“I suppose so,” she said with a shrug.
He rubbed his eyes. “Let me wash my face. Would you mind rustling a cup of coffee or bottle of water?” He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers. “Thanks.”
Her body stiffened from the intimate touch. He is a liar and a fraud. But even dishevelled, he was gloriously handsome and the unshaven look made him even more appealing.
Grabbing his bag, the one he had hidden her phone in, he sprinted to the bathroom while she spoke to the night manager about drinks.
By the time she had ordered, Nate was by her side looking more awake. She all but swooned seeing his hair combed back giving him a vintage, sexier look.
“Ready?” He smiled warmly at her.
“Yes, they’ll bring our coffees and water to us.” She started to walk in the direction of the gardens. “Let’s go outside.”
Threading his arm through hers, he walked by her side and she caught a subtle whiff of his aftershave which reminded her of beaches and long summer days. Urgh! She suppressed the impulse to take a deeper breath.
Outside, they found a bench facing the water.
“Tilly.” He took her hand. “I want to apologise for hurting you, I never meant to. I’m sorry for not telling you who I really was, but the last person you wanted to see was a reporter, when you’re hiding here in Israel.”
A giant lump of indecision got caught in her throat seeing regret and remorse etched across his face. “Well of course you wouldn’t have told me who you really were. I would’ve run a mile if I’d known.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “I’m sure you would have.”
“I just don’t know what to believe and what not to believe. Everything between us started with a lie.” The words tumbled out in time with the tat-tat-tat of her heartbeat.
His fingertips trailed along her cheek. “Everything between us is real. I’ve been fighting my attraction to you ever since we met.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” His voice lowered, “I need you to—”
“Kafe?” The male voice interrupting them made her spin around.
“Toda raba,” she said through gritted teeth, annoyed at the young man who interrupted them with their coffees in take away containers, four packets of sugar and two bottles of icy cold water. Within seconds, said disturbance was gone and she was again alone with Nate on this beautiful balmy night facing the Sea of Galilee. A picture perfect moment, so right for the romantic in her.
After settling the drinks between them, Nate grabbed a bottle of water and gulped it down quickly. Tilly greedily watched the muscles in his throat as he drank. Finishing, he gazed at her. “I needed that. This heat.” He rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead.
“I love it. Where I grew up, I spent long, lazy days enjoying the summer warmth,” she said dreamily, wishing things had worked out differently between them.
Erasing all romance from her brain, she turned to him. “I know why you wouldn’t tell me who you were, but did you have to print what you did about me?” She took a quick sip of water to erase the emotion from the wobble of her voice.
Shaking his head, he said, “I wrote an article about you, but it was never published.”
“That doesn’t make sense.” Couldn’t he be honest with her? His way with words had her wanting to howl in fury. Did he think she was stupid? She had read the article and it was definitely written by him. No one could have known such details other than the person she had confessed to. Nate. Shuffling her bottom to create inches of space between them, she created a barrier between them using her water bottle and coffee cup. She threw him a bored look before turning to look at the water.
“Tilly, the words were not mine. My editor gained access to the post and he made changes, made it more ‘sexy’.” He made quotation marks in the air over the word sexy. “My original post reflected so positively on you but he wanted something gritty, something that would make people talk, so he embellished it.” She could hear the desperation in his voice and she longed to believe him. “What he did was inexcusable. I can only apologise.” His shoulders drooped and his head hung low. “I felt sick when I saw the published article.”
“I want to believe you but you’re very clever with your words. You’ve strung me along and as I said before, I just don’t know what to believe.” Her hands fell to her lap. “This could all be a story.” Her voice lowered. “How can I trust you? Ever?”
“I’ve changed all the security codes on the website, so the only person that can access it is me.” He took a deep breath. “I want to show you, prove to you what I’m saying is true. We’re going to fight Sebastian together and bring him down. You’re not the first woman he’s humiliated and you won’t be the last.” His words tumbled out. “You’ll see everything I write before it’s published. Please Tilly, give me a chance.”
“How do I know that you won’t just use me again?” Her brow lifted and she answered her own question. “I don’t know.” She paused. “I’m creating a new life for myself. I no longer care about Sebastian and his stupid lies. I can’t fight him but what I can do is be strong and independent. I’m sick of being let down by men. Now, I only rely on myself.” Her chest puffed out in pride as she thought about the decisions she had made over the past couple of days to restore her dignity and self worth.
His head rested in his hands before he looked at her. “I went to school with that sanctimonious twat and he’s been full of self importance since I had the misfortune of him sharing my home room. He had the looks, family money and intelligence to be adored by girls, admired by the boys and appreciated by the teachers. He’d be caught smoking but was able to talk his way out of it and have someone else receive a detention.” He blew out a steady breath of frustration.
“Well, we both agree he’s a loser. So what?” She pressed her lips together thinking about the type of guy Sebastian had been at school and it made her shudder. They always won, came out on top. They were too smooth to be beaten by someone like her, who was way too nice for the likes of him.
