by Megan Keith
“They understand. Feel better, honey. It was so good to meet you. I hope we see a lot more of you in the future.” I hope so too. He winks at me over her shoulder before letting her go.
“Thanks Joseph.” I’m not sure if it’s just because she’s sleepy but there seems to be a bit of extra moisture in Bianca’s eyes when she pulls away from him. “Bye.”
He pulls me in for a hug next. “Take care of yourself Seth. And this one, too.” He gives me a pat on the back. “Drive safe.”
Bianca
I was really sad when we left Seth’s parents place this morning. Something about the hug Joseph gave me tore me in two and I spent the next couple of hours trying to sleep and ignore the fact that I would probably never see him or his family again.
The car slows and I open my eyes to see that we’re pulling into a roadhouse.
“Pit stop,” Seth explains as he parks the car. “Do you want something to eat?”
“Sure.”
We go into the café section and order our food. When we’re sitting opposite each other and waiting for it to arrive, Seth takes hold of my hand.
“Bianca, we need to talk about this.”
“What is there to say?”
“I’m sorry that I sprung a proposal on you the way I did, but I need you to know that I meant it. I do love you and I don’t care about Emma at all. I promise you that. I’m not sure what made you think otherwise, but you’re wrong. Yesterday, bumping into her like that, only confirmed for me what I already knew – I’m so completely over her. Please believe that.” He squeezes my hand for emphasis. “You’re who I want to be with. I’m in love with you and I’m going to find a way to prove it to you.”
The waitress appearing with our food forces our hands from the table.
“What does it matter? Your life is in Melbourne and mine’s in Sydney. It was never going to work, Seth.”
“We can make it work. Move with me to Melbourne. Or I’ll stay with you.” The look of hope in his eyes sparks new hope in my heart. “I can find work anywhere.”
“Seth I-”
He takes hold of my hand again. “Don’t say anything. Just eat your food and think on it.” I try to slide my hand from his gentle grasp but he only strengthens his hold, pulling me across the table towards him. “Please.” I nod and he let’s go.
And I do. I think about it the remainder of the way home. It’s a quiet drive but when Seth takes hold of my hand again as he drives, I let him, and when he smiles at me reassuringly I attempt to do the same back. When we finally reach my house it’s mid-afternoon. We both have to work tomorrow and I insist that he goes back to his place.
“Wait.” He holds my front door, stopping me from closing it.
“Seth-”
“Don’t shut me out, please.”
“I just need some time to process it all. So much has happened in such a short time and I just…”
“Need some space?”
“Yeah.”
He stares at me a long while before he nods and quietly leaves.
***
“What the hell is up your arse?” Scar screams when she storms into the kitchen.
“What?”
“You’ve only been working in here for ten minutes and you’ve done nothing but make a racket the whole time - slamming cupboards and clanging saucepans and whatever. You better snap out of your mood before we open.”
“I’m working!”
“No, you’re taking your frustrations out on my kitchen. Why? And don’t tell me it’s because you’re upset about your grandmother because I know that’s not it. You were sad last week and you did that quietly. This is different. You’re not sad, you’re angry.” When I don’t respond she continues, “You know you’re supposed to come back from a weekend away with your sexy man all loved up, right? Not like this. What the hell did he do?”
I can’t answer because what did he do that was so bad? He didn’t do anything, it was all on me and I know it. I’m an emotional mess about it. Sobs break free and within seconds I’m wrapped in Scar’s arms.
“Shit. Do I need to kick his arse?”
I shake my head and cry some more.
“Come and sit down.” I do as I’m told and sit on the stool by the counter. “Talk. What did he do that was so bad?”
“He asked me to marry him and move to Melbourne.” And for probably the first time in Scar’s life she’s speechless. She holds her hand over her mouth and pales. “Crazy, right?” She doesn’t answer but instead runs to the bathroom where I hear her vomit into the toilet. I give chase and call from the other side of the door, “Are you alright?” She mumbles a response and then throws up some more.
Eventually she resurfaces looking brighter than she did and tries to pretend that nothing happened. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she protests when I again ask if she’s okay.
“But-”
“We’re talking about you.”
“Scar, you-”
“When was the last time you did something out of the ordinary? Something challenging?”
“What’s that got to-”
“Just answer the question,” she says abruptly.
I cross my arms over my chest and answer with bite: “I challenge myself every day that I work with you!”
“Funny.” She rolls her eyes at me then points. “You’re scared!”
“Of course I’m scared. I barely know the guy and he asked me to freakin’ marry him! At first I just thought it was a kneejerk reaction to seeing his ex but-” I remember the way he looked at me when he dropped me home yesterday and I can’t go on.
“But what? You pushed him away, didn’t you?”
I sigh and try to compose my thoughts. “In my mind, I keep going over everything he said and now … I don’t know what to think.”
“Maybe saying no and pushing him away was your kneejerk reaction to seeing his ex.”
“Maybe.”
“Forget the fact that he asked you to marry him. Do you love him?”
“I do,” falls from my mouth without hesitation. “I do love him.”
