by David Bach
Imagine the strength it took to make that decision not to quit. Her friends teased her constantly. “Oh, Rose,” they’d say, “come to lunch with us.” “Oh, Rose, you don’t need to worry about retirement—you’ll have Social Security.” “Oh, Rose, why do you worry so much? The future will take care of itself.” Why were her friends so unsupportive? Maybe because they were afraid of what she might accomplish—that she would become rich and they wouldn’t.
Remember, you have a choice in life: you can accept what you have or you can decide to live life with a plan and a purpose—which is to say, to its full potential. Following through on that decision to go for it isn’t always easy. You’re going to make mistakes—hopefully not the ones I listed in this chapter, but there are bound to be some. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s perfectly normal. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes, to get back up again, and to keep moving forward. Like everything else that’s worthwhile, living and finishing rich takes real commitment. But if you and your partner want it badly enough, I know in my heart that, working together, you can make it happen.
STEP 9
PLAN A
MONEY DATE™
Over the last eight chapters, we’ve been talking about all sorts of action steps designed to help you and your partner live smart and finish rich. We’ve covered a lot in this book, right? Didn’t I tell you this update would be worth your time? I just gave you a complete top-to-bottom financial-planning overview. This book was thorough—and you made it to the end. Well done! Seriously, it’s impressive, and it shows you’re committed. I’ve taken you from getting organized financially to Purpose-Focused Planning, all the way through security, retirement, and dream planning. As I’ve said repeatedly, if the two of you follow only a few of the steps, you’ll be better off than 90 percent of the population. If you do all of them, you’ve got a great chance to be in the top 1 percent. You’ve now got a list of things you know you need to do. Your partner may also have a list. You now need to get on the same page and go to work on this. The fastest way to stop worrying about money is to work on your money together. The best way to do it is to plan a Money Date™.
THE MONEY DATE™: HOW TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS REAL—AS A COUPLE!
When I went around the country promoting the first edition of this book, I kept doing interviews where I said, “The key to making money work for couples and stopping the fights is to make money romantic.” Arianna Huffington wisely asked me on my last tour, “How can you possibly make managing money romantic?” My answer was “You need a Money Date.” Matt Lauer interviewed me on Today and basically questioned whether talking about money wasn’t a little like going to the dentist. I had to laugh. “No, Matt, it’s much better than going to the dentist,” I replied, “provided you work as a team! You just need to start with a Money Date.”
Why? It’s actually very simple…
Couples that plan together, win together.
—David Bach
But here’s the tricky part. When do you plan? When do you work on your money? When do you talk about it? What I have seen from my experience as a financial advisor, educator, and co-founder and executive running a financial service company is that most couples talk about money at the wrong time. Most couples talk about money reactively. Most couples talk about money when they’re paying the bills. Often, what happens is that one person is paying the bills and the other person is going about his or her day obliviously—then WHAM!—the conversation starts. “Did you know we spent x amount of dollars on x stuff this month?” The conversation might have started innocently over a particular item, but it often leads to a fight over the bigger issues that are not being discussed (either whether the couple is saving enough or, if they’re retired, do they have enough money). And if the money fight doesn’t start while paying the bills, then it typically starts in bed or in the car. Trust me, bed is never a good place to talk about money (unless it’s a lot of money and you’re giving it to your partner). And the car? What usually happens is that the motivated partner gets his or her significant other locked in a car that is trapped in traffic and then wants to talk money. Funny, right?
Probably by now you’re smiling or laughing because you have experienced this personally. I relate these examples because this is what people really do. Don’t do this.
The secret to being a smart couple who lives and finishes rich is that you work on your finances proactively as a team. You plan time to talk before there’s an emergency. Don’t wait until one of your kids is a year away from college to discuss money. Don’t wait until a month before retirement. Don’t wait until one of you is sick. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Plan a time to talk now.
PLANNING YOUR FIRST MONEY DATE
So now you need the time to talk about this stuff we’ve covered. You need to schedule what I call a Money Date. What’s a Money Date? It’s a designated time during which the two of you agree to discuss your financial life and work on it. You can literally use the chapters of this book as your Money Date guide. You can start with Step One and take the quiz. Then you can go through Step Two, discussing your values as a couple using the Value Circle and write out your Purpose-Focused Financial Plan (Appendix 3). What could be cooler and more romantic than having a date where you talk about your highest values both individually and as a couple and discuss your goals? Maybe on the first date you skip ahead on the steps and get your financial life organized using the FinishRich File Folder System in Step Three. Do as much on a date as you can, or spread it out over a half dozen dates. The point is that you hold the road map. You’ve got the tools. The secret is that you need to carve out the time to do it. And that’s why I call it a Money Date.
You now need to get a designated time on the calendar, knowing full well (both of you) that you are setting aside this time to talk about your money, without distractions. If both of you have agreed in advance what you will talk about, the conversation can be that much easier and more productive. Furthermore, many couples who have financial advisors regard the meeting with the advisor as that special “Money Date”—only now, with my coaching, they plan a lunch following the appointment to connect with each other even more deeply. The key is that you need the designated time to talk about all the little stuff and the big stuff.