“At a party,” he paused and she could see the pain etched across his face, “he met Bea. He seduced my fifteen-year-old sister. She was a virgin, an easy target who was still coming to terms with being abandoned by our parents.” His hand fisted and slammed down on the bench. “He knew exactly what he was doing and the worse bit was he shared the details with his friends. Before long, her friends found out and she was teased, at school, as a slapper.” His hand hit his forehead. “I watched her, thought she was dealing with it. But I was wrong.” He stopped and gulped down most of the water from her bottle since he had already finished his. “She wasn’t coping. She tried to commit suicide.” He swore under his breath. “She swallowed pills but not enough, thank God. At the hospital, her stomach was pumped. It’s taken her years, but she’s got her life together. Finally.”
She gasped at the cruelty of what he had just told her. “That’s awful, poor Bea.” She muttered some choice words to describe Sebastian that should have come from a wharfie instead of the daughter of a minister.
“I heard through a friend of a friend that he laughed when he heard about Bea almost dying. Can you believe it?” He gave a callous laugh.
She sipped her now cooled coffee and looked at him. This was no story he was making up for her attention. Even in the dim light, she could see his hurt and ache in the down turn of his lips and the tightness of his jaw.
“But don’t you see, he’s untouchable. He wants to be your country’s Prime Minister and even with his salacious past, he still manages to rise above it with that stupid grin.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “He was accused of having an affair with me when his wife was having chemo. And look what happens?” She threw her hands in the air, in exasperation, before answering her own question.
“He comes out squeaky clean. He manages to convince the press I’m some kind of loony, looking for attention, that I tried to seduce him. That he was set up.”
She gulped down some warm air to steady her nerves. “Even if you’re telling the truth, I’m not going to London, I’m not going to out myself in a position of weakness and I’m not going to be beholden to a man. I’m sick of being let down.”
She wagged her finger at him. “I grew up with my father as the local vicar and three older brothers whose love not only overprotected me but stifled me. I never did what I wanted. Yes, I love them, but I need to find my niche in the world. I’ve spent my life pleasing everyone else. I helped at the Church, baked endless biscuits and cakes, ran the children’s program, assisted with fundraisers. Then I finally meet someone and he turns out to be a rat. Perhaps if I’d been more worldly, I would have realised he was cheating on me. If I hadn’t caught him in the act, with my supposed friend, I may have blindly married him.”
She paused, her chest thumped against her chest. “I’ve been sheltered for so long that I want to scream. I need to be me. Not the caring daughter or dutiful granddaughter or the ever efficient nanny. Just me. Tilly.”
“And what does Tilly want?” He asked in a low voice.
“My own life, where I’m not depended upon.” Her shoulders straightened as she threw him a determined look. “I want independence.”
His lungs emptied as he realised convincing Tilly to join him was going to be harder than originally thought. He would worry about that later. His heart ached while she talked about her loser ex who had cheated on her. He knew that pain and despite her bravado, he wanted her to know he understood.
“Tilly, I’ve had a rotten childhood, but since we were fostered out, life has been good. Irrespective, when a lover betrays you, it hurts.” He paused. “You grew up with a family who loved you and you’ve been very sheltered in a small community, but your ex cheating on you is everything about him and nothing to do with you.”
She shrugged off his compassion. “If I’d been more exciting—”
“Tilly, if he couldn’t pleasure you in bed, then that tells me he’s not a good lover and the fact he shagged someone else tells me, he has little regard for women. You’re better off without him.”
She rolled her eyes. “What would you know?”
“My ex-fiancé, Paisley, cheated on me.” Saying it made his lungs deflate. Even after Bea had told him this, he still could not believe what a fool he had been believing her lies. “I thought I loved her but she lied to me and made me believe I was her soul mate, when all along she was with someone else.”
“How did you find out?” Tilly asked.
His chest constricted. He could not tell her that for two years he believed he was unworthy, not good enough for her. How could he confess how he had taken in her lies, accepted them without questioning them? For someone more clued-up than Tilly, he certainly acted without ingenuity or insight. Despite being perceptive and intuitive when conducting interviews, these traits were sadly missing in his own woeful love life.
His heart jolted at the realisation of why he had only indulged in short term affairs over the past couple of years. He did not want to commit. He was too scared for commitment. Well, he wanted to commit with Tilly and if baring his pitiful behaviour to her would help, then he would do it.
He laughed, but there was no joy in it. “I didn’t know she cheated on me till just recently when Bea confessed to me. Can you believe it?” He ran his fingers through his hair. “All along, I thought it was something about me and my family background, but it was her. She simply wanted to be with another man.” He took her hand. “Your cheating ex says more about him than you. You’re better than him. You’re a giver and he’s a taker. You cared for your grandmother and mourned when she died, what did he do for you?”
He watched her shift uncomfortably away from him, her eyes focussed on the ground. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but I want you to see that him cheating is all about him and not you.”