“When you close your eyes do you imagine your lives together? Can you picture it?” I nod and wipe away a stray tear. “Yeah, I agree it’s way too soon for marriage but maybe it’s not too soon for you to take a chance on him. Stop being so scared and, for once in your life, jump head first into a relationship.”
“What do you mean once in my life? It’s not like Seth is the only boyfriend I’ve had, Scar.”
“No. But think back to when you started seeing Dean, for instance. You knew from the get-go that he was safe.”
“Safe? He was a drop kick loser who used me for a free bed.”
“True! But he was also safe from hurting you because you had no intention of letting him into your heart. I know you B and I bet on Ben’s life that you’ve been like that with every relationship you’ve ever had.” She’s right. I know it. “And that’s why Seth is different.”
“Because I let him in?” I give a slight nod of agreement.
“Yep.”
“But marriage? That’s crazy, right? I mean we hardly know each other.” Even as I say it though, I realise that’s not true. We may not have been in each other’s lives for very long, but we’ve sure packed a lot of relationship into the time we’ve had. I’ve never opened up with a man as much as I have him. And I do know him. I know him better than I’ve ever known anyone.
“Put it this way,” Scar says, “Can you imagine a future without him in it?”
“No, I can’t.” My words sound choked because just the thought of not having him in my life kills me. “No one has ever made me feel like Seth does.”
“Exactly. You’re so afraid of getting hurt that you’re pushing away the best thing that has ever happened to you. You need to take that chance, B. If he makes you happy, that’s all that matters. Say no to the proposal but don’t say no to the man behind it.”
“You’re right. You’re completely right!”
I know that we can make this work. I want to be with Seth always, however and wherever that may be.
“Of course I am!” Scar says, enthusiastically. “How could you ever doubt me and my wisdom?”
“Thanks Scar.”
“You’re welcome. Now please get off that stool and get to work, without destroying my kitchen this time!”
“Yes boss!” As soon as I vacate the chair, Scar takes my place.
“But could you please make me a cup of tea first?”
“Tea?” Scar is a coffee drinker, she hardly ever touches tea. I look over at my friend and notice the pale look on her face. “You mean to settle your stomach?” She nods. “When did you find out and why didn’t you tell me?”
“What?” She tries to plead innocent but she can’t hide the grin that slowly morphs across her face.
“You’re pregnant!” I accuse with a pointy finger.
Scar nods enthusiastically and bites her lip. “I’m pregnant, B.” Tears quickly spring to her eyes. “I’m really pregnant!”
“Ahhh!” I scream before hugging her. Then we’re both crying. “I’m so happy for you!”
“It finally happened.”
I pull back to look at her and slap her arm. “You should have told me!”
“Hey, don’t hit the pregnant woman! We found out last week, the same day you found out about your Nan. It didn’t seem like the right time to tell you.”
“Oh my god! I’m going to be an aunty!” I jump up and down.
“You do know we aren’t related, right?” she teases.
“You’re the closest thing I’ve got to a sister Scar and I’m claiming him or her, right now! So you better get used to it!”
“Yeah?” Scar asks, a rare bashful look on her face.
“Of course.” I give her another hug.
“Then you might want to take Seth up on his offer, because I have some other news…”
Seth
Bringing the beer bottle to my lips I shake my head again at how infuriating she is. The icy cold beer slides down my throat at a quick pace as I skull my fourth … fifth … beer for the night. My eyes begin to feel heavy and I know I need to slow down, so I can think this through sober. If I want to fix my relationship with Bianca, the first thing I need to do is get her to admit her feelings. Which is hard to do when I’m trying to give her space.
I haven’t heard from her since I dropped her home yesterday. I was so tempted to stop by the café today, but I steered clear, knowing that she wouldn’t appreciate it. I expected a phone call or something but now it’s past eight and still no word.
I pick up my phone and bring up her name but have a hard time pressing the call button. What am I going to say? I sigh as I put the phone back on the table. Sorry, that’s what I need to say. I need to apologise for acting like some psycho when that dream came to me and knocked me off my bike. I need to-
As I reach for my phone a second time, it rings. Bianca’s name lights up the screen but just as quickly it disappears. Before I even get a chance to answer, she hangs up. I guess she’s as undecided on what to say as I am. At least she’s contemplating talking to me, I guess that’s a positive sign.
I take another sip of beer, keeping my eye on my phone, waiting for it to light up again. It doesn’t. I’m sure I look like a weirdo as I give my phone the evil eye. I lean back in my chair and glance around The Frog, noticing the place is relatively empty. When did that happen? It was packed when I arrived.
The woman behind the bar cranks up the stereo and it makes me jump; the room swaying a little with the movement. I smile, the drunk feeling reminding me of the last time I was here, drinking Bianca ‘under the table’. That was a good night.
“I hope you don’t mind, I love this song!” the woman behind the bar calls out to me. I smile and nod at her and she turns away. I can’t help but pay attention as the music blares through the overhead speakers. It’s a song I recognise, Ed Sheeran’s ‘Give Me Love’. How appropriate. As far as lyrics go this song is like the perfect song for this moment. When Ed sings of the ‘taste that your lips allow’ I can almost feel Bianca’s lips on mine and I cannot wait for them to be again. I may not know what I want to say to her, but I do know that, more than anything, I need to see her, and now. I don’t care if she still wants space, I polish off my beer and make a hasty exit.
