
Josh
I stand pacing my dressing room willing myself to get amped up for our first gig of our first US tour. I have just showered with the other guys and we are all standing in the shared dressing room dressed in nothing but towels. I discuss some of the more complicated riffs with Zack and we talk about the best way to tackle them whilst Mickey does his show boating on stage. I’m very excited, but fuck I just can’t take my mind off of Sophie either. I heard about the incident where she poured all Tanner’s beer down the sink and I totally admire her actions.
Tanner has had a problem for a while now. None of us have really noticed it; I suppose its been mounting up bit by bit over the months. We all like to party, it’s the kind of lifestyle that we are all involved in. It just started off being a few beers here and there but it has gradually developed to numerous beers and numerous shots before gigs. Now Tanner has started to snort drugs before each gig to get into his high zone. I hate it, Tanner can do so much better than drugs. He is one of the most talented drummers on the face of this planet. To see him destroy himself with that filth has me worrying for his health both physically and mentally. He has been in the bathroom a long time and I know exactly what he is doing, but right now I can’t do anything about it.
I’m snapped out of my reverie by the bathroom door slamming shut. Tanner is back in the room with us but to be honest you wouldn’t think it. He is completely out of his skull. His eyes are glazed over and he is so high and excitable it’s just freaking crazy. He is dancing all over the dressing room playing an imaginary drumbeat with his fingers. He’s play fighting with Blaine but you can see that Blaine is also worried. For a bunch of twenty-five year old guys we aren’t too reckless with our bodies, the exception being Tanner. As the weeks have progressed he is becoming more agitated and I can’t help but wonder if something has triggered the increase in his drug taking?
There is a small knock on the main door to the dressing room and Mickey walks over to answer it. He is greeted by a very business-like Sophie. Obviously she is trying to create distance from the Sophie of that night in the bathroom and the one that is here to work.
“Well beautiful come on in, always a pleasure to see your sexy body manipulate ours.” Mickey throws Sophie a devilish smile and it has me wanting to smash every one of his teeth down his fucking throat.
“Right Mickey enough of the sweet talk I’m here to get down to business and I don’t appreciate your tone.” Haha score one to Sophie. Take that dickwad!
“Alright Sugar no need to get your panties in a twist. On second thoughts if they’re that twisted I will happily take them off for you.” Mickey winks at Sophie and it takes me all my power to seem nonchalant. Mickey has his pick of them yet he decides to chance his hand at the woman I want more than air itself.
“Right guys, I know the roadies brought over the clothing that we decided on.“ Sophie walks over to the hangers in the corner of the room. I have to admit myself that Sophie has done a stellar job of putting together our outfits for this gig. She is very talented at what she does. “Okay ever
ything seems to be here, now you can all go ahead and get dressed and I wish you all the best of luck for tonight’s show. I know you will all do great. I have the utmost faith in you all.” Sophie aims the last part of the sentence to both me and Tanner. I know exactly why she aimed it at Tanner but why the hell would she direct that statement to me? After everything I have done she still has faith in me to do my job well. Does she still have feelings for me? If she does, she is hiding them pretty well.
Mickey and the guys take their respective clothing into the communal shower room but I stay in the dressing room with Sophie. She stands in the middle of the dressing room and just glares at me. Good, this is affecting her. She folds her arms over her ample breasts and stares me down. Oh baby there is no way you can out stare me!
I drop the towel completely and Sophie stands there completely gobsmacked by my brazen actions. I don’t make any advance on her or let her know that I still want her. I still know I’m not good enough for her, but I still want to be on her mind every minute of the day purely for selfish reasons. I’m a cruel prick.
Sophie’s cheeks flush a beautiful shade of pink and I know she is thinking about me right now. I wonder if she is thinking about what she would like me to do to her, wondering how explosive the sex would be between us. I know the sex would be pretty damn special judging by how powerful that kiss was. It even shook me to my very core. I turn my back on her and allow her the luxury of examining my powerful back which is covered in a massive tribal tattoo; I just know that will get her going.
