by Regine Abel
I nodded.
“You know she’s going to lose her shit, right?”
It was my turn to snort. My oldest sister’s child could prove quite the handful.
“No doubt, and I can’t quite blame her.”
“Three years, both you and your mother kept her in the dark,” Ghan said. “She’ll be hurt.”
“It was for her own protection,” I said, feeling defensive even though his tone had held no condemnation. “It would have been unfair to expect her to lie to her mates or keep secrets from them.”
“I’m not challenging your motives,” Ghan said with the barely there smirk that made me both want to smack him and kiss him. “I’m merely giving you the head’s up.”
“Right.”
Where the heck is my legendary cool-headedness in the face of adversity?
I felt silly, clumsy, and completely unnerved.
“So, all these Tuurean males are in fact Veredian females?”
I nodded stiffly.
“Initially, we had hoped the Korletheans we freed would join forces with us.” My teeth clenched, remembering the callousness with which they had treated us as a whole. “The sons of Gharah wouldn’t even give us the time of day. At first, there were too few of us. Had we revealed we were females, and Veredians at that, the slavers would have tried to swoop down on us.”
“Indeed, and the Korletheans continue to play hard to get,” Ghan grounded through his teeth. “Khel is out of patience with them.”
I grinned. Amalia’s mate didn’t mess around. She couldn’t have provided us with a better ally.
“But how did you escape in the first place?” he asked. “From what Amalia told us, you’d been on your way to the Revenant to take her mother’s place as Gruuk’s kinetic onboard when a stealth ship attacked your transport?”
I smiled wistfully, remembering the day that changed my life and the course of our history.
“Yes. It was the original Tuureans.” My smile broadened at his raised eyebrow. “When the Guldans raided Veredia, a number of our female Warriors and Scholars were already off-world seeking a new home for us since Veredia was less than a year from dying from the fallout of the solar flare that messed us up to begin with.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear, feeling self-conscious under the intensity of his stare and yet reveling in it.
“By the time they returned, the Guldans were long gone with all of our surviving Sisters. They went into hiding on Tuur, the inhospitable planet they claimed, and then took on the name Tuureans.”
“Inhospitable?” Ghan asked.
He leaned back in his armchair and casually rested his right ankle atop his knee. Once more, I was impressed by the smoothness and grace of movement in such a muscular, massive male.
“It was the only way to ensure no one would bother with it while they made it inhabitable. With the set of gifts from the original Tuureans, everything was possible,” I said, not bothering to hide my pride. “Tuur means ‘vanguard’ in the old tongue. And lead they did, on every front. They laid the foundations of Haven, enhanced the local minerals into celesium, and gave us the technology that allowed the Tuurean Empire to rise. Simultaneously, they performed small raids in the hopes of rescuing some of us. My transport ship happened to be one of those raids.”
“But you are their leader…”
I smiled.
“Not quite. I’m the military leader, like Khel is yours. While he no longer sits in your Council, I am still part of ours.”
A strange expression crossed his face.
“Do you trust me, Aleina?” The soft tone made his deep voice rumble like a distant thunder.
My stomach fluttered, pleasure and unease fighting for dominance. The question had struck a nerve, but beyond that, I wanted to hear my name roll off his tongue like that, over and over again. Reining in my straying thoughts, I focused on his question, sensing the underlying one.
“With my life,” I said, pouring in all the sincerity I felt.
“Do you trust Khel?”
“It has nothing to do with trust. It…”
“Yes or no?” he interrupted.
I hesitated, the natural urge for secrecy turning my tongue to lead. However, we’d already come this far.
“If I had died today, the Veredian Council would have asked him to lead the Tuurean army as well, with my blessing. Does that answer your question?”
Despite his best effort, his eyes widened ever so slightly.
“And yet, after all this time…”
Although his voice trailed off, I guessed the unspoken question.
