by M. B. Feeney
I hadn’t realised I’d been acting differently. Well, I hadn’t thought it was so obvious. "I'm fine, just busy with work and the kids. You know how it is." It was my usual line whenever someone asked how I was. I'd said it so often, I was starting to believe it myself.
"Bullshit," Jenny almost shouted, making me jump while I tried to hand her a cup of coffee. "I can see it in your eyes. You're not fine, not at all. You’re just plodding along, and you have been since Texas.” She stood and walked over to me, concern written all over her face. “Now, I know it's not just the whole thing with Gage, but also the stuff at home. I know that the divorce has been civil, almost friendly, but I also know you're not completely over it. It’s been a bit of an overload for you."
"How do you do that?" I led her out into the garden so we could enjoy the sunshine. "It sometimes feels like everything is crumbling at my feet. I'm trying to keep it together for the kids, but I get so tired sometimes. Things with Dermot are good. I think we've spoken more in the last three months than the last however many years. So I’ll start to think I’m doing okay, then something changes and I get confused." I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I'd made up my mind to live my life for me and my kids, and nothing was going to stop me.
"I know, hun. But you're strong, and everything will sort itself out." Jenny pulled me in for a tight hug. "Now, what have you got planned for the rest of the day?"
"Not much. I was just going to settle down with a book, make the most of the quiet."
"Let's go shopping. I fancy a night out." She grinned at me.
"Let me just change out of these clothes." My jeans were muddy from working in the garden.
I ran upstairs and pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a fresh shirt. Once I’d dug out the boots I'd bought in Texas with a wry smile, I was set.
Jenny and I spent the day wandering around the city centre, popping in and out of shops making spontaneous purchases. We laughed a lot and had a few drinks along with a pub meal. She had managed to take my mind off Texas, telling me about an audition that could be bringing her to the UK for at least eighteen months for filming and other stuff I had no idea about.
"Oh, I hope you get the part. We'd get to spend a bit more time together," I said when we got off the bus near my house. "I need some adult company more now that the kids spend half the week at Dermot’s place." We walked up the street towards the house.
"Well, as soon as I know, I'll let you know. So where are we going tonight?"
I was impressed by her lack of jet lag. "I have no idea. We could risk the city centre again and find a few bars, maybe a dance floor or two."
I left Jenny alone to have a shower and start getting ready while I popped round to see the kids, like I did most weekends. I spent an hour with them, making sure they ate their dinner, brushed their teeth, and that sort of thing. I let Dermot know that I was going out and assured him I would have my phone with me if he needed to get hold of me. Once the kids were tucked up in bed, I walked back home to get myself ready.
We started off at the local pub, which wasn't anything special, but there was alcohol. It was as good a place as any to start the night. We couldn't decide where to go next, so we got a second round of drinks while we debated. Jenny's phone rang, and she headed outside so she could hear over the jukebox, which seemed to be stuck on eighties one-hit-wonders. I sat sipping my drink, waiting for her to come back in so we could move on to somewhere with a bit more life. If we didn’t pick another spot, I could buy some bottles from the barman instead and head back home. Jenny eventually returned and sat back down.
"I'm actually kinda tired. The jet lag must be getting to me at last. Do you mind if we give tonight a miss?" Not letting on that I was kind of relieved, I agreed and finished the beer in front of me. Ever since having the kids, I’d not been one for heavy nights out.
"Let me grab a couple of bottles from behind the bar, and then we can just chill out at the house."
The slow walk back seemed to wake Jenny up a bit, which perked me up as well. I was looking forward to a few beers and a decent catch up. Usually I was so shattered by the weekend that I spent most of it asleep on the sofa if I didn't have work to do. We rounded the corner of my road, and I was a little surprised to see people sitting on the low wall outside my house. The local teenagers never did that because the park at the other end of the street provided benches and shelter where they were able to hide from the rain while they drank and smoked. When we got closer, I realised that there were only two people there, one of which was Jo. Seated next to her was my close friend Karina Johnson, the only person not involved in our online group who knew about Gage. Considering the two of them had never spoken before, they seemed to be getting on like a house on fire.
