"I heard the libido thing is off the charts second and third trimester. Get ready."
"What are we preparing for?" Holger said as he walked into the kitchen. His arms were loaded down with packages.
"What are those?" I asked.
"More wedding gifts, I imagine."
"Fuck that life. I'll let you two get cracking on those." I stood and kissed Michael on the cheek. “I'll be in bed contemplating my whole existence.”
"I have some work to finish up, but I'll be in in a bit. Go ahead."
"What are we preparing for?" Holger asked again.
"Twins, bro," I said with some jazz hands as I walked toward our bedroom. Michael's snort of laughter finally made me smile.
✶
We didn't have sex that night. I was in a coma when Michael came to bed and whether he tried to wake me up or not, the sex was not happening. Even though I was feeling better, he insisted PJ drive me and Patch to the office in the morning. Doctor Fanboy assured me that there would be unpredictable morning sickness for the duration of this slow descent into madness. Catching a ride didn't seem like a bad idea.
I didn't even try to sneak into the office all cute like I was gonna get away with not talking about this for even one second. I just threw open the door for Patch and stormed in.
"I'm back, bitches. Who wants to see pictures of my insides?"
"Oh, thank God." Daniella jumped up from her desk. She rushed over and tugged me to the couch. "The suspense was killing me. Tell us everything."
Lili followed and took her usual seat on my right side. Brittany wasn't far behind. Jade seemed only moderately interested, and she stayed at her desk.
"So definitely pregnant," Daniella said.
"Oh yeah. Supre pregnant," I said as I pulled out my laptop and brought up the video Michael had been sweet enough to upload for me. He knew Daniella too well.
"I feel like every time you come into the office now, you have life-altering news," Lili said in her nearly monotone way.
"Well let's hope nothing else happens. I haven't even changed my name on my driver's license yet and I have to start thinking about mom things. Shudder. There." I pressed play on the little clip and then pointed to the screen. "Baybay One and Baybay A."
"Wait." Daniella said back, looking like she was about to slap me. "Two?"
"Yup."
"And you went a whole twenty-four hours without telling me?!"
"I'm still waiting for the other half of my brain to process the news."
"Kay! Oh my god." She threw her arms around me, then held me at arm’s length. "Are you excited? Are you okay? Is Michael okay? Oh my god."
"We're both fine. Still in shock, but fine."
"Yay, yay, yay." She clapped her hands and bounced on the cushion beside me. "First a wedding, now baby stuff. I love this kind of shopping."
"Lemme see?" Jade slowly made her way over. I pressed played for her, pointing out the two separate sacks again.
"Trippy. Bodies are weird, dude. Congrats." Jade patted me on the back and went back to her desk.
"Can I name one?" Lili asked.
"Excuse me?" Daniella said. "If anyone gets naming rights—”
"Today's my last day!" Brittany blurted out.
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Your what?" I put down my laptop and turned to face Brittany who was standing a few feet behind the couch suddenly, like she’d been backing away from us.
"You're quitting?" I asked.
"Yeah. I, um—I'm so sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you."
"Um, what happened?"
"Yeah, why are you leaving?" Daniella asked. "Is it something we can at least talk about first?"
Brittany was really young, but she was smart and organized as hell. She was a perfect foil for Lili and Jade with the upbeat energy she brought to our workspace. I really liked her.
She started crying. "I'm going away with Chris. We met at your wedding and really hit it off."
"Which Chris?" Lili muttered the right question. Michael was friends with every A-list Chris in Hollywood and all but one made it to our wedding. I knew the one she was talking about, though. I'd seen them talking at the reception.
"He's going to Morocco to shoot a movie and he asked me to come with him."
"Uh, and what about when you get back? You won't need a job when you get back?" Daniella asked gently.
"We're gonna play it by ear. I know it sounds stupid, but look at you two. You married your rich Prince Charming. And Daniella, you know that Duke would whisk you away at the drop of a hat. Neither of you need this company."
"She's got you there," Lili said.
"Stop," Daniella grumbled at her sister. "There's a slight difference there though, Brit. Neither of us quit our jobs to run after Duke or Michael.”
"But Kayla was unemployed when she met Michael, that's what you said." She looked at me, eyes pleading like I was gonna suddenly run to her defense.
My mouth popped open. And then I closed it and scrubbed my cheek. "I'm gonna get some air. Daniella, care to join me?"
"Sure."
I grabbed Patch’s leash and we followed him out as he booked it to the door.
As soon as we were outside, I spun on Daniella. "Is she fucking serious?"
"I don't know. Sounds like it. What do we do?"
"What can we do? She already quit. You want to talk her out of going? ’Cause I kinda don't. But I mean, give us a little heads up."
"Yeah, not so professional. Yeah...shit. There's nothing we can do. We can have her write her own job listing before she leaves."
"I'll do it. I want her to make sure she gives us everything, and I mean every contact, email, vendor, everything before six o'clock."
"That's fair. You're kinda sexy when you get all bossy."
"I'll take that compliment and hold on to it for when I can't see my feet anymore."
"She really thinks this is gonna turn out like you and Michael. I guess it could happen. Chris is pretty nice."
