by Regine Abel
Reaching my hand out, I picked up the bracelets and placed them back into their drawer, along with the other items I had taken out. Without a word, I walked to the closet and took out a training outfit. I could feel Aleina’s intense stare burning through my back as I dressed.
“So that’s it?” she asked accusingly. “The first time we get into a fight, you just run away?”
My simmering anger went up a notch. Still, I forced myself to maintain a neutral expression.
“There is no fight. You stated what you wanted, and I am respecting your wishes. As for me, I am going to the atrium to meditate. While you don’t need me telling you what to do, I would suggest you also take a moment to reflect as to why you could open up so easily about very personal topics that would have most people squirming, but the thought of letting go to the person who loves you above life itself terrifies you so much.”
“It didn’t terrify me,” she whispered without much conviction.
I stared her down until she cast down her eyes.
“Do not wait up for me,” I said. “It might be late when I return.”
Without another word, I left the room.
CHAPTER 19
Aleina
As promised, my mate returned late, yet much earlier than I had expected. In truth, I had feared he might not return at all. Once he climbed into bed and pulled me into his embrace, the tension knotting my muscles finally ebbed away. We didn’t speak, content to hold each other close.
Sleep claimed me like a thief in the night. How, with the turmoil of emotions inside me? The Goddess only knew. Nonetheless, morning found me awakening to my mate laying out first meal on the breakfast table. Hearing me stir, he looked over his shoulder at me and smiled, the same tender, loving smile he always gave me.
Like nothing happened.
Was I making too big of a deal of what happened last night? Males tended to shrug things off more easily than females. Yet, while nothing broke, something had definitely fractured between us.
“Get up, sleepyhead,” Ghan said with that deep voice I loved so much. “We’ve got a full day ahead.”
While Ghan sliced the warm loaf of berries and nuts bread, I reached for one of the ryspaks to start peeling off the bitter, thick skin protecting the red flesh of the fruit. Halfway through, the sweet aroma made my mouth water so much I couldn’t resist eating a slice.
My eyes popped wide open and the loud moan that escaped my throat surprised even me. Ghan paused cutting the bread to give me a stunned look.
“Goddess! This is the best ryspak I’ve ever tasted!” I exclaimed.
And I’d been eating a lot of it in the past three months since Ghan and I became a couple. I extended a slice to him. He leaned forward and opened his mouth for me to feed it to him.
That made me smile.
“Hmm,” Ghan hummed, chewing. “You’re right. It is especially good. We’ll have to thank Khel. He had Sivh fill up the hold with a few crates from his latest harvest.”
“Well, I hope it’s more than just a few crates. If they’re all that tasty, I’ll be gorging on them like no one’s business.”
Ghan chuckled. “We’ll make a Xelixian out of you, after all.”
“Fat chance,” I replied in the same teasing tone he had used.
We ate quickly, got dressed and headed for the bridge. We had hoped to beat Gruuk at his own game and reach the fortresses before his automated message went out to the guards, but three days had been too short a window to coordinate multiple raids of this scale. Either way, he had planned everything with too much precision to have left this to chance. The Oracle had no doubt confirmed to him that under any scenario, we couldn’t have moved faster.
While we preferred to avoid combat situations that could put our troops and the captives in danger, capturing some of the guards, or better yet, capturing Varrek, would make this mission an even greater success.
We spent the next hour coordinating the attack, which proved tricky with the transmission delay between strike teams due to the great distance. To my utter frustration, instead of joining the raiding party on the surface, I had to deal with the diplomatic fallouts of the mission. Not all fortresses were located on deserted moons or hostile planets. The governments of some of the targeted planets, took serious offense at the sudden appearance of a joint Xelixian-Tuurean military fleet entering their space.
Zhul, on behalf of the Xelixian Council, and Khel as their military leader, helped me smooth things over. The few that seemed unwilling to be reasoned with were quickly cowed into silence with the threat of being charged with aiding and harboring Veredian traffickers. With the Galactic Council having declared us an endangered species, there would be serious consequences for anyone found collaborating with the slavers in any way, shape or form.
