by Claire, Ava
Oh no…“Yeah.”
“Because I told her I still had feelings for you.” He stepped to the side, his voice tight as the knife sunk deeper. “She wanted to hurt me.”
****
Alicia’s eyes narrowed to obsidian slits. “Say that one more time. Slower.”
I stopped pacing for a moment, drawing a shaky breath. “From the beginning?”
She folded her legs and assumed the ‘om’ position like she was in yoga class instead of rehashing my plan to save Chance’s job. “I got the whole Chance being reported thing.” She paused. “And thanks for not trying to pin that on me.”
I glanced away, remembering how I hadn’t been 100 percent sure she didn’t have something to do it. Luckily she was too busy trying to piece things together to notice my highly guilty non-verbal cues.
“And I heard the bit about Blaine assaulting you--”
“Assault’s kinda harsh, Alicia.” I blushed, feeling a bizarre need to protect Blaine’s virtue. Or something. “He just kissed me and when I made it clear it wasn’t okay, he stopped.”
“Right,” she said, waving a hand dismissively. “My confusion is about the whole you inviting Sophia Glendale to my house.”
Right. That.
“I don’t want to confront her about Chance alone,” I explained slowly. “And if she pulls out the crazy, I’d rather she not know where I live.”
“Cass!” Alicia hissed. “What the hell have you gotten me into?!”
“I’m sorry I’m springing this on you, but I really need you to back me up on this,” I pleaded. “I know you could care less if Chance up and died, but I’m asking you to do this for me.”
She swept her hair into a ponytail, giving me her best exasperated scoff. “I don’t wish him dead because that would make me crazy as the chick you invited to my house.” She tugged a rubber band around the flaxen bundle. “So what is your plan once she gets here?”
It was a good question…and a pressing one since according to Sophia’s Facebook reply, she’d arrive any minute now.
I’d been running on anger and adrenaline since I left Blaine’s, pulling to the side of the road to plunk out a message to her and waiting, white knuckled until she answered. But now that that I had time to breathe and digest the fact she was coming over, I had no idea what to say to her. I knew that Blaine had been honest about the source of information, but she could still deny it with the same self-satisfied grin she had on her face when she thought she’d one upped me. What would I do then? Demand a lie detector test? Beat it out of her? What was the point of all of this, trying to get her to retract her statement, if she wouldn’t even own up to any of it?
“I figured we’d just sit down with her and…talk?”
Alicia peered at me. “Are you asking me?”
“It was a statement,” I said unconvincingly. “We should ease our way into it…right?”
“Ease our way into accusing her of trying to ruin your boyfriend’s career because she’s psycho?” Alicia shook her head. “You really haven’t thought this out, huh?”
I trudged to her window seat and plopped down. Suddenly scaling the wall and making a clean getaway was preferable to what I was sure would be a highly unpleasant confrontation.
Alicia scooted to the edge of her bed, making figure 8’s in her pink woven rug. “Alright, we can do this.” She made a clicking sound with her tongue, her equivalent to drumming her fingers on a surface or stroking her chin as she plotted something out. Usually, the sound drove me insane, but if she was trying to figure out a way to help Chance, she could swing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ at the top of her lungs if it gave her clarity. The sound stopped and I raised my chin, hoping inspiration came to her, but her eyes were still locked on the corner, lost in thought.
“I think you were right about needing to ease her into it,” she said finally. She pushed off her bed and slid into a pair of Rainbows in front of her desk. “I should probably warm her up, talk about the new pledges or Revenge or something that has absolutely nothing to do with the real reason she’s here.”
“Okay,” I said, rapt. “Sounds good so far.”
“Then I’ll casually transition into romance territory and ask if she’s seeing anyone.”
And she lost me. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Her love life is obviously a touchy subject. She tried to embarrass me at your party and ended up embarrassing herself with Blaine when she told him and he didn’t laugh it off. Or say how he was still in love with her.” Even saying all of that made my head spin.
