Even though nearly a week had passed, Kate was still reeling from Drew’s news. She’d gone to great lengths to avoid him when he’d been at the house with his crew, but they’d had to have some interaction.
Some painful interaction. Their conversations had been so stilted and so awkward, they might go down in history as being the worst ever.
Today she just couldn’t face another one. She put Sam in the backyard and left a note on the counter for Drew and his men letting them know she’d be out today but could be reached on her cell in an emergency. She got in her dad’s Volvo and headed toward Brooke’s farm.
It was only about a ten minute drive from her parents’ house, but the farm and house was in a much less densely populated area. She pulled down the long driveway and admired the farmhouse ahead of her. A barn sat in the distance and chickens and goats milled around in the fenced area outside the barn.
She parked next to Brooke’s SUV and went up the steps to the front door.
Brooke swung it open before she could ring the bell. “Hey. River is sleeping, so I didn’t want you to ring the bell.” She sighed. “We had a long night last night. He’s teething and it was one of those up and down and very fussy nights.”
Kate had so much admiration for her cousin. To raise River alone and still keep the farm going was not an easy task. She knew her aunt and uncle pitched in when they could, and Riley had mentioned that Ed’s parents helped out, too. Still though, Brooke was responsible for so much. “This place is beautiful.”
“Thanks.” Brooke led her into the living room and offered her a seat on the couch. “The dogs are outside playing. The cats may make an appearance though. They kind of do their own thing.” She laughed. “I’m pretty sure they think this is their house and they allow us to live here.”
“Funny.” Kate sat down on the couch and didn’t say anything for a long moment.
“So... do you want to tell me what’s been going on, or are you going to make me guess?” Brooke asked finally.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Only to those of us who know you. I can see when your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. The other night at our Christmas in March party, it did. Today, not so much. I’m just wondering why.”
“Drew and I had a pretty big fight. As in, I blew up at him.”
“Don’t you think that was bound to happen? I mean, this is a guy who really did a number on you. No matter how many years have passed, those wounds are still there.”
“True. But the reason I got so mad is because he told me that he married someone a couple of years after I left town. He has an ex-wife. Can you believe that?”
Brooke sighed. “I can believe it because I knew about it.”
Kate furrowed her brow. “You did? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She wasn’t used to feeling irritated with Brooke, but right this second she did.
“At the time it happened, you weren’t really in contact with any of us. Remember? By the time you and I were talking on a regular basis, his marriage was already over. And you specifically told me you did not want to discuss Drew. I was honoring your wishes.”
She had made that request. Maybe she’d been too hard on Brooke. “Sorry. It was just a shock. Tell me what you know about it, please.”
“It was years ago and they were very young. I heard that she found someone else a few months into their marriage and she left him. It doesn’t exactly sound like a romance for the ages.”
“Yeah, but he was married. I mean, doesn’t that pretty much tell you that he never really cared about me?”
Brooke cocked her head sideways and looked at Kate. “I’m trying to understand you. Really, I am.” She shook her head. “But I’m afraid this is the kind of thing where there just isn’t a winner.”
“What do you mean? He actually married someone else. And it wasn’t even Sarah. He told me he was breaking things off with me because of her. Then instead of it being her, he found someone else while he was in college. What kind of sense does that make?”
“Kate, this is not going to be me taking his side. This is going to be me explaining the situation to you from a different perspective. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“You ran away. You didn’t stay here to pick up any pieces of anything. You left before you even knew for sure what Drew would do next. For all you knew, the whole Sarah thing was his version of cold feet. That’s what I always thought because I knew he was crazy about you. And after you left, no one had any inkling you’d ever come back. After three or four years, that just became the way it was. Drew was in the same boat. From what I heard about the girl, she had dark red hair kind of like you. I’m not saying their relationship was totally superficial, but I’m saying that there’s probably more to the story than you know.”
“Maybe all I need to know is that he was married to another woman.”
“But don’t you get it? None of us thought you were coming back. You even said yourself that you weren’t. We all relied on phone calls and emails and such to stay in touch with you. But Drew didn’t get any of that. I really think he just thought it was time for him to move on, so he tried. When she left him, it wasn’t a great surprise to anyone — probably not even to him. But I’m sure it still stung. And I’m also sure that if he’d been my brother or cousin or close friend, I would have encouraged moving on.”
Kate frowned. She’d wanted someone to commiserate. Clearly she’d chosen the wrong sister. She should have gone to Riley. “So you think I’m wrong to be upset.”
Brooke shook her head. “Not at all. But I think you should consider where your anger is really coming from. You and Drew had the kind of relationship — even at that young age — that seemed unshakable. And yet, it didn’t work out. And now, to come back all these years later and there’s obviously something still there.” She held up her hand before Kate could say anything. “Don’t try and deny it.” She smiled. “I can understand you wishing for some kind of fairy tale thing where Drew never looked at another woman after you left and just spent his whole life pining for you. But that’s not really realistic, now is it?”