“Because there is a traitor who keeps allowing Varrek to elude us and who will rat us out the minute they find out about us,” I said. “Because some things cannot be undone and the consequences can be dire. Because thousands of my Sisters are still enslaved, and it is our duty to use whatever means necessary to free them while also keeping safe the ones that already are free. You cannot begin to understand how many sacrifices we make to achieve that goal. You have no idea how many lives depend on me making the right decisions every day.”
I ran a hand through my hair, overwhelmed by all the changes this would bring about.
“You think Amalia is going to be angry over me hiding my identity? What do you think she’ll do when she finds out that two of our Tuurean warriors are her half-sisters and that Kamala is her aunt, my own half-sister?”
He blinked at me, and then his lips twitched.
“It was nice knowing you,” he said.
I smiled, crushing the desire to laugh out loud. In my mind’s eye, I could picture Amalia torn between the need to berate me and hug me. She’d likely do both.
“I should have made that bet,” Ghan growled.
Bet? What?
“Lhor said you laughed even less than I did. I told him you actually laughed often but tried to hide it.”
“Is that so?” I challenged.
I was never the loud, demonstrative type. Becoming the enigmatic Admiral Lee had reinforced that trait. My stoicism in that role had been a source of pride.
“Whenever someone makes a joke or you witness a ‘funny’ situation, you push back your shoulders ever so slightly, as if to prevent them from bouncing with laughter. You did it just now.”
Really?
I had never noticed. That made me even more self-conscious. What other things had he managed to derive from my body language?
“You have a beautiful smile. I will enjoy discovering what other expressions match your other tells. Kamala’s, too, for that matter.”
That last comment snuffed out the pleasant warmth that his compliment had lit in my belly. My baby sister embodied Veredian perfection. Strong, tall, statuesque, with all the right curves in all the right places, Kamala was both sensuous and lethal. She had cried when I cut my braid to become the Admiral. I hadn’t cared until three years ago, when I first laid eyes on Ghan, knowing he would only ever see the cold, unfeeling male I impersonated.
“She’s a lovely female,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.
“She is smart, a phenomenal fighter, and beautiful; quite the combination.”
The thought of the two of them together made my stomach roil.
“Indeed.” My clipped tone shamed me.
Ghan narrowed his eyes at me. Rising out of my chair, I walked away, forcing my fists to relax.
“I’m a poor host,” I said to defuse the tension. “Would you like something to drink?” I asked, heading toward the drinks replicator near the breakfast table.”
“No, thank you,” Ghan said, rising as well. “I must depart anyway.”
His cool tone forced me to turn and face him. Broad jaw clenched, Ghan oozed with barely repressed anger.
What in Gharah’s name just happened?
“Ghan?” I asked, confused.
“Fear not, Admiral, the First Division and I will not pursue your precious Veredians with our unrequited attentions. We know our place. Good night.”
/>
My jaw dropped as Ghan turned on his heels and headed for the door. Khel’s words came rushing back to my mind.
How can I be so damn clumsy?
“Wait!” I said.
Running after him, I grabbed his arm, my fingers barely circling half of its bulging muscles. Ghan stopped, looked at my hand on him then turned and looked at me with a surprised expression.
Xelixians considered physical contact inappropriate, but in that instance I didn’t care. I’d dreamt of touching his bare skin for years.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said quickly, before my courage deserted me. “Your attentions would be anything but unrequited. Any Veredian would be blessed to claim you as hers... or any male of the First Division,” I amended as an afterthought.
Feeling emboldened that he hadn’t pulled away, I moved closer into his space, my eyes boring into his. His eyes widened, and I warmed under the intensity of his gaze. Letting go of his arm, I rested both my palms on his waist, my thumbs grazing his muscular abs. They contracted beneath my touch and his breath caught.
“Before today’s events, many of us couldn’t declare our interest,” I whispered. “But now, we’re free. I’m free at last to express how I truly feel.”
He froze, his shock plain to see. Yet, he still didn’t pull away.