"What the hell?" I asked when we got closer, and they jumped. They must not have heard us approaching. "When did you two get here? And more to the point, why are you here?" I aimed this last question at Karina, knowing Jenny must have invited Jo to come over for a couple of days since she was the only other member of our group in the UK.
"Well, when we were chatting online the other night, as we do, I picked up how down you were feeling, and I thought I'd be fucking awesome and drop by. Besides, the flatmates are driving me nuts, and the family is otherwise occupied." Karina grinned at me, and I crushed her into a bone-crunching hug. "Besides, I brought a guest with me."
I looked at her in confusion since there were only the four of us there.
"I do so love my bestest friend in the whole wide world. The Captain."
I laughed at the bottle of rum she held in her hand and unlocked the door.
The night progressed as expected. Alcohol, women, and conversation that inevitably ended up in the gutter. At around one a.m., I stumbled into the kitchen and chucked a couple of pizzas into the oven, having decided in my infinite drunken wisdom that if we ate, we could continue drinking.
"Oh, I love drunk food!" Karina exclaimed when she weaved into the kitchen for a refill.
"That's ‘cause it always tastes so much better. No cardboardy flavourings." I flung open the back door to let in some cooler, fresh air. The others joined us, drawn by the scent of cooking pepperoni.
"I think I'll crash soon. I feel like I've been awake for three days." Jenny put her arm around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Have some drunk food, then you can have Grace's room. It's the quietest. I think we'll be up for a while yet." I pulled out the pizzas, cut them, and before I could even carry them over to the table, the vultures descended.
"Oh. This is so fucking good," Karina and Jo moaned in unison.
I grabbed a slice and inhaled it—I hadn’t realised how hungry I was. Then I grabbed another slice and ventured out into the garden, needing to cool down. I sat on the patio swing and looked at the stars.
"Have you had a good day?" Jo sat next to me and nudged me with her shoulder.
"I really have. It was needed. The last few months have been a bit shit. Thanks for coming all this way." I gave her a tight hug. "Let's get Jenny off to bed. She’s struggling to keep her eyes open in there.” We walked inside together, and I was just about to show Jenny where she was sleeping when I was distracted by my phone ringing.
"Who the fuck is phoning me at this time of night?" My question wasn’t aimed at anyone in particular, and I looked around for the source of ‘Prayers in Song' blaring across the house. I knew it wasn't Dermot since he had his own ringtone, so I knew the kids were okay.
I finally found it. ‘Private Number’ flashed on the screen. Fabulous.
"Hello?"
"Hey, darlin'."
I couldn't speak. It was physically impossible.
"Hello? Hey, you there?" I could hear nothing but his voice. The girls were looking at me, confusion evident on their faces.
"Er. . . Sorry, I'm here." I indicated to the girls that I going for a cigarette, and I headed back out into the garden, more to cool down th
an for privacy. "Hey."
"She speaks!" Gage teased me, making me laugh while I lit my cigarette. This day was turning out to be insane and full of surprises.
"Very funny. Er . . . How did you get my number?" Curiosity ate at me.
"I dialled my cell when I had yours in the bar that first night we met." Of course he did. Silly me. "I had a feeling I would need the number, even then."
"Did you, now?" I couldn't believe how ridiculous and giddy I was feeling at hearing his voice. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" My words were slurred, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I was too busy concentrating on swallowing my surprise and being able to have a conversation with him.
"Is someone a bit wasted?" He laughed at me. "I just thought I'd call. Sounds like I caught you at just the right time."