“I hate it when you’re so right. I guess maybe that’s why it stung so much when he told me about his ex-wife. But you know, I tried moving on, too. Look at Aiden. We dated for two years.”
“Dated? As in past tense?”
Kate nodded. “Yeah. After Dad’s funeral, we FaceTimed and talked on the phone several times. But in the end, we both decided that we probably should have been more unhappy being separated by such a long distance. But instead, he was all excited about some new class he’ll be teaching in the summer and I was more interested in looking at house plans and working on the market opening. It was an amicable split.”
“Have you ever dated anyone over these last years who was actually a serious relationship contender?”
Kate thought for a moment. “I guess not. Looking back, I can kind of see that I kept people at arm’s length — or chose to date guys who weren’t really ready to commit.” She shrugged. “I knew I never wanted to get my heart broken again.”
“And that is perfectly understandable. But Kate, you can’t keep living your life like that. At some point you’re going to have to let your guard down and let yourself be vulnerable. You get that, right? And believe me, I know it’s easier said than done. But I also know that it’s worth it.”
“I know. I guess maybe part of why I got so upset with Drew is because I was looking for a reason to shut him out. Is that crazy? This is a guy who broke my heart into pieces. And his actions back then made no sense. One day we were as happy as two people could be and the next, he was done. It was hard for my eighteen year old self to reconcile those feelings. It’s hard for my twenty-nine year old self to do so. And part of me keeps thinking that if it happened once, it could happen again.”
“And that’s a reasonable fear. But you and only you can decide if you’re going to let that fear keep you locked up in this horrible ‘
not let anyone in’ pattern that you seem to have going on, or if you’re going to break free of that and let yourself be open to love again. And no one can make that decision but you.”
Her cousin was right. The time had come for her to either let go of the baggage of the past or let it continue to control her.
Chapter 9
Mr. Boyd unlocked the box and handed Katie an envelope. “Here you go.” He looked at her across his desk. “I hope Henry’s letters have given you some peace.”
She tucked the envelope in her purse and nodded. “They’ve been informative. I’m glad he thought to do that.” She knew she would always treasure the letters from her dad. That he’d had the presence of mind to know there were things he needed to say to her, and to do so in such a way that she could keep those words with her to re-read whenever she wanted was such a gift.
“You know, he confided in me over the years. He had a lot of regrets where you were concerned. I think he always thought he’d have plenty of time to make amends in person. But his illness came on suddenly. At that point, he made the decision that it would be too difficult for him to talk to you about things in person. He opted to just enjoy your company while he was in the hospital and send you letters explaining some things for after the fact.” He cleared his throat. “I can understand that might be frustrating to you, but Henry did what he thought was best for both of you.”
Kate nodded. “I know.” She stood. “Thank you for facilitating this for him. You were more than a lawyer to Dad. You were a good friend.”
“I miss him a lot. He and I used to have coffee every Saturday morning. These past weeks, I’ve felt a little lost not getting together with Henry to discuss politics and football.” He shook his head. “And young lady, don’t think for a minute he didn’t talk about you because he did. He was very proud of your independence and of your work success.”
She smiled. “Thanks for letting me know.” She left the building and headed home. Today had been such a pretty day, she’d opted to walk. Sam had been sad he hadn’t been invited, but she wasn’t sure Mr. Boyd’s office was dog friendly. She’d promised him a long walk later.
She’d always been the kind of person who took walks to clear her head. Today was no exception. She kept replaying the ugly scene with Drew. Was she being unreasonable? Was he right and the past should stay buried?
For whatever reason, it wasn’t that simple for her. The betrayal she’d felt when Drew told her he couldn’t marry her — that he was in love with someone else — was the single worst moment of her life. It wasn’t a matter of forgiving him. She could do that. It was forgetting. How could she ever trust him fully not to pull the rug from beneath her again? The short answer was that she couldn’t.
And a relationship without trust would never work.
Over the last week, she’d managed to avoid Drew at all costs. They’d taken to leaving notes on the kitchen counter when something about the renovation needed to be discussed. She knew it wasn’t a mature way to handle things, but it was the best she could do at the moment. She’d spent an awful lot of time praying for clarity in her situation and the rest of her time gearing up for the opening day of the market.
In fact, she had one stop to make before she headed back to the house. She’d contacted Drew’s friend, Grant, about being a vendor at the farmers market, and she needed to drop off the contract to him today. His store wasn’t too far from the law office.
She could smell the coffee before she even opened the door to the Beanery. She stepped inside and inhaled. It smelled heavenly.
“Kate, thanks for stopping by,” Grant greeted her when she entered. He smiled, revealing a dimple in one cheek. He reminded her of a young Matthew McConaughey.
“I’m thrilled that you’re going to be part of the farmers market this season,” she said. “Here’s the contract. It includes a special vendor information sheet that explains how the season will work and all the different special events we’ll have going on.” She was kind of proud of the schedule she’d put together. She’d decided to have some special days scattered throughout the market season where there would be presentations about a variety of topics, from starting a vegetable garden to cooking with herbs. She was even trying to convince Brooke to do a presentation about backyard chickens.