When you bring this idea up with your partner, you can simply explain, “It’s David’s idea—he said we need to do this.” I know this date will help you BOTH. Seriously, try it.
Finally, if your financial advisor gave you this book—and so many do give this book to their clients—please thank the advisor and let him or her know when you had your date! Lastly, I recommend, as time goes on, that you plan an annual Money Date, like a Money Date Anniversary. Many couples schedule this around their anniversary or around the time of their annual financial review with their trusted financial advisor.
CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESS
Too often in life, we get so focused on the result that we lose sight of the process. Part of planning a Money Date can also be celebrating what is already working in your life and how far you have come. Whenever I ask couples to tell me about their past, I also ask them, “What have you overcome together?” It’s amazing how just that question can lead to a half hour’s discussion that is insanely deep and powerful. It’s sometimes easy for couples to forget in the heat of life how much they’ve accomplished together. Just asking yourself this question, then discussing it on a date, and recognizing “how far we’ve come” can make for a remarkable first Money Date. It’s moment for you to look back and reflect. Simply doing this can give you the confidence to move forward to your bigger goals and dreams.
The truth is that the number-one reason people stop trying at work and in life is that they have set themselves up for failure by deciding that nothing less than perfection is acceptable. The truth is that perfection does not exist. The key to living smart and finishing rich is to regard the pursuit of progress as a journey—a journey that you enjoy along the way by making sure to
celebrate the small victories as well as the big ones together.
THREE WORDS
THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE
It’s now time for the two of you to continue your journey together by living in line with your values and making your dreams and financial goals a reality. We’ve completed our nine steps together. But I want to leave you with a thought that I think is critical. Money may be important, but it is not the be-all and end-all. The greatest gifts we human beings can receive are life and love. You and your partner right now have both, and that’s something no amount of clever purchasing or investing can get anyone.
Often, in our pursuit of goals and wealth, we lose sight of what matters most. Life is short, and sometimes it gets taken away from us before we realize how special it is. Insurance merely provides money to the people we love; it doesn’t bring us back. If you are in a relationship with someone right now—if you’ve found that special person with whom to share your life and love—then you are truly blessed, because you’ve overcome one of the hardest challenges there is. Compared to that, this money stuff is actually pretty easy—especially now that you have the knowledge to do it right.
So take some time to relax. Smart Couples Finish Rich is not about the two of you changing each other and learning how to sacrifice. It’s about growing with each other and loving life together. You don’t have to stop having fun to live and finish rich. In fact, the more fun you have on this journey we call life, the more you are guaranteed to live and finish rich.
With that in mind, take a few moments to stop and think about why it is you love your partner so much. Remember why and how you fell in love and what it is that made this person so special to you. You might consider taking 15 minutes to put this in writing. But whether you do or do not put it in writing, take a few minutes and let your partner know how much you really love him or her and why. The three words “I love you” can never be heard enough. We’ve got a serious “I love you” deficiency in this country and the best place to start fixing it is at home. So right now give a dose of “I love you” to your partner, to your parents, to your friends, and especially to your kids, if you have any. You’ll feel better and you might just change the life of someone you care about forever.
Finally, remember that this journey we call life is a gift. It shouldn’t have to take losing someone you love, or becoming deathly ill yourself, to appreciate it. My hope for you is that you start living with all the passion you have deep down inside of you. You know, in five years, you can either be five years older or five years older living with more passion, living more richly, and being closer to finishing rich. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and it will be determined by what you do, not what you want. I hope in some small way this book and our time together has helped the two of you to look at your lives and get excited about your future again. Really going for your dreams takes strength, and I know deep in my heart that you both have that strength.
Until we meet again along the journey…have fun and live rich!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
FOR THE UPDATED EDITION
I was finishing up this book on a Saturday. My kids, Jack and James, asked me where I was going. I said, “guys, I’m headed in to the office to finish the update of Smart Couples Finish Rich.” “You’re updating another book?” Jack asked. “Yes,” I replied. “People seem to have really appreciated the update to The Automatic Millionaire, so I’m doing updates to my other books.” Jack said, “Well, that’s cool, Dad. I have a soccer game at five. Be home, okay?” And I said, “You got it, buddy—thanks for understanding.” And now I’m typing these final pages.
The truth is that I can’t believe I’m getting the privilege to update this book and re-release it after 17 years. The years have flown by. Smart Couples Finish Rich was my second book. I never imagined then that I would write 10 more books within a decade, much less have more than 7 million books in print around the world. Every day I pinch myself that what started off as a dream to teach a million people to be smarter with their money came true. None of this would have been possible without YOU, my readers, my community, my friends. You made it possible for me to keep doing what I love. You shared it. And then you came back for more. I have tried each year to give you more goodness, and ways to live and finish rich, and I sincerely hope that I have had a positive impact on your life. So to my readers, YOU first and foremost, THANK YOU! And thank you to the many couples who offered their success stories for this book—I so appreciate your sharing with me your personal journeys and taking the time to write to me.
