by Bry Ann
Rex’s looks distracted me from everything Mia said, but I knew she’d finished talking when there was a dead silence in the room. Everyone was waiting on me to speak. It made me want to rip my hair out. The stuttering girl from ten minutes ago vanished, and out came the hardened girl developed over the last several shit years. Jealousy seeped into my bloodstream like a drug.
“Alex you don’t have to…” Mia stuttered, but I didn’t even let her finish before jumping in. “Oh, my life,” I replied with heavy sarcasm, “let’s see. I left, wound up on the street, got conned by a Russian God of some sort into being a hooker. The best part, he conned me into hell with a stupid, fucking cheeseburger. I was a fancy hooker for a lot of years. What do they call them? Escorts?”
Tears leaked down my cheeks.
“Well, I resigned to that after trying to leave several times and never being able to. I finally just settled. Then I got pregnant. I found a way out to save my daughter, went into hiding and then one of Pytor’s men, my pimp for all intents and purposes, found me and pushed me down a flight of stairs three months ago. She died. I failed her too. So, excuse the fuck me!”
I stood up, slammed my fork on my plate and bolted out of the apartment, leaving their dumbfounded faces in my wake. Fuck them. Fuck this. I needed to fuck someone. I needed an escape, something familiar. I slammed the door behind me and ran for the stairs.
“Alex!” Rex called, running down the stairs way faster than I could. He was an athlete. It was apparent in the way he moved.
“Just go away Rex. You don’t know me anymore! We aren’t kids.”
“I’m not going anywhere. You helped me when I was a dweeb in baggy pants. You made the bullies go away and gave me a friend when I had none. Let me return the favor.”
I stopped. Who knows why.
“You can’t help me Rex,” I said with my back still turned to him. “The damage is done.”
I heard him step closer to me.
“It is. I agree. You lost your daughter,” I felt a sob creeping up in my throat, “and nothing I can do will take that away but let me be here for you now. Let me be here for what’s left of you.”
“There’s nothing.”
I was full on ready to cry now, and still not facing him even though I knew he was right behind me.
“Her name was Anna, right?”
My shoulders fell. The asshole knew me in and out. He knew how to break through to me.
“Yeah,” I somehow squeezed out.
“What was her room like?” Tears spilled out over my eyes. I am strong. I am strong. I was resolved to being strong, to not letting him see me break again.
“It was very cute. Perfect for my daughter. I gave her the best I had. I promise.”
“I know Alex.”
Rex grabbed my hand squeezed it. That broke me. I whipped around and wrapped my arms around my best friend. He held me steady.
“He needs to pay,” I cried. “He killed her. She’s gone.”
Then I sobbed in his strong hold. The one person who ever fully knew me. When my crying died down to choked sobs he helped me take a seat on the steps below us. He followed suit.
“I hate who I was Rex. I gave myself to so many people. I'm not as trashy and bitchy as I seem. I have morals, had them, and they were all given away for food. I tried to get out. I swear, but they broke me. They did what my dad did before I ran away. I couldn't take it. I can’t let myself have anything left to lose. Rex, I’m sorry.”
I fell into him again and whimpered softly in his lap. His hands softly ran through my ratty silver hair. After several minutes, Rex picked me up and held my face up to meet his.
“Time to stop crying Alex. Time to pull yourself together. You’ve mourned, now make her happy. Be someone she can be proud of. No more moping, no more breaking down. Time to bring Alex back now.”
My cries turned to sniffles in an instant. He was so right. I’d look back and hate myself for being weak, for letting one event destroy me. I had to do right by Anna and this wasn’t the way. I pulled away from him and stood up.
“I don’t know where all that came from. I apologize.”
My cheeks turned red, and snot dripped down the tip of my house.
“Will I ever see you again Alex?”
My wall was up, but even protected I wanted to see him again. I wasn’t ready to say bye yet.
“I perform at that venue three times a week. I’ll be there in two days. After processing all I’ve said, decide if you still want to have contact with me. If you do come to my show.”
“I’ll be there,” he said without hesitation. I rolled my eyes.
“We’ll see. Just… think first. Think of who I am and tell Mia I’m sorry.”
With that I left, and he let me.
Knowing I was right.
Chapter 16:
That week was one of the most stressful of my life. I was torn between wanting Rex to show and wanting to leave him in the dust and continue with my plan to murder Pytor. When my gig came back around I was a nervous wreck. For most of the set I looked directly into the lights, so I didn’t have to see if he was there or not. I wasn’t sure I could cope if he didn’t come. I think my shame would have swallowed me whole.
On my last song I couldn’t help but look. I picked that song strategically as a message for Rex, something I wanted him to know. It was “Nobody’s Home” by Avril Lavigne. I loved that song. Singing it felt intimate and I usually never sang it public.
I scanned the crowd as a I sang.
“She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It’s where she cries, broken inside…”
I panicked for a second when I didn’t see him, but then sure enough, in the back of the room was a dark-haired man with soft eyes, tattoos and a white button-down shirt. I smiled a little as I finished my song. I was anxious to see him. I thanked the audience solemnly and ran off the stage. Rex waited in the back while everyone cleared out. A few people came and talked to me, telling me how much they liked my music. I appreciated it, but I just wanted to see Rex.
