“Give him a chance” as I squeeze past him towards the general waiting area.
I frown at the comment. Who the hell?
“Dad”
“Hello son. How’s she doing?”
“No change”
I feel awkward. Willie is here. In casual trousers and a simple shirt. He looks like the man I used to know. He does something I don’t expect.
He pulls me into a hug. And I do something I don’t expect. I cry.
I cry for Leilani, for the helplessness I feel. For the pain everyone feels. I cry because the last time I was stood here with my father, my mother had just died.
I had left him here. In this spot. My father handed me a £10 note and said I was old enough to get it myself. I was tired and wanted to go home, he sent me downstairs to get a chocolate bar and when I got back, my mother had died. I never got to say good bye.
I cry to ease the pain of the anger I am holding. I let it all go. My father holds me. My father holds me as I cry.
“Let it out son, let it out”
I have never needed my father more. Never more than now.
“It’s ok Guy. It will all be ok. I am so sorry son. I’ve not been the best father. I don’t really know how to be a father, but I can try. I can try if you’ll let me”
I nod against him. I need him to try now.
“When I sat here, waiting for you mother to get better, I felt numb and completely alone. Your mother changed my life the moment I met her, I was addicted to her spirit. Everything I did was for her, she was my world. I lost so much of me when she died that I barely know who I am anymore. The judgements and decisions that I have made, I wouldn’t have made them if your mother was still here. She would be so proud of you Guy. So very proud”
We’ve said more than we ever have before. That’s the most he’s ever done. For me anyway. I can’t forgive him for all the pain he has caused but I will try.
He asks to see Leilani, Carl and Alex agree. I let him go in with Alex. He leaves shortly after. He gives me a nod and I promise to call. I just pray the call is to say she’s back.
Ethan comes back to the waiting room, spinning a bottle of water in his hands.
“Martin’s in hospital. He was mugged last night. His mouth is wired shut. The police will be waiting for him when he’s released” Ethan breaks the news like he’s telling us dinner is on the way.
“Who?” I ask.
He shrugs.
We leave it there. I send up a silent prayer of thanks. Now I just need him to answer my other prayer.
I resume my position back at her side. I take her hand.
“Hey my gorgeous girl”
“I wish you’d wake up Leilani. Please. Wake up for me baby”
“I want you to come back to me, I cannot do this without you. I’m scared. Scared that I won’t ever hear your laugh again, that I won’t ever look into your eyes and melt like a fool, that I will never be able to tell you how I feel. Leilani, I am ready. I am so ready to have you back. I have to have you back. I need you back. You can’t leave me, not now. Not ever.”
I rest my head on her chest. I need to be close to her heart. She owns mine. Completely. My hand spasms. I must be leaning on it. I pull back to release the pressure. It’s not a spasm.
“Leilani, if you can hear me, I am sorry. Sorry I never gave you all of me. You have my heart. There is no one else for me, you are it. Always.”
Again. I feel something in my hand. It’s Leilani. She’s moved.
“Baby. Can you hear me?”
Her eyes flutter.
I grab the alarm and press it with all my might. The alarm is going off. It’s loud and I don’t care. Her hand moves again.
“Come on baby, wake up for me”
The door bursts open and there’s a doctor and a nurse by the bed. Carl moves me out of the way. I still have her hand. Come on Leilani.
Her hand moves again.
“We need some space in here please people. She’s coming around”
None of us move. I refuse to let go. Her eyes flutter again. This time a little more and the blue I thought I would never see again peeps slowly through her lashes.
I can do nothing more than smile. She’s back.
Leilani
My mouth feels like a sewer.
The room is so bright.
I thought I was dying. I thought it was over. I still don’t know if it’s real.
“Welcome back Leilani. Can you hear me ok? Blink once for yes. Or if you can tap my hand with your finger”
I lift my finger – whoop! I lift my finger!!! I try to tap his hand, but I don’t know if I do. I feel really drowsy. I blink once.
“Good, good”
The doctor smiles, whilst checking my monitors. He takes my blood pressure from the machine.
“I am going to ask you a few questions now Leilani, all I need you to do is blink as you did before, ok?”
I blink once
“Good”
He’s got a very kind face. The kind of face a few months ago I might have asked to sit on. – you see that? That’s my sense of humour back. I can’t laugh at my own joke as there is this tube down my throat.
“We’re going to see how you get on without the tube Leilani. The nurse is going to take it out, you will be numb and sore but that is natural. Ok?”
I remember to blink, it’s no more uncomfortable than a good blow job – alright I’m exaggerating but do you know how good it is to get my mind working? I don’t know if I dreamt any of the things I thought I heard or if I have been in a deep sleep.
“Welcome back sweetheart.” Mum looks weepy. I curl my finger around hers. She gives me a kiss on my head. “we missed you” she follows up. I can’t smile, my mouth is still numb, and my throat is coarser than sandpaper.
Dad and Christopher are talking to the doctor. Malcolm is his name.
“You may be able to come home in a few days Lei, they need to check you out overnight but you’re looking strong”
I blink acknowledging my dad.
