You could trick yourself, and imagine you’re in an Aztec jungle, and suddenly there’s ruins there.
(except it’s a Mexican restaurant sign)
I don’t know why, but I feel obsessed with that view. Like I know it’s one of those views/moments I will remember forever, like it’s significant in some way, important.
So I sunbaked on the beach for awhile, drove around, rang Julia, got back to the motel about 3pm, then went for the most beautiful 2 hour walk along the water at Labrador. I started right outside Stardust and kept walking, away from Surfers.
I love Labrador so much. I loved that walk I went on. Felt almost magical. Was just so STUNNING, the way the sun was setting, how the water looked and felt, the air, the light, the blue sky forever, the seagulls, the romance and tranquillity of it all. It’s something you would never tire of, never take for granted. You could just live your life here, and be forever happy. What could ever break you, when you have this as your view each day?? This to come home to??
It feels like home. Anywhere on the Gold Coast.
So I got back to the motel about 5.30pm, figuring Ever would be there soon, so I had a shower, then hopped into bed and watched tv. The entire room was pink: sheets, quilt, pillows, towels, tablecloth, wet rugs. I felt so at home.
Comforted, you know?? In my little dive. It says a lot about me, I think, that dodgy dives comfort me. Not riches and luxury.
Then I HEARD Evvy arrive, Christina Aquilera booming out of his car.
I’m so reassured he’s THAT confident in his masculinity that he can play ‘What a Girl Wants’ that loud, and still show his face in public.
I’d texted him the number of the room, so he knocked, I yelled, “Come in!”, he entered, took two squelching steps, cried, “UGH!!! What is this!!!” and I laughed from my comfortable (dry) spot in bed.
Evvy looked around the room. “Ahhhhh, I’m BEYOND SPEECH right now…”
“Isn’t it GREAT!!! I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!”
He dumped his overnight bag
(black, sleek, expensive, like his car, like his personality)
on the rotting table
(we both watched as the table suddenly lurched to the side)
and shook his head in amazement. “I can’t believe this.”
“Cool, huh!!”
“Why is the FLOOR WET??”
“I don’t know. Thorough shampoo job??”
“I don’t think this is from cleaning the carpet…”
Ew. Hadn’t thought that far. Thanks Evvy.
He was trying to shut and lock the door behind him. “This door doesn’t even fucking lock!!”
“Welcome to the party, Everard!” I giggled madly.
He turned around slowly in horror, giving up on the door. “You know the whole front end of this place is smashed up hey?”
“Isn’t it GREAT??? So atmospheric!!”
Ever stared at me in wonder.
(wonder, or “Should I have her committed?”)
“You know, when you said you wanted hotels and champagne and strawberries, this really wasn’t what I was picturing.”
I laughed. “You constantly lump me with every other woman you know, Everard.”
“Something I won’t be doing any more, I tell ya.” A pause, as he peered into the bathroom. “Oh MY GOD, there’s no WINDOW IN HERE – ”
“Isn’t this an ADVENTURE??”
“You’re so…STRANGE.”
“I’m not the one who listens to Christina Aquilera. ‘What a girl WANTS, what a girl NEEDS – ” I started singing and laughing madly.
Ever laughed. “Shut up. Most GUYS I know wouldn’t even stay here. I don’t think Tom or Clewsy or Mark would EVER stay here – ”
“Bunch of Commodore-driving princesses, they are!”
“This isn’t what I thought you meant when you say you love to stay at HOTELS down here.”
“This is what I meant. Crappy, atmospheric places like this!”
“This is a MO-TEL, not a HO-TEL – ”
“I beg to differ. Plenty of hoes here!!”
He laughed, and seemed to light up, get excited. Like this IS a cool adventure he wanted to be on. He jumped into bed with me. “NO WAY would your sister EVER stay here. Like EVER. Or Josie for that matter.”
“No way,” I agreed. I reached for the bucket of ice I’d found abandoned near the ice machine, that I’d promptly placed a bottle of cheap pink champagne in. “Champagne?” I asked. He seemed to hesitate, so I added, “When in Rome…”, gesturing to the pink (dive) room.
So we did our usual jibes at each other while we drank half a glass of champers each, then drove BOTH our cars to get Red Rooster and more alcohol, Evvy following me cause he didn’t know the way around.
(I know the coast like the back of my hand)
I took us for a roar around the block a few times, just to be funny, and to see if he’d follow me and hoon it. He eventually pulled up next to me at a set of lights and said, “Stop fucking taking me round in circles, you crazy woman!!”
In the bottle-o, Ever bought a bottle of Scotch that came with playing cards and whiskey glasses. “I’ve got an idea,” he said at the counter, as he paid. I raised my eyebrows at him, wiggling them (yet I had no idea what his idea was).
We ate burgers and chips in bed, Evvy trying to take a flying leap from the door to the bed so he didn’t have to get his feet wet, me falling about in hysterics at him doing it, cause it was just so damn funny, then we started drinking and played Strip Poker.
(Evvy’s big idea)
It was so much fun.