I bend down and pick up my boxer briefs and slip them on covering the main weapon, that should make her feel a little more comfortable.
“You know Josh you are the one that called time on this whole thing. Yet you feel the need to bare all to me, now why is that? I admitted to you that I do have feelings for you, so I’m guessing that its some sort of cruel tactic to keep me from looking elsewhere for a bit of sexual contact.” Sophie slumps her shoulders and sighs aloud at the situation that is facing us both. Sophie has hit it right on the head. There is no way that I want her to even look at another man that way. I can’t have her yet I don’t want any other man to have her either. Just what kind of douche am I turning out to be?
I slip on my torn blue jeans, a pair of socks and my trademark white tank top. I slip on my heavy boots. I turn to face Sophie who has a very sorrowful look upon her stunning face.
God how I imagine her mouth wrapped around my shaft with her big beautiful green eyes looking up at me.
Snap the fuck out of it Josh. For fuck sake man! I’m hurting her but I just can’t seem to stop myself.
“Oh Sophie Darling can you not get over little old Josh? I know I’m a big deal and all the chicks long for one more night with me but you’re just going to have to shake your obsession with me. Move on sweetheart.” What a complete and utter dick. I hate how I’m making her feel but she really doesn’t need to get involved with a fuck up like me. The look on her face is complete devastation. She must have been hoping that I might have changed my mind. I have gone and fucked with her head once again.
The moment is interrupted by the guys joining us once again. Mickey is looking between the two of us obviously trying to weigh up exactly what just happened between us. He must notice Sophie’s expression because he has a wolfish grin etched across his face.
He walks past the boys and puts an arm around Sophie’s shoulders and gently pats her head. I honestly thought that Sophie would push him away but I see her inch her head onto Mickey’s heavily tattooed arm and she closes her eyes. The pain that is soaring through my chest almost floors me.
Please don’t let her fall for Mickey’s wicked charms.
Mickey is giving me that look as if to tell me that the game is now on, a game for Sophie’s affection. I had it and it seems that I have totally stamped all over it. If Sophie thinks that I have hurt her, well, what Mickey will do to her will be ten times worse. He only wants her to fuck with my head, all because of some fucking score he feels he has to settle. He will break her beyond repair and if he does he won’t have a fucking face left because I will destroy him. Sophie is the world to me. Nothing in this world compares to Sophie and I will protect her until my dying breath.
Sophie
Once again I let him get under my skin and let his sexiness and his sexual prowess get to me. I left the tour bus telling myself that I would dress professionally and act the same way to avoid myself getting caught up in Josh’s power to manipulate my emotions. As soon as he dropped that towel I knew all my good intentions would fall by the way side.
Josh’s cock is quite simply out of this world, he is extremely blessed in that department. He has superb length and the girth is equally huge. I won’t deny that I had some very inappropriate thoughts of what it would be like to have him buried deep inside me. The bastard did it on purpose just to see me lose track of my well planned control, he knew exactly what he was doing. I’m so angry at myself for allowing him that level of control over me. The man is pure perfection and I’m finding myself falling further and further down the black hole that is my attraction to Josh. It is threatening to swallow me whole.
I knew things would get difficult as soon as I mentioned to Josh that I had feelings for him. I’m well and truly fucked!
When Josh told me that I should just get over my obsession, I realised that I really was nothing more than a potential fuck to him. I can honestly say up until that point I always had hope bubbling away inside of me, but Josh quashed that hope for good. I must have looked pretty pathetic to him; I could feel my own shame and devastation being displayed for everyone to see. I have used and abused men all my adult life and the one that I do completely fall for, I’m the one who is now being walked all over. I want to curl up into a ball and just die. How can one man make me take leave of my senses and be utterly reckless with my emotions. I normally keep them very close to my chest.