Alex is next in. He looks grey and tired. I try and reach out to him.
“Hey sissy. You had us worried you know.” He leans in to give me a kiss
“it’s over Leilani, he’s gone and it’s over”
I know exactly what he means. Relief washes over me. It’s over. Martin has gone
The doctor asks everyone to go, they have to do a few other checks.
When everyone leaves, He asks
“Do you remember what happened Leilani?”
I shake my head
“Ok, let me ask you another question”
“Did you want to never wake up again?”
I shake my head
I only wanted to sleep for a bit, I didn’t want to die. I don’t want to die.
The tears come before I can stop them.
“Ok. Ok. Don’t get upset. You are a very lucky lady, not only have you made it through but there are a lot of people out there in that waiting room who love you very much”
I nod. Taking a breath hurts but it’s pain I haven’t felt in a while and it feels good.
“I want to keep an eye on you for 48 hours and then we can send you home. Your parents are looking forward to taking care of you for a while”
I want to groan. I think I would rather stay here. I attempt to roll my eyes, Malcolm assumes I am sleepy
“Do you want me to get them to leave?”
I nod – Thank you Jesus!
“Even the hot blond? I don’t think he will leave until you do” He gives me a wink.
Malcolm is true to his word. Everyone comes in to say goodbye.
I reach out for Guy before he leaves. Malcolm nods again and ushers everyone else out.
“Hey again you”
His voice warms my heart.
“Hee”
Is all I manage.
“Sssshhhh, shhhh, don’t talk, just rest please”
I squeeze his hand.
“Yo
u scared me. Please don’t ever scare me like that again.”
I squeeze him again. My eyes naturally close because I am tired.
He kisses both my eyelids. He smells like a dream. I have missed him.
He’s still got my hand in his as I fall asleep.
He’s asleep when I wake up. His hand in mine.
So much for the no sleepovers!
Malcom puts me through my paces over the next day. I can speak a little and I have had a shower today. I feel groggy, but I am ready to leave.
“You can go home tomorrow I reckon young lady. Plenty of rest and I am sure you will be better than ever”
Guy is here, he hasn’t left.
Mum says he’s been here all week. Kelsey has been here too, bringing him clothes and keeping Ethan’s company by all accounts.
“That’s great news. Bet you can’t wait to get out of here” Guy is being Mr. Positive as usual.
“And be smothered at mum and dads – great!”
“You can come home with me if you want?” He casually throws into conversation.
I stare at him. He hasn’t shaved in days I suspect. His stubble has been replaced by a beard. His familiar eyes dancing with mine, his voice rough from exhaustion. His hands wrapped around mine.
“Do you want me to?” Two can play that game, I want him to commit to it, he should know I am going to say yes, but he has to want it.
He gives me a kiss
“What do you think?” he dodges the question again
“Not what I asked Mr. PM” I could blow a fuse he’s so frustrating sometimes.
“Yes Leilani, I want you to come home with me. I want to take care of you. But be warned, I might never let you leave”
Booya! There it is. Commitment.
His eyes search mine, he’s doing it, he’s risking it all. This is Guy. My Guy
“Works for me – although you can tell my parents!”
Guy
Carl looked almost relieved when I asked if Leilani could come home with me.
I explained what I had planned, and her parents agreed. I don’t know if her brothers were as excited, but I needed to do this. I can admit that when Kelsey came in the room, interrupting dad and I with those two words “It’s Leilani” I felt sick. Nothing else in that moment mattered. Nothing.
Kelsey has been a nightmare, on my case continually since Leilani came round. Apparently, I am a closed book when it comes to my emotions, my feelings. She says I don’t know how to express myself.
“You have to do something big Guy, you have to show her the real you. The one I love.”
The girl loves a gesture. She reads one too many romance novels.
I didn’t answer her, but I thought long and hard about what to do. When I had my brainwave, it seemed so obvious. This whole situation has made me stand back and look at everything from another angle.
Willie has been good. He came to the hospital a couple of times and even had a conversation with Leilani. Rayne said Trent had him over at his house for dinner with Esther, trying to build bridges. Willie never allowed us to mourn mum. He got straight back on the horse and he expected us to as well. Having him come to the hospital, to check on me and to see how Leilani was is the most human he has ever been. I suspect he was taken back in time to when he was here with mum. As much as he wanted me to follow in his footsteps, I guess those aren’t the shoes he wanted me to fill.
Oh and Martin has been arrested. I asked Rayne what happened, and she shrugged. Connor ignored me and when Aaron came by the hospital he had his hand in a support. Apparently, he was sparring with Connor and they got “carried away” Whatever happened I am grateful.
My girl is now ready to go.
Because she’s been in a hospital bed for a while, I figured the Nissan wasn’t a good option. I got Connor to hook me up with a GLE.
I have taken a period of leave from work – they are more than capable of dealing with whatever comes up. If not there’s always Trent.
I help her to the car park, she’s understandably frail but as determined as ever.