"Yeah nice and like, allergic to monogamy. He came to our wedding with his fifth supermodel of the year."
"True. And he's not Michael."
I turned up my nose and flipped my hair over my shoulder. "That is true. I can't believe she said that though. I mean, I know Michael and Duke are amazing, but this?"
“I know, I know. I didn't like that either. And it's really not the same thing. Let's go back inside and try not to choke her."
"In a minute. Patch is doing the dance."
After my puppy had gotten his fill of the parking lot's shrubbery, we went back in. Daniella sat with Brittany and after she got her to stop apologizing, they started transferring everything she had stored on her laptop and her brain.
I texted Michael. Chris stole our assistant. Brittany is running away with him to Morocco.
He answered right away.
Which Chris?!!
I smiled and started texting him again, but then of course what’s an hour in my life without a little action.
"Um, Kayla?" Lili said.
"What now?"
She messaged me the link. A gossip site. I knew this was gonna be good. I clicked it and sure enough. There was a picture of Michael and I leaving the hospital under the headline EXPECTING ALREADY??’ Thank god Zia had taught me a great five-minute-paparazzi-face so I didn't look like pure shit. But what the fuck?
"Kay?" Lili must have sent the link to Daniella too.
"I'm fine."
And I was, or would be as soon as I made another high-speed trip to the bathroom.
✶
Michael found me out in the cabana with the puppies. It was a perfectly cool night and the wifi signal was strong, and it was impossible to surf gossip sites and watch Netflix at the same time. We’d wrapped things up with Brittany and sent her on her way with our best wishes. After PJ drove me home, I’d showered just to wash away some of the tension I was holding in my neck. And my shoulders, and my lower back, and my feet
. And my forehead. I risked some soup and some tea and decided the kind of solitude in nature that only a billion dollar fortune could buy was exactly what I needed.
I texted my sisters to let them know that they were indeed going to be aunts. Kiara responded right away. Kaleigh was probably out doing sporty things and would get back to me later. They grow up so fast. I texted my husband to let him know that I was turning off my phone. He could get me through Holger and the house phone if he needed to. Then I found the cheesiest sitcom that I’d been meaning to watch and escaped into bliss. I smiled when I saw Michael walking across the pool deck, the aqua-green and white lights reflecting all around him. It was a full suit and tie type day. His hair was down though. He looked so good.
“Hi.”
“You look happy,” he said as he leaned over and kissed my lips.
“I am happy. I’m pretending.”
“Oh? What are we pretending?”
“That today didn’t happen. That I don’t have to scramble to find a new assistant before we leave for Miami. And I'm pretending two dozen more wedding gifts that we need to write thank-you notes for didn't show up today while we were at work. And I'm definitely pretending that almost my entire family and almost all of my friends didn’t find out that I’m pregnant from a shitty website.”
“If it makes you feel any better, they weren’t even after us.”
“They weren’t?”
“Nope. Sylvie Jordan sees Dr. Zelner too and she had an appointment right after us. But she's eight months along and has a movie coming out soon. Her people tipped them off. They just happened to catch us first.”
“How do you know all this? This isn’t like you.” Michael was just as annoyed with the unwanted media coverage, if you could call it that, but he usually ignored it and told me to do the same. This wasn’t like him at all.
“I made a call.”
“Really?”
“There’s catching us walking down the street and there’s catching us coming out of doctor’s appointments. They can at least give us until you start showing. When it’s not just speculation.”
I slid down the cushions and pulled up the skirt of my dress. I had a bit of a tummy, but I was mostly tits and ass and really big thighs. “I can’t see past my boobs, but am I showing now?”
“I think there’s a little something there, yeah.” I shivered as he gently ran his fingers over my belly. He kissed me a few times, trailing his lips all over my skin. My fingers slipped into his soft hair and swept it away from his face. “Hey babies.”
“Baybay One and BayBay A. Individuals of equal importance.”
“God, twins really are a handful. I have to have more conversations with your dad, don’t I?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Okay then. Well, Babies A and One, cover your ears. I’m gonna make out with your mom.”
“Are you?”
“Oh yeah.” He climbed back up the cabana seat, caging me between his arms. “We had an appointment last night. I think now is as good a time as any to make up for it.”
“Go slow,” I said with a little pout. “I’m achy and so, so fragile.”
“Then I better start slow, huh?”
“Yeah.”
And go slow he did. He ditched his tie first. And then his jacket and his dress shirt. It was quite the show, watching him peel away the skintight undershirt. I was ready. I had been ready since the moment he joined me on the cushions, but seeing my name on his chest, that made me ache. My pussy clenched on itself, suddenly desperate for something only he could give me. He saw how impatient I was getting, even though I asked for him to go slow. He reached for the hem on my maxi dress and together we shimmied it up the length of my body. My bra was next. I sat up so he could pull it all the way off.
"Are they sensitive?" he asked.
"Yes," I nearly moaned as he gently pushed them together. He sucked each tip, pulling them to an almost painful point, but I held on to him, digging my fingers into his hair. No way I wanted him to stop. I came, writhing against him, saying his name, urging him to keep going. His erection hard against my hip.
