by Bry Ann
“You look good.”
“Alex, babe, you just stared at me for like a minute straight. You think I look more than good.”
He tipped his head back and started laughing. I grumbled and followed him out the door. He was right, but I couldn’t let him know that of course. Rex held the door open for me, once again proving he was the nicest man ever. I’d never met anyone who held open a door for me.
The whole way to Mia’s I was a nervous wreck. I fiddled with the rips in my jeans and pulled out strands of my hair, a terrible habit of mine. When we were almost at Mia’s Rex turned to me, his gaze soft.
“Alex, it’s gonna be okay. There is no reason to be this nervous.”
“Easy for you to say! You are the only nice man I’ve met, other than Anatoli, but even he fucked me over initially!”
I needed to learn to filter.
“Alex…”
“Don’t you dare! I don’t want your pity bullshit right now. I need to get my balls back, okay? I’m gonna go in there, throw my shoulders back and pretend like the idea of speaking with him doesn’t make me want to rip out each one of eyeballs. That’s the end of it.”
“Okay. Roger that. Message received loud and clear.”
“Good.”
We pulled up to Mia’s apartment complex, Rex turned to me before putting the car in park.
“Ready to do this?”
“I don’t have much of a choice, now do I?”
Rex smiled and got out of the car. I followed several steps behind him. When we hit the doorway, I grabbed Rex’s hand before he could turn the key in the lock.
“About this morning…”
“I won’t say a word until you are ready. Don’t worry.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
Not worrying in that moment felt like an impossible task. My body was shaking, and my heart was hammering in my chest. I definitely had some kind of PTSD or something from all the shit I’d been through. It wasn’t normal to be this scared to meet a guy. Especially a guy my friends trusted. I attempted to do what I said I was going to do, what I’d always done, throw my shoulders back and bring out the badass bitch inside of me. It didn’t work. It never seemed to work with Rex around. The wall I’d spent so much time building seemed like it was built of paper cups when I was around the Carter family. It was unsettling, and frankly terrifying.
“Alex. You seriously need to relax. I can see you shaking from over here. It’ll be okay. I promise.”
The door swung open and Mia glanced back and forth between the two of us. Rex dropped my hand immediately, but of course Mia caught it. She looked at both of our hands, quickly noticing that mine were shaking. The crease between her eyes tightened. Once she was done taking the two of us in her head snapped up.
“I heard you two talking,” she mumbled. “Thought I’d open the door since neither of you were knocking. Sorry to interrupt.”
At that last sentence a slow smile spread across her face.
“You weren’t interrupting anything. We were just…”
Just then a bear of a man popped up behind her. He looked like a guy who grew up hunting in southern Alabama. He had broad shoulders, was slightly heavy (but the hot, muscled, cuddly kind) and was wearing a red plaid button down over a t-shirt. He had a slight beard and brown hair with a tiny hint of red.
“Should we take this inside?” he asked. He put a hand on Mia’s shoulder, lifted his chin to acknowledge Rex and then his eyes met mine. Just like that the badass bitch, defensive Alex was back. I threw my shoulders back and stiffened slightly, like I always did around strangers.
“I’m Alex,” I offered.
“Blaze, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”
I cocked an eyebrow at Mia and she smiled at me like we were sister’s or something. My love for her would forever know no bounds. She opened the door wider and we all entered the living room. Mia and Blaze sat on chairs across from us, and Rex and I sat on the couch.
There was a long awkward silence that ensued, and it was made worse because I knew it was all my fault. Rex, Mia and Blaze already each other. I had fix this. I had to make everyone feel less awkward. I dug my nails into the skin of my palm and opened my mouth.
“So, Blaze, what do you do?”
“I will be working for a tractor company, on the business end.”
A laugh slipped out before I could help it. Everyone whipped around to look at me.
“Sorry. You just look so southern. I pegged you as an Alabama boy. It’s ironic you work for a tractor company.”