The news of our galaxy-wide raids was spreading too fast, forcing us to hasten the pace. Thankfully, finding every fortress deserted by the guards, made the task easy. In retrospect, I wondered if Gruuk had truly warned his staff out of loyalty toward them or because the Oracle had told him we couldn’t complete our task quickly enough if we also had to battle our way through each fortress.
We would probably never know.
Despite that, our teams managed to intercept a handful of straggling guards as they tried to take off. As much as I wanted to take part in their interrogation, I reluctantly left it to the good care of the First Division. The sheer number of rescued captives overwhelmed me, and they needed to be my focus.
From all the fortresses, we had recovered a little over four thousand Xelixians being harvested for their Thylin to be distilled into Bliss. The First Division collected thousands of crates filled with the drug for a market value exceeding billions of credits. They divided the healthier rescued males between the ships of the Xelixian fleet. Those needing medical supervision we brought aboard one of my battlecruisers.
The rescued Veredians proved to be the real problem. Despite their enormous size, my battlecruisers hadn’t been prepared to receive over twenty-two thousand new Sisters. Frightened, confused, desperate to find out about mothers, sisters, and daughters they had been separated from years ago, dividing them between the ships proved a monumental headache.
Tayana and the other ex-drones turned out to be a blessing from the Goddess. With this many rescued captives, we wouldn’t have been able to scan them all to check who had been brainwashed or not. A little under fifteen hundred of them were identified and held in a separate wing under surveillance until we could eliminate their conditioning.
Ghan’s absence weighed on me. After leading the raid in my stead, he had gone straight back to the Xelixian command ship, the Marauder. He’d remained there to coordinate his own troops, to care for the rescued Xelixians, and to perform the interrogations.
With news of the massive raids, bounty hunters, slavers, and space pirates had been lurking about, hoping our stretched out forces would give them an opportunity to raid an isolated and vulnerable ship. All our strike teams had been ordered to regroup at the rendezvous point so that we could move back to Tuur as one impregnable armada. Thanks to our advanced stealth technology, the stragglers avoided detection until they could rejoin with the larger armada.
Ghan had dispatched all the ships he could spare from his fleet to escort us or to scout ahead for potential trouble.
By the time I made it back to my quarters, my body was well past the point of exhaustion. My stomach growled when I walked into the room to find one of the Sisters had left a meal for Ghan and me on my breakfast table. I couldn’t recall eating anything after breakfast with my mate. I threw myself at it with wild abandon. He wouldn’t be joining me tonight so I indulged in his share as well.
We needed to get to Tuur fast or food would become a problem as well. There were far too many mouths to feed. Thankfully, a number of strike teams had the foresight to collect the remaining food from the fortresses, as well as pillows, mattresses and blankets. It helped supplement the sleeping accommodatio
ns we provided the Sisters. The biggest headache remained the hygiene facilities. The next couple of days before we arrived home would prove challenging for everyone.
After finishing my meal, I took a quick shower. Just as I prepared to collapse into bed, my com chimed. A quick glance at the display screen made my heart melt.
‘Dreaming of you.’
My mate… I texted ‘Miss you. I love you’ back to him. Curling up in bed, sleep found me with a smile on my face.
* * *
The nagging sensation of something tugging on my foot dragged me out of the most pleasant dream. Kamala, sitting on the side of my bed, was pulling on my big toe, a bratty grin on her face.
“Seriously?” I groaned, irritated.
“Get up, oh valiant leader! Duty awaits!”
“Tell it to wait a little longer,” I mumbled, feeling irrationally grumpy.
Like Ghan, I was an early bird. Lingering in bed while daylight trickled away was such a waste of time. Yet today, I wanted to do just that.
Relentless as always, Kamala pulled my blanket off me and smacked my bum.
“Ow!”
“Up, I said! Up!”