“New Car? Better than the penis extension”
“Ha! Ha! Way too funny Barros. We need to get your things”
Leilani leans back into the seat. God she’s stunning.
She’s in a grey tracksuit, hair tied back loosely with strands framing her face, no make-up and no earrings, her smile is the only accessory she needs. Her face lights up as we pull out of the hospital car park.
“I have never been so happy to see traffic! Can we not go straight to yours? We can pick my things up tomorrow”
Keeping my eyes on the road is so hard with her sitting there. I don’t know how we got here, but I know I am not about to let her go.
“No can do, we’re not staying at my apartment. We’re going away for a few days and we need get on the way soon”
“Where are we going?” She’s like a kid at Christmas, all excited.
“Home, we’re going home” I lean over and kiss her. I only want to give her a small kiss, a quick rub of my lips against hers, but this is Leilani. She moves her mouth against mine, I have a word with my tongue
‘Don’t go in there!’ ‘Why you little shit’
He goes in, of course he does. He slips between her soft lips, the moment hers finds him is electric. She groans, I groan. How easy would it be to pull her over and have her straddle me? To have her thighs locked around mine.
I pull away and rest my forehead on hers.
“I missed you” I say. Genuinely and mean it more than I ever have.
“You’ve got me” she says on a smile “No need to miss me anymore”
It doesn’t matter what happens next. I know it’s the two of us. Whatever comes our way.
By the time we got here it’s was after 4pm. Here is Newmarket.
I have deliberately driven along the side the race course, it is the longest way around, but the sun is low, and it looks phenomenal.
We head down Bury Road and I am back to being a child again. Mum used sing Wild Horses as we got nearer. That was the name of the stud farm. I find it in my library and press play.
Leilani is basking in the afternoon sun with a smile on her face.
“Our farm was called Wild Horses. We used to sing it on the way here every time. I remember being about 5 and knowing every word to this.”
She doesn’t open her eyes, she just stretches her hand over to my leg – the gentle sign of affection warms me as much as the sun. I hang a right and start down the gravel drive. Gareth and his wife are responsible for taking care of the farm house. They spend most weekends here. There is a caretaker and a housekeeper, but I asked them to take leave this week. I want Leilani to myself.
“WOW! When you said farmhouse, I expected a run-down stone building. Not this!”
This is the jewel in my crown.
I did play it down a little. It’s a detached 6-bedroom Victorian house. Set in the grounds of a stud farm. Although we don’t own the farm anymore we still own the house.
Another 3 houses have been built on the land, but none as large as the main house.
I press the code into the keylock and open the double doors, my own breath is taken away. I had forgotten how many memories we had made here, each and every one flooding back to me.
The hallway always was my favourite place, we used to play hide and seek for hours in this space alone. There are 5 doors of the hallway. The first door on the right, was grandads writing room. Not an office but where he used to draft the plans for each thoroughbred, the training plans, the breaking in, the diet sheets. The riders timetables. He wrote everything by hand. He told me it helped the information sink in, helped him formalise actions plans by thinking it through as he wrote. Grandma was specifically recruited by grandads family to work at their stud. Grandma was a volunteer on an equestrian farm, they ran mountain trips and on of grandads riders went out there to recover from injury. He saw grandma at work and got word back to Suffolk that they
should invite her over. She came back with him and started work. Mum said she was like a horse whisperer. She revolutionised the way we worked by getting rid of imprinting, she was an advocate for foal being nurtured by their dams, she was hands on but didn’t take over. By the end of their first year, most foals sought grandmas touch and voice. She learned to train and became one of the best female trainers in the world. Mum trained as a child and loved it but after she lost her first pony to a rare virus she vowed to become a vet and do all she could so no other child would feel that pain. After losing mum, I made a silent vow to protect myself from ever feeling that level of pain again. I spent years honing my skills. Was doing so well until Leilani seeped under my skin. I turn my attention back to her.
She’s standing by the patio doors, the late afternoon sun bursting into the room.
“This place is beautiful. The view is just endless”
Her nose is practically pressed against the glass as she speaks. The light from the sun is highlighting her frame. Her dark grey tracksuit bottoms fit like leggings, they hug arse so well, I want to take a bite. She’s taken off her jumper and her navy vest is invisible under her hair. Considering she came out of a coma a few days ago, she’s flawless.
“How did you ever manage to leave here? My god it’s like a bit of heaven”
I walk towards her, it’s more like being pulled by a magnetic force, even if I wanted to go in a different direction, I cannot seem to be in the same room as her without touching her, holding her.
“It was hard.” I point to the fields beyond the paddock. “Over there, that’s where we used to help grandad with the riders. He’d set up trials with the trainers in the morning and we would take it in turns to record times.”
She doesn’t take her eyes off the view but backs gently into me. My instant reaction is to keep her close. I put one arm around her waist and hold her tight against me.
“Will you take me out there and show me? I want to see it all, it’s like a magical world. OH MY GOD! I can see some horses!”
Men don’t giggle, we are supposed to chuckle. But I giggle. She’s so damn cute.
Vantage Point (The Point Series Book 2) Page 15