It was then that I realised his words were also running together. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's been having a few bevvies, by the sounds of things." Looking into the house, I could see the girls had calmed down and were sitting round chatting. Karina and Jo were, at least. Jenny must have gone up to bed. I was sure she'd be full of questions in the morning—they all would be. It was time to leave the early morning chill. I walked into the kitchen, I grabbed the last three bottles of beer, popped the lids off, and headed into the front room. Both of them looked at me when I handed them their drinks. It’s Gage I mouthed at them, chuckling to myself when their mouths dropped open.
"If ‘bevvies’ are beers, then I may have had a couple. We finished a gig a little while ago."
I was just about to reply when Karina flew at me and grabbed my phone out of my hand. She started to babble to him.
"Hi, I wasn't with Charlotte when she met you, but I have a few questions."
I could just about hear his voice when I attempted to grab the phone back. She slapped my hand away, hard, and spun around so I could only see her swaying ponytail. "I was wondering a few things. First, how well do you know that actor, Gregory Stevedore?"
I just stared at her, unable to believe her audacity, even though I could hear hysterical laughter coming through the tiny speaker.
"Kidding. What are your intentions with my mate? And why haven’t you phoned her before now? It’s been three months, pal."
This time, I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Jo was howling with laughter. Not knowing what to do with myself while Karina hogged the phone, I went upstairs to change into my pyjamas. I could still hear the two of them downstairs, cackling like the evil witches they were, so I checked on Jenny, who was sleeping soundly. She was going to be pissed at missing this, but she needed her sleep. I left her and went back downstairs.
"Ooh, sexy PJ's!" Jo yelled at me when I walked into the room.
I knew she was shouting on purpose to get a reaction out of both Gage and me, so I flicked her the middle finger and went out for another cigarette. Karina was sitting on the back step, chatting away as if she'd known him her whole life.
". . . Yeah, we met online and just got chatting random batshit bollocks. You know how it goes."
I tapped her on the shoulder. "If you don't give me my phone back, I won't break out my secret chocolate stash."
"One second, Gage." She covered the mouthpiece. "What chocolate is contained within this secret stash?"
My cheeks stretched into a grin. "Well, there may or may not be Galaxy." I could see the dilemma she faced. Karina held one finger up to me and spoke back into the phone. "So it was nice chatting with you. Yeah, that would be great." She thrust the phone at me. "Chocolate?" I pointed to the big hat box sat on top of the fridge and took the phone off her.
"Hey, sorry about her. She's spent too much time with the Captain tonight." I watched her raid the huge black hat box.
"What is going on over there?" There was a bemused tone to his voice.
"Well, right now, I think Mrs Morgan's orgasming, and she seems to be eating all of my chocolate." I stuck my head into the front room. "Touch my Minstrels, and you are dead."
Both of the girls turned to look at me, evil glints in their eyes. In simultaneous moves, they delved into the box at their feet and pulled out the huge bag of Minstrels.
"Excuse me a second, I have some serious maiming to do." I placed the phone on the counter and ran into the front room. After I managed to grab the Minstrels from them, I coughed into the open packet before resealing and shoving it into the pocket of my pyjama bottoms.
"Oh, that's not playing fair!" Jo pouted at me.
"Yeah, cause there's nowhere near enough chocolate in that box." I walked back into the kitchen and picked up my phone. When I put it to my ear I could hear Gage talking to someone.
". . . They all sound wasted, Dude. Some chick grabbed the phone from her and started pumping me for info."
I heard a dull thump and a muffled cry of pain.
"Callaghan, you are such a douche. Not that kinda pumping. She was looking out for her friend which is kinda cool."
I could hear a faint voice but couldn't make out what was being said.
"I dunno man, she might be." More muffled speaking. "How the fuck would I know, it's not a fucking video call, dickwad. Hey, what the fu-"
"Hello, is this the new chick Gage was talking to?" Matt's voice boomed down the line. "Or is it the one he's been gaga over since Texas?"
What the hell?
"Erm . . . Depends. Who do you want to talk to?"
"The new chick, sorry."
I rolled my eyes. "Kar, you're wanted." When I passed the phone over to her, she looked at me, confused. "Just take it." Once again, I rolled my eyes. I seemed to be doing a lot of that tonight.