He was all, “TAKE IT OFF, WOMAN!” every time I lost. Which was a lot.
We both ended up completely naked.
Then we made love ALL NIGHT. It was gorgeous, heavenly, everything I’ve always wanted him to be, everything I’ve always dreamed about love making. Was like a dream…a hot dream!!
Was so passionate and loving and magical.
No guy I’ve ever been with has been able to go all night, but he did.
He was more passionate than he’s ever been, and it was the most natural it’s ever been between us. We tried so many different things.
(my cheeks are aflame just remembering…my face cheeks!!! Dirty mind, Diary!!!)
He was kissing me so passionately.
Drove me wild.
He kissed my whole body…my neck, my back…lower extremities! My major weakness is kisses on my back. I come undone. And start madly screaming and groaning.
And scream I did. Without having to worry about Evvy’s mum and sister, I made a lot of noise.
“I think I’m going to have to put a pillow over your face soon,” he declared. I whacked him. “Although I’m loving the noise you’re making TOO MUCH – ” and then he was kissing me again and it was round number fuck knows how many.
He was giving me a massage at one stage, and he just kept kissing my back…the lights of the coast were coming in the windows, bathing us in this fluorescent glow…it was romantic. Even in all this cheap dinginess, it was SO ROMANTIC.
(it’s kinda like fun, though, I think. I could have fun anywhere, and I could have romance anywhere)
I remember floating away as he was massaging my back, and kissing my back, and all round fondling me all over, and thinking I don’t care how he acts, I’m totally fucking nuts for this guy. The more we kissed, touched, made hot love, the more I fell. We just kept making love, over and over and over…
About midnight, I made him go for a walk with me to the beach. “This crazy shit you do, sometimes concerns me,” he stated as I dragged him and a bottle of champers down to the beach.
“You can’t come to the coast and not go for a midnight swim!!”
But conservative Evvy refused to, so I went swimming in my bikini while he sat on the beach and watched me. We stayed down there for ages. I’d brought the champagne (the 4th bottle) and it was just beautiful…the beach and the whole ocean to ourselves in the middle of the night, drinking
pink champagne together from the bottle.
Stunning. Midnight on the beach, the lights of Surfers Paradise in the distance…
Nothing better than that in the world. Eases my soul in some strange, magical way.
We got back to the motel about 2am, showered together, which was HOT, Ever soaping me all over, then we fell into bed and made love AGAIN, fell asleep, then he woke me again before dawn, and made love AGAIN.
God, it was great!
We mucked around heaps, we had so much fun together, and we actually TALKED, which Evvy hates doing normally.
He brought up the other guys, which surprised me. I’ve gotten so used to thinking the worst of him and trying to forget him and move on, that he totally surprised me and took me over again, with everything he did and said.
“So,” Ever began, after a particularly hot lovemaking session. He was draped over my back, our skin sticking to each other.
“So,” I replied, trying to bestill my raging heart.
“So who are all these guys after you?”
I remained tight-lipped.
(which, haha, sounds really dirty, looking back on our time together)
“That you keep going out with?” he prompted. “That are after you?”
“I don’t know that they’re really AFTER me – ”
“Trust me, THEY ARE.”
“You don’t know!”
“Oh yes I do! So??”
“You really wanna know this?” I asked, as he lifted off me, reached over me and gulped some water from the nightstand.
“Damn right I do!!”
God, he even looked hot with sweat dripping off him, gulping water like some parched fish.
(or me, after a day at work)
“Well…there’s Graham, hmmmm, maybe Matt, not sure about that one….Nick, for awhile…ahhhh…Richard – ”
“AHA!! I TOLD YOU he was in love with you!!”
“Well this was a RECENT development, I didn’t know, up till…that moment…” I meant receiving the W.H. Auden poem and crying over it, but was thinking of that moment with Rich at the Story Bridge and in the cab…
“That’s probably it,” I concluded.
“Ah, I beg to differ. Josh??”
“PFFT!!! Josh doesn’t like me – ”
“EVERYBODY likes you, woman!”
“Not Josh.”
“All those guys at Matt’s party??”
“What!!!!” How did he KNOW about that??? Dan!
(bless him, bless him, motherfucking bless him and his big mouth. He’s doing wonders for my love life. Must remember to thank him one day)
“GOD KNOWS how many others!!! These are just the ones I know about!”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Dan tells you all this!!”
“Yeah! Clewsy and Tom tried to talk to me about it last night – ”
“They did???” I love those guys!!!!
“A Karina Intervention is what it was.”
“Sounds fun!!”
“They told me, very seriously, how many guys want you, and are offering you THE WORLD.” Ever paused, watching me. “I told them, good luck to the other guys, I’m the one who’s got you!!”
Goosebumps. Shiver worthy. Like something straight out of a romance novel.
But I felt the need to crack his cockiness.
(again, dirty??)
“Yeah, well, as soon as I pick one of them, there will be no more you and me!”
He looked worried, watching me. As if sizing me up. He was concerned.
