Lucy

by Laurence Gonzales

  Jenny shivered at those thoughts. She stepped from the shower to dry off and dress, wondering if that had occurred to Amanda yet. As she was putting on her clothes, Amanda came dancing into the room, already dressed, her hair wet. “Let’s get them to take us out to the gate so we can be there for Lucy. I wonder if Ruth has any grapes?”

  “Grapes?”

  “For Lucy.”

  “Sure. Let’s go over to the house.”

  Ruth drove them out toward the gate in the Suburban. Amanda was quiet, sitting in the back with a plastic bag of grapes in her lap. She seemed subdued now.

  “What are we going to do?” Amanda asked.

  “Yes, I was having the same thought,” Jenny said. “It’s not over.”

  “But she’s home, that’s the most important thing,” Ruth said.

  “Yes,” Amanda said, “we have her back.” She looked at Jenny, searching her eyes.

  “Yes,” Jenny said, trying to smile. “Let’s enjoy her while we can.” She felt that her words hadn’t come out right. “She’ll have to go to Donna.”

  “Yes,” Amanda said. “Donna.” And Amanda’s yearning eyes fixed on Jenny. “And then we’ll see her again.” She paused, bit her cuticle. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”

  “Yes,” Jenny said. “We’ll be okay. Of course we will.”

  48

  RUTH STAYED IN THE CAR as Jenny and Amanda stepped down onto the desert floor. The sun was low, the whole land lit with a pink and yellow light. The clouds seemed to be on fire. The sky went on forever. Amanda kicked stones and Jenny examined wild flowers and cactus. They saw a lizard. A long-tailed magpie came to inspect them. Jenny scanned the low hills overlooking their position. Dry and beige with patches of green. Rocky defiles and sharp outcroppings.

  Amanda picked up three stones and tried to juggle them, unsuccessfully. She laughed, musing on something.

  “What?”

  “Remember that time,” she began, still juggling. “Remember that time at Harry’s that Lucy called me human and I got all offended? And then the two of us got into this uncontrollable laughing fit?”

  “Yeah …”

  “And remember when she gave you that sweater for Christmas and we didn’t know you were allergic to wool, but you didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so you wore it all through dinner anyway?”

  “Yeah, I had a rash for a week. And Harry mixed Oil of Olay with steroid cream for me and called it ‘Oil of José.’”

  “Then he went off on that rant about why didn’t Mexico manufacture cars?” Amanda managed to get three rocks going and then lost the rhythm. The stones fell, and she picked them up and started over.

  “Yeah, the Aztec car cracked me up.”

  “The Toyotl. Made out of stone. Two gallons to the mile. Harry’s crazy. I mean that in a good way.”

  Jenny looked out over the land again. The sun had tinted the low hills with an eerie pink like the color of watermelon. Then she turned back toward the road and saw a cloud rise in the distance. Amanda let the stones fall to the ground, then stood with Jenny watching the dust cloud grow.

  “It’s her,” Amanda said.

  The car was still some distance off as the cloud of dust drifted away on the breeze. They stood and watched for what seemed the longest time. Then at last another white Suburban heaved into view. The gate opened, and the dusty vehicle pulled up to park nearby, tilting over the rocky ground. The red sky was reflected in the windows. Ruth had opened her door to watch. Luke stepped out of the driver’s side and crossed to them. He gave Amanda a nod and then approached Jenny. He leaned in and whispered, “She’s a little self-conscious about her appearance. She’s been through a lot.” Jenny was looking past him as Amanda approached the dark interior of the car. She hesitated a few feet from the door. Nothing moved for a moment.

  “Lucy?” Amanda asked.

  The passenger door opened. She saw a movement inside the car. A leg in blue jeans emerged, an oversized tennis shoe on the foot. Another foot, another leg. A teenage boy in a baseball cap stepped squinting into the late desert light.

  “Where’s Lucy?” Amanda asked, turning toward Luke, then looking back at the boy.

  “What—” Jenny began. “Where’s Lu—” She stopped herself, then asked, “Lucy?”

  “Lucy?” Amanda asked.

  The boy’s mouth pursed, as if attempting to solve a difficult problem. He brought his hands to his face. Then Jenny and Amanda heard Lucy’s voice say, “I’m sorry.”

  “Lucy!” Amanda said, and rushed to her. She wrapped Lucy in her arms. “Lucy, oh, my God, Lucy, what did they do to you?” The two girls held each other and wept.

