by Lexi Blake
A brow rose over his eyes. “Is that what you’re worried about? That I’ve been sleeping around?”
“I don’t care.”
“I haven’t had sex with anyone but my own trusty hand since the last time I saw you.” He carefully enunciated each word, as though he wanted to make her believe them.
“Bullshit.”
“No. I didn’t want anyone except you. You. And honestly, the sex I had between our divorce and that night in Paris was more about trying to push you away than it was finding pleasure or happiness. I kept every relationship physical, and there weren’t all that many. Three women. One of them was a one-night stand. The other two were friends with benefits that ended when they found a man they could build a future with. My future was always with you. But it is plain to me you’re not ready to talk about this. So what will work?”
“Nothing.” She was reeling. He wasn’t one to lie to her. He almost always gave her the truth, even when it hurt like hell. “Nothing is going to work. You’re right. I can’t help but want you, but it’s habit. It’s a longing for something we never really had. An illusion.”
“Our son is not an illusion,” Beck said softly. “His life is at stake, too. Do you believe he’ll be safer in Malta?”
She hesitated because she didn’t like the honest answer to that question. “I don’t want to come with you.”
“Ah, so you need me to be the bad guy.” He chuckled, but it wasn’t an amused sound. “Somewhere in Texas Levi Green is playing out this whole scene in his head because it’s exactly what he wants. To break us up and make you vulnerable. He’s counting on me not being willing to force your hand. He thinks by giving you options you’ll choose the wrong one and we’ll fight. It’s what we always do. All right, then. I’ll give him a fight.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. “Or you could leave him alone and hope this is all over.”
He was right back to predatory. His eyes narrowed, but in a way that made her heart rate tick up.
Had he really not had sex for seven years? Somehow when she’d thought about him, she’d seen him with other women, known that he wouldn’t be alone for long. How hungry would he be now?
He was probably starving. Just like her.
“That’s where he’ll trip us up,” he said. “He’ll let us think he’s done playing, and we’ll split up because that’s what we do. Because I’ll get angry and you won’t take another minute of it. Throw in a kid and he’ll think I’ll lose my damn mind. He didn’t get a look at Roman. Even if he did, Roman looks younger than he is. He could definitely be five, and that means there’s a real chance Levi doesn’t think he’s mine. He knows how jealous I can be. He’s counting on your fear and pride and my anger issues. When he’s certain you’re all alone in the world, he’ll swoop in and he’ll take you and do everything he promised.”
“He’s getting married.”
“And he’s still obsessed with you.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I know what it means to be in love with you. Wildly, crazily in love with you. And I’ve hurt you just like he has. The difference is I’ve changed and he hasn’t. I’m not going to leave you alone even if that means making you hate me more than you already do.” He was getting in her space again, and she couldn’t move.
Not out of fear but because her body was at war with her mind. She was already thinking about the fact that he was right here, and it wouldn’t hurt to let him kiss her, to touch her. Perhaps if she slept with him a couple of times, she could finally move on. She would see that sex wasn’t as good as she remembered. It was all a trick. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to make a deal with you. If you come to Dallas with me, stay with me for a year, then I’ll walk away. Not from Roman. I won’t leave him, but I won’t ever bother you again. I won’t fight you if you want to live in Europe. I’ll follow your lead on everything when it comes to Roman. I’ll pay for all your security.”
“And if I don’t?” She already knew what she was going to do. Beck was giving her an out, and she was going to take it.
“Then I’ll go to Malta, find a place close to you, and talk to a lawyer about what my rights are.”
Bastard. “That’s not fair.”
“None of this is fair. I lost six years with him. I lost the chance to take care of you while you were pregnant. I will take this chance because I think if you spend a year with me you won’t be able to leave. For one year you’ll live in my house. I’ll give you a separate room because I don’t want to confuse Roman. You’ll have your own room, but for a few hours every night after Roman goes to sleep, you’ll be my sub. Every Friday night we’ll go to Sanctum and you’ll be mine for the evening.”
Her whole body lit up at the thought. “We can’t do that.”
“Why? We’ll be discreet. He doesn’t have to know anything but that his parents are friends and will do what’s best for him. Being able to stay with me, to get to know my world, will be good for him. I promise you that. He’ll be surrounded by the best bodyguards, by men and women who Levi will think twice about messing with. All you have to do is give me a year.”
She wouldn’t last a year. Hell, she wouldn’t last six months without being right back to where she was before.
Or he really changed and you might have another shot. You might be able to form a family with this man, one Roman could count on.
She shoved the idea away. It was too dangerous to consider. But she couldn’t put Roman through a custody battle. “Six weeks.”
“Six months,” he countered.
“Three.” She breathed the offer because he was so close, she could feel the heat of his body against hers.
“Three it is. And I know exactly how we should seal this pact.”
Her body went liquid as he kissed her for the first time in years. Her hands went to his waist, and any thought of protest fled in the instant his lips met hers.
This. This was what she’d missed. Passion. Need. The pure fire of wanting him. This man was the only one who could make her lose her head, make her put love over logic.
No. Not the only one. They had a son now, and Roman would need his dad. Was it so wrong to indulge in this emotion? She would leave at the end. She would.