When I was finally done greeting people, I walked to the back. Rex was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
“You came?”
He nodded and smiled at me. “Of course, I did Alex.”
“I sort of fucking love you for coming, for not judging me.”
A look of shock crossed his face before Mia came bouncing out of the restroom and pounced on me.
“I love you Alex. We’d never judge you babe.”
“Mia,” Rex laughed. “What did I tell you about jumping on Alex.”
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“It’s okay Rex. It’s really not a big deal.”
“Right. What are your plans tonight?”
“You know just going back to my, um, apartment.”
“Did you drive here?” Mia asked.
“No, I took the bus. I sold my car after, well, after Anna passed.”
“Okay, well we will drive you over to grab your stuff and you can spend the night at Rex and I’s.”
“Oh no I couldn’t. My place is… guys, my place is shit. I don’t want you to see it.”
My cheeks heated. Her apartment was pristine perfection. I slept in a sleeping bag in the middle of the living room.
“Your life is shit Alex. We won’t judge,” Rex jumped in.
Mia gasped, but I busted out laughing.
“True, but I’ll just spend the night at my place. I wasn’t aware it was your apartment too Rex. Isn’t it a little girly?”
Mia laughed. “Just while Rex is town. What’s mine is his.”
God, she was so nice. Judging by the soft look he gave Mia, Rex was thinking the same thing.
“Alex,” Rex jumped in. “Let’s head to your house first. We would drop you off there regardless. It’s not like we’d let you take the bus when we have a car.”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“Good.”
“Great!” Mia sa
id brightly. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it before pulling me outside. I looked back at Rex. He smiled and shrugged, leaving me to handle Mia all on my own.
“She loves you,” he mouthed.
I felt something I hadn’t felt in years. My heart warmed. I felt cared about. I pulled out of her hand and wrapped my hands around my center. I felt Rex looking at me curiously. That damn man could read me too well.
When Mia jumped in the car. Rex pulled me aside.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine Rex,” I said, pulling out of his grip.
“Don’t let it get to your head.”
“Don’t let what get to my head?”
“The fact that we care.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Then he got in the car and shut the door. The backseat of course, allowing me to take the front seat. It took me a solid thirty seconds to gather myself before getting back in the car.
“Everyone good?” Mia asked without evening mentioning me standing outside of the car like an idiot for a solid thirty seconds before getting in.
“Yes,” Rex and I mumbled.
“Great!”
Mia drove off and pulled into the front of my apartment complex after I gave her the address. Neither of them said anything about how trashy it was, but I saw Rex gritting his teeth in the mirror.
“Rex, walk Alex up. Okay? I’ll wait here.”
“Okay. Lock your doors Mia,” Rex said sternly.
“Yes bro,” she laughed. I watched the two of them with an odd fascination. He was so protective of her and she loved him so much. It was so strange.
I hopped out of the car and stared at the complex. I picked this trashy, overpriced dump, because there were no outdoor stairs. Some drunk guy was fumbling with his keys next to us when Rex turned to me.
“You ready?”
“Oh yeah. Sorry.”
We both headed for the doorway. The guy was still fumbling with his keys. It was the door that led to the apartments inside.
I grabbed the keys from his hand and used the correct one to open the door. He threw me a drunk thank you, but I rolled my eyes and ignored him. Rex silently followed behind me as I walked to my downstairs apartment. It was the only way I’d move in. I told the landlord I would only take a downstairs apartment and he agreed. I led Rex to the inside of my place, room 1172. Once we were inside he looked around and then back at me. My apartment was empty. I had no furniture, no nothing. I used all I had for rent. Even if I could afford more I didn’t want anything. I brought what I needed and moved on. The only thing that mattered was revenge on Pytor. I needed to stash money for that, because I didn’t know what my plan was yet.
“Where’s your stuff?”
“Most of it is in my room.”
I walked into my room and picked up the plastic bags I had stuffed all my belongings in. Then I walked back out.
“Ready.”
“Ready? You have all your shit in plastic bags?”
“Yeah, why waste money on a dresser.”
“Okay. This is bullshit. This whole act you are putting on. This apartment looks like someone ready to kill themselves, but I know you better than that. What’s your plan here Alex? Since you lost Anna, what’s your plan? What are you thinking?”
I thought about continuing my nonchalant act, but thought honesty was the best policy here.
“I’ve already told you Rex.”
“Told me what?”
“I’m going to get revenge on Pytor for killing my baby girl.”
“Alex,” Rex groaned. “You can’t take this guy down. You have no idea how many contacts he has. Get revenge by living your life, being happy.”
“No! Who’s going to avenge Anna if I do that? Huh? I won’t let that happen! I promised to take care of her! If you’re going to fight me on this, just go! Watching Pytor suffer is more important to me than anything else. It’s my reason for existing. So, if this is how you are going to be then just... “I stuttered as Rex slowly walked towards me. The rest of my words came out quite and breathless. “Then just… just… go.”
