‘Right then,’ she said, ‘it’s all …’
‘Yes, Mum, we know,’ James interrupted. ‘It’s important to make a good impression.’
‘Relax, Mum,’ Amelia said, taking her arm. ‘It’ll be fine.’
She smiled and let herself be led up the path.
Rick answered the door and ushered them into the lounge.
His family – her family – lined the room, taking up every available space, sitting on sofas and the arms of sofas, on chairs, and standing in the corners. At the far end, centre stage, was Liz, perched on a dining chair, holding court. For a few moments, as she stood back from the doorway in the hall, there was a tremendous racket, everybody talking at once.
But the second Kate came through the door, there was a sudden hush. Jaws dropped. Eyebrows rose.
Liz held up her hand in recognition.
‘I guess there’s no doubt you’re Liz’s daughter,’ someone said and suddenly, laughter erupted and people started talking again.
‘I’ll introduce you around,’ Rick said.
Kate met Rick’s partner Kim; hugged her mother and shook hands with her husband Steven. Further round the room Penny took over from Rick and Kim, who disappeared into the kitchen to make the tea, and introduced Kate and her family to her Uncle Jerry, his partner Celeste and his adult daughters – her cousins Angela and Sue.
As she made her way round, Kate kept glancing at Liz, their eyes occasionally meeting, until at last she stood in front of her.
‘These are for you, Liz.’ She thrust the daffodils into Liz’s hands, bent over and kissed her cheek, aware that this was the first time she’d seen her in over twenty years. It hadn’t been a deliberate absence; meeting again had simply never been suggested, by either of them, not in any of their many letters. So they hadn’t.
As she quickly studied her mother, she was shocked to see how much older she looked, but then, of course, so would Kate after twenty years. Liz’s hair was now completely grey; Kate suspected hers might be too, if she ever let it return to its natural colour.
Smiling, Liz lifted the daffodils to her nose and breathed in spring. ‘You shouldn’t have.’
Kate introduced her husband and children and Liz commented on how nice they looked then asked if they were the same age as her grandchildren Emily and Johnny.
‘I’m not sure, just a couple of years,’ I think.
‘Do you know if Jessie’s here yet?’ she asked Liz. She’d looked for Jessie as soon as she’d come into the room and realised she wasn’t there; had hoped she might be in the kitchen helping.
But her mother didn’t know if Jessie was coming and suggested she ask Rick.
She stayed with Liz a little longer and talked about Liz’s family, how she’d been looking forward to meeting them. She waited for a reaction, but there was none. She thought Liz might tell her off, might remind her of the promise she’d made to keep the secret. But Liz didn’t mention it. She didn’t say much at all, but Kate could see that she was relaxed and happy, quite the opposite from the way she looked when they’d first met in the café on Oriental Parade. The anxiety, the stress, the fear of what might happen when her family found out the truth were nowhere in evidence. Did Liz know Kate had reneged on her promise and written to her children? Rick had emailed that he and Penny had visited Liz and told her they knew about Kate; Penny had told Liz she’d known for a long time. From Rick’s report, Liz had carried on as if she’d expected it to happen, as if she already knew.
Maybe Liz need not know Kate had been the catalyst. Maybe she no longer cared.
Not for the first time, Kate wondered if she should have contacted her siblings years earlier.
She excused herself from her mother and led David and her children into the kitchen to find Rick.
‘You never know with Jessie,’ he said, spooning tea leaves into a large teapot. ‘She said she was going to come, but then she said she might be late, might not make it.’
‘Is she cross with me for writing the letter?’
‘I don’t think so. Maybe. I don’t really know.’ He shrugged and pulled a face.
The doorbell rang. Rick looked relieved. ‘Hopefully that’s her,’ he said, leaving the tea to Kim and hurrying to the front door.
Kate followed him, gesturing to David and the kids to stay close.
‘Hey, Jessie, you’re here,’ he said, opening the door. Standing on the front porch was a woman, taller than her, much slimmer, more athletic, the same strong wavy hair, the same eyes, same chin – pretty much everything the same, only thinner and a seven or eight years younger. Behind her were a slightly tubby, bearded man and two young adults, presumably their children.
‘May I introduce your sister to you,’ Rick said grinning broadly at Kate. ‘Jessie, this is your sister Kate. Kate your sister Jessie.’
They laughed at the irony of sisters meeting for the first time so late in life, but their laughter was awkward, stilted. They embraced lightly, still reticent.
‘Come in, everyone, come in,’ Rick said and the hallway was suddenly too small.
Kate introduced her family and they, in turn, were introduced to Jessie’s husband Michael and their two adult children, Emily (who was working in IT like her father and bore a striking resemblance to Amelia), and Johnny (who was finishing a web design degree at Polytech). In the crowded hall, everyone stood close together, slightly awkward, smiling uneasily.