Alicia turned to me, a conspiratorial gleam in her eye. “I know Sophia. She’ll make a self-deprecating joke and then shift the focus back on me. When I put the spotlight back on her, she’ll make a snide comment about your romantic situation.”
“I don’t want her to make a snide comment about my situation,” I rebutted. “I want her diffused and cooperative.”
“She went out of her way to find out who you were dating, Cass.” She looked at me with sympathy bright in her eyes. We used to binge on Lifetime movies when we were procrastinating and I was the unlucky one of us who was currently starring in one. “She had to have been doing some Nancy Drew type of stuff to put it together. Hell, I’m your best friend and I had no idea he was back in town or that yall were hooking up before you came clean.”
I tugged my cardigan closed, goose bumps running along my exposed skin at the thought of Sophia studying me and following me around. “So she makes a comment about me and Chance and is pissed,” I steered the conversation away from the creepy. “That doesn’t change much since I’m pretty sure she already knows I know something, because why else would I need to talk to her ASAP? What we need to do is convince her to have another talk with the dean.”
“I’m coming to that,” Alicia said, swiping her gloss from the dresser. “So she’s getting all defensive and that’s when you swoop in and appeal to her inner romantic.”
“Inner romantic?”
“Whether they want to admit or not, every woman wants to believe in happily ever after. You tell her about how you and Chance met, why you broke up and reconciled and it’ll be like a freaking romcom without having to pay admission!”
“I don’t know,” I said hesitantly. “She’ll probably have a reason to bring him down when she finds out he cheated. I’m trying to make him redeemable, Alicia!”
“If you could make me dislike him a little less, I think you can get her to reconsider.” Alicia propped a hand on her hip. “And that’s my plan of attack. What’s yours?”
I glared at her, even though I knew she had a point. And a plan. Mine pretty much ended after saying ‘Hello’. To further tip the scales, the doorbell resonated through the house. I had no other choice but to try it her way.
I stood up, wiping my shaky hands on the front of my jeans, hoping that a few deep breaths would rid me of the nausea tap dancing in my gut. It didn’t. And when I saw my reflection, my nervousness tripled. I looked like I was marching to my execution.
Alicia did a double take as well, launching her body in front of the door. “You are not going to go down there like that or we can just throw in the towel now.” She led me back to the vanity and pulled out a drawer, wielding blush and a bit of gloss.
“But she’s outside--”
“Bitch can wait.”
Alicia didn’t take no for an answer, raking blush on my cheeks. Her blue eyes narrowed in concentration as she masked my nerves. When I looked at myself again, I could barely tell that I was frayed around the edges.
The bell sounded a second time and Alicia put her hands on my shoulders, giving me a steeled, determined look.
“You’ve got this,” she said firmly. “Say it.”
“I-I’ve got this,” I repeated, over and over, as I followed her down the stairs, hoping that eventually the words would sink in or at least I’d portray an edge and confidence I didn’t feel. As she pulled open the door, something Chance said came to mind.
Sophia stood on the porch, her sharp features magnified like someone took a sharpie and drew bold strokes around her angular jaw, acorn-shaped eyes and wide, sweetheart mouth. Her jet black hair was pulled back with a silk scarf making her look even fiercer. And annoyed.
She gave Alicia the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. “Alicia! I didn’t know you’d be here.” She gushed like they were long, lost pals. She leaned in for a hug and Alicia was stiff as a plank before she finally gave her a consolation back pat. She didn’t even bother with a smirk for me. “Cassandra.”
I flinched inwardly like my mother had just scolded me. I forced my lips to form a semblance of a smile. “Hi Sophia. Thanks for coming over.”
She stepped into the house, not even waiting for Alicia to invite her in. “Well after that cryptic email, I had to come and see what was going on.”
Alicia shot me a pained look behind her back and I made a mental reminder to tell her how kick ass she was at least twice a day.