I saw Rex’s mouth twitch like he was going to smile, Mia did smile, and Blaze let out a very small, insincere smile only after seeing everyone else’s reaction to my outburst. Blaze was just as unsure of me as I was of him. I could see it in his eyes. Of course, we both had our reasons for not trusting the other. I was distrustful of virtually everyone, because everyone I knew, with the exception of Rex and Mia, had hurt me in one way or another. Blaze didn’t trust me because I was this random girl with dyed hair and a spunky attitude thrust into his fiancé’s life. I could tell by the way he looked at Mia, and the little ways he’d put his hand on her that he loved her dearly and was furiously protective of her.
“I am from Alabama. That’s very perceptive of you Alex.”
His eyes narrowed at me. Mia didn’t notice, clearly just happy to have us all in the same room. Rex, on the other hand, did notice. I saw him stiffen and he turned to glare at Blaze. Something was silently communicated between the two of them, but I didn’t understand what it was. Mia glanced at me and shrugged. I gave her a half smile, but I was on alert. What would I do if Blaze didn’t want me hanging around? Blaze was Mia’s fiancé, all I was Rex’s ex-best friend. I’d have to leave. I just had sex with Rex for God’s sake. I’d be crushed if I had to leave them again. I still was just human after all. I felt something cold and icy grip my heart.
“I have to pee,” I said abruptly. I didn’t even turn to see the look on their faces, especially Rex’s. I’m sure he knew something was up. I didn’t want to see that familiar concerned, curious look in his eye. I sprinted to the bathroom and leaned against the back wall, forgetting the lock. I tried to filter through my emotions to reach rationality. This was nuts. I had always known my weak spot. It was the Goddamn Carter family. I couldn’t think straight around them. I ripped my own heart out the first time I had to leave and there was a very real chance I’d have to do that again.
“What am I doing?” I whispered to myself.
“Good question.”
I jerked up and saw Rex standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. He shut the door behind him quickly, but quietly. I exploded.
“What the FUCK? What if I was peeing or pooping? What if I was naked? You can’t just barge in here whenever you damn well feel like it! Just because we had sex doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. You don’t own me. No one does. Jesus Rex. I’m so pissed off right now.”
“Are you done?” Rex asked casually.
“For now.” I took deep breaths trying to calm myself. I wasn’t even mad at him. I was mad at the threat I saw in everyone. Blaze could make me lose Mia and Rex. Rex could break my heart beyond repair. Mia could make me feel like no one would ever accept me. If Mia decided I was too crazy to befriend, I’m pretty sure I’d just go live in a cabin in the woods. Every man on the planet could take advantage of me and my situation. Women could screw me over and judge me. I hated the isolated, constantly on edge feeling that gave me.
“First, Blaze and Mia are right outside so maybe don’t scream that we had sex this morning. Second, why are you hiding in the bathroom?”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Can we skip the part where you lie and then I convince you to tell me what’s wrong? Can you just tell what’s wrong this once, so we can get back out there?”
Usually that would work, but I couldn’t tell Rex I was terrified of losing him. He’d just tell me that would never happen and be super n
ice and comforting. I didn’t that kind of bullshit right now.
“I needed a minute alone. Some space to myself.”
“You’ve only spoke with Blaze for five minutes.”
“And it’s gone so fucking swimmingly…”
Rex sighed, sounding exhausted with my moods. “He’s just feeling you out. He adores Mia. I’d do the same for you if some random girl came into your life. Give him a chance to get to know you.”
“You’d feel the need to do that for me? Why?”
“Come one Alex,” Rex said as he extended his hand and smiled. “Quit wearing me out.”
I ignored his hand and brushed past him, shoulder checking him along the way. Once I was out of his view I smiled. I heard him laughing behind me.
“Always holding onto your pride. Even when falling apart in the bathroom.”
“Always,” I called back, even though he didn’t think I heard him.
Once we were back out in the living room I turned to Blaze.
“I’m sorry about that. Do you want to talk for a second? In private.”