(God, I love it!)
“They’re offering me exactly what I want!” I exclaimed. Then, considered. “What I THINK I want, but I don’t know!”
“I’ve said straight from the start, I can’t give you what you want, I’ll never be able to, you want too much!! You still whinge every time I ring – ”
“Well, that’s not often!!”
“ – every, single time – ”
“Oh POOR YOU. I feel so sorry for you!! So don’t ring then!! Simple solution for you!!”
(I’m getting brave. Easy to do when I’ve lured him into such seductive surroundings, and had all night sex with him)
But I know, I CAN FEEL IT, that I’ll get over him, eventually, if we stop seeing each other. Another great love will fill the void he leaves, I will emerge from this love sickness, IF HE JUST DISAPPEARS FROM MY LIFE.
I just want him. And I hate that at the same time.
Ever was on a roll by this stage, however. “You CONSTANTLY whinge and carry on at me, it drives me INSANE, I CAN’T HANDLE IT – ”
“Nobody is FORCING YOU to handle it, EVERARD, you can walk away AT ANY TIME – ”
“Oh, IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY!!!!! I’d like to FUCKING WALK AWAY, TRUST ME - ”
“Hey, I’ve said RIGHT BACK AT YOU, FROM THE BEGINNING, what I ultimately want, and that ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY is that you don’t CARE ABOUT ME, and I’m outta here, I’ll never SEE YOU AGAIN – ”
“I CAN’T SAY THAT!!”
“Why not!!”
“Cause I can’t!!”
“Then stop YOUR WHINGING, cause you can get yourself OUT OF THIS VERY EASILY, all you have to say is you don’t have feelings for me, and it’s over.”
That shut him up.
Ever sighed, threw an arm over me. “You’re so fucking frustrating.”
I kissed him full on the mouth. “Right backatcha, buddy.”
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me deeper. We did it again.
I’m more confused than ever. Cause you can’t do that all night with a person, the WAY we did it, and not care. And say things like that and not care.
I had the best time!!!!
At some stage, in bed together, he said I can stay over Sunday night AND he also asked me to stay over next Friday or Saturday night so he can cook me breakfast in the morning.
(he was high on love, obviously. Not thinking straight. Ever just doesn’t talk like this)
I think we’re getting somewhere. I just don’t know where.
And I’m terrified of being crushed again.
Ever left about 9am, after more hot sex. I stayed down till after lunch, came home, then went to the pool at Yeronga, went swimming, then washed my car. By that time it was 4pm, and I hopped into bed and watched Foxtel, that Dan had just hooked up. It’s so cool. I watched ‘Out of Sight,’ then wrote in here. Graham rang this arvo, wanting to do something, but I’m fucked.
(literally!)
Bed it is for me.
Monday 2 October 2000
8.13pm
Work was good today. Invoicing was dead
(reps out having long liquid lunches instead of working),
FOR ONCE, so I got to do other stuff all day – filing, accounts, customer service queries, Gerry’s Excel sheets. Was fun! The day went super fast.
Anita’s been over for dinner tonight. It was so good to see her. We’ve had a fun night, all of us eating and laughing round the dining table.
I am so unbelievably sore from all that sex. It’s such a great feeling!! I feel so…decadent. I don’t know how to describe it. Fucking great!
(from all that fucking)
Graham emailed me a few HUNDRED times today at work. We’re going out to dinner Friday night, having some wine…it sounds great, exactly what I want in a guy, taking me out for romantic, alcohol-fuelled dinners.
Except how the hell do I forget the passion between Ever and I??
Probably very easily, cause we’ll probably never have a night like it again.
I rang Richard tonight, and he’s still not impressed with me. The weight of disappointing him, hurting him, feels forever upon me. Is crushing me.
I’m pissed off with him, too, though.
Tuesday 3 October 2000
9.54pm
So tired. I went straight from work to the hairdressers, got home about 8pm, just as Dan and Josh were getting in from the gym. Chatted to Josh for awhile, then jumped into bed.
Ever rang
me at work today, can you believe???
I guess I was hoping after the weekend, that I’d finally got him, he was mine, we were together, but I keep reminding myself he always lets me down.
And after only seeing him on Sunday, I was NOT expecting a phone call from him for at least a week. That’s his usual M.O.
He tricked me, too, said a fake name and that he was from such and such salon, and I was thinking, “God this guy sounds like Evvy,” but I didn’t want to say anything in case it wasn’t –
“There’s something wrong with my order,” he said.
“Oh, I’m sorry about that, sir – ”
“There’s too much POO in it, and not enough SHAM – ”
I did an immediate snort/laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. I knew then it was him. Or thought I did.
Ever started to laugh too, but tried to hide it.
“Can I have your account number please…snort/cough…so I can fix up your, ahem, sham-POO problem??”
“Yes, it’s – ” and he listed off this huge long number, which was when I KNEW it was him, cause our account numbers are not that long.
I burst out laughing. “You’re such a bugger, Everard!”
He cracked up laughing too.
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