My whole body starts wiggling with excitement. “A baby! I’m going to be an aunt. You’re going to be a mommy!”
Her face breaks into a full smile. “Maybe I could take a test.”
“Yes,” I say. “As long as you don’t want to do that with Brody?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want him to know if it’s negative. I only want to give him good news.”
“Well, come on,” I say. “Let’s go buy a test.”
She points to her purse. “Swiped one from the office today.”
We both squeal a little bit. Suddenly, I can’t wait to get out of the store. We head to my place because Skye thinks Brody and Rhett might be at theirs. Plus, my place is closer, and Skye doesn’t want any evidence at her house, not even hidden in the trash can.
I wonder how this must feel for Skye. This is what she does. She sees couples get happy news and disappointing news every day. I’ve never had a pregnancy scare, never taken a test.
“Have you ever taken one of these before?” I ask.
She stops dead in her tracks. “Why would you ask me that?”
“I haven’t, and I was just curious if you have.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says.
I take her by the elbow. “Skye?”
Her eyes well up. “Brody doesn’t know.”
Skye quietly cries on my sofa. I hand her a glass of water, wondering what the hell is going on with her. She takes a sip then says, “Remember all those times you made me promise not to tell your brother something?”
“Yeah.”
“I need you to promise me now,” Skye says. “Promise me that you won’t tell Brody what I’m about to tell you.”
I look down, knowing Skye has always kept her word to me, but feeling guilty I can’t give her the same promise. If she did something to hurt my brother, I’d have to tell him. Still, I know Skye, the kind of person she is. She wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt Brody, so I go ahead and say, “Promise.”
“Remember when Brody and I broke up for those few weeks back when he was in vet school?”
“Yeah, he was crushed.”
“I was pregnant,” she whispers.
I remember things being really tense, but I didn’t have a clue what was going on. “Brody didn’t want the baby?” I ask.
“No!” Skye cries. “I never told him. He doesn’t know.”
“I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“I was really scared. I mean, you were living with him. Your parents hadn’t been gone long. He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. I didn’t want to add to that.”
“So you . . .” My heart starts to pound in my chest. If she tells me she aborted my brother’s baby, there is no way I can keep that from him. No way!
“He was with you somewhere. I can’t remember. I was waiting for you guys to get back, so I could tell him. But I started having these sharp pains, really, really bad cramps. I ended up having a miscarriage.”
“Oh Skye!” I say. “And you never told Brody?”
She shakes her head. “Rhett found me on the . . .”
“Rhett? He knows?”
She nods. “He took me to the hospital. Stayed with me. They had to do a D & C.”
“I don’t understand,” I say. “Why the breakup?”
“I was a mess,” she says. “Emotional. Bleeding for a few weeks. I needed to hide that from Brody. I just couldn’t face him.”
“Skye, he was heartbroken.”
“I know,” she says. “It was Rhett that finally got me to talk to Brody again, but I couldn’t tell him. Your parents were gone. I didn’t want to tell him our baby was, too.”
“Rhett kept this a secret for you?”
Skye nods. “He took care of me those few weeks, checking on me, bringing me food, letting me cry, trying to convince me to tell Brody. I never did.”
“Why does Brody think you broke up with him?”
“I told him I was overwhelmed by everything at work, his school, caring for you,” she says. “I lied to him. Leaving him so suddenly for those couple weeks, I think that’s why, once we got back together, it took him so long to propose. I think he always wondered if I would just up and leave him again.”
“You’re married now,” I say. “You should tell him.”
“What’s the point?”
“Love shouldn’t lie,” I say. “If love should be anything, it should be honest.”
I know that better than anyone. If you truly love someone, you should never lie in the name of love. Never lie to spare them pain. Love them enough to tell the truth. Then love them enough to sit in the pain with them. That’s what love truly is.
She reaches for her phone. “I’m going to call Brody. Suddenly, I don’t want to pee on this little stick without him.”
Makes sense, I think. They should share this together. But before I can suggest Skye skip movie night and go home, she’s got the phone to her ear.
“Where are you?” I hear her ask. “Oh, I thought you were at our house.”
Crap, I wonder if that means they’re upstairs at Rhett’s place.
“Can you come down to your sister’s for a minute?” she asks him.
My suspicions were correct. They’re both here. Suddenly, my stomach does a flip.
“Skye, you shouldn’t do this here with me,” I whisper. She says bye to Brody and hangs up. “This should be a private thing with you and Brody at your place.”
“Ten minutes ago, you were all set to take the test with me,” she says.
“Well, that was before you invited Brody. Shouldn’t this be something the two of you do together? Not the three of us?”
“Just be honest,” she says. “You’re worried it’s the four of us.”
“Well, yeah.”
“Brody wouldn’t bring Rhett down here,” she says. “He’s not stupid.”
As Skye utters those words, the door flies open, and we both turn to find Brody’s stupidity on full display. Rhett is right behind him in the wheelchair, both of them rushing inside like my condo is on fire, like they are on a rescue mission.
Skye called Brody, not Rhett. How dare Rhett come down here, too? Barge inside? Not even knocking?