Sophia dropped her purse on the coffee table unceremoniously and then eased onto the couch. Her onyx eyes shot between me and Alicia. “I didn’t know this was a group thing.” She gave Alicia another patronizing grin. “Will Mrs. Reynolds be joining us as well?”
“Nope,” Alicia answered sweetly. “Just us girls.”
“Awesome!” she replied, clapping her hands together. “Well, I have to work at seven, so we should probably get on with it.”
I chose a seat to the right of the sofa, close enough that it didn’t look like I was afraid, but out of choking distance. “So, we, I, uh-” Sophia’s gaze was like hot coals burning into me, making me forget how to speak coherently.
Alicia jumped in, gesturing toward the kitchen. “Something to drink?”
“Oh I’m fine thanks,” she answered smoothly, not even blinking or breaking her hold on me. “You were saying, Cass?”
I swallowed hard and stole a look at Alicia. Wasn’t she supposed to be warming her up or at least giving me a few seconds relief from Sophia’s death stare?
Alicia walked over to where I saw and perched on the arm of the oversized chair. “We were just talking about my party when you drove up. You remember my party, right?”
I relaxed as she turned her attention to Alicia. “I remember its premature end.”
“You’ve taken Dr. Winslow’s biochemistry course, Soph. The man just doesn’t want you to do anything but study if you want anything better than a C.”
Sophia was off the scent, laughing as they reminisced and talked about graduation for a few minutes. Alicia regained control over the conversation, turning it back to her dinner party. “So you remember how we were playing truth or dare?”
Sophia nodded. “More or less.”
“And your truth for Cass was about Blaine Connolly.”
Sophia’s eyes cut to me for a second before returning to Alicia. “Yeah…what about it?”
“You’re still stuck on him, huh?” Alicia shook her head sadly. “It’s a shame that you took your jaded heart out on Cass.”
I whipped to face Alicia, my mouth falling open and my heart dropping to my stomach. I thought we were easing her into it!
“Excuse me?” Sophia snapped.
I think you heard me. You were stalking Blaine and since he doesn’t want anything to do with you, you started stalking Cass. I guess you decided that if you couldn’t be happy, no one would be happy.”
Oh my god, I thought feeling lightheaded. This wasn’t happening. Alicia was going rogue.
Sophia was just as shocked, her jaw on the floor as her gaze volleyed back and forth between me and Alicia. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Alicia cocked her head toward me, feigning confusion. “Did I stutter or-?”
“Alicia!” I gasped, wondering if she had completely lost her mind. Or maybe this was her plan the whole time—to pretend she wanted to help me and sabotage me when I least expected it. I turned to Sophia, trying to keep the train from flying off the rails. “Sophia, let me explain--”
But Sophia shot up, her face bright as a tomato. “I’m gonna go.”
“Of course you are,” Alicia cut in haughtily. “The truth is ugly. Just like jealousy.”
I stood up, putting physical distance between me and Alicia, trying to show her that I had nothing to do with the vitriol pouring from Alicia in rivers.
“Screw both of you!” Sophia spun toward the door.
“Sophia-” She was in the foyer, only a few feet from the door. “Sophia, I love him!”
She stopped like she hit a brick wall and I just started talking, babbling, trying to get her to understand.
“I can’t breathe without him, Sophia. Trust me, I’ve tried. He hurt me once. No, hurt isn’t even the right word.” Tears flooded my eyes and my voice. “He devastated me. He ruined me and for a year afterward the very thought of letting someone in was like a knife in my chest. And when I finally did date again, I never let anyone that close again.”
Sophia slowly turned, her face stricken, white as a ghost, but I couldn’t stop until I made her understand.
