by Felix, Lila
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
Life: 47 Hayes: 0
I threw myself on the polished wood floors and let myself give in to a fist pounding leg kicking toddler sized tantrum right there on the floor. It was ridiculous, I knew it. But I was just sick and tired of the dating game. And then my phone rang.
“What Vera? I did it, okay? I called him and asked him out and he just said effing nothing. I know he’s super hot and all beardy. And every time I see him I just want to rip his suspenders off and drag him to the nearest corner and do unspeakable things but I can’t make him go out with me, so leave me alone!”
I hung up the phone and turned over just enough to open the bottom cabinet, throw it in the crock pot, put the lid on it, and then shut the cabinet. It started ringing again but I ran from it, taking the stairs two at a time and drowning out the noise with the sound of bath water and my iPod set to the Sons of Sylvia.
I didn’t turn on my TV that night, instead I opted for an open window as a cool front had come in. And somewhere in between self-loathing and feeling like a first class asshat, I drifted to sleep.
Two a.m. came before I wanted her to, and I went through my routine and got to work on time. I had to open the door which meant Vera was late, which happened all the time. I got the coffee makers ready first, and took cakes for the display area out of the freezer. After thirty minutes lapsed, I reached in my pocket for my phone, but came up empty—I’d left it at home in the crock pot. I called Vera from the bakery phone and she said she was twenty minutes out. That meant she was at least forty five minutes out. She was one of those people—always said they were around the corner when they hadn’t even left the house yet.
I got all the yeast dough started, filled the display cases and started on the danishes and muffins. Vera gave me the grace to pick whatever I wanted to bake day to day. That day, I decided to make bacon French toast muffins, banana cream cheese muffins, and apricot cream cheese danishes. I’d also make the regular banana nut, blueberry and chocolate chip muffins, those were staples. And since fall was fast approaching, I decided to make apple turnovers and pumpkin spice baked donuts. Satisfied with my morning menu, I set to work mixing the batters as the rest of the crew filed in around me. Janis, the other baker came in at four, looked at my list and marked off the banana nut and blueberry muffins off and smiled at me before taking over those two items. And that’s how Vera’s bakery worked. I’d been working there for almost three years and never had there been a fight or even any tension in the place. We all worked together perfectly.
Vera finally strolled in right after Janis and thanked me for setting up shop in her absence. Before I knew it, eight a.m. rolled around the place was packed.
“Hayes!” I could hear Vera calling me from the front. Then Janis poked her head around the corner, “There’s someone here asking for you.”
I cleaned my hands the best I could and walked to the store front.
“What?” I asked Vera, who had the goofiest smile on her face.
“What?” I repeated. She pointed across the counter and at the sight my knees nearly buckled. He was standing in line, like he was a regular customer, looking as hot as I’d ever seen him. He wore a white shirt, sleeves rolled up, with a black vest over the top and black pin striped pants. And his arms showed the beginnings of tattoos that promised to be more if I could just get underneath his clothes. His hair was shaved on the sides and when he pulled the grey newsboy hat off his head, his brown, almost black hair was slicked back on the top, a lot longer than the sides.
Why did I date preppy guys again? I have no effing clue.
“Hi,” he looked at the ground, bashfully. Bashful really suited him.
“Hi,” was the only thing I could think to reply.
“Do you have a break or something coming up?”
Vera broke in like we were slow dancing, “Yes, she’s got one right now. Go sit way over there in the corner and I’ll bring you two some coffee.”
Vera took my apron off for me and nearly pushed me down, making me move around the counter and towards our designated table.
We sat down across from each other, “So, I tried to call you back last night.”
“Yeah, my phone and I had a spat. I may have thrown it in the crock pot in one of my cabinets. Sorry, I didn’t answer.”
He chuckled and I was reminded of the shivering sensation his voice brought me.
“Oh, you answered once. The other times, no.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, um, something about my beard and suspenders and corners.”
“Holy shit,” I covered my face with my hands and begged the Lord to send a meteor down on my head, sparing me from the humiliation.
“It’s fine. I actually came here to apologize for being a jackass. You just shocked me. I’ve never been asked out by a girl.”
My mouth became my enemy, “So you’ve been asked out by a guy?”
He smiled and he had absolutely brilliant teeth. The boy must’ve brushed sixteen times a day.
“No, you know what I mean. What I need to know is does the offer still stand? You know, since I’m super hot and beardy.”
A very girly giggle rang out from me, “Yes.”
I noticed someone hovering and I looked to my left to see Vera doing a very obvious job of spying. “Oh look, the coffee’s here, and it brought a spy.”
“Here, sorry. It’s not like you weren’t gonna tell me everything later.”
“Go away,” I snapped back, smiling.
“Wednesday night, say six? I know this great Asian fusion place.”
I wished I could hear him better, but my heart slamming in my ears was making it a bit difficult.
“Sure. I’ll text you my address after I get it back.”
“Sounds good,” he took a long swallow of coffee. It was the pumpkin spice cappuccino I’d made earlier. “This is good. I can’t believe I’ve never been here before.”
“Wait,” I held my hand out, palm towards him. “How did you know where I work?”