I also want to thank my publisher for supporting this update, specifically Roger Scholl, my editor, for his hard work on this updated edition. Thank you, Roger! And to my team at NMSG, who crashed out the production of this book—THANK YOU. A special thank-you to Ginny Carroll, who read every word of this and made it stronger. We did it. I owe a special thank-you to Oprah Winfrey, and her amazing team at Harpo, who invited me to do a show after The Automatic Millionaire show, called How to Become a Millionaire Couple. That show helped us reach millions more and propelled this book to become the #1 paperback business book of the year! To my agent, Jan Miller—without you none of this would ever have happened. Thank you—I adore you! To my attorney, Stephen Breimer, there are simply no adequate words ever; thank you for all you have done during my career. You are a true angel. To Allan Mayer: we worked on this and nearly a dozen other books. You were and are a dear friend as a writing partner. Thank you for your wise editing.
To my team at AE Wealth Management, and to our co-founders, Cody Foster, David Callanan, and Derek Thompson. Thank you for encouraging me to come join the ride with you to build one of America’s fastest-growing Registered Investment Advisors, or RIAs. As I write this, we have more than 215 advisor office partners and 345 advisors, with over $2 billion in assets under management and growing. Thank you to our team of licensed advisors who are now teaching Smart Couples, Smart Retirement seminars around the country (the new seminar based on this book). You’re going to be teaching thousands of couples every year to be smarter in retirement, and that is simply awesome. Thank you for your hard work and dedication.
Finally, and closest to my heart, I want to thank my blessing of a family. I live to be a dad and a husband. To Alatia, my wife, who makes every day better: I love you with all my heart. Thank you for loving us so much. Thank you for picking me up when I get down and for dancing with me when I want to celebrate. You are my best friend and soul mate. You make every day fun. You make everything better. Most important, you give me the best hugs. To my sons, Jack and James: Boys, you’ve made being a dad the greatest joy of my life. Nothing else comes close to the happiness I have received by simply being your dad. You are the best two kids a dad could ever ask for, and you also give really, really good hugs. I wish for you everything you wish for yourselves. I hope you will always go for your dreams, even if they seem impossible. Be nice to others (and yourselves), care more than others expect you to—and do the right thing even when no one else is watching. Your life will be richer as a result. To my parents, Bobbi and Marty Bach, no son could be luckier than I am. You are the parents that kids dream of having. You still show up and cheer for me in my middle age. I love you. Finally, to my insanely cool modern family. My amazing first wife, Michelle, and her totally incredible husband, Gene, and daughter, Charlotte—I can’t believe how lucky we are for “Team Jack” and for our family’s love. Michelle, you were a huge part of this original book. Thank you for being not just willing to remain in it but happily encouraging me to leave it as is (and, thanks to you, I did).
David Bach
New York
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
FOR THE ORIGINAL EDITION
Many people made it possible for Smart Women Finish Rich and Smart Couples Finish Rich to become national bestsellers. Only because of the support and love of the following have I been able to take this incredible journey and reach so many people…
First, to the readers of Smar
t Women Finish Rich and Smart Couples Finish Rich: thank you, thank you, thank you. The best part of writing a book is hearing from readers who have been motivated to take action. To those of you who have e-mailed me or sent me letters, thank you for taking the time to let me know how I touched your lives. The knowledge that I’ve reached so many of you is what makes all this effort of writing, speaking, and traveling worth it.
To Suzanne Oaks, my editor at Broadway Books: we did it! Thanks again for your incredible feedback and support. Your ideas are always right on the money. To Claire Johnson, thank you for your patient help in putting the pieces of this updated book together. To my PR gurus Heidi Krupp and David Drake, thank you both for your tireless and incredible help promoting both of my books. Your teamwork on my behalf has been invaluable and I’m eternally thankful. To the outstanding sales team of Broadway, thank you for supporting my book, and selling it into the markets where my seminars take place. This extra effort has led to tens of thousands of additional book sales.
To Allan Mayer: working with you on these two books has truly been a joy. We are so “in synch,” and I am so grateful to have you as a collaborator. Thanks for always doing what you say you’re going to. You are a class act.
An enormous thank-you goes to my team at Van Kampen Investments. As a result of our efforts, we have so far reached more than 250,000 women with Smart Women Finish Rich™ seminars—and we are just getting started! As we roll out Smart Couples Finish Rich™ seminars coast to coast in 2002, we will undoubtedly help thousands more. To Jack Zimmerman, Dominic Martellaro, Lisa Kueng, Scott West, and Gary DeMoss: thank you for believing in me and the power of this project. To the entire team of world-class wholesalers at Van Kampen who have collectively done thousands of seminars and to the thousands of financial advisors who now present my FinishRich™ seminars worldwide, thank you for delivering the message.