by Sierra Riley
Before Russ could ask anything else, the officiant spoke. “By the power vested in me by the state of Missouri, I now pronounce you legally wed.”
The words brought Russ back to the present, and he watched with a smile as Ray and James kissed. Jake was right. They were good together. It was easy to see even from here just how much love they had for each other.
He laughed when the kiss went beyond what was proper, until Ray pulled back and playfully swatted his new husband on the chest. The man met his gaze and gave Russ a radiant smile as if to say “your turn.”
He and Jake rose and walked toward the front, just as Ray and James had done earlier. They switched places, with the newlyweds taking a seat while Jake stood by his side.
An odd little thrill passed through him, half nervous energy, half excitement. His heart thudded in his chest, and when he turned to face Jake, he wanted to laugh in that nervous way he always did whenever something important was happening.
Jake reached out, offering him a shy smile. It took him a moment to realize what he wanted, and Russ joined their hands. His friend’s palms were oddly soft and smooth, not callused like Russ’s. They also fit well in his, something he’d never really noticed until now.
The judge started talking, and Russ followed along as best he could. He could barely hear anything over the sound of his own heartbeat, and he swore he could hear Jake’s, too. Out of all the crazy stunts they’d pulled throughout their time together, this was definitely the craziest.
But this thrill was different than stealing the mascot from a competing university. It was a thrill he really couldn’t explain. Something that bound him to Jake just by virtue of their shared experience.
“Do you have vows prepared, or would you like me to provide them?”
“We’re terrible with that sort of thing,” Jake said, covering for them both before Russ had the chance to feel guilty again.
Russ gave him a grateful smile, and the judge started reciting the standard lines, eventually reaching the vows.
“Jacob Anthony Larson, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, forsaking all others, ’till death do you part?”
Those words on their own had never meant much to him, but he realized now how much they applied to him and Jake. Jake had been there for him through all of those things. And he liked to think he’d been there for Jake, too, though he knew he was running on a huge deficit now.
“I do,” Jake said, and there was a note to his friend’s voice that Russ just couldn’t place.
“Russell David Callaghan, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, forsaking all others, ’till death do you part?”
Russ held his breath. His heart thumped loudly in his chest again.
“I do,” he said, far more easily than he would have expected.
“Do you have the rings?”
Russ looked toward Jake, who withdrew one of his hands to reach into his pocket.
“I have them.”
He produced two simple gold bands that definitely didn’t look new. It took Russ only a moment to realize where they were from, and his chest tightened. These were the bands that had belonged to Jake’s parents. Bands Jake had fought tooth and nail to get back.
“Are you sure?” He found himself asking.
Jake nodded, handing him one of the rings. It felt heavy in his palm, the weight pressing down on him in more ways than one.
“I’m sure.”
“Then Jacob, if you’ll repeat after me:”
The words trailed off in Russ’s mind, jumbling into a haze. This was a big deal. That importance he’d felt earlier wasn’t just in his head. Jake using these rings was huge.
But Russ didn’t know how to ask exactly what it meant. This wasn’t a real wedding, but maybe Jake saw it as a commitment nonetheless. He was pretty serious when it came to loyalty.
Before he could question it further, he felt a ring being slipped on his finger. It didn’t quite fit, and Russ let out a soft breath. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed, or relieved. As he slipped the other ring on Jake’s finger, finding it a little too tight, he still hadn’t decided.
“By the power vested in me, by the state of Missouri, I now pronounce you legally wed.”
A whoop sounded from the crowd. A crowd that only consisted of two people: Ray and James. But Ray was loud enough for an entire courtroom full of people, and both men were on their feet.
“Don’t be stingy now,” James said, and Russ realized what they were waiting for.
He was standing at the front of the courtroom, a wedding band on his hand, newly married. There was only one thing left to make it official.
He and Jake had to share a kiss as newlyweds.
He’d imagined what it might be like to kiss Jake before. He hadn’t thought about it in years, but it surfaced in his mind now. His mouth suddenly felt dry, his palms sweaty. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest.
Back in college, his imaginings had been just that. He’d never gotten up the courage to do it. Partly because he thought it would be a dick move to ask his gay best friend to tolerate his exploration, and partly because he’d been with Carrie by that point.
But now, he was faced with the sudden reality of Jake leaning in toward him. His friend’s eyes were cautious, but that familiar pale blue helped to calm Russ’s nerves.
It was Jake. They were going to laugh about this later, and it would be one of those crazy stories they could tell once everything went back to normal.
Jake was just a little taller than him, and he took the lead. Russ didn’t want to make a complete ass of himself, so he stayed where he was and let Jake angle his head just so.
He felt the tickle of Jake’s whiskers before he felt anything else. It was a strange sensation, but one that was quickly swallowed up by the feeling of Jake’s lips on his.
They were softer than he expected. They always looked soft, but Russ assumed kissing another man would feel a bit harder than that. Something inside of him twinged. He didn’t know why he did it. They could have passed just as they were. But he kissed back.