Leaning forward, I pushed onto the tips of my toes to brush my lips against his. Ghan’s gaze smoldered and my stomach flip-flopped. Wrapping my arms around him, I pressed my chest to his and reclaimed his lips, this time with more conviction. After a beat, he finally responded, the firm cushion of his mouth pressing against mine. His large hands, powerful enough to snap my spine in two, held me close. One slid up my back, cupping my nape while his fingers gently massaged my scalp.
His chest vibrated with a rumbling purr that sent a delicious shiver down my spine. My skin heated and just as I sought greater closeness with him, his purr turned into a frustrated groan. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away. Stunned, I gazed up at him but, face turned to the side, he avoided eye contact.
“Ghan?” I asked, confused.
“You should rest,” he grumbled. “You’ve been badly hurt.”
“I don’t want to rest. The healers fixed me,” I said, raising my hands to cup his face.
He recoiled and caught my wrists but still wouldn’t look at me. Rejection burned in my gut. Pulling out of his grasp, I took a step back and hugged my midsection.
“Forgive me,” I said, eyes cast down.
He seemed to hesitate then turned and walked away. That hurt even more. Determined not to let him see the extent of my weakness, I lifted my chin and forced myself to watch him leave. The door swished open before him and once more he paused. Looking over his shoulder at me, his gaze roamed over me with a hint of sadness and regret that constricted my chest.
Ghan opened his mouth a couple of times before he managed to speak.
“Know that you are the most beautiful female I have ever laid eyes upon.”
He then left without another word. Speechless, I stood staring at the door as it closed behind him.
* * *
“So, did he rip into you?” Kamala asked.
Sitting crossed-legged on top of my bed, her hazel eyes sparkling with mischief, she fiddled with her ankle-length braid resting on her lap. It reminded me of our time in the breeding compound after our former master, Gruuk, had sent me away from the Revenant, the ship where I was born and where Mother, Amalia, and my oldest sister Sevina had lived. I never quite understood why he sent me to the same compound as my half-sister, but it hadn’t been a coincidence. Gruuk had never been mean to me, but not nice either. Being ripped away from my family had torn me to shreds. Finding Kamala had helped me through it.
“No,” I said, lying down on a pile of pillows propped up behind my back. “You know Ghan. He was very stoic and cool about it. He understood.”
“And?” she pressed.
Although she had no direct blood link with Amalia, my little sister shared many traits with our niece. Mischievous, a bit of a potty mouth—but thankfully to a much lesser extent—and rabid in defense of those she cared about. While she loved a good gossip, she would take to her grave any secrets shared in confidence.
“And nothing,” I said.
Normally, I’d do this just to get her riled up and eventually cave in to her curiosity. Today, however, hurt and confusion kept my tongue tied. Ghan pushing me away had felt like a shower of acid, but his parting words soothed the pain.
“Oh, don’t give me that!” Kamala playfully slapped my foot, a slight frown marring her forehead. “You’ve just had the biggest, most fearsome male in the Western Quadrant, rippling muscles, soul-piercing dark eyes, and rumbling voice all to yourself, locked up in your private quarters with you wearing that luscious-curves-hugging outfit. So don’t tell me nothing! Spill it! I want all the juicy details. Tell me you at least did a bit of groping!”
Although I managed to keep my expression neutral, my burning cheeks and ears gave me away.
“Oh Goddess! You did! You naughty girl!” She squealed, grabbing my ankle and shaking it.
“Ow! Let go,” I mumbled. “It wasn’t like that. I thought you liked him?”
“Pfft, we all like him. Big alpha male, scary-as-hell brutish face, biceps bigger than my head, can crush an enemy with one hand without breaking a sweat, and yet he turns into a cuddly, fluffy, little sweetheart at a simple smile from Zhara. What female wouldn’t want to have him melt like that for her? What Sister wouldn’t want to give him an army of daughters to fawn over like that, too?”
Something on my face must have tipped her as to how distraught her comments made me. She sobered and scooted closer to me.