Rhett’s pale blue eyes soften when they land on me. Obviously, he was worried something was wrong with me. I knew he was back in town, but it wasn’t real until this moment, until I laid eyes on him. He’s really here, in my place. He looks even stronger than he did a few weeks ago when I saw him. And God help me, he’s still the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on. It doesn’t matter that he’s in that chair. He still makes my whole body tingle. I hate that it does. I wish I could move on, forget him. He hurt me when he abandoned me. He hurt me again in Atlanta. I can’t be hurt by him a third time.
Brody’s eyes go between Skye and me. “You’re both fine?”
“Of course,” Skye says.
Brody shakes his head, smiling. “When you asked me to come down, I thought something was wrong.”
Byproduct of having multiple tragedies in your life, you start to think every phone call is the next disaster waiting to strike.
“No,” Skye says, glancing at me. “I have to take a test, and I wanted you with me when I do.”
“Huh?” Brody says, looking back at me and Rhett. “A test? You’ve been out of school for . . .” He stops, his forehead wrinkling up. A grin comes over his face. “Really?”
“Maybe,” she says in a hopeful voice.
I watch him stroke her arms so delicately, like she’s made of pure glass. I know they’ve had a rough few months, but the love between them was never lost. There’s a disbelief in these moments, like you’re out of your own body. I know the feeling. Only last time it happened to me, it was after I heard Rhett was hurt.
“Let me get you home,” Brody says to Skye.
“Actually,” Skye says, looking at the three of us. “I think it seems fitting for us to find out together. We’ve all been through so much.�
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Brody looks back at Rhett and me for our thoughts. We can’t really say we don’t want to share this moment with them, no matter how uncomfortable we are being in the same room together. Well, I’m not sure how uncomfortable Rhett actually is. We both just give little nods.
Skye reaches for her purse. “Ainsley, can I use your bathroom?”
“Sure,” I say. “You know the way.”
She takes Brody’s hand. “I’m coming?” he asks.
Skye glances at Rhett then back to me. “Yeah, there’s something I want to tell you while we wait for the results.”
They disappear into my bedroom, closing the door behind them, leaving Rhett and I staring at each other. Last time we were here, I was convincing him to go to Brody’s bachelor party. Rhett pushes the wheels of his chair, inching a little closer to the center of the room. The seconds tick by, each one seeming longer than the next. I used to love laying in his arms in the quiet stillness, but now the silence is torture.
“Do you think she’s actually pregnant?” he asks.
I shrug. What a stupid question. How the hell am I supposed to know?
“She told you about what happened before?” he asks.
Assholes are always good at vague questions. Well, I can be as aloof as the next gal. I nod.
“You know, we’re going to have to learn to be in the same room together,” he says, earning another nod. “You’re going to have to talk to me. I mean, we’re probably going to end up being godparents to that baby.”
“Then we’ll have something to talk about. Right now, we don’t.”
“Ainsley, I want you to know how sorry I am about what happened last time I saw you.”
“You mean, when you thought I’d just fuck you?”
His eyes close. “It was a mistake. I’m sorry. I know you’re upset with me.”
“Upset?” I snap. “I’m so mad at you. I don’t know that I’ve ever been this mad in my whole life. And it’s just not about that day. It’s about all of it. All these months. My love wasn’t enough. Do you know how that feels?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that!” I bark. “Apologizing is not the answer.”
“Ainsley,” he says gently.
Holding his gaze, I say, “I want you to hurt, like I hurt. I hate that I want that. I hate that I’m this person. But I want to do something to hurt you, like kiss another man right in front of you, just to get back at you. How terrible is that? I mean, you’ve been hurt more than one person should, so how horrible am I that I want to hurt you?”
He smiles at me. “For the first time, this chair might be an advantage.”
Does he really think he can charm his way out of this one? That smile isn’t going to work on me this time. I can’t believe it. I won’t let my heart believe it.
The bedroom door opens, Skye is tucked safely under Brody’s arm, her eyes red. One firm shake of his head lets us know the results aren’t what we all hoped. The room feels very heavy. I knew that she might not be pregnant, but I didn’t realize how much I really wanted her to be. How much we all wanted her to be. How much we all need a win.
“Next time,” I say, walking over and wrapping her in my arms.
Brody leaves her side, and I hear him whisper to Rhett, “Thank you.”
I guess he is not holding Skye’s secret against Rhett. I guess he’s just too thankful that Rhett was there for her.
“Glad she finally told you,” Rhett says to Brody.
“Brody, let’s go home,” Skye says softly, and he nods, placing his arm back around her.
I follow them as they head to the door, giving them both a hug. Rhett does the same, but doesn’t follow them out into the hallway. Brody looks back at him.
“You guys are heading down. I’ll catch the elevator on the way back up,” Rhett says.
That makes sense, but I know there’s more to it than that.
The elevator door opens, and Brody and Skye step inside. When the door closes behind them, Rhett says, “We spent our whole relationship making sure you didn’t get pregnant.” His head shakes as he looks down at his chair. “Seems stupid now.”
He moves past me, pressing the elevator button. I stand in the doorway, confused by what he meant. Does he wish we had a child together? Or is this more of him worrying he won’t ever have the chance to be a father?