It still only lasted a few moments before Jake drew back, but those few moments left Russ’s lips tingling, his body flushed with an immediate warmth, and his mind reeling, awash in a sea of raw emotion mixed with a sudden hint of passion.
He had the answer he’d never sought in college: He was definitely attracted to Jake.
How ironic that he’d gotten that answer at the worst possible time: Right after marrying him.
12
Jake
Hours later, Jake still hadn’t gotten over that kiss.
He’d expected it to be a quick peck. He’d tried to keep it that way because he knew if he’d allowed much more than that, he would have given himself away.
But Russ had kissed him back.
Why the fuck had Russ kissed him back?
He’d tried to rationalize it the whole way back to the office, after beating a hasty retreat from the courthouse. He must have come across as an asshole to Ray and James who invited them out for a double date sometime, but he was too afraid of what he might say or do.
That kiss…
It wasn’t the magical fairytale kiss he might have conjured in his fantasies. Fireworks didn’t go off. Birds didn’t sing. Angels didn’t descend from on high.
But it wasn’t far off.
The moment his lips had touched Russ’s, he’d felt that spark. The same one he’d been feeling for almost twenty years, whenever they touched. Or whenever Russ laughed or smiled at him in a certain way. It was the spark that loudly proclaimed “you’re fucked, bro.”
And then Russ had kissed him back, and that feeling had been magnified tenfold.
Russ had tasted exactly the way he thought he might. Rough and masculine but also a little sweet. His beard was grown out
enough that it was just a soft scratch against his face, a sensation that still left tingles even now. And probably without even meaning to, Russ had taken charge. Pressing firmly against Jake’s lips, with Jake yielding so easily beneath him.
He’d broken it off before his body had started to respond; before he’d let out the soft moan that had threatened to escape him.
It was ridiculous. One taste was enough to get Jake completely drunk and yearning for more.
Now he was at Russ’s house, two pizza boxes cradled in one arm, trying to act like nothing had happened. It was just another night hanging out with his friend.
It wasn’t like they’d gotten married or anything.
As he reached for the door, the feel of metal against his chest taunted him. He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have done any of this, but he definitely shouldn’t have strung the band Russ had slipped onto his finger onto a chain to rest close to his heart.
He just hated the idea of stowing it away in a drawer, never to be seen again. Not when it meant so much to him.
Even if he knew Russ had probably done just that.
God, he was a mess. He stood on the porch, taking a moment to collect himself. Mrs. Robertson was out walking her dog, and he waved, offering a shaky smile. When he turned back to the door, though, he found it already open.
“Hey Uncle Jake.”
Ryan smiled up at him, reaching out to take one of the boxes. He looked a lot happier than the last time Jake had seen him.
It was a reminder, and definitely an effective one. He was doing all of this for Ryan. Maybe he had a few selfish little fantasies he needed to deal with, but a wave of relief washed over him as he realized Ryan was taken care of now.
“Trying out my new gig as a pizza delivery guy. What do you think?”
Ryan looked him up and down with perfect scrutiny. “You’re not wearing the uniform. You need a hat.”
“Hmm, you’re right.”
Russ came up behind his son, resting a hand atop his head. Jake’s heart skipped a beat. It took a huge effort to tamp down the ridiculous smile that wanted to make its way onto his face.
“What’s this about hats? There some sort of dress code I wasn’t told about?”
“Uncle Jake needs a hat to be a delivery driver.” And then he left, heading toward the stairs with purpose.
Jake suspected he was going to be in possession of a hat very soon.
“Hey, thanks for coming by,” Russ said, reaching out to touch his arm and guiding him into the foyer.
Was it just Jake’s imagination, or was there a bit of hesitation—maybe even shyness—in the way Russ looked at him? He must be delirious. Russ wouldn’t have taken what happened at the courthouse seriously. He’d probably stopped thinking about it right after it happened.
After all, it wasn’t like he was stuck in a constant state of pining the way Jake was.
“No problem at all. I figured I could at least feed you before I make you fill out a bunch of paperwork.”
He’d left all the insurance forms in the car, planning to grab them after Ryan went to bed. No need to make their little lie any more difficult than it had to be.
“Good thing. I was about to cook everybody a box of mac ’n’ cheese if you didn’t.”
“I can just dump this pizza out in the street, then. You know I love boxed mac ’n’ cheese,” he said with a grin.
Whatever Russ was nervous about, that seemed to relax him. “Yeah, I remember. I think it was all you ate for a whole year.”
“That and Cap’n Crunch.” He patted his flat stomach. “The freshman fifteen was more like the freshman twenty for me.”
Russ rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. You’ve always looked great.”
Time practically stopped as Russ reached out, touching a hand to his stomach. Jake froze, trying not to just blatantly stare at him. Russ removed his hand after just a moment, but the words lingered. Had he heard that right? You’ve always looked great. He meant it as a friend, though. He had to. Because the only other option was that Russ had noticed how he looked all those years ago. And the entire time since.