He drew in a deep breath. “You justify his behaviour with your upbringing but what about me? I’ve dated enough women and should have seen the lies but I didn’t. In fact,” he paused, gathering the strength to confess about his inabilities, “I didn’t know till the day when you left. I got sucked in by Paisley’s lies. I believed she didn’t think I was good enough. All along she was shagging someone else. Does that sound familiar?”
Pressing a hand, fingers splayed, against her heart she gasped. “Goodness.” She tilted her to the side. “I can’t believe she cheated on you.” Pressing her palms to her cheeks, she laughed. “I blamed myself for Travis’ behaviour for so long and now I realise it’s his fault, not mine.”
“What’s so funny?”
Her smile widened. “It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one.”
“It’s not a bloody club,” he said through gritted teeth. It was not a club he wanted to belong to.
“I know, I’m sorry.” She looked skyward, her arms hugging her waist. “I feel like I’ve been carrying this weight around, worried about what people thought of me and I shouldn’t have. I’m kind, easy going and er, um…”
Even in the dark light he saw her face redden.
“I now know that me not being able to, um, o-orgasm was about him and not me.” Her face lit up with a joy he had not seen since they had been intimate. “Thank you for showing me that. I was angry about a lot of things but the up-side of our night together was that I learned about me. I enjoyed making love. You’re a generous lover and it was amazing.”
She paused to gaze at him. “Your blog apology was heartfelt even if it was a little awkward but it’s done. And I thank you for that. You also came to find me and apologise and I thank you for that too. But I’ve made decisions over the past couple of days and I don’t want to budge. I can’t.”
She sipped her coffee before continuing. “I’m not going to London. Despite everything, I’m still prepared to help you bring down Sebastian, but from here.” She pointed to the ground. “I’ll give you everything I can, but you must keep my name out of it. You do whatever you need to, but I’m not going to London to live a captive life in your apartment. What will I do?” She continued, answering her own question. “If I go out in public, I’ll be recognised. I can’t work, I mean, which woman wants the Naughty Nanny around her husband?” She threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t have friends I can rely on. Do you expect me to sit around all day, waiting with only the TV and internet to keep me company?”
He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Her outburst made sense and yet he still wanted to fix things with her but had no idea how to. The warm humid area was stifling and he was dismayed to see he had drunk all the water in his bottle. He rubbed the back of his neck and anxiety gnawed at his belly, his heart palpitating as though he were in a rabbit hole searching for an exit.
His body heated to a point that he wondered if there were outdoor heaters bearing down on them and his throat grew parched. Tilly was worth fighting for and he was not going to leave without her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Tilly watched in alarm as Nate rocked in his seat muttering to himself. Was he having a panic attack? Obviously something she said had upset him. She did not want to take pleasure in his discomfort because despite everything she liked him. “Nate, are you okay?” She touched his arm.
“Tilly.” He turned to look at her, his hair mussed and his eyes wide open, “I came to Israel so I could write a story and discredit Sebastian Porter. I know you hate reporters but I justified to myself that I would not sensationalise things and I would ensure you were treated fairly. But then I met you and I liked you a lot. All I wanted to do was kiss you and I had to remind myself that it wasn’t right.” He drew in a ragged breath. “I admit that our relationship started off differently to most couples.”
Tilly could not help but giggle as visions of her in mud followed by the Great Escape flashed through her mind.
“I’ve known you less than one week and I was tempted to confess my love and ask you to marry me just so you’d come to London with me.”
Her ey
es widened as she gasped. “You love me?”
He took her hand. “I think so but I don’t know for sure. I’ve never been in love. But what I do know, is that I really like and want to spend time with you. I want to give you everything. I want us to travel. I want to show all the places you’ve longed to visit. The callous side of me could play up to your romantic side and pretend, just to get you to come with me, but I can’t. I respect you too much.”
He took her hand in his and held it tight. “Not everything between us has been built on lies – what we shared in bed was real and special.” He lifted her hand and placed it over his heart. “Can you feel my honesty? I want you with a determination that robs me of my breath. I know it’s quick but I didn’t plan it, it just happened. I think about you all the time and I want you by my side. I love your smile, how you love life, the way you care about others and how you make me feel so complete.”
Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them away, hearing the sincerity in his voice.
“Tilly, I don’t even know how you feel about me—”
Her hands trembled and she placed them in her lap, struggling to find the right words. “Nate, I really like you, but I’m also hurt by everything that’s happened. I want to trust you but…” she squeezed her eyes shut, “I think it’s too late for us.”
“Don’t say that,” he said with a determination that made her look at him. “I’m not giving up on you.”
She rubbed her chin. “I thank you but—”
“But nothing. Stop thanking me or I’m going to kiss you,” he fired at her, his shoulders set straight and his eyes alert and wide.
Her body tightened at his suggestion. “I don’t think we should kiss.”
Falling for Mr Wrong Page 15