Rick suggested the younger family members go into the dining room. ‘You can watch television, use the computer, whatever you like. Johnny knows how to get everything going.’ Then he herded Jessie and Kate into the living room. ‘You two will have lots to talk about,’ he said, steering David towards the kitchen. ‘Come on, the men can get the tea.’
Kate stood beside Jessie inside the door, uncomfortable, not sure of what to say.
‘Look at you two,’ Penny said. ‘You look just like sisters.’
Unsure of herself, Kate paused. Did they? What would Jessie think of that? She was a bit scared of Jessie – she seemed to be the one who didn’t want Kate around, who felt that Kate was an intruder. But there was no sign of reticence on Jessie’s face now. She was smiling at her Aunt Penny. At that moment, she linked her arm through Kate’s and together they walked into the room. Someone started to clap. Soon everyone was clapping. Kate could feel herself going red, her face flushing with either embarrassment or pleasure – or both.
They approached Liz.
‘Hello Jessie,’ she said. ‘Kate was worried you weren’t coming.’
‘You never told me I had a sister.’ Jessie kissed her mother on the cheek then looked back at Kate and winked conspiratorially.
‘No I didn’t.’ Liz grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
They talked to their mother for a few minutes then Jessie took Kate’s arm and led her over to the only vacant corner.
Kate could see David in the doorway watching her; he shook his head, gesturing for her to go, indicating he was about to talk to Liz’s husband, who was hovering behind his wife, seemingly lost among strangers.
‘Mum won’t say it, but she’s really happy about us all getting together today,’ Jessie continued. ‘She’s been looking forward to it ever since Rick told her.’
Kate smiled, relieved. ‘I was worried how she’d take the news about me.’
‘I think she’s relieved it’s out there. I saw her the next day and she looked so happy – much happier than I’ve seen her in years. Once she realised nobody was laughing at her or pointing the finger, or telling her what a terrible thing she’d done, she was fine.’
Kate kept smiling, reassured by this, but also uncertain. What could she say to a sister she’d only just met? Who’d been reluctant to accept she existed?
‘And how’s it been for you? It must have been quite a shock.’
‘It hasn’t been easy. I couldn’t believe it at first. I just couldn’t believe that Mum would ever have done that – you know, before marrying Dad
. She always seemed so straight, so upright, so fundamentally ordinary. But once Penny said she’d known about you for years, well, I had to accept it.’ She stood back from Kate and studied her. ‘And then it dawned on me, I’ve got a sister. I always wanted a sister.’
‘So have I,’ Kate said.
They looked at each other, tentative, wary, not sure about this new status then suddenly, at the same time, burst out laughing.
‘It’s so weird, isn’t it?’ Jessie said as they hugged each other tightly – so different from the light embrace of earlier.
After that, they couldn’t stop talking, making up for the years apart. They talked about their childhood, their favourite toys and beachside camping holidays, discovering both their parents had favoured pop-top caravans for getting out of town, photography, and spaniels for pets. They talked about schooldays, about being in the school musicals and plays, and about falling in love, about having children and the perils of OE. It was some time after the arrival of afternoon tea that their intense conversation was brought to a temporary halt.
As she and Jessie talked, Kate had noticed out of the corner of her eye Rick and Kim handing out cups and mugs and the four children had been press-ganged into passing the vast array of baking everyone had brought – almond biscuits, pieces of citrus slice, spiced apple cake and miniature cup cakes covered in pink and white icing and decorated with blue forget-me-nots. Kate kept on talking.
‘Come on you two,’ Rick interrupted, guiding them both towards the coffee table. ‘Everyone’s waiting for you.’
As soon as Kate approached the table, Kim lit a candle on one of the cupcakes. ‘That’s to celebrate your arrival,’ Kim said. ‘Your first day with us. I made them myself.’
‘Happy birthday, Felicity Frances.’ Penny raised her cup.
Everyone was smiling.
Kate didn’t know what to say. She glanced across at Liz whose half-smile belied the tears in her eyes. She smiled back. ‘Thank you everyone.’ That’s all she could think of. They were looking expectant, as if she should make a speech. Words wouldn’t come. She swallowed. And swallowed again. ‘Thank you,’ she said again, then picked up the cupcake and went to blow out the candle then paused. She held it out to Liz. ‘Blow it out with me,’ she said. Together, she and her mother blew out the candle then she unpeeled the paper case, broke off half the cupcake and handed it to her mother to eat. There was applause and a camera flash. Holding his new camera in one hand, James arranged the two of them to pose for a shot, which set off a whole line-up of family shots, from the entire family gathering, using a timer, to smaller groups, including the four younger family members and finishing with mother, daughters and son.