Obviously, he’s not over all the ghosts that haunt him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
You promised me everything.
A. Rose
RHETT
“Fuck!” I say through gritted teeth. It’s God’s cruel joke that I can’t move my legs, yet I have phantom nerve pain. Sadie jumps up on the bed with me, whimpering like she feels it, too.
I have pills I can take, but I hate the way they make me feel. So much of my life is out of my control, I don’t like to feel even more out of it. Looking over at the clock, I see it’s late. Too late to call anyone to distract myself, but laying here staring up at the ceiling while it feels like my legs are on fire isn’t going to work, either.
There’s no telling what brought this on. Sometimes no matter what I do, it just happens. But I suspect the long drive home, the stress of the last couple of days hasn’t helped. Sadie lays her head down on my legs, and the pressure actually takes the edge off a little. I reach down and pat her.
“One, two, three . . .”
Counting and breathing sometimes help. Why is this happening right now? I’ve got to get some sleep. Tomorrow, I planned on looking into a wheelchair basketball league or figuring out how to train for a half-marathon. Physical fitness is important for someone like me, and I can’t be lax about it for one second. I rely on my upper body to keep me mobile, so I can transfer in and out of my chair, take a shower, that kind of thing. So I can’t let up. I was so pissed and depressed after my accident that I lost some muscle definition. It’s taken me a long time to build that back up, and I’m not going to lose it again.
The worst thing to do is lay here and think about the pain. I learned that the hard way. The more I obsess over myself, the worse things are. It’s always better to think of others before myself. That helps with the pain. It actually helps with everything.
I pick up my phone and text Brody. I know it’s late, but I doubt he’s sleeping, either.
How’s Skye?
They both looked so disappointed about the pregnancy, or non-pregnancy. I don’t think they’ve been trying long. I missed their wedding, so I was really hoping they got good news. I don’t want to miss any more big moments in their lives. My phone dings.
I haven’t talked to her.
What? How do you avoid talking to your wife about a negative pregnancy test? Not to mention, the other thing she told him. Brody isn’t the most sensitive guy, but still! I start typing a response, then I see what I’ve done. Oh shit.
I didn’t message B. Rose. I messaged A. Rose!
My heart starts to pound in my chest. I hope I didn’t wake her. I guess she’s not sleeping, either. She responded to me. That’s a good sign, right? And her response was quick, so she didn’t agonize over what to say or anything. But it was kind of short, to the point. Does that mean something? Shit, I’m taking a long time to respond, although, her response doesn’t exactly have to illicit a response from me. Damn, I’m really overthinking this. I have her attention. I can’t let this opportunity pass.
How are you?
Burning a hole in my phone, I wait for the three little dots to appear. I wait and wait—trying to will a response from her, but there’s nothing. I can’t blame her. I’ve been an asshole. My phone screen goes black, and Sadie softly snores. I push out a little grin. My legs don’t hurt as much anymore. Was it Sadie who made the pain bearable? Or something else?
Ainsley makes the pain bearable. Ainsley makes life bearable. No, that’s not true. Ainsley makes life . . .
She makes my life. That’s it. Just that.
Ainsley makes my life.
&nbs
p; Then there’s a light in the darkness, my phone screen coming to life, bearing one little message.
One little word.
Goodnight.
“How’s the first week home been?” Jay asks.
He’s called a couple times to check on me. The only person that checks on me more is my mom. She still calls or texts at least three times every day. My dad has promised me that he’s working on her, but I understand these things take time.
I fill Jay in on the basketball wheelchair league I joined, how they’re going to let me play in the next game even though I just started. I’ll probably ride the bench the whole time. I tell him about the changes at the office, explaining that I start working later today. Brody and I decided I’d start back half days a few days a week then work my way back up to full time. Frankly, I would’ve preferred to hit the ground running, but he insisted we take things slow. I think my parents must’ve gotten to him. I’ll be working mostly in the afternoons so that Brody can cut out a little earlier. He has a wife to get home to. I think that’s making Skye happy.
“The woman?” Jay asks.
“Sadie is fine,” I laugh.
“Ainsley?” he clarifies, as if I didn’t know who he meant.
“I’ve got to get my ass to work,” I say.
“Rhett, your legs may not work, but your heart does.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I ask.
“It means next time I talk to you, I want to hear that you’ve made some progress with that girl. I liked her.”
I’m tempted to hang up on his fake philosopher ass, but I laugh instead. “I’m working on it,” I say before hanging up.
Truth is, for the first time in my life, I’m not sure how to handle a woman. I used to be a master at making a woman smile, knowing just when to make my move, but now I’m lost. I don’t know if it’s best to give Ainsley space, or if I should be showering her in flowers and phone calls.
The only good thing is, I’ve got a lot of other things to keep my mind occupied: going back to work, living on my own for the first time since the accident, the new basketball league I found.
Because it’s my first day, I decide to leave Sadie at the condo. She used to come to work with me, but I thought it might be best to leave her at home today. Besides, she’s getting up there in years, and I think she enjoys a few hours of having the place to herself to just sleep.
Just Love Page 17