I was momentarily awoken from my misery by the guys coming back into the dressing room after changing into their outfits. I’m very impressed at the bands stage attire, it has come together nicely. They look every inch the high flying rock stars that they are, and my guess is that things are only going to get better for the guys. I hope tonight is a massive success for them. No matter what has went down between myself and Josh I wish no ill feeling towards him, maybe I should but I don’t. I’m a glutton for punishment.
I must look a damn sight because Mickey comes over to see if I’m alright and he ends up consoling me. Perhaps I have misjudged him, maybe he is a nice guy after all. Who am I to judge their previous spat over a woman. Maybe Mickey was telling the truth. By all accounts it is Josh that has hurt me, not Mickey..
Mickey’s arm around my shoulder just feels heavenly. The guy must work out every freaking day. His arms are so well defined, I must look like a broom standing next to him. I almost feel like I belong here with the guys. I glance over at Josh and he is staring holes through Mickey, I assume it’s because he has his arm around me.
Tough Shit Josh.
Josh had his chance to have me or at least have a sexual relationship. Yet, he won’t let Mickey just hold me as a friend, to console me when I’m feeling down. Things are so screwed up between us. I’m so confused at the situation. Those two have some serious issues.
Mickey starts to stroke my shoulder length blonde hair and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good. A tear escapes from the corner of my eye but I quickly swipe it away with the back of my hand. I can’t let Josh see just how much his behaviour has got to me. Mickey obviously hears me sniffling as he spins my body around so that I’m now facing him. I can’t look at him; I really don’t want anyone to see just how pathetic I am. I’m hurting but I don’t want anyone knowing just how much. Mickey takes my chin in his thumb and forefinger and gently lifts my head up to look into his eyes. He bends down and stops just at my left ear and whispers very gently, “you deserve the very best of everything, don’t let some douche hurt you. Wipe thos
e tears away from your beautiful face; he doesn’t deserve your tears. You ever need a shoulder to cry on I’m here. If you ever need anything Sophie I’m here, please don’t forget that.” Mickey says so softly, I know for a fact I have completely misjudged him. Mickey has a beautiful side that I’m guessing not many people have had the opportunity of seeing. He gently kisses me on the forehead and I just melt at the reverence behind it.
I’m suddenly yanked away from Mickey harshly. Of course it had to be Josh that has yanked me away. Just what exactly does he think he is doing now? The guy told me to get over him only ten minutes ago; does he seriously have short term memory loss or what? The guy has double standards. What, he won’t have me but nobody else in the band is allowed me either?
“What the fuck do you think you are doing Josh? You don’t get to decide who I do and don’t speak to, or hug for that matter. You are plain out of order.” I am so damn mad at him right now. I’m pretty sure that the others can see the steam coming out of my ears.
“Look Sophie, Mickey is bad news; you could do so much fucking better than this cock sucker.” Oh yes, that is so fucking rich coming from him.
“Look guys let’s just quit this pissing contest, huh? Let Sophie deal with this and stop putting her in the middle.” Blaine takes a stand and both men just stare at him obviously not going to do what Blaine suggested. A shrill laugh erupts in the corner of the dressing room from Tanner, who is obviously not paying any attention to what is happening because he is as high as a kite. I would seriously doubt if he actually knew what his own name was at this point. I just hope that he is going to be able to perform the best he can.
“Oh Josh are we seriously going to go there, hmm? I think Sophie is seeing another side to you now, so I would just watch your step on this one. It might just get a whole lot uglier before it’s all said and done.” Mickey seems to be sticking up for me but I can’t shake the feeling that there is an undertone to what he is saying, some kind of hidden meaning? Mickey and Josh go face to face once again and it seems that neither man will back down on this one. One of the roadies walks into the dressing room and interrupts the whole situation. I’m so glad something has interrupted them because I don’t think any of the other guys would have been able to separate them if they had gone at it.
Rock Me Slowly Page 9