  “Oh, Lucy,” Jenny went to them and took them both in her arms, fighting back tears. “Oh, no. Oh, Lucy, Lucy.”

  Luke had come over to them and said, “Let’s get away from this exposed area.”

  “Yes, come on,” Ruth said. “Let’s bring her to the house. She needs rest and food and—”

  “Amanda, help me get her in the car,” Jenny said.

  “The girls will come with me, dear,” Ruth told Luke.

  With Jenny and Amanda embracing her from either side, Lucy made a tentative move toward the open door of Ruth’s car. As they advanced slowly, Lucy said, “I did the best I could.”

  “You’re with us again,” Amanda said. “That’s all that matters.”

  “We’re going to take care of you now,” Jenny added.

  “We have grapes,” Amanda said. “A big bag of grapes.”

  Lucy gave her a weak smile and said, “Yum.”

  “I love you, Lucy,” Amanda said.

  “I love you, too.”

  At first Jenny thought that Amanda had slipped on a stone. It was as if her feet simply went out from under her the way they do on ice. Then she was down. A faint pop reached them from far off, and they all turned toward the sound. But the watermelon light was gone, and the mountains were vanishing into a colorless dusk. Then Lucy’s shriek split the silence. Jenny turned back to see her step away from Amanda, her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide in horror. They were both covered with blood.

  “Down! Get down!” Luke was shouting. He grabbed Jenny and shoved her into the car. She stuck her head back out to see Lucy fall on Amanda, who was lying on the ground making a strange gurgling noise in her throat and kicking one leg. Lucy was screaming in that high keening sound that Jenny had last heard in the jungle, the essence of grief. Luke ran to pick Amanda up and then shoved her onto the seat beside Jenny. Ruth pushed Lucy into the car and got in after her, shouting, “Luke, drive!”

  Luke jumped in the driver’s seat and slammed the door, and then they were speeding off across the desert.

  As they bounced over the rough terrain Lucy screamed, “Amanda! No! Amanda!”

  Ruth looked on, her face a mask of horror, as Luke said, “Oh, Lord, oh, Lord.”

  Jenny looked down at Amanda, unable to think. A red stain was spreading across the center of her shirt. Jenny placed her hand on it and pressed, feeling the hot blood. “Amanda,” she said. “Oh, no, Amanda.”

  Amanda’s eyes focused first on Lucy, then on Jenny, flicking rapidly back and forth. She coughed once. “I tripped,” she said. Then she stopped breathing.

  “Oh, Lord,” Luke said as the car leapt forward over rocks.

  Lucy’s cry filled the small space, as Jenny began compressing Amanda’s chest with the heel of her hand, saying, “Come on, Amanda, don’t do this. Amanda! Amanda!”

  She put her mouth on Amanda’s and tasted her blood. She blew air into her lungs and heard it bubble out of her chest beneath her shirt. By the time they arrived at the house, Lucy was curled up in a ball on the far side of the car hugging her knees. Amanda was not moving, her eyes rolled back in her head. Jenny and Ruth stared in disbelief.

  The door opened, and Luke dragged Jenny and Lucy out and into the big house. Ruth didn’t move for a time. Luke went back and led her inside. Then he carried Amanda into one of the back bedro
oms.

  Jenny sat holding Lucy on the couch. Lucy was shivering, her teeth chattering. She looked almost catatonic. They were both covered with dirt and blood.

  “Okay, okay, okay,” Jenny said. “Just breathe.” But then in the middle of her attempt to take control, she burst into tears, too. Lucy and Jenny sat there unable to control their grief. Ruth stood, erect and grave, her face flushed, her blue eyes wide. She knelt before Jenny and Lucy and wrapped both of them in her arms, and they stayed like that. It was full dark outside.

  49

  LUCY’S FATHER USED TO SAY that there was a natural beauty in the world and that salvation lay in finding it, embracing it. Don’t let it go, he would say. Because when the bad things come—and they always do—it’s all there is to sustain you. Without it, you’ll be sucked down into a darkness from which there is no escape.

  “Death comes,” he would say. “Death always comes. It’s coming now. It’s on its way. There’s nothing you can do but see the beauty.”

  Maybe her father really was mad, Lucy thought. He certainly did a mad, mad thing when he brought her into this world. It was hard for her to think about him now. He was gentle to her, tender and smart and funny. As serious as he could be, he could be silly, too. One night Leda and Lucy were sleeping in the high branches, dreaming peacefully, when he appeared between them, hanging in a sling attached to a rope. Leda began screaming in alarm. Lucy startled and sat up in the nest. “Papa! What are you doing up here?” Leda jumped angrily up and down on the branches and went skittering off into the forest.

