by Claire Adams
No matter where I went, I couldn’t find peace. At work, I was forced to look at Aria all day and not be able to approach her. At home, it was the constant whining of two women who somehow seemed to have vowed to make my life difficult. Maybe now was a good time to take a vacation…
There was a knock on my door. I ignored it, hoping that would make it stop, but I had no such luck.
“Open the door, Zay,” my mother finally said. “This is really important.”
“It’s open, just come inside,” I sighed.
She walked in and sat across from my desk.
“Are you feeling alright, sweetheart?” The look of genuine concern on her face took me aback. “You seem to have been very disturbed by something these past few weeks. I know you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and whatever it is that is bothering you, you know you can really talk to your mother.”
“Do I?” I glared at her. “It has never quite seemed like it.”
Her eyes started to moisten but she held back. I had never seen her this way before. The only times I had seen her cry were full-blown episodes where she wailed until she manipulated me into doing whatever she wanted.
“I know you think I am a horrible mother. You always have. Even before your father passed away, and you learned about things that I wish you never had to hear.” She looked at me with a kind of rare intensity for a long while before speaking again. “And you are right.”
“What’s that?” I was surprised to hear what she was saying. It was not like her. Unless this was some new, twisted plot intended to manipulate me.
“You are right. I could have been a better mother and a better wife. I had you when I was too young. Married your dad at an age when I should have focused on my career and living my life, without understanding the repercussions of being a wife. He wanted a child right away and I loved him so much, I went with it. Without warning, my youth was suddenly over and I became responsible for a whole new life at a time when I wasn’t sure I was doing a very good job of taking care of my own. Your dad had a huge business to run, so even though he had wanted a child, he didn’t have the time to care for it. Obviously, I had to quit my job – I was working towards being a chartered accountant – and then I started getting lonely and distant with your dad always working. I started finding comfort in other things, other men, and a part of me felt like I had given up so much, that I deserved to stray a little bit. Subconsciously, I blamed you for some of the things I had to give up, but it was never your fault. As you grew older, your dad started spending more time with you and going to all your football games, and you two bonded while I stayed home and made dinner. So it always looked to you like he was more of a parent to you than I was, but he never helped me raise you, Zayden.”
“Why are you telling me these things?” I asked softly. “Why now?”
“Because it is important that you understand. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, Zay, but maybe you will understand why I was always the way I was, and why I want so badly for you and Gina to work out. It’s not for my sake, not at all.”
“Why then? Because if you haven’t picked up on it yet, Mom, Gina is only around for your sake. She is what you want for me, not what I want.”
“I know you feel that way right now because you’re hurt–”
“I am not hurt. I don’t love her. She means absolutely nothing to me, but that doesn’t matter to you does it? You have decided that she is the perfect woman for me and you will just continue emotionally blackmailing me into trying to make it work with her. Whether or not I am happy in the process doesn’t matter to anybody, does it?”
“Have you been listening to a word I have said?” She was getting teary again. “I love you very much, Zay. You are my son, and no matter what happened in the past, I want to make it up to you by being a better mother now. Of course your happiness means a lot to me. It means everything to me. I have very little else to live for.”
“Then why don’t you give a shit that I don’t want to make things work with Gina?”
“Because I have been where she is now, and it’s a terrible, terrible place! If I had gotten a chance to make things better with your dad, I would have given everything I had to make him happy, and I know she will do the same. She used to make you happy once, and I just want to see that again.”
“Would you care if I told you there was someone else I am certain I would be happier with?” I didn’t know why I had asked that. It wasn’t like Aria and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Hell, she barely even spoke to me, yet I was having this conversation, as though she were ready to seamlessly take Gina’s place in my life.
“You’re only saying that to shut me up. Believe me Zay, just give her another chance. She will make you happy again, you will see.”
“So we are back to square one, then? You want what you want and obviously think you know what’s better for me than I do myself. Why are we even having this conversation?”
“Because I had to tell you I loved you, I don’t think I do it nearly enough,” she said, crying openly now.
“It’s not necessary that you do. I have a lot to get done for work, so you should go back to your room.”
She didn’t say another word, but hugged me tightly before leaving with tears in her eyes.
---
The next day Aria was already at the bank when I got there, and she was by herself. Taking the opportunity, I strode over to her desk.
“Hello,” I said, unsure of what I was hoping to achieve from this interaction.
“Good morning, Mr. Sinclair, how may I help you?” she asked with a fake bright smile.
“We’re still at Mr. Sinclair, then?” I frowned.
“Depends. Am I allowed to talk to whomever I want yet? You still married?”
I shook my head and walked back to my office, not having the energy or the will to deal with this for now, and then buried myself in paperwork for the next few hours.
No matter what I did though, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The way she moved in her body-hugging dress sent tingles of excitement throughout my whole body. Aria had such an incredible presence. Every customer who walked up to her would leave looking happier than they were walking in. She exuded the kind of charisma that very few people I knew could muster, and this was when I knew for certain that she was going through a bunch of issues in her personal life.