Growling, I rolled out of bed and scrubbed my face with both palms.
“At least you brought breakfast. You’re not so useless.”
She laughed at my ill-spirited mood and sat in what I now considered Ghan’s chair at the breakfast table. I swallowed through my constricted throat and averted my eyes. While pouring myself some flexina tea, I noticed the absence of my favorite new treat.
“There’s no ryspak!” I said, looking at my sister with a ‘what’s wrong with you’ look.
Her eyes bulged.
“Ghan’s not here?” The question was more of a statement.
“So?”
Kamala snorted. “Oh Goddess, did he convert you, too?”
“Me too? Who else has he converted?” I asked, jealousy blossoming in the pit of my stomach.
My sister burst out laughing. “He hasn’t been converting anyone, but the rest of the First Division has been extolling the virtues of ryspak so much the damn thing has started worming its way into a few of the Sisters’ diet. Apparently, the last batch Khel sent is extra sweet.”
“Oh Goddess, you have no idea! It’s sweet, juicy, with just the right amount of acidity.”
My mouth watered at the thought. I almost got up right there and then to go fetch some. Kamala’s baffled look sobered me.
“What?” I asked defensively.
“You sound like an addict.”
“Pfft, you clearly have never heard yourself speaking of chocolate.”
She snorted again. “Fair enough. Nobody messes with chocolate. Speaking of which, we need to restock. I’m running low. You don’t want to see me get angry over chocolate deprivation.”
I gave her an indulgent smile and dug into my food.
“How are things in the fleet?” I asked, abruptly changing the topic.
“Everything is okay. You’ll get the full report at the briefing after you’ve eaten and dressed.”
“Yeah, but have they encountered any hostile forces? Do I need to—?”
“Aleina STOP!” Kamala snapped, startling me. “I said everything is fine! We’ve handled it. Just finish your meal and then you’ll get your report. You don’t need to control everything all the time.”
“Sheesh, relax!” I said, taken aback by her unusual reaction. “I was just curious. You’re starting to sound like Ghan,” I mumbled before resuming my meal.
She leaned back in her chair and crossed those endless, shapely legs of hers that I always envied.
“So he also told you to be less of a control freak?” Kamala asked mockingly.
She didn’t say it in a malicious way and yet it hurt. Deeply. I shrugged, fearing my constricted throat would betray how much these talks about my need to be in control affected me.
Kamala narrowed her eyes at me. “Is there finally trouble in the perfect couple who instantly solve arguments with rational discussion?”
My eyes stung, and I tossed my utensils on my plate, torn between the need to cry and the urge to yell at her insensitive remark. But then, she couldn’t know what had happened.
Her taunting smirk faded, concern descending upon her features. “Oh Goddess, you really did have a fight. What happened?”
“We didn’t exactly have a fight. I might be blowing things way out of proportion, but I feel it in my gut. Something’s off.”
“What happened?”
I hesitated, running shaky fingers through my hair. Ghan cherished his privacy, as did I. Talking about our personal problems felt a little inappropriate. However, when it came to relationships, I felt utterly out of my depths and could really use Kamala’s advice right now.
Without going into too many details, I gave her a quick summary of what had transpired the previous evening. To my surprise, I had no problems talking about my hang ups concerning my mother. Mother had all but adopted Kamala as her own once she found out she was my half-sister, just like she had adopted Ghan the minute Amalia had declared him her big brother.
Speaking of how I refused to submit in the end though made my stomach cramp with guilt and unease. I didn’t know why it had upset me so much or why I now felt so defensive about it.
The heavy silence that followed after I stopped talking unnerved me. Kamala wasn’t shy to speak her mind, least of all to me, and the Goddess knew she always had an opinion about things. Yet, she merely leveled her hazel eyes on me, her forehead marred by a deep frown.
“Nothing to say?” I asked, distraught by her prolonged silence.
Her face took on a troubled expression which further increased my discomfort.
“Would it have been so bad to yield?” Kamala asked.