“Oh, Falcon gets cakes for Reed here. She’s about eight months pregnant, so he comes here a lot—mohawk, tons of tattoos, suit and tie?”
“Yes! I do know him. He’s in your family, right?”
“Yeah. So, he was with me last night when you called. I work at his office. He told me where you work. I wanted to be here first thing to catch you before you made other plans for Wednesday.”
I nodded, it was horrible to say, but that was the sweetest thing a guy had ever said to me—ever.
“Well, I’ve got to get back to work, do you want anything?”
“Actually, yes.” He stood, taking his coffee with him and after I got up, he pushed my chair and his back in place. “My brother Maddox and his wife are having a baby. I’m going to dinner at their house tonight. While I’m here, I’ll pick up a cake and then I need to get to school.”
“The ones in the case are the best.”
He looked up and down the rows and then turned to me, “Which one did you make?”
Yeah, corner, suspenders, beard. It was all coming back to me. I meant every single word.
“All the ones on the bottom shelf. Mine are always on the bottom shelf.”
“Pick your favorite and I’ll take that one.”
Hello, blush. Where have you been sister?
It had been forever since a guy had made me blush.
“Let me put it in a box for you. Do you want to take it now or pick it up later?”
“I’ll pick it up later. It will be after four before I can get back. Will you still be here?”
Rex
In 1492, Columbus sailed the blue
He climbed up a mountain,
And pissed like a fountain,
In 1492
“No, I’ve been here since three a.m. So, I get off at noon.”
“No kidding. Well, I’ll have to wait until Wednesday then.”
She nodded. Her blush hadn’t gone without my notice
. It was beautiful, and it brought out her bright blue eyes.
“Bye, then Hayes.”
“Bye,” she waved and then went back to the back where she came from earlier.
I’d noticed she wrote my name on the top of the cake box. I’d have to find a way to save it without Mad and Storey noticing that night. It was weird how the whole thing happened. One minute Falcon and I were talking about her, how he thought I should call her, driving me batshit. And the next she was on my phone, asking me out. And then, of course, he read me the riot act for the next minute until I called her back.
And that’s when I got the earful of how she saw me. It was delusional.
I had school for a couple of hours and then I went to the office to work. I’d hoped Falcon wouldn’t be in that day.
“How’d it go?” He clapped me on the back. No such luck.
“I guess okay. We’re going to dinner Wednesday night.”
“That’s great, man. Word on the street is she’s really into you.”
I zeroed him in with a stink eye, “Word on the street? Do people say that? I don’t know. I’m thinking about cancelling.”
He flopped into his desk chair and began to turn it in circles as he spoke to me, “Why?”
I thumped my forehead against the file cabinet next to me, “Because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“Just be sweet to her. Romance her a little. Or as Nixon says, ‘romance the hell out of her.’”
I rolled it through my mind as I filed the last of the client profiles and slammed the drawer shut.
“Romance—romance! There’s no way, Falcon. There’s just no damned way! Hell, I have trouble romancing the ketchup from a bottle.”
He grabbed the desk and stopped it in its tracks.
“Bullshit. You’ve watched movies, right?”
“I don’t think her idea and the Fast and Furious idea of romance is quite the same. I stick to guy movies.”
He shrugged, “Then you’re stupid. The first thing you need to do is watch a bunch of chick flicks. Hold on.”
He got on the phone and called someone, Nellie probably. Reed was his wife, but Nellie was his partner in crime.
“Nellie will be here in thirty with your movies for the night.”
“Did you tell her?”
“No, I told her they were for me. She knows I’m all about the eighties movies.”
“I’m out of my league here, Falcon.”
He started the spinning now, “We all are man, we all are. But if you try, maybe you can meet her in the middle.” He finally stopped spinning and began clanking on his computer until Nellie came a half an hour later.
“What’s the emergency?” She looked at Falcon with a pile of movies in her hands.
“Rex has a date with Hayes.”
“Eeeeeeee!” She squealed. She put the movies on Falcon’s desk and almost barreled me over in a hug. For a skinny thing, she sure was strong.
“Watch the movies if you want to, but just be yourself. You’re really sweet when you stop being so grumpy.”
I rolled my eyes, “Thanks.”
“I’m so excited, she’s so cute.”
I didn’t say anything. With the goober twins around, no matter what I said, it would be turned into a lewd joke—or an eighties reference.
“Fine, fine. I’m so glad Vera called Owen and got your number for her.”
Just then I got a text, from Hayes, telling me her address. I could tell from the street name Tchoupitoulas, she lived near the Quarter.
“Oh my good grief, you’re smiling like a dork!” Nellie squealed.
“Shut it, Pinky.”
“Ugh-oh, back to grumpy Smurf.”
“Nice,” Falcon praised her and they settled the issue with a high-five—the dorks.
I worked through the afternoon until four, when I went by to pick up the cake she made. Mad answered the door and put his finger to his mouth as he let me in.
“She’s singing. Ever since we found out she was pregnant, it’s like an effing Adele concert around here. Listen.”
And listen I did. It sounded like a hound dog was being given a c-section while drinking Tabasco sauce.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Sure, Sure. Hi Storey.” I disobeyed his shush and interrupted her singing Never by Heart. She should never have been singing in the first place.