The truth was that I missed her incredibly. She had been great in bed, despite only having sex once before me. It was like she had this inherent talent that drove me completely mad. And it wasn’t just the sex that I missed, I missed talking to her, hearing her laugh, and working through her schoolwork together.
When I had first thought up the contract, I never imagined that this girl would have such a powerful impact on me. It was supposed to be a game, a challenge to show myself that I was capable of making any woman want me. To an extent, I could say I had succeeded. Then why was the fact that she would refuse to meet my eyes frustrating me so much? What could I even do to make her stop being so distant?
The answer was obvious: I had to end it with Gina and let Aria do whatever she wanted. She wasn’t like other girls, she would never be okay with doing things my way. That was one of the things I admired about her. In asking her to compromise her ideals, I was forcing her to be someone she was not, and there was no point in even trying to pursue that person. If I wanted her back in my life, just the way she was, I had to do it.
I thought back to my conversation with my mother last night. From her feeble attempts at motherhood, I had at least gathered that she thinks she wants me to be happy. Surely this meant she wouldn’t threaten me with more suicide attempts if I could explain to her what I really wanted? Maybe I would take her out to dinner and forgive her for everything I was holding against her, if she were able to handle this without pulling any new shenanigans.
With new resolve, I dialed Gina on my cell phone and walked out into the hall so that I could make sur
e Aria heard the conversation.
“Hi,” I said when she answered. “About that deal you wanted to make with me? I don’t think so. I don’t love you, Gina,” I said more loudly. “And you don’t love me. Let’s not waste any more time on facades and pretenses. I don’t hold anything against you, and if you ever need anything, I will be glad to help out, financially or otherwise.”
“Zayden! You can’t do this! Not like this, over the phone! Come home and we can talk about it properly. You don’t need to–”
“I am done talking about it. I am just done. Can’t you respect me enough to understand that? It’s over, Gina. Take as long as you need to move out, and I would appreciate it if you let me tell my mother myself. Goodbye,” I said and hung up before she could make any more protests. She called back immediately, so I shut my phone off. Then I looked up at Aria. She was pretending to be typing something intensely on her computer, but there was no way she hadn’t heard that conversation.
Next order of business; I made a second phone call from my office.
One hour later, Rick, Aria’s ex-boyfriend, was inside my office. She was now actively looking towards me with genuine curiosity.
“Hello, Dick,” I said when he walked in.
“It’s Rick, actually,” he said, looking slightly confused. “Is there a reason why you asked me to come here today, Mr. Sinclair? Can I help you in any way?”
“Yes,” I said looking at Aria. “Go talk to Aria over there.”
“Huh?” He looked like someone had dropped him right in the middle of a bizarre dream. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re not very smart, are you?” I scoffed. “What is there not to understand? Go talk to Aria.”
“Was there something particular you wanted me to say to her? You understand my confusion?” He screwed his nose.
“Nope. I am giving you permission to talk to her because that’s what she wants, I think. But if you hurt her again, you won’t be seeing the light of the day for a very long time. Are we clear?”
He nodded, looking utterly confounded. “You can go now,” I said and got back to my paperwork.
Chapter Five
Aria
I had to be dreaming! There was no way that my ex-boyfriend was walking out of Zayden’s office.
Even though I had been trying hard to pretend I didn’t care what Zayden was saying on the phone, I had been very alert when he ended it with his wife. In spite of myself, I couldn’t help but feel a little excited upon hearing that conversation, which was obviously happening loud and clear out in the hallway for my benefit. There was no way I was going to let him know that it made me feel better, though. Perhaps it didn’t even have anything to do with me and I was overanalyzing all of it. But as Rick walked towards my desk, I was starting to get a good idea of what was going on.
“Hi,” Rick said and smiled at me. “So, I was apparently called here and given permission to talk to you.”
Zayden was unmistakably focusing all his attention towards us, and knowing full well he could hear whatever I was saying, I said, “Well, it’s not up to anyone to give you permission to talk to whoever you want, is it?”
“Hey, it’s Zayden Sinclair, I’ll eat a hat if he tells me to. Can’t go too wrong with being in a billionaire’s good graces. I don’t know what is going on between the two of you but–”
“Nothing is going on between the two of us,” I said quickly. “And nothing is, or ever will, go on between you and me either, Rick. So just go home, and for your own good, stop taking instructions from strangers just because they happen to be influential people.”
Like I had any room to talk.
He looked hurt, and my anger was definitely misplaced at him, but I didn’t care. Giving him permission to talk to me! What was Zayden trying to pull? There did not need to be such a huge show, and he didn’t have to make Rick come all the way here just to prove a point. A small part of me couldn’t help but be happy, though. Clearly, he must have been regretting the situation and he was trying to change it.
“Okay, then, I’ll get going,” Rick said with a pained expression.
“I am sorry, Rick. I didn’t mean to offend you, but seriously, there is nothing between us. I am telling you so you don’t get your hopes up, I would hate to lead you on. Nobody deserves that.”