Blaze’s eyebrows raised, seemingly impressed. Mia looked unsure and I heard Rex whisper my name warningly from behind me.
I ignored all of them.
He was unsure of me, and me him. This had to be settled away from the innocence of the Carters. Blaze had seen shit. I could tell. He was a warm guy and looked like an absolute cuddle bear. Underneath all that though I saw a hardness in him. I suspected it only came out when he was protecting his fiancé. This is the reason why Blaze was so unsure of me, he knew I’d seen shit too and he didn’t know if my past would come back to haunt Mia. He wouldn’t let that happen. I got it. It didn’t make me any less hesitant to talk to him though.
“I’d like that Alex. Rex’s room? If that’s cool with you Rex.”
The look he gave Rex was a challenge.
I stiffened. I saw it in his eyes. He knew something was up with that room and Mia hadn’t told him. She probably hadn’t even let him in the room, and I suspected they were not the type of couple to keep shit from each other.
Mia’s eyes went wide.
“You’re being an asshole,” I heard her whisper in Blaze’s ear.
I didn’t know what to do. If I brought him to that room, how would I explain the disaster. My ego always got me into trouble though, and this was a challenge. A big one. I couldn’t turn it down if I ever wanted to get along with Blaze. Rex knew it too, which is why he didn’t intervene like I am sure he wanted to.
“Fine. Yeah sure. Why not?” I responded, sounding cool as ever. Meanwhile my insides were shaking like they were set on vibration mode.
Blaze laughed. He had a slight southern twang I starting to pick up on more and more.
“Shall we then?”
He stood up and I followed. Blaze kissed Mia softly, she turned her head, clearly pissed at him. While they had their moment, Rex grabbed my hand.
“You don’t have to do this Alex. Just let him trust you over time. He’s usually so nice. I don’t know what his deal is. This is atypical behavior.”
“I have to do this Rex.”
He searched my eyes and let me go. “Fine. I understand but be careful. Think a little before you speak.”.
“Yes attorney. Anything else you’d like to advise me on?”
“Are we gonna talk?” Blaze asked, now standing right next to Rex’s door. I bit my lip, stiffened and walked over there as well.
“Yep. Waiting on you.”
I opened the door as little as possible and slipped in. He followed me and shut the door behind him. He glanced around the room in shock.
“What the… What the hell happened in here? I thought maybe you threw a lamp or something, but this…” He gestured around the room. Then his eyes trained on me, accusing. I mean it was my fault, but still. Asshole.
“I had a bad dream,” I said simply.
“A bad dream. A bad dream,” he laughed to hide his rage. “A bad dream is where you wake up in cold sweats or something. This is room is ripped to shreds.”
“I don’t know what to tell you Blaze! I will help fix it. I will do it all. I wasn’t fucking conscious. I didn’t do this on purpose!” I could feel my voice rising. My patience thinning with this man. I fought for control, but it was slipping.
“What are you hiding? I’m actually not a bad guy anymore, but it makes me nervous when someone comes around my fiancé with a past I know nothing about. I don’t want anything to happen to her, if you know what I mean.”
“Why? Because you have a past and people have suffered for your mistakes before? I have your card Blaze. Quit acting like you are better than me.”
His eyes darkened. “Mia knows my past.”
“Oh, so you can have a past but no one else. That’s fair. Just keep Mia in this perfect little bubble, other than you of course!”
“I know my past won’t come around to bite her.”
“Well neither will mine. I’ve paid my price.”
“Oh, yeah sure, and what price is that?”
“I lost my baby you fucking asshole!” I shrieked.
“Everything okay in there?” Mia’s concerned voice rang through. Blaze looked at me, wondering if I was going to end it. I narrowed my tear-filled eyes at him and tilted my head up.
“No. Sorry Mia. We are fine.”
“O…. kay,” she responded but her voice was shaky, and I could only guess Rex was flipping a shit.
“How’d you lose your baby?” Blaze asked. His eyes were slightly softer. I could tell he understood the impact of that loss.
“I was pushed down a flight of stairs.”