“Hi Rex! Or should I start calling you Uncle Rex?”
“I guess so,” She hugged me tight around my waist, tiny pixie couldn’t reach my shoulders with a step stool.
“I made chicken and rice. I hope you’re hungry.”
I nodded and Mad took the cake from me. “Did Hayes make this?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.
“Maybe. Does the whole family know?”
He rolled his eyes at me, “You know they do. This was better than pregnancy news.”
“Hardly. It probably won’t go past the first date.”
We sat down to eat and I listened to them go on and on about the new baby. They were going to announce it to the family the next night at family dinner. I had to start thinking about a present. They made it, Maddox and Storey, but by the skin of their teeth. But I knew Mad had some money put away for the baby. A crib from Uncle Rex would fit the bill. I felt like the Grinch, sitting there, trying to be just the exact amount of happy for them, but just the right amount of crabby to stay true to my personality. We moved onto the cake and it was beyond delicious. It was no wonder Falcon got cakes for Reed there.
“Oh my goodness, can you marry her now? We need this cake in our family.”
I chuckled, letting go of the grumpy for a minute, “Ok, I’ll ask her tomorrow. Marry me Hayes, we need your cake.”
“I don’t see the problem,” Storey giggled, going for seconds on the cake.
We finished dessert and I stayed to help with dishes. It helped me, the everyday things. I’d often help out with dishes at the restaurant. Something about cleaning all those plates, just a simple process made me feel normal. And even though I threw mental shit fits over their bubbliness and all around goofy in loveness—it was that normality that I longed for. Just to eat, sleep and be happy with someone—wasn’t it? Hell, I’d just about sell my soul for some sleep.
I didn’t know what the eff I wanted.
“We like you around here, brother. I love the rest of them, I do. But you were there when Mad and I first got together. It feels right when you’re around. And just for the record, don’t take the blame for anything that asshole Simon did. Believe me, I’ve spent many a night blaming myself for Journey’s leg and the accident. But you can’t. You can’t continue to let that dickhead have any part of our lives. Just like Mad still blames himself for your Dad. We can’t live like that, any of us.”
I braced myself on the counter, listening to her words—they rang true, but would take a minute to soak in—or a decade.
“I’m trying. I like this Hayes girl—a lot. I just hope my attitude problem doesn’t get in the way.”
“You know what?” She leaned on the counter next to me, I was facing the cabinets, she faced away from them.
“What?”
“If she’s worth it, if she’s the girl for you—she’ll front your bullshit with some of her own—and if you’re an ass, she’ll call you on the carpet, shine a spotlight on you and make you grab the mic and apologize. And if she doesn’t do those things, then she doesn’t belong in this family.”
We both laughed—she was dead on.
That night I did watch some of those cheeseball eighties movies—they weren’t half bad. And I had to admit, Molly Ringwald was hot. But all it told me was how to be a dramatic teenager. Plus, it taught me how not to dress—ever.
The next morning, I decided to make a pass by the bakery again. It wasn’t on my way at all, but I needed a tiny fix. I walked in and placed my order, “Whatever Hayes made.” It turned out to be a peach cobbler muffin and a chocolate croissant, with coffee. I didn’t ask for he
r immediately, but soon enough, her friend came out from the back and zeroed me in. She barely suppressed a smile and ran to the back.
I just hoped she didn’t think I was an ass for coming back so soon.
“Hey, Rex.”
She was stunning in white, even if it was just plain white pants and a simple white tank top.
“Good morning. I didn’t ask them to bother you. I mean, I didn’t want to disturb your work.”
“It’s okay,” she laughed and her hand touched my shoulder. I put my other hand on my shoulder, trying to hold in the warmth. I may also have tried to press a little hoping to infuse it into my shirt.
She gulped her coffee, I’d noticed it the other day as well. She wasn’t a sipper.
“So, Storey loved the cake.”
“Really? That’s great. If you want to get something more specific, just call me or text me, we can make anything.”
“What’s your favorite?”
“Mine? Almond flavored cake with raspberry filling. It’s the best. What’s yours?”
“I don’t really know. The lemon one was good.”
“Good is not enough—your favorite should make your eyes roll back in your head and your toes curl.”
I laughed, she was very descriptive.
“I apparently haven’t had a proper sampling.”
She scratched at something on the tiny oval table, “What are you doing today?”
“I have school, but only one class today. The other was cancelled.”
“What time can you be here?”
“I can be here about eleven.”
“Ok, deal. Come on an empty stomach. I’m gonna have treats for you. We’ll find your favorite cake if it kills me.”
“I’ll be here.”
She grabbed her coffee, and waved before disappearing behind a swinging metal door. All kinds of scenarios involving her and frosting and cake flitted through my thoughts. And they all involved her lips.
Jumping up from the table, I made my way to school, Sociology was a killer in the morning, but I was hopped up on coffee with no u-turn in sight. I sat in the middle section, on the edge, pulled out a notebook and got ready.
“Rex?”
It was the girl from the library.
“Hi.”
“Hi, how are you?”