by Nikki Morgan
'Yeah, I'm fine,' I said, 'I just need.' I said breaking away from him and flying down the stairs, 'I just need to sort something out.'
'Ev!' Sam shouted after me.
'I'm ok, Sam, honest,' I said, not looking back at him, 'Just let Mr Partridge know I've had to go home, tell him I'm ill or something.' And then I was off, cutting my way through the swarms of students making their way to lunch, and out through the doors and into the outside world.
The sun had finally woken up, coating the wet pavements with its warm golden glow as I run out of the school gates and into the centre of town. I rushed down the road to the bus station, my body full of nervous energy. Anxiety was building in me, the restlessness in my soul driving me on.
What if Josh had already left?
What if I never saw him again?
What if I had made the biggest mistake of my life?
Josh
The next morning, I waited until Evie had left, and the house had fallen quiet again, before I carefully let myself out of the front door. Every step felt like I was walking on shards of jagged glass. It wouldn't have surprised me if I had looked back and seen a trail of blood on the floor.
I blended into the crowds of people, trying desperately not to turn back, to not change my mind. My head was telling me to run, to get away as far as possible and not come back, for her sake, but my heart, my heart was slowly killing me as it tried to get me to turn around, and drag me back to her house, and back to her.
When I didn't listen, my heart started screaming at me, burning for her, but what good was it? We couldn't be together, not when I was a freak with a death sentence hanging over me. I could feel the invisible chord, that anchored me to her, pulling tightly around me, suffocating me, when I ventured too far away from her.
I would have to get used to that feeling.
I had to stay away; Death could not win.
I got back to my apartment but there was a gaping hole beside me. Death had known exactly what She was doing when She had left me for dead; my body, although still battered and bruised, was now healing but my closeness to Evie during my recovery was like giving an addict drugs, my body was aching for her, trembling and in shock without her.
I dragged myself to the bathroom, peeling off Dan's clothes like a snake shedding its old skin, peeling away Evie's scent, the ghost of her.
I looked over my shoulder and into the mirror at my wings folded tightly into my skin. They had healed well but still simmered with pain, especially when I thought about her.
I stepped into the shower, hoping to wash her away, to stop the scent of her on my skin driving me mad.
I was doomed with her, destroyed without.
It didn't work; I couldn't get her out of my head, the way she moved, the curl of her lips, the feel of her skin.
I got dressed and went into the dining room, switching on the laptop to try and distract myself. I knew Death wouldn't let me go easily - that much She had proven to me already - I could not die when I wanted to, only when She had finished with me. I needed to find Hyperion, needed to finish it, so She would let me go, then my torment would be over. I couldn't afford to listen to anymore of his seductive lies.
I looked at the news reports of the devastation left behind by Hyperion; the death toll was now at six hundred and thirty-three, and I grieved in my heart for every single life lost because of Hyperion's ego. But no matter how much I looked at the laptop or tried to forget Evie, she forced herself into my mind until I could think of nothing else.
I couldn't just walk out of her life, disappear like a ghost, I needed to say goodbye, she deserved that at least.
I headed for the door. I'd sit her down, say goodbye, then I'd be able to concentrate on what I needed to do; ending my life.
It was the best way. The only way.
She had to forget about me.
Evie
The journey on the bus home was torture. I think we hit every set of traffic lights in the neighbourhood. I kept looking at my phone, checking to see how many minutes had gone by, and how long I'd been on the bus. The minutes were racing by, but the bus seemed to be crawling along.
What if he'd gone already? How would I even find him again? I knew virtually nothing about him. And yet, it didn't matter, because I did know him. Deep down, in my soul, there was a place set aside for him. With all the crap that was my life, and the mess of thoughts rattling around in my head, there was only one thing that I was completely sure of; I had to stop him leaving. I had to put up a fight because I couldn't just let him walk out of my life.
I jumped off the bus and ran down the road, hoping that he was still holed up in my bedroom, that Cassie and Dan's antics had stopped him from leaving. The fire in my belly was roaring now, driving me forwards, despite the agony in my lungs.
I got to the front door. The house seemed dead, but the fire refused to be put out until I knew for certain he was gone. I flung open the door, not caring if Cassie or Dan were there, I'd deal with that later. I raced upstairs, threw open my bedroom door and...
He was gone.
My heart broke, splintered into thousands of tiny pieces, like a glass thrown to the floor.
I slumped onto the bed. I had let the only good thing in my life go.
How would I ever find him again?
'Hey, you okay?'
I looked up, not quite believing he was actually still there, standing in the doorway. My breath caught in my throat, my breathing quickened. I didn't dare look at his eyes, I didn't want to give the game away, didn't want to scare him.
I let my eyes linger upon the small sliver of a tattoo wing and dagger peeking out from under his grey shirt. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him.
I needed to get a grip and slow myself down. What if I'd read it all wrong?
I bit my lip, trying not to give in and look at his face. I couldn't blow this one and final chance. 'I'm fine, really, I just...'
Too late, my eyes locked onto his and my heart skipped a beat. My legs were trembling, even though I was sitting down. What if I blew this? What if he didn't want me? My stomach turned over but I didn't think that it had anything to do with skipping dinner.