“Aleina, every single one of our Sisters, myself included, has a bit of a crush on Ghan. But it’s not love. He would make the perfect mate AND he’s single, unlike Khel, Lhor, and Zhul who are the other three males everyone here and in Haven fantasize about. But unless they are clueless, everyone knows to keep away from Ghan. You’ve clearly marked your territory.”
“I didn’t mark my territory. The Sisters are free to pursue whom they please.”
The words scorched my lips, and I felt a red ball of rage simmer within imagining any of them making a move on him.
“Please, Lee,” Kamala said, rolling her eyes. “You don’t know how many of our Sisters’ heads had to be sewn back on after you bit them off for batting their eyelashes at Big and Mysterious.”
I wanted to argue, say it wasn’t true, but Khel had echoed her words less than two days ago.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t think Ghan is interested.”
My voice faded almost to a whisper on the last words. The teasing expression that had crept back up on Kamala’s face with her last comment disappeared once more.
“Ghan is more than interested,” Kamala said.
The certainty in her tone made me look up questioningly.
“This morning he crushed whatever doubts anyone may have had. Maybe you were too zonked out, but the way he looked at you, it’s like the Goddess herself had appeared before him.”
Pleasure and embarrassment inflamed my cheeks again. Even through the pain, my soul had recognized his. I’d felt the tingle of the Tuning the minute my armor had receded, and again tonight when he entered my private quarters. But it was his eyes I remembered most. For the first time, we had connected with no barriers between us. Even as I lay dying, he had made me feel safe, sheltered... loved.
“He called you as much, too,” she added with a teasing smile.
“Called me what?” I asked, confused.
“His goddess. That’s what Sameha means in Xelixian: my goddess.”
I frowned, feeling even more confused. He had indeed called me that while I bled out.
“What troubles you, sis?” Kamala asked. “What happened between the two of you? I expected to hear you planning your Fastening.”
Swallowing past the lump in my th
roat, I told her what happened.
She grabbed my hands and squeezed them.
“Lee, the poor male is in shock. He went from almost losing you to finding out you’re a female and his soulmate. He thought you didn’t think him good enough for Veredians but finds out instead you’ve got the hots for him. Give him a chance to recover. He’ll come around!”
I chewed on my bottom lip, hope blossoming in my heart, even as his last words kept replaying in my mind. I cast her an uncertain look.
“So, you’re sure you’re not in love with him? I mean, you two have grown close.”
She burst out laughing, and the last of my concerns drained away.
“Girl, I like Ghan because he’s the male version of you. Two people couldn’t be more similar.” She cupped my face in her hands. “You’re my sister, and I love you to pieces, but I’d take a blaster to my own head before I ever mated with someone like you. You’re too freaking stiff.”
She smacked a big, wet kiss on my forehead before jumping off the bed, giggling.
“Eww,” I complained, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand.
“Plus, I’ve wanted to have a bit of fun with a certain someone for a while now. My shackles are finally off!”
Who?” I asked, eyes bulging.
“That’s for me to know, big sister,” she said, spinning her long braid like a lasso. “For now, you get some rest and prepare for the epic spanking Amalia will lay on you.”
“She’ll want to spank you, too,” I argued.
“I’ll just tell her you ordered me to keep quiet. So it’s all your fault.”
I threw a pillow at her grinning face, and she strutted her way out of my quarters.
Grabbing a couple of pillows, I lay back down and held them to my chest, imagining I was holding Ghan again.
* * *
Standing before Amalia, Mother, Valena, and their mates, I’d never felt so self-conscious. Scratch that, it was fear gnawing at me. Even Ghan and Kamala’s presence did little to calm my racing heart. Although Khel’s potential reaction was somewhat concerning, Amalia worried me the most. Huddled between her mates on the dark couch of the Praghans’ estate family room, my niece looked at me with wide, intrigued eyes identical to mine. Khel’s arm wrapped casually around her shoulders while Lhor’s hand rested on her knee.