But for now, Beck had given her the gift of denial. For a little while longer.
Beck’s hand cupped her breast, and she could feel his erection against her stomach. “How long has it been for you?”
“Long?”
“Since you had an orgasm,” he prompted.
He wasn’t asking her if she’d taken a lover, but she answered him anyway. “Same as you.”
His hand moved lower. “I hate that. I hate that you haven’t had that comfort. I’m going to spend three months making up for it. I promise you.”
He twisted her around and she found herself with her back to his front, that marvelous cock of his rubbing against her ass. It was going too fast, but she couldn’t stop it. She didn’t even want to. He held her in place and there was such comfort in his strength. She could stop him if she wanted to. Hell, she wasn’t even sure he would go through with the threat. Deep inside she knew he was doing this so she wouldn’t have to agonize over the choice. She sank into that feeling. For years she’d had to be strong. Even though she’d had help, she’d been on her own, been responsible for a whole human being all by herself.
She let her head fall back against his chest and decided to worry about everything else later. She’d promised to be his submissive for three months, and that meant letting him take control and give her the pleasure she couldn’t take for herself.
She wanted it. There had been a part of her that feared her sexuality had fled in the last few years, but that need roared back now as one of Beck’s big hands slid down her body and under the waist of her slacks.
“I think you’ve had a rough couple of days, baby. It’s my job to make sure you’re relaxed,” he whispered in her ear, his tongue lick
ing the shell. “You’re not going to fight me.”
“We made a deal.” And she was already regretting the fact that she’d got him down to three months. It was perverse, but he’d always had this effect on her.
“That’s right. I get you all to myself after we put our son to bed.” His fingers slipped under the waistband of her undies and closer and closer to her clitoris. “And I can’t wait to get you in Sanctum.”
She didn’t care as long as he would keep doing what he was doing. His fingers started to rub circles around her clitoris, giving her just the right amount of pressure. “I haven’t been in a club with people in it. I might not like it.”
She groaned as he started building the tension, sparking waves that she knew would quickly build.
“You’ll like it. You’ll love it. There’s no shame there. We’ll fuck hard while other couples watch us and get hot at the sight. They’ll all look at you and know how gorgeous my sub is. Tell me you don’t get hot at the thought.”
She couldn’t. She couldn’t find the will to breathe, much less speak, because he pressed a finger into her pussy while his thumb stroked her clitoris and the pleasure rushed over her, reminding her of everything she’d missed in the last few years. Her head buzzed with the sweet sensation of her body going over that edge. Beck held her tight as she rode the high of her first man-given orgasm in years.
“That’s a preview of what I intend to do to you for the next three months,” he promised. “Now take care of me. I swear, Kim, all you’ll have to do is touch my cock and I’ll come in your hand. I’m so close.”
A thrill went through her because he didn’t sound like a Dom who’d gotten what he wanted. He sounded like a man who was desperate to feel a woman’s touch. Her touch. Only hers.
She still had some power.
There was a knock on the door, and she practically leapt out of his arms.
“Beck, I need to talk to you.” Ezra’s voice came through the thin door, and she worried she hadn’t been as quiet as she’d tried to be.
Beck cursed under his breath. “I’m leaving him here. He can swim back to Malta.”
She hadn’t even thought about the fact that they would be leaving Ezra behind.
“Uhm, the guy on that tape, the one you call Levi Green,” Ezra was saying. He stopped as though he wasn’t sure how to phrase what he needed to say. “He was our contact. For our unit. You know the one I was in before I was a priest.”
She looked to Beck, whose eyes had gone wide. He jerked the door open and confronted his brother.
“Are you telling me the same guy who was investigating you sent you on the fucking assignments?” Beck asked.
Ezra nodded. “I didn’t know his name. He was our Agency contact.”
“Damn it.” Beck sighed. “Get ready, then. We’re all going back to Dallas.”
It looked like she had a new home.
For a few months.
Chapter Twelve
Two days later, Kim thanked the bodyguard who’d come to pick her and Roman up at Beck’s house. Jamal Lewis was a massive man who looked like he should be playing linebacker instead of escorting a mom and her kid, but he’d proven himself to be a gentle giant with Roman. He’d joked around and made Roman comfortable as he’d driven through the streets of Dallas. He’d been a soothing presence with his deep baritone voice. He’d talked about his dog and how much fun the kids seemed to have at the office’s daycare.
But she’d missed Beck. It was odd because they hadn’t spent much time together. Between the jet lag and Roman’s nightmares the night before, she hadn’t played Beck’s sub yet. She hadn’t even managed to explore the house and yard. Still, she’d woken up to Beck kissing her forehead and telling her he had to go into work, but he had a bodyguard picking them up. He’d left all the instructions on how to set the alarm. She’d cuddled down with her son and gotten an extra hour and a half of sleep.
Beck was different and the same. He was more thoughtful, and yet that passion they’d had still sparked.
She wasn’t sure what she was doing.
“Solo, welcome to McKay-Taggart.” A tall, gorgeous woman with strawberry blonde hair walked in. Charlotte Taggart held out a hand. “Or do you prefer Kim?”