“And then he came back, teaching one of my classes and I was so angry and all the feelings I’d buried came rushing back. I wanted to hate him, to hurt him. But I couldn’t. Because I loved him. Because I’m in love with him. And it doesn’t make sense—I know that. But he knows me. He’s possessed me and he has since the moment we met. I could fight it and believe that people don’t change, but when I look at him—” My voice cracked and the tears blurring my view streamed down my face. “He’s the love of my life. I exist for him, Sophia. And he exists for me. Please don’t take that away.”
I could have fallen into a heap, physically and emotionally spent. She was still silent and I was sure she’d already decided to burn us to the ground and I just gave her the satisfaction of knowing it affected me. Affected us.
She licked her lips and let out something that sounded like a sob. I peered at her, thinking I must have misheard. I was delirious, my mind turning a sound of victory into one of pain. Of surrender. I glanced over my shoulder and Alicia was right behind me, a similar surprise on her face.
Sophia pursed her lips and glanced at the door before focusing on me, her midnight eyes glossy. I couldn’t believe it. She was about to cry.
“Sophia are you about to-”
She didn’t say a word, turning the door knob and the waning sunshine filled the foyer. She crushed my hope that I’d reached her. I was certain she’d give both of us the finger as she stepped onto the porch, but she paused before the first step.
“I get it, you know,” she said softly. “Loving someone so much that common sense goes out the window.” Sophia gave me the only genuine smile I’d ever seen on her face. “She was right. I was jealous. At least your guy loves you back.” She continued down the steps, her hair flapping like a mahogany cape. “I’ll talk to the Dean.”
I stood in the doorway, numb from the shock. I watched her climb in her station wagon and putter around the circular driveway, disappearing in the line of cars on the dusky road.
Somehow, some way, I got through to her. “Oh my god,” I said hoarsely. “OH MY GOD!” I started doing the victory dance, butt shaking and all. I turned around to hug Alicia but stopped short, my face hardening to stone. “What happened to you in there? I thought we had a plan!”
“You were about to pass out in fear at the thought of facing her,” Alicia explained. “If I told you that the best way to get her to understand was to piss her off and get you to freak out and speak to her without filter or spin, I’m pretty sure you never would have left my bedroom.” She smirked. “I lied to you so you could move her the way you moved me in the library.”
I brought her in for a bone-crushing hug feeling like I could breathe with the weight off of me, squeezing my heart.
I really did have the best friend ever.
****
I took a breath and readied my argument. All day Chance had sent texts more conciliatory than the last, consigned to losing his job and adamant about his choice to come clean about our relationship. I had one small victory—he talked to the dean and successfully moved the meeting to Monday so I still had two days to make my case.
We belonged together. He already made it clear that he wouldn’t dismiss the idea of out of state positions. Where would that leave us? We were still in such a tenuous stage where distance would just complicate things.
He loved teaching. He said himself that nothing compared to the high of being in front of a class. He could have been the wind, living abroad, writing a pretentious book about his travels and the meaning of life, but he gave it up because he missed being a teacher. He was meant to inspire. To push. To challenge.
He just couldn’t go. I wouldn’t let him.
I stood a little taller before knocking, the hollow sound rippling through me. Chance opened the door just wide enough to push out into the hall, and then pulled it closed behind him.
His face was bright and slightly flushed like he’d just hopped off a treadmill, but unless he did laps in a black and white checkered shirt and dark blue jeans that fit him snug as sin, that wasn’t the reason he was acting so strange. My eyes worked their way back up to his face, noticing he’d even taken care of the stubble. Suddenly, I was very aware of the fact that I was wearing an oversized shirt and leggings, underdressed for whatever he had going on in his apartment.
“Before you say anything—” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a ball of fabric, holding it out like a medal as it unraveled. I reached out and touched it. It was soft as silk.
I gave him a wry smile. “A blindfold?”
“That’s right,” he gave me a wolfish grin that made my naughty bits snap to life. “And if you want to go in, you have to wear it.”
I hesitated. “Chance--”
“Scratch that—” He took an end of the blindfold in both hands. “Whether you want to wear it or not, the blindfold goes on.”