'I'm sorry for running out on you this morning-'
'It's ok-'
'No, it's not.'
I couldn't move my eyes from his, I couldn't think straight and my words just tumbled from my mouth. 'It just scared me, being so close to you.'
'I'm that bad, I scared you?' he said, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.
The look of horror on his face ripped me in two. 'No.'
'I would never hurt you. And I'm sorry if I've ever scared you-'
'I know,' I said, standing up and turning to face him, 'I like you Josh, a lot, but my heads all messed up. I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't trust myself to get things right. I don't know if you like me, or if you don't, and now I'm rabbling even though I'm trying to be really cool and act like it's not a big deal. I think, I get the impression that you like me too, I don't know why but-'
'I do.'
'What?'
'Like you.'
Heat suddenly coursed through my body, and I knew I was blushing. 'Even though I left this morning without saying goodbye? And I told you to leave?'
'It was understandable-'
'Maybe...My life...my life is a mess right now, and Cassie, my mother, has this habit of jumping into bed with a guy every time something bad happens and I don't want to do that. I don't want be like her.'
'And?'
'I'm not. I know I'm not. But it took a good friend, and thinking I'd never see you again, to make me see that. I'm nothing like Cassie, you have to believe me-'
'It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself-'
'No,' I said, shaking my head, 'I'm not.' I walked over to him. I was standing only centimetres away from him and when I looked at him the world didn't exist, there was only me and him, in nothing but time and space.
The
air was almost fizzing around us, a pulse of what? Attraction? I knew that's how I felt. I just longed for him to put his arms around me and kiss me. To me, it was like we were positive and negative electrons and protons being brought together by the force of physics; natural and completely unstoppable. I had never felt like this before and I wanted to grab on to it with both hands and never let that feeling go.
We looked at each other, not wanting to move, not wanting to leave the moment, afraid of what was going to happen next. We were on the edge of something, and, I knew, I was about to fall. I knew that I shouldn't do what I was about to, but also, that I was still going to do it anyway.
And it felt delicious.
'I feel like I've known you forever...even though I don't know you at all. Does that make sense?' Was I saying too much? Was I going to destroy the moment, like I usually did? But my words would not listen to my concern and instead, kept tumbling from my mouth. 'I've got a feeling, that I just can't shake, don't want to shake, that I've met you before.'
'Maybe, in some time, some place, we have met before.'
'Do you believe in parallel universes? Maybe in one of those we were lovers.'
'So what happens now?' he asked, reaching up to brush a stray hair from my face.
His touch was electric and I couldn't stand it any longer. I leaned forward, my eyes still locked onto his, and I kissed him.
I pushed him backwards, the door banged shut, my eyes closed, our lips locked, our bodies combined as one, and I didn't care at that moment who knew.
Time had simply stopped.
And then Cassie was banging on my door. 'You okay? You're back early?'
Reluctantly I let our lips part, but I couldn't stop looking at his beautiful eyes. 'Yes,' I said, trying to contain my breathlessness, not sure how I would explain it away if she came in. 'Free period,' I said, praying that she'd go away. I couldn't talk, didn't want to talk.
Josh brushed my face with his hand before placing it on my neck. His touch was like fire. He leaned towards me and rested his forehead on mine, trying to regain control. It was almost impossible to fight the urge to kiss him again.
'Oh, okay then. Me and Dan are going out later, alright if you get your own tea?'
'Yeah,' I said. My voice was shaky, betraying me to anyone that would listen, but luckily for me at that moment, Cassie did what she always does, and didn't listen.
'Don't wait up,' she said, and I heard her footsteps trailing off downstairs.
'So, what do we do now?' I asked, shivering as he run his hand through my hair.
'Whatever you want,' he replied, pulling me to him again.
There was a slight flicker on my subconscious somewhere, a little image of a strange sort of darkness, an emptiness, like although he was physically there in front of me, somewhere in time, he'd been taken from me. And inside I grieved for my loss, even though he was still standing there before me.
Josh
I'd gone back to say goodbye, but the battle was lost as soon as she kissed me.
I am too weak to resist.
My body erupted into flames, my wings felt like they're going to burst out of my back, but I didn't care, didn't want it to end. I thought I was going to die, consumed by my desire.
I didn't want to let her go. Ever. This moment had to last forever.
Time seemed to stop, and for that moment there was only the two of us, lost in each other, in the heat of our desire. If I had died at that moment, consumed by the flames of that desire, it would have been a blissful death.
But everything comes to an end, this time with a bang on the door, and our lips parted, although the fire still burned deep within us, I could feel it scorching my soul. I rested my forehead on hers, tried to get control of my breathing, tried to fight the need to kiss her again.
I love you, I said to her, although the words didn't leave my mouth.
'So, what do we do now?' she asked.
'Whatever you want,' I said, pulling her towards me again. I thought about pulling back, running away, because I shouldn't have been there, it was too dangerous, but I couldn't. I was hooked. The pain that Death had promised me, wasn't as severe now, dimming under the brightness of Evie's touch, and any pain that I did feel, I welcomed, because I knew I was alive. But it was also strange that now, when I touched her, I didn't see the images of her life anymore, just felt the simmering pain.