“I mean, for a dorky college guy,” he supplied, and Jake laughed a little more than was actually suitable for the joke.
God, he really was a mess. Tangled up in knots, hanging on Russ’s every word, and hearing whatever he wanted to hear. Before he put his foot in his mouth or did something else he’d regret, Jake moved into the kitchen. This time, the table wasn’t filled with paperwork and a calculator, but rather a few pieces of mail. Russ moved them, and Jake put the pizzas down.
They worked together to grab plates and cups—paper and plastic, respectively—and had the table more or less set when Ryan came back downstairs.
Predictably, he had a Cardinals cap in his hand.
“Here, you can wear this one,” he said.
Jake took it with a smile, adjusting the band on the back. He fit it on his head, and it was still a little tight. “How do I look?”
“Like a dorky college guy,” Russ said, followed by the hiss of a two-liter.
“What about now?” He turned the cap sideways, and Ryan laughed.
“Nobody wears it like that anymore.”
“Good. Maybe I can start up the trend again.”
“Be sure to swing by an audition for New Kids on the Block while you’re at it.” Russ poured him some of the soda, and Jake met his gaze with a grin.
The awkwardness that existed earlier was gone, thank God. Mostly because of Ryan. It wasn’t surprising, considering how cool a kid he was. Always easy to talk to. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Ryan in a bad mood, aside from the obvious grief he’d felt over his mother’s passing. Even then, he’d been the optimist of the family. The ray of light shining through the darkest clouds.
It was good to see that, even now. And it immediately struck him with guilt. Ryan wasn’t the average ten-year-old. He’d been through so much. He could probably handle hearing that his father was “legally” married to his best friend.
But the moment he thought of Ryan looking at him with betrayal in his eyes, he zipped up that idea quick.
“What kind did you get?”
“Anchovies. Lots of anchovies,” Russ said.
Ryan made a face, and Jake came back to the present. No sense worrying about things that didn’t matter. They both loved Ryan more than anything. They would make sure he was protected, no matter the cost.
The three of them had spent about two hours together. After pizza, they’d watched a movie. One of those kids’ sports flicks about the outcast who leads his terrible team to victory. There was popcorn throwing at one point. Tickling, too. Ryan had gone on a binge of telling terrible jokes that he must have gotten out of some joke book. Or maybe from Russ.
And Jake had just marveled at how normal everything seemed.
He’d always felt out of place in this house. The third wheel when it was just Russ and Carrie, and something even further removed when Ryan came along. He knew his friends loved having him here, and that Ryan did, too, but there was always something that reminded him he shouldn’t be here.
It was still present now, but the cool press of that ring against his chest made him think things he shouldn’t. He wasn’t delusional enough to believe that because he and Russ were “married” now, he had any right to intrude on his friend’s family.
But it would make sense if he was around more. He could help take care of Ryan, and even take care of Russ since he knew his friend always put everyone else first. It was one of the things Jake both loved and hated about him. They’d need to work out all the insurance details anyway, and if—God forbid—anyone ever questioned the validity of their union, it would look better if Jake was around.
And yet even as he justified it to himself, a part of him wondered if he wasn’t just being selfish.
After Ryan went to bed, he and Russ sat at the kitchen table talking about insurance claims.
“You’re sure this will
go into effect before his surgery?”
Jake nodded, flipping a page in the packet he was reading. “Yeah. The policy change will be active starting the first of the month.”
“And they’re not going to consider this a pre-existing condition or some bullshit like that?”
“They can’t. Not legally. If they do, I’ll fight them on it.”
He was the picture of health. He’d paid far, far more into insurance than insurance had ever covered for him. If they put up a fight about this, he would win. But thankfully he didn’t expect it would be that much of an issue. At worst, they’d get tangled up in a back-and-forth after the surgery date. By that point, Ryan would already have had the treatment he needed.
Russ seemed satisfied with that, and filled out a form. Out of nowhere, he laughed, and Jake looked up at him. He was poised above the “Last Name” column.
“We weren’t supposed to change our names or anything, were we?”
It took him a moment to realize what Russ meant, then he laughed, too. “Look at you going all Neanderthal. There are modern couples who don’t do that, you know.”
Russ snorted in that endearing way he knew his friend hated. It may not have won him any popularity contests, but it was cute as hell.
“Whatever, man. We’ve already fucked this up. I should have carried you over the threshold.”
“I’d like to see you try!” Even as he taunted, a thrill ran up his spine.
Yes, please.
“You don’t think I could do it? I’ve lifted cabinets that weigh twice as much as you.”
“Yeah, but you’ve never carried those over the threshold,” he said with a grin.
Russ laughed. “Not true. Though mostly I just shove them through the door. Not a whole lot of carrying going on.”
“Duly noted.”
Russ was quiet for a moment, though there was a smile on his face. It stuck this time, and Jake felt a wash of warmth come over him. He wasn’t responsible for it. Not really. But it was nice being witness to it. They hadn’t been able to just joke around like this in a very long time.
“So is this how you imagined your wedding night going?”