The tea had gone cold. Rick and Kim went back to the kitchen to make more.
Kate watched James showing his new cousins the photos of themselves on the back of his camera. ‘I’m going to put that one on my Facebook page,’ James said.
‘Can you email it to me?’ said Johnny. ‘I’d like it too.’
‘You can friend me,’ James said.
They disappeared into the dining room again to look at each other’s Facebook pages on Rick’s computer.
David called her over to where he was still standing in front of the fireplace with Liz’s husband Steven.
‘Listen to this,’ he said.
Steven shuffled on his feet, looking embarrassed.
‘Tell her what you were saying just a moment ago,’ David prompted.
‘I was saying how nice it was to see Liz’s children happy together – all three of you,’ Steven said.
‘He was watching you and Jessie in the corner talking and putting your arms round each other and laughing together, and Liz was watching you too and smiling.’ David touched her sleeve affectionately.
‘Yes. She’s having a good day.’ Steven seemed reluctant to say more.
Kate smiled, took his hand and thanked him.
‘You’re monopolising the guest of honour, Steve,’ Jerry said, coming up behind her and steering her away to one side where his partner, Celeste, was standing.
She figured Jerry must be in his seventies; Celeste would have been mid-fifties.
Jerry looked more like Rick than Liz.
‘I hope the Hamilton family isn’t overpowering you,’ Celeste said. ‘They can be a bit like that.’
‘Only a little bit,’ Kate said.
‘She’ll get used to it,’ Jerry said. ‘She’s one of us now.’
He explained that he’d read several letters that Liz had written to her in the year after she’d returned home from Christchurch. Each one had started ‘Dear Felicity’ and had been gut-wrenchingly sad, he said. ‘So I still think of you as Felicity, even now I’ve met you.’
‘Maybe I’ll have to change my name.’ She laughed dismissively then wondered if perhaps it might not be a bad idea after all.
‘Don’t knock it,’ Celeste said. ‘I have.’ She explained that she’d joined the wiccan community some years ago and chosen a new name. ‘I know Jerry’s daughters think I’m nuts,’ she looked at him and smiled self-deprecatingly, ‘but I don’t care. But I won’t bore you with the details. You can come to one of our meetings and see for yourself if you like.’
Kate gulped. She knew nothing about wiccans – had always imagined them like the witches in Macbeth huddled over a boiling urn of frogs’ blood, pond scum and bat droppings. But Celeste wasn’t wearing a pointy black hat and an enveloping long black cloak; she was dressed much the same as everyone else in jeans and a colourful tunic. ‘Maybe I should. I might learn something.’ She smiled encouragingly and realised she meant it – she just might go.
Jerry called over his daughters, Angela and Sue who, Kate guessed, would both be in their forties.
Sue looked a lot like Jessie; Angela was taller, more finely featured, more like Rick.
‘I expect Celeste’s been telling you about her other life,’ Sue said, pulling a face and giving her stepmother’s arm a squeeze.
‘Come on, don’t give me that.’
‘It’s okay, I suppose, the wiccan world.’ Sue said. ‘Probably the most fun you can have when there aren’t any men around.’
‘We’re going to leave you two to catch up on the last sixty years,’ Celeste said, steering the other two women away.
‘Sixty years? Shouldn’t take long!’ Jerry turned to Kate and suddenly looked very earnest. ‘I’m so relieved you’ve turned up at last,’ he said, looking straight at her. ‘I’ve been getting more and more worried about Liz these past few years. I suspected she’d be worried about you turning up after they changed the Adoption Law, but of course I couldn’t say anything. It was a taboo subject with her; she simply closed down at the very mention of the Act and the law changing. When she found out I knew, that was pretty bad. She wanted me to promise not to tell Penny or her children, but I refused. I said I’m not getting caught up in all that, making everyone feel guilty and ashamed. I tried to get her to see reason, to believe that no one thinks like that any more. But she wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t discuss it any further.’
‘Did you ever think of telling her children?’
‘Oh yes, many, many times. Especially when they were older. But then I’d see her looking so sad and I just didn’t have the heart.’
Kate didn’t like to think of her mother being sad; it felt like it was her fault. ‘Has she always been sad?’
‘Mainly these past twenty or so years, since the Adoption Law changed. I think she was terrified it would all come out and she’d be exposed.’
‘It’s all out now, though.’
‘Yes, at last. And look how good she is. I haven’t seen her so happy in years.’
Kate smiled, savouring the moment. Each time Liz smiled now, she would feel a little less guilty for being the cause of her grief.
She asked him if he’d ever met her birth father, if he knew anything about him, but Jerry said no, Liz had never brought him home and had never spoken of him.
In Her Mothers' Shoes Page 33