He probably did deserve it for what he did to me.
“Well, I am going to back off then.” As he walked away, I heard him mumble, “What a damn waste of my time.”
When he was gone, my phone rang and I immediately knew who it was.
“Come into my office,” Zayden said and hung up without even letting me answer.
I went without having any idea of what to expect, trying to calm the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. What’s the worst that could happen? He had, after all, just made the effort to show me that he was capable of making some changes. But did he really have to call Rick here and make a whole scene of it? No matter how excited I was, I couldn’t help my temper.
“Why did you call him here?” I snapped as soon as I walked into his office.
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Wasn’t it obvious? I gave him the permission to talk to you!”
“Who do you think you are, God? You can just swing people around like puppets and tell them what they can or can’t do? If you were trying to make the point that you are not going to be controlling anymore, the best way to do it would not have been by controlling another human being and giving them ‘permission,’ as though you owned the rights to their life.”
Upon hearing that, his eyes got red with what seemed to be anger. “What the fuck do you even want from me, Aria? I just ended a very long and complicated relationship with my ex-wife, something for which I will have to face more consequences than you can imagine. And I let that guy talk to you. Why isn’t any of this shit enough?”
“Oh, the sad consequences of not having a beautiful blonde woman as a trophy wife. I feel your pain,” I said and immediately regretted it. I was being bitchy for no reason, while he was making the effort. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean–”
“You have no idea what I will have to endure for ending that relationship.”
“Tell me, then. Give me an idea,” I spoke more softly. “What was the whole deal behind you and your wife?”
“My mother thinks that Gina is an angel who descended from heaven. She almost tried to kill herself because of our divorce, and I have been forced to try couples counseling ever since. She then invited her to come live in my home, making more threats about taking her own life. I didn’t have a choice in any of this, but I don’t expect you to understand. You have already made up your mind that I am a lying scumbag–”
“I don’t think you’re a scumbag!” I exclaimed, cutting him off. “I did think you were lying to me. I had no idea… about your mom… you never talked about her.”
“Well, she isn’t exactly my favorite topic of conversation.”
“I am sorry, Zayden,” I said his name properly for the first time in a while, and the effect on him was visible. His tense face lightened up considerably, and his muscles relaxed. “If I had known about your mother, I wouldn’t have been so harsh… you have to understand what it looked like to me… like you had been lying all along.”
“You didn’t think to give me the benefit of the doubt even for a second, did you? Even though I had never lied to you. Hell, I had convinced myself somehow that you thought I was a halfway decent human being, which was a refreshing change.” He started to look angry again, as though the full implications of my reaction were finally starting to sink in.
“I do think that you are a decent human being,” I said, in a desperate attempt to smooth out the situation. “But you have to look at it from my perspective too. Mrs. Brian told me that no matter who you were screwing around with, your wife always came back in the end. Like there was some sort of a repeating pattern, and she said you two were meant to be and any girl who thought you would put her b
efore your wife was deluded!”
“So you would rather listen to a crazy old bitch than trust me or hear me out?” He was clutching the hem of his shirt tightly; it made me afraid. His temper was clearly rising.
“It’s not like that. I am sorry about what your mother has been putting you through,” I said genuinely.
“So you believe me, then?” He met my eyes in surprise.
“Of course!” I said at once. “Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugged. “You didn’t believe me when I said there was nothing between Gina and I, so why would you believe this?”
“Because I know you better than to think you would make up some story about your mother trying to kill herself just to get in my pants.”
“That’s reassuring,” he said sarcastically. “You can get back to work.”
“But–”
“Go!” he shouted, pointing at the door.
With that, I was dismissed as he jumped back into handling whatever paperwork was in front of him. I walked back to my desk feeling confused with a million questions in my mind. So where did we stand? He had ended it with his wife for me, despite it risking his relationship with his mother. But he hadn’t mentioned anything about our contract or where we stood in regards to that…
I wanted to ask him, but he seemed to be in a foul mood and I didn’t want to upset him even further. Nervous about my mother’s hospital bills, I decided I would wait a couple of days and then bring up the issue with him. I just hoped that I hadn’t caused problems between Zayden and his mother. What if she got so upset that she tried to kill herself again? The thought of that sent a shudder down my spine. I would never be able to forgive myself for causing that. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for him to have ended things with his wife. Since I couldn’t get myself to go back in there and tell him that, I wrote him an email.
Zayden,
I don’t know where we stand in terms of our contract right now, and I don’t need to know for now. I did, however, want to apologize for not giving you a chance to explain it about your mom before. It must be hard for you to deal with this situation. The last thing I would want in the world is to cause your mother to be upset and do something that hurts you, just because I couldn’t handle the fact that you were married. Please don’t rush to end things with your wife – I believe that you are not sexually involved with her because I trust you – but perhaps you should take more time to sort things out with your mom before ending it so suddenly. I promise I won’t let it affect our contract, regardless of what happens to it.