When I open the door the fresh air hits my face and I again sway. Luckily I walked and Bianca only lives a few blocks from here. As soon as my feet hit the pavement I’m off in the direction of her house. The further I get, the faster my steps become. By the time I make it to her street I’m sprinting. My heart rate increases as my feet hit the concrete in a steady rhythm and I near my destination. Then I stop dead at the end of her walkway.
Her front door is wide open and there she stands, bathed in the light of her hallway as I stand breathing heavily just metres away. She looks beautiful and absolutely stunned to see me. We stare at each other for just a short moment before I swallow thickly and work to close the gap between us. In just a few long strides my hands are on her cheeks and my mouth is on her lips.
I kiss her with all the passion I can muster. Our tongues tangle, our lips mesh and her tight hold around my neck assures me that she needs me as desperately as I need her. Her body pulls up tight against mine and I move one hand from her face to her waist to squeeze her closer still. I feel the sides of her mouth curve into a smile at the same moment I realise that she tastes salty; she tastes of tears. I give her one last, hard, kiss and then I pull my head back to look at her. My hold on her doesn’t waver though. I look at her wide blue eyes as the tears continue to streak down her face.
“You’re crying.”
“Yeah.” She smiles and half-laughs. She releases her hold on my neck to wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand. I put my hand behind her head and pull her to me. Her head rests just below my shoulder as she takes a shuddery breath. “Seth, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”
“I should never have done what I did in Melbourne.”
“Seth, I-”
“No, B. Please hear me out. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my future, and I’m talking from the first night we slept together, not just this past weekend. With my job ending soon I’ve thought a lot about everything. I go over and over all of the scenarios - what I want to do with my life, the career I want, where I want to live, family, travel, all of it. And in every conclusion I come to, you are there. I want to make a home with you and build a life with you. I just keep finding my way back to you. Whatever happens, whatever I do, I want to share it with you, B. You are what matters.
“I won’t lie, mostly I do think about living in Melbourne - it’s just where I always imagined I would live. I’d love for you to move there with me, but if that’s not what you want-”
“Please. Stop. Talking.”
I don’t have a choice when she thrusts her tongue in my mouth. Then we’re moving, she’s stumbling backward as I’m stepping forward. The front door slams. We bang into the wall at least three times on the way to her room. Then we’re stripping. We’re both hungry. Starved for each other. Desperately needing to reconnect. It may have only been a couple of days since our last time, but it’s obviously been way too long.
The sex is hurried and rough. Hard and unrelenting. Her hands cling to me, nails digging into my biceps as I glide in and out of her body. She doesn’t need to say anything, her body and her movements tell me all. She loves me. Finally, I have my answer. Bianca does love me. Everything is going to work out.
“Oh god!” she mumbles before biting my lip.
“Yes!” I cry when she lets go and I pound into her one final time. We crash together and it is heaven. Our bodies continue to shudder relentlessly as our movements slow and we share sweet, soft kisses, over and over.
She smiles big at me and I remain exactly where I am, not caring that I’m softening inside her – I don’t want to get out. She opens her mouth to speak but I
stop her from talking by putting a finger to her lips.
“I love you, Bianca.” She tries to open her mouth again, but I don’t let her, I just push my finger harder against her lips. “Whatever you decide to do, live here or anywhere in the world, that won’t change. Just know that I love you and I want to be with you. Only you.” Her eyes begin to water again and it melts my heart and makes me love her even more. She swallows hard and tries unsuccessfully to blink away her tears. I lift my finger from her mouth and replace it with my lips, kissing her tenderly. She kisses me back, not so tenderly, but roughly and desperately. I stop. “Where were you going?” I ask her but she just looks at me quizzically, so I explain, “Just now, when I got here you were at the door. Where were you going at this time of night?”
“I was going to your apartment.”
“You were?”
“Yes, don’t sound so surprised!” She gives me a playful smack on the arm. “I … It just so happens that …” She looks at me nervously.
“That what?”
“That I … I love you too, Seth.” She almost chokes over the words that I’ve been wanting to hear for what seems like a lifetime. My heart jumps in my chest as the smile breaks over my face. I’m feeling pretty smug about now. The tears leave her eyes and trickle down her face. Using my thumb I wipe them away.
“You love me?” She only nods and smiles as her eyes close and I continue to caress her cheeks. I smile back. “I already knew that.”
“You shit!” Her eyes fly open and she gets a look of fury on her face. I chuckle at her reaction and it softens, immediately breaking into a breathtaking smile.
Bianca
Laying naked in bed with Seth on top of me is exactly where I want to be. What we have is a once in a lifetime kind of love. I don’t know why I ever doubted it. I shouldn’t have. I take a deep breath before I ask the question I’ve been wanting to get an answer to. The words that come out however, are completely different.