When neither of us could stand it anymore, he moved to my neck. Started with a kiss, soft but sweet with that lazy but firm drag of his tongue across my skin. It turned to sucking, almost hard enough to leave a mark. I reached for him, groping the crotch of his pants. His belt slipped free in my hands and together we pulled off his pants and his boxer briefs and then my husband was truly all mine. He let me stroke him a few times. Let me enjoy the feeling, the thickness of him between my fingers then he was on top of me again, kissing and sucking at my shoulder and neck. His hand spread my thick thighs apart. All the woman he'd ever need, he'd told me once. I felt myself soaking even more as he worked his fingers inside of me. It had to be the hormones, the increase of everything, but it had never felt so good.
"This isn't gonna end up online tomorrow, is it?" I asked with a giggle that melted into a sob as he positioned himself to rub his hard cock along my clit. “Are there drones flying through the canyon?"
"No, baby. And if there are, you know I'll handle it." Of course he would. He always did.
Michael sank himself inside my pussy, all the way, nice and deep, and I thought I would cry when he pulled back and then pushed himself in. He did it again and again.
This was better than make believe, more than compensated for the gossip rags and the misinformed ex-assistants and the things I wanted to keep private until I had time to fully process them. This was everything. The way his body moved over me, inside of me, the way I couldn't stop saying his name. The sweat, both of ours, mixing on my chest as I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him closer, begged him, always begged him to fuck me harder.
I knew I'd need to mentally check out for a few days. Ignore everything that was going on around us. But this, the love we made, it was real and I was never letting it go. I came twice more, a big explosive orgasm as he ground his hips against mine and another long series of blinding tremors as he fucked me to his finish.
When he couldn't support his own exhausted weight anymore, he collapsed beside me on the cabana seats.
"Inside," I huffed. "We might have to do that again when we go inside."
"I might have to rethink that Viagra prescription."
"Yeah right. Fuck around, leave me with two kids and Holger? I'll dig you up and kill you myself."
Michael laughed, then pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me. Maybe one more time before we went inside, I told myself. That would do the trick.
Six
I got to play pretend for another twenty-four hours. Thanks to Michael and his magical dick down, I was feeling loose and relaxed enough to share a few bites of his dinner, this delicious Italian dish Holger put together. I was half dead, hurling with heartburn up to my eyebrows half the night. My fabulous husband got up and made me this peppermint concoction he and Holger had looked up after my first sonogram. The next morning, I was in no mood to get dressed and go to work. I texted Daniella, letting her know I wouldn't be in.
Dying. Actually dying. Pray for me. Pray for the children.
Are you really dying, like in the ER or ...?
Being dramatic. Morning sickness is really all day and all night sickness and it’s fucking bullshit.
I don't doubt it. Future Adopters of America Unite. Lay down and call me when you’re up to it. We've got resumes to review.
Also A Debbie Newman from Notable Moments called and left a message with a kind of bizarre congratulations and a request for a meeting.
I stared at the text, trying to think what they could possibly have in mind. We’d been trying to get one of our Millennial lines picked up by the greeting card giant for almost a year, but other than their Twitter account exchanging tweets with our Twitter account, they kind of acted like we didn’t exist.
I’ll call her back, I offered but Daniella had it covered.
You rest. I’ll call her. It could be nothing.
> She was right. We were the little guys. They could be asking us for something silly. I thanked her again for being the best friend/business partner ever, then burrowed back under my sheets.
✶
Turns out Notable Moments actually wanted something. Something big. Thanks to WeNeedEnoughMaterialfor24hoursofClickbait.com, someone in their office had picked up that I was pregnant. Well really, it was thanks to Lili and her awesome social media-ing that we were even on their radar, but now that they knew I was pregnant, they wanted to do a partnership with K&D. I had no idea, but Notable Moments had a baby line, like baby clothes and accessories that went with their modern home stationery collection. At first it made no sense to me. When I think stationery, I don’t think onesies, but the patterns actually transferred nicely.
They wanted us to partner with them on a line of cards, babywear and maternity graphic tees for today’s mom and they wanted me to be the face of the line. I politely asked if I could think about that part. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to do it. I liked working behind the scenes, and I wanted to talk to Michael about it. Not that he would have tried to stop me, but we were a team now and teams talk. We agreed to regroup in a few weeks. I’d show them some design ideas and they’d show up with some contracts and some real money. I still felt like shit, but the prospect of doing something at work that actually let me focus on the babies and my own pregnancy got me all energized again.
I got a good bit done, but had to pause to see what fruit best resembled the current size of A and One. This was my life now. Work and then googling baby stuff. I stayed away from the scary shit, but found like twenty really cool videos on home births. No way in hell that was happening, though I could see Holger being up for the challenge, but they were still really fascinating to watch. Michael came home when I was deep in a youtube playlist. I looked up when Patch ran to meet him and Penny in the kitchen.
"Our babies are the size of kumquats." I wanted to talk to him more about the Noteable Moments deal, but this was more pressing.
SO FOR REAL: A Sugar Baby Novella Page 6