From such a hardcore defender of gender equality, that comment shocked me.
“Why should I?” I asked, feeling my anger resurface. “What was so wrong about me not being submissive? About me being in control? Why is he trying to change me? I am who I am. He should love me as the Goddess made me!”
She pursed her lips, her expression hardening. “What about you, Lee? Do you love him as the Goddess made him or are you trying to change him?”
What in Gharah’s name is that supposed to mean?
“I’m not trying to change him! I’ve asked nothing of him! I’ve taken him as he is!”
My sister heaved a sigh. Uncrossing her legs, she leaned forward and clasped her hands on top of the table with her ‘we need to talk’ look. I braced for what would follow.
“Lee, you know I love you and that I will never shy away from giving it straight to you, no matter how unpleasant it may be.”
I nodded, my anxiety level going up another notch.
“Ghan is an amazing male and probably the best catch on Xelix Prime… after Lhor.”
If I wasn’t so stressed, I would have smiled. Kamala wasn’t in love with my niece’s Second Mate, but she couldn’t help having a major crush on him, like half the Sisters who had met him or even merely laid eyes on him.
“But I fear you will lose him if you don’t start treating him better.”
My stomach dropped, and I felt my blood draining from my face. For all her antics, Kamala wasn’t prone to exaggeration or unnecessary drama, especially when discussing serious topics.
“What… How am I mistreating him?”
“Lee, I’m not trying to hurt you, but what I’m about to say is going to be harsh. However, this is what I’ve been observing since you two became an item.”
Bracing, I nodded for her to proceed.
“You’ve wanted Ghan for years. You worked hard to convince him to enter into this relationship, even knowing you could never cure him, or even improve his condition. He consented, condemning himself to the Goddess only knew how many years, maybe even a lifetime of constant agony from the Taint. For you.”
I swallowed hard, shame burning in the pit of my stomach. Yes, I would hav
e done anything for him to stay with me, even at the cost of his pain. That same way I forced him to lay with me despite his shame over the side effects of the Taint and his lack of sexual drive at the time. That, too, he did for me, although I’d never speak of it to Kamala.
“The Goddess blessed him with his Taint being removed. No thanks to you, but thanks to our nephew. With his rank, the wealth Lhor has built him, and now being a Norm that could be mistaken for a Prime, Ghan would be one of the best non-noble catches on Xelix Prime. If he had presented himself to the Fastening Ceremony, females would have thrown themselves at him. Females that could do the same thing you are by maintaining his current health. But females that could also give him what you can’t: children.”
“Wow!” I said, unable to believe her cruelty.
“I know this hurts, and I’m sorry. But these are harsh truths you need to hear.”
Shaking, I hugged myself and blinked away the sting in my eyes.
“Despite that, he still chose you and married you according to our traditions. But you will not bond with him according to his traditions because Aleina Fein must remain a secret. He was the second in command to one of the most powerful armies in the Western Quadrant. He forfeited it to follow you.”
“I didn’t ask him to do that!”
“No, you didn’t. You didn’t have to because he already knew you wouldn’t step down from your position to follow him. So Ghan made the sacrifice and chose you over his career or personal wishes. But where exactly does that leave him?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, battling the searing guilt that twisted my insides.
“What’s his role here?” Kamala asked, her unyielding gaze boring into mine. “What’s his rank? What’s his title? What are his powers and duties? Besides being Admiral Lee’s mate, where does he stand in the chain of command? I’m your First Officer, but is he above me? Below me? And what of Ashara? And Jez?”
Cheeks reddened, I shrugged and shook my head, having no answer to give. My girls had earned their rank through years of hard work and unshakable loyalty. Ghan was far too senior to report to any of them, and yet I couldn’t justify demoting them either in favor of my mate. So like a coward, I had merely avoided dealing with it and let things evolve organically. I ached to bury my face in my hands to hide my mortification but forced myself to look at my sister as she pursued her brutal assessment of my behavior.