That's what she did to me. She made me lose my mind.
She pulled away. 'Are we really going to do this?' she asked. 'If that's what you want?'
I looked into her eyes. They were so beautiful, dazzling, like her aura. I didn't answer her question with words but instead placed a tender kiss on her lips. Soon we were lying on the bed, our bodies and lips entwined as the rain pounded outside, the street lamps glistening through the windows, as the darkness fell. And I felt like I'd come home.
Eventually, our lips parted. 'I have to go,' I said.
She gave me those pleading eyes and if she'd have asked me to give her the world in that one moment, I'd have done it. 'Really? Have I put you off already?'
I smiled at her, running the tip of my thumb over her lips. 'No. That could never happen. There's something I've got to do. But I'll be back. I promise.'
As soon as I was alone I broke out my wings, let the pain take me into the darkness, let it cleanse me. I was shining, brought back to life by Evie. Once the pain had subsided, I stretched them out, feeling every feather bristle against the wind, every bone and connecting tissue move. I was alive.
I soared into the clear night's sky, the heavens sparkling around me, and for the first time I saw the true beauty of it. Before long the never-ending darkness sought me out, wound its fingers around my body and She came to me, like a mistress in the night.
'Josh,' She sighed, 'I thought we'd been through how this works. You can't outwit me. I thought you were much cleverer than that.'
'You pushed me into a corner,' I said, to the darkness snaking around my body, 'and I wanted out, but I know now that I have no control over that.'
Her cold cackle cut through the darkness. She appeared before me, thin strands of the universe covering her body. 'No, Josh, you can't die until I say. You should've known that already.'
'I do, I did.'
She smiled and glided over to me, the tendrils of darkness barely covering her curves and yet, She did nothing for me.
'I sense a change in you,' She said, regarding me with Her black eyes. She leaned forward and cradled my face in Her hands, placing a cold kiss on my lips.
Her iciness penetrated deep within me, slithering down to my soul, but it couldn't pierce its shell for a new light burned there.
'Have you learnt your lesson now?'
I nodded. 'But please, I beg you, don't ever use Evie again, I will do whatever you ask, but please, leave her out of it.'
'Oh, Josh, you are so sentimental. It's quite adorable,' She said, patting me on the head. 'The trouble is, Evelyn is part of this now, and I can't change that, but if you do what needs to be done, she won't get hurt. Simple as that.'
'But she will get hurt, won't she, when you finally take me?'
'Hyperion already has the first relic because of your incompetence. All those extra dead souls, because of you. You must stop him, kill him, before he re-unites all the relics. And remember, Evie's life depends on you.'
Epilogue
Josh
The coffee machine purred as it spewed out the black gold, delicious tendrils of the bitter sweet aroma reaching out to embrace the morning, pulling me from the dream that was the night before. I looked out of the window and saw the dark clouds gathering on the horizon. I knew it couldn't stay like that forever, that Death awaited, and Hyperion.
I turned away, my mind recoiling from reality, seeking refuge in the memories of the night. I could still see her sleeping beside me, her arm draped across my chest, a smile dancing upon her lips. And it felt so right, like a tailored coat placed back upon my shoulders
. God made her for me and it feels so comfortable being with her, like we had always been together.
And then I awoke to sunlight fanning the room and the sound of morning; car doors slamming, the trundling of traffic and the excited screams of the kids making their way to school. Evie was lying on her side, perched upon her elbow, her face glowing above me, her smile as bright as the sunshine outside.
'Hey you,' she said, stroking my lips with her thumb. Her touch, although light as a feather, penetrated deep within me, like an electric shock. I lay there, unable to move as the electric pulsed through my veins. It had been so long since I had slept so peacefully or normally during the night that I almost didn't want to be awake and yet I wanted to spend forever in that moment, just looking at her face.
But darkness invaded my thoughts and I knew, sometime in the future, I would have to leave her, for good. Who was I kidding thinking that being with her was even possible? How could I lead her on that way, knowing that it could only add up to trouble and hurt?
'Come on,' she said, leaning forwards to plant a kiss on my forehead, 'I need coffee.' And as easy as that I was sucked back in again, unable to leave, intoxicated by the smell of strawberry and cherry blossom. The physical pain of being with her, although throbbing throughout my body, was now part of me, part of us and it was as addictive as she was.
The honeyed vocals of Michael Hutchence soared from the speakers in the living room, bringing me back to the present. I grabbed the coffee mugs from the machine and strode into the living room but stopped dead as I turned the corner. Evie was swaying in the middle of the room, millions of dust motes flittering around her like tiny butterflies. The warm sun streamed in from the window, enveloping her in a golden mist which made her look heavenly, like she was the Angel. A lump caught in my throat as my eyes traced the contour of her silhouette rocking gently to the music. She raised her right arm slowly into the air and her ebony hair cascaded down the back of her neck like a waterfall of cocaine. A certain kind of sadness ripped me apart in that moment, the kind that physically hurts right in the bottom of your stomach.