Karina spoke into the phone. Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates when she realised who she was talking to. You could have fucking warned me, she mouthed at me.
I just smirked and sat down next to Jo.
"Who is it?" she asked, stifling a yawn.
"Callaghan. He wanted to talk to her, so God knows what she said to Gage." I picked up my bottle of beer and looked at it. "Fuck it, I need something stronger." I delved into the cupboard under the stairs and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. "I only have Irish. You want?"
"Does the pope wear red socks?"
With a snigger, I went to get some glasses. When I walked into the kitchen, I heard Karina laughing. I pitied Gage when he got his phone bill. "You want?" I waved the bottle of whiskey in front of her face. She nodded before returning all her attention to Matt, a blush spreading across her face.
"Now that, Mr Callaghan, would be telling. On that note, I think you'd best give Gage his phone back. I can hear him chomping at the bit to get back to Charlotte." She grinned at me. "Yeah, okay." Karina handed the phone back to me, took her drink and went back into the front room.
"Hello?" It was late, and I was getting tired now. As much as I revelled in Gage phoning me, I was more than ready to head off to bed.
"Hi, darlin'. Sorry about that. I think Callaghan's got a hard on for your friend. He's just spent the last ten minutes trying to find out if she's single. I think she's playing hard to get, though. He's pissed, and it's funny. Please thank her from me and the guys."
"I will do. Listen, your phone bill's gonna be astronomical. I mean, it can't be cheap to phone here from the States."
"It's all cool, but you sound tired. I just wanted to call and say hi." His words made me smile.
"Hi."
"Hey. I'll call you again, if you don't mind."
Yeah, right. Like that would bother me. "That'll be great." I was a master of the understatement.
"I don't expect you to call me though. Like you said, it's expensive, and you got other shit to pay for."
"Thanks."
"Speak soon, darlin'."
We said our goodbyes, and I ended the call. Both Jo and Karina had passed out on the sofa, so I covered them with a blanket and headed up to bed. Just as I switched off the light, my phone beeped. I opened the text.
Goodnight Darlin' Gx
The next morning, I woke early, considering the time I went to sleep, and I went down to make a cup of tea. The girls were still fast asleep on the sofa, and for some unknown reason, Karina had somehow managed to get herself upside down, a blanket covering her upper half, while Jo was still sitting up. Sniggering, I hovered in the kitchen while the kettle boiled. After I headed back upstairs with my drink, grabbing my laptop on the way, I settled back in bed and booted up to check my emails. I reached over to the bedside table for my glasses and knocked my phone onto the floor.
"Oh." Memories washed over me of Gage calling me last night. I cast my mind back over the conversation. Was it a simple chat between friends? Were we even friends? I didn't know how to class us, or if there even was an ‘us’. Then I remembered Matt passing a comment about Gage and me, but I didn’t want to read too much into it.
I logged in online and clicked onto the Pocket Full of Lyrics group that I helped admin with Jenny and the Christmas Twins. There in black and white was a post saying the guys were supposed to be in the UK. An official message from their social media had been copied and pasted. The Pockets are ready to hit up the UK. Time to party across the pond. It was followed by a list of shows in five cities across the country. I felt a bit . . . I actually didn't know how I felt.
Since I’d been waiting for them to tour over here for years, I should have been bouncing off the walls like a mad woman. Instead, a feeling of deflation hit me. Maybe I had read too much into the whole Gage situation and let myself get my hopes up without realising it. Perhaps his not mentioning that we were in the same country was a sign that I was right to have left Texas behind as a memory of a great one night stand and moved on.
After looking at the clock, I realised there was no way I was going to get back to sleep. My mind was in overdrive, so I slammed my laptop shut, grabbed clean clothes, and went for a shower. When I left my bedroom, Jenny was emerging from the bathroom, dressed but with wet hair.
"Morning, babe. I hope you don't mind me grabbing a shower."