She kind of liked Solo when she was working. It reminded her to put up her guard. “Solo is fine.” She also liked the fact that only her family and Ariel called her Kim. Beck and Ezra and her uncle used that name. Even Levi called her Solo. “I haven’t come up against another chick named Solo, if you know what I mean.”
“I do,” Charlotte said with a smile. According to what she’d learned only Ian Taggart called her Charlie, and she liked it that way. Kim got the feeling Charlotte understood the need to compartmentalize. Charlotte turned to Jamal. “Any problems?”
Jamal shook his head. “Not at all. I made sure the house was secure before I left. I’ll check in later in case Beck needs to stay late.” He turned to her son. “Roman, it was good to meet you. I think you’ll have a blast in the club. I’ll see you later, little man.”
He gave her son a high five and her a nod and strode away.
“He was definitely military.” Kim had been sizing the man up. “I would bet he was Special Forces. Not ex-intelligence. He’s too open for that.”
“You are correct,” Charlotte replied. “He was a Green Beret. Ian will try to tell you they could have worked together, but only if Jamal had joined up at the age of four. Just go with it. My husband’s having some trouble with moving into his fifties. So I’m going to start your tour as soon as our other friend gets here. There he is.”
Ezra walked into the foyer. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and looked more casual than she’d seen him in years. He immediately dropped to one knee and held out his arms. “Roman, I’ve missed your face.”
Roman ran and threw himself at his uncle. “I missed you, too. I miss Uncle Francis.”
She’d uprooted her baby from everything he’d known.
“Don’t.” Charlotte stood beside her, her voice going low as Roman started to tell his uncle everything that had happened in the days they’d been separated.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t feel guilty about something you couldn’t have controlled,” Charlotte said. “I know that look. I’ve seen it on my own face. Kids are resilient. Love them, give them something to hold onto, and they come out of even the worst situations well. I should know. I survived my father because I had my sister. This is a tiny bump in the road for your son.”
God, she hoped so. “He likes his dad. Beck’s been good to him. Good to us.”
She hadn’t been as good. She’d used Roman as a shield because after that first intimate encounter with Beck, she’d withdrawn. It had been too overwhelming, and they hadn’t even gotten out of their clothes. She’d used jet lag and then Roman needing her to not put herself in that position again.
But tonight she had a decision to make. She’d promised Beck that she would be his sub for a few hours every night, and she couldn’t keep coming up with excuses. The trouble was she knew Beck wouldn’t hold her to the deal. He would protect her and their son and keep his distance if she asked him to.
She didn’t want to ask him to.
“I feel bad that he wasn’t able to finish his school year. He had another couple of weeks,” she replied, still watching her son. “School goes through June in Malta.”
“My girls would go crazy.” Charlotte nodded to a woman who walked through the door after putting her keycard in and then using a thumb scanner. The security seemed very high tech. “They head for a camp for a few weeks in a couple of days, but until then they are terrorizing the office. I mean putting in some work here. They don’t understand why they can’t stay home by themselves. The twins are thirteen and Tasha is fourteen. Honestly, I would let Tash stay. She’s never started a fire or decided to practice her knife throwing skills with my kitchen knives. But Tasha wants to come to work with me. I never got the chance to say
thank you for finding her for us. Seriously, she’s a light in our lives.”
“The last seven years, I’ve done a lot of reflection on my prior career. I did a lot of things I wasn’t particularly proud of. I’m glad I did one thing right.”
“See, there’s that guilt. I know it well.” Charlotte straightened up. “Let’s take a tour. I’ll show you around the office and the daycare. We’ve expanded it in the last couple of years and share it with our downstairs neighbors.”
“With MDWM?” Miles-Dean, Weston, and Murdoch had been a start-up when she’d gone into hiding. Now it was a powerhouse of an investigative agency, and she knew the government would love to get its hands on some of Adam Miles and Chelsea Weston’s software.
Charlotte started to walk through the hall on the right side of the foyer, past the receptionist desk where a young woman sat. Her name plate read Yasmin Tahan, and she gave Charlotte a wave even as she spoke into her headset. She winked up at Roman, who was now on his uncle’s back, wrapped around him like they used to walk through the streets of Malta.
She followed Charlotte as she pointed out the amenities of the office. There was a lovely breakroom and several smaller conference rooms. There was a whole second floor that included the offices for the bodyguard unit and the men and women who provided home security plans and maintenance. The kids’ club was huge and sported lots of kids playing in the various spaces. She’d seen Roman’s eyes widen at the sight of all the books and toys.
The Taggarts had done well for themselves. She found herself walking by what Charlotte called the main conference room. It had glass walls, and she could see Beck sitting there with Ian, Alex McKay, and Liam O’Donnell. She didn’t let herself stare at him, but she noticed that Roman waved at his dad.
“This is lovely, Charlotte,” Ezra said. “It’s a nice place to work. And I thank you for my room at the club. It’s got everything I could need. And I deeply appreciate the bible. I had to leave mine behind.”
Charlotte gave him a warm smile. “If you need anything else, Father, please don’t hesitate to ask. I wish I could send you to church. I truly do, but it’s dangerous right now.”