“I’m excited. Opening a new business can be daunting, but I really believe in our product.” Grant handed her a cup of coffee. “This is on the house. It’s a new blend.”
She took a sip. “It’s delicious. I can’t believe you roast the beans yourself.”
“I’m glad you like it.” He grinned. “I did want to run one thing past you just to be sure it was okay.”
“What’s that?”
“As you know, I have several flavored coffees that I sell. I thought I might bring two or three urns each week to the market. Maybe a couple of flavored coffees and one house blend. I’d like to offer a small cup as a free sample to shoppers.”
“I think that’s a fabulous plan,” Kate said. “And as delicious as your blends are, I think you’ll sell whatever you bring.” She wondered if Brooke and Riley had stopped by the Beanery yet. She needed to mention it to them because it seemed like the kind of place they’d love.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence. And be sure and thank Drew for passing my information along. I might not have thought of it myself, but I think this will be really great for my business.”
Kate hesitated. The odds of her speaking to Drew anytime soon were slim to none. “Once you’ve read over the contract and the guidelines, just drop the signed copy off at the market office by the opening day. I’ll be there off and on over the next week getting ready for the opening.”
She took her time walking back to her house and when she got there, she was relieved that all the work trucks were gone. That meant she wouldn’t have to have a run in with Drew today. After greeting Sam, she checked the counter for a note. Sure enough, there was Drew’s scrawled handwriting. “I’ll be out of town for a few days. My guys will still be here to work. Carl will be in charge in my absence.”
Kate set the note down. She couldn’t help but wonder where he was going.
She pushed Drew from her mind and tore into her dad’s letter. No point in dwelling on something she couldn’t fix right now.
Dear Katie,
The time has come for me to finish what I set out to accomplish with these letters. Darling, this is going to be the last one. And the things I have to tell you now are difficult for me even to write. I probably should have told you in person, but I couldn’t bear to look you in the eyes when I did.
All those years ago, I wasn’t supportive of your relationship with Drew Harrison. I admit now that I was much harsher than necessary. I judged him on things that weren’t in his control and that was unfair of me. Your mother wasn’t in agreement with the way I handled it, and as usual, she was right. I should have done more listening and less telling you what I thought.
I need to confess something and I hope that you can someday find it in your heart to forgive me. I can look back now and see how my actions had a direct impact on so many lives. At the time, I honestly thought I was acting in your best interest, but now I can see that my own interests are the only ones I was considering.
The night Drew asked me for your hand in marriage was a difficult one. Your mom was in hospice care already and I wasn’t in a good place mentally. That’s no excuse, but I want you to have all the information so maybe you can try and understand where I was coming from. Drew explained that he was asking at that point because he knew how important it was for you for your mom to be involved with your wedding plans. Instead of seeing that as a mature action from someone who cared deeply for you, I accused him of trying to rush you into a marriage you weren’t ready for.
In spite of my not giving my blessing, he proposed to you anyway because that was what he thought was best for you. That sent me into a fit of rage, which you know about. I can promise you that the things I sai
d to you when you came home with a ring on your finger were not things that ever should have come out of my mouth. Yet I fear that those things are part of what kept you away for so long. People sometimes don’t realize how powerful their words can be. I never forgot it after that. After you left, I can promise you that I chose my words deliberately for the rest of my days.
But the thing I have to apologize the most for is what I did to Drew. I put him in a position that no eighteen year old kid should ever be put in.
Kate put the letter down for a moment. She wasn’t sure she even wanted to read more. Yet she knew that in order to find her future path, she had to deal completely with the past. And that included finding out the whole truth about Drew and her dad. She picked the letter back up and took a deep breath.
I had a friend who was familiar with Drew’s family. I had him do some digging and had learned that his family was about to be foreclosed on. As you know, Drew’s dad was in a pretty bad place at that time and his mom was already doing all she could to keep them afloat.
I met up with Drew and I made him an offer. If he would break the engagement by telling you there was someone else, I would help him financially. I would keep his house from being foreclosed on, help him get his dad admitted to a rehab program, and give him some financial assistance to go to college.
Honey, I’m not going to lie. It was a horribly unfair thing for me to do to him. Drew is nothing if not loyal to his family, and he saw this as his only chance to save them. I convinced him that you would never really be happy with him as long as he just stayed around here and worked construction or something. I told him that you deserved a better life than that and he was being selfish by tying you down.
The truth is that I was the one being selfish.
I am the reason Drew broke off your engagement.
I am the reason you stayed away from Arcadia Valley for so many years.
You paid the price for my mistakes.
Katie Scarlett, I am sorry. These words can’t make up for the past years, but I hope they can give you the freedom you need to move forward with your life. I am so proud of you. You are truly the best parts of your mom and of me, but you have a strength and a grace that are all your own.
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