“By?”
“None of your business.”
“You’re with my fiancé 24/7. Your shit is the first thing she’s ever kept from me, this room that is. She obviously wouldn’t tell me your life story, which is fair. Rex adores the ground you walk on. I won’t see the people I care about getting hurt.”
“I wouldn’t hurt them,” I said softly. “They are good to me.”
“Maybe not on purpose.”
“I was a hooker. You happy? I ran away from my psycho dad and was naive. I got myself into trouble with this Russian guy. I couldn’t escape. That was until I found out I was pregnant. I got out for my baby, and when they found me they pushed me down a flight of stairs for running away. They think I’m dead. I framed it that way. Now, if you will excuse me.”
I slammed the door open and walked right out of the apartment. I didn’t stop when I heard the door open again after me. I expected Rex and was prepared for him. I was not expecting the voice that stopped me.
“Alex!” Mia’s soft voice ran through the stairwell. The demanding tone of her voice forced me to turn around.
“I have to go Mia. Thank you for the get together.”
Mia ignored me and walk toward me with purpose.
“Blaze has a past too. I’m sorry Alex. I didn’t think he’d get himself all worked up. He usually doesn’t. I… please don’t go. Give him a chance.”
“Mia….”
“You want him to give you a chance, right? How can he do that if you don’t give him one? He has walls too. His just have to do with protecting me. Not that I need protection, but, you know, he’s stubborn. I love both of you. Please be patient with him. I’m begging you.”
I sighed and looked up at the ceiling then back at her. “Okay Mia. I mean of course. It’s the least I can do.”
She squeezed my hand and pulled me back inside. Blaze was on the couch, looking very much like a child who just got his hand slapped. I saw the rare hard look cross Mia’s face and I knew harass Mia was about to come out.
“Now. I think we’ve had enough introductions for the day. Blaze, you and I are going to grab a late lunch. Rex, Alex, you two do whatever you want. When we get back we will all watch a movie and then Rex, you can take Alex home. That’s the plan.”
She left no room for argument or discussion. That was the plan. Mia s
tomped over to the doorway, tapping her foot as she waited for Blaze. He was clearly in deep shit and he knew it. When he passed me he sighed and turned around? I stiffened, but immediately relaxed when he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“I’m really not an ass Alex. I’m sorry about your situation. I look forward to getting to know you.”
I gave him a stiff nod. I wasn’t really mad at him anymore. The look in his eyes was genuine. He felt bad, and people had judged me for less. I saw him take Mia’s hand and kiss her cheek. He mouthed some words in her ear and she visibly softened and smiled at him. They were so in love I couldn’t help but be affected by it. The look they gave each other was like no one else existed in that moment. He held the door open for her and Mia said her goodbyes. Once the door clicked shut and they were gone, Rex came out from wherever he was.
“They gone?” Rex called.
“Yeah. Where were you?”
He ignored me and took a seat on the couch, patting the spot next to him.
“I want to show you something.” I noticed he had a laptop sitting next to him. Curious, I took the seat he was offering.
“Do you have a resume?”
“Huh?”
“A resume. Has anyone ever shown you how to make a resume or optimize your LinkedIn profile or anything like that.”
“What are you saying?” I clenched my fists. The anger was a mask for how completely embarrassed I felt. If there was an emotion I hated more than any other, it was embarrassment.
“Alex,” Rex said calmly. “I’m not saying anything. Listen to me for a second. Okay sweetie? Don’t get defensive, don’t be embarrassed. Think of what I am offering here. Mia and I had parents show us how to navigate the business world. I figured you probably had no help. Even if music is the path you want to stay on, having a good resume and a good internet presence will help you immensely. If you later decide you want to branch out from music and make a have a larger income this will help you as well. It’s up to you what you want to do with this knowledge, but this will give you a chance to really get on your feet. You won’t have to rely on anyone for money if you know how to navigate this stuff.”
“You’d teach me this?” I side eyed him, feeling skeptical. “Judgement free.”