Rex was standing right in front of me now. I felt something I hadn’t ever felt before. Desire. There was a tightening in my core and tingling between my legs. It terrified me. I wasn’t used to this. I joked about it, but actually feeling it? No!
“What are you doing Rex?” I stammered.
Rex ran a hand over my lip. I wanted to jerk away and punch him, but I was frozen… and not in the bad way.
“That is not your only reason for existing Alex. Do you hear me?”
I nodded helplessly, like an idiot. Rex pulled his hand away from my face and gave me what could only be interrupted as a cocky smile. He tried to hide it, but he knew he had affected me and he loved it. Asshole. He bent down and picked up all my bags, leaving me standing there totally confused.
“Anything else Alex?” he asked with a stupid grin.
“No… uh, you have it all.”
Then I trudged in front of him, shoving him to the side with my shoulder. I needed some of my power back, but all I successfully did was make him laugh. He laughed the whole way to the car. I climbed in the backseat, slammed the door and crossed my arms over my chest like a pouting twelve-year-old.
“Everything good?” Mia asked, looking between Rex and me.
“It’s fine,” I spit out. Mia cocked an eyebrow and Rex jumped in.
“We are good Mia,” he laughed. “Alex is just not happy with her body right now.”
“Holy fuck Rex! What the hell?”
Mia giggled and Rex full on cracked up.
“Well alright then,” Mia said still laughing. “I don’t even want to know.”
She started the car. We headed back to her apartment. The whole car ride I was in my head wondering what the hell happened at that apartment. I felt vulnerable and confused and pissed.
When Mia parked our car, I stormed out and grabbed Rex’s arm, roughly. He didn’t even seem phased. He just turned around at looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and a small smile.
“Yes.”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Mia,” Rex called, still fucking grinning. “Alex and I are going to talk. Meet you inside.”
“Okay guys!”
She walked away with her black hair swinging behind her. Rex turned back to me.
“What’s up Alex? It’s late and I’m tired.”
“What was that back at the apartment?”
“What was what?”
“Don’t play dumb! You… you went all football player. All hot and stuff. What was that?”
Rex’s grin got even wider. “I’m not sure I know what you mean Alex?”
“Just don’t! Don’t play me like you did back there. I’ve been through enough without having to be sexually confused.”
Rex sighed. “I’m not playing you Alex. I’m sorry.”
“So you do know what I mean?”
I wasn’t letting up. I needed to understand this, but Rex didn’t look so confident anymore. He looked uncomfortable. That was more along the lines of the Rex I knew. That was the side of him I was comfortable with.
“Yeah, I mean of course I do. Look, I’m sorry. That was a dick move. I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember. I had an asshole moment. I’m used to other girls. I temporarily forgot it was you and I am so sorry.”
With that he turned away and went after Mia, leaving me there still as a fucking icicle. He liked me. He’s always like me. What. The. Hell. This was Rex. My Rex. The little boy. Not the athlete. The man. And I was turned on by him. What. The. Fuck. He’s been back in my life for all of five minutes, and he was already causing problems.
Shit.
That little fucking shit.
After shaking my head, a multitude of times, I ran up after the two of them. I ran in the apartment, slightly breathless and starving.
“Can I eat something?” I asked quickly before even sitting down.
Mia was already
in her pajamas and Rex was in his room, I presumed changing into his pajamas as well. My plastic bag of clothes was sitting on Mia’s fancy barstool. I felt like trash. Mia furrowed her brows when she noticed my expression but didn’t say anything. She simply pulled a water bottle out of the fridge and extended it out to me.
“Thank you,” I mumbled.
“Of course, babe. What’s mine is yours.”
“Thank you, Mia.”
I went into the pantry, grabbed a huge bag of potato chips and sat on the couch, stuffing my face one chip at a time. I could feel Mia staring at me. I knew she wanted to say something but bit her lip and decided against it.
“I’m going to go to bed. Rex will be out in just a second. He’ll help you get settled. If you need me, for anything, just come grab me. I’ll probably be on the phone with my fiancé anyway.”
I noticed her cheeks turn red when she mentioned her fiancé. I was curious to meet him. What man was worthy of Mia?
“I won’t need anything.”
She huffed.
“Of course, you won’t. Love you babe.”
With that she went to bed. She loved me? What? Between her and Rex it was getting harder to hurt for Anna the way I should have been. I felt confused. I stuffed one more chip in my mouth, but suddenly the idea of food made me nauseous. I set the bag of chips on the table and leaned forward, letting my head fall into my hands. I was lost in my own world when I felt the couch dip next to me. I snapped up to see that Rex sitting next to me, fucking shirtless. His tattoos glistened under the lamp light. I swallowed and looked back down at my hands. This was wrong on so many levels.
“What the fuck do you want Rex?”
“I was just going to help you get situated. Relax Alex. It’s okay.”
I turned my head up to look at him and sighed. Why couldn’t I stay mad at him? Why?
“I got it. Just tell me where the blankets are. I’ll get the couch situated. It’s late. You can go to bed.”
Rex scrunched his face like he was offended.
“You aren’t sleeping on the couch! I was just changing my sheets. You’re taking my room. I’m taking the couch.”