  Her father sat in his sling grinning at his daughter. He produced a banana from inside his shirt as if by magic and held it out to her. She took it. “You see?” he said. “This is what it means to be human. It’s a deep mystery. We’re so bad. We’re so good.” He winked at her as she ate the banana. “Come for a ride?” he asked. Lucy climbed into the apparatus with him and he lowered it to the ground. “You see, by our clever inventions we lose the trees. So much fun. But so sad. Everything has its cost.”

  Oh, how Lucy grieved for Amanda. Her most human friend. Her most friendly human. Dear sweet Amanda. Amanda and Jenny. Poor Jenny.

  Lucy knew death. She knew it from the forest. It was a natural part of life, but that didn’t make it any easier when it came. The cat, the jackal, the hawk—they were always out there watching, waiting, hungry. Lucy knew death. Death was no mystery. It came for everyone. The mystery was life. She knew death well. What she didn’t know was why she was alive.

  Lucy grieved hard for Amanda that night. They all did, frantic and confused, unable to make sense of anything, as they waited for the police to come. Lucy lay with Amanda where Luke had placed her in one of the bedrooms. Lucy held her and smelled her smell one last time, her hair with the wind in it, the sun on her skin, the sharp reek of her blood. She kissed her on the lips and said, “I love you.” Then she went out into the living room and sat with Jenny. They held each other and wept and in between, Lucy told Jenny what had been done to her, and they wept again. But Lucy knew that it was time to go.

  “Mom, Mom,” Lucy said when she had at last taken herself in hand. She stood and stepped away from her. “Mom, I love you. I love your selfless nature. You brought me out of the forest and showed me a new world. Thank you.”

  Jenny collapsed in Lucy’s arms again, and Lucy held her until her sobbing subsided.

  “Mom. I have to go. I can’t stay here. I killed a man.” Lucy heard Jenny’s sharp intake of breath as she brought her hand to her mouth. “And now it’s come to this.”

  Ruth and Luke sat holding each other on a couch across the room. Luke stood and crossed to Lucy. He reached into his pocket and handed her a wad of bills. “Here. It’s only a couple thousand, but it should help.”

  “Thanks.”

  Jenny composed herself. She straightened and said, “Come here. I have to check you.”

  “Check what?”

  “They found you. I think I know how. They would have been fools not to do it.” Jenny began running her hands up and down Lucy’s legs, feeling with her fingertips.

  “What?”

  “Just a second.” She let her hands move gently over Lucy’s arms and then around her shoulders and up her neck. She stopped, feeling a small bump on the back of her neck. “There. I think I’ve got it. I’m going to need something very sharp, like a razor blade.”

  “I’ll get the first aid kit,” Ruth said.

  “Sit down,” Jenny told Lucy. “It’s a device they use for tracking animals. They inject it under the skin.”

  Ruth came back with the kit, and Jenny selected a scalpel, cotton balls, and alcohol. She wiped the spot on Lucy’s neck with alcohol. “This is going to hurt.”

  Lucy made no sound when she cut her. Then Jenny put her open hand before Lucy. In her bloody palm was a silver device less than an inch long and no thicker than a pencil lead. Lucy stared at it. Jenny wiped the cut on Lucy’s neck with alcohol and put a bandage on it.

  Luke studied the device, grunted, and spun on his heel. He left the room and returned with a claw hammer. He put the device on the floor and smashed it with so much force that one of the floor tiles cracked. Everyone watched him as he left the room with the hammer.

  Jenny looked at the shattered device on the red tile for a moment. Then she lifted her head and said, “Lucy, I love you. Please be careful.”

  Lucy backed away and Jenny said, “Don’t try to call or write … Not for a while. A long while, I guess …”

  “Yes, I understand.” Lucy turned to Ruth. “Look after Mom, will you?”

  “Yes. Of course we will.”

  Lucy kissed the top of Jenny’s bowed head. She hugged Ruth and kissed Luke’s cheek. Then she slipped out the back door and into the desert night. She had gone overland for no more than twenty minutes when she heard the helicopter. She thought, They’ve caught me in the open. But the helicopter flew right past, its green and red lights blinking, and thundered on into the night.

  For a long time after Lucy left, Jenny and Ruth and Luke stood in the living room staring into space. No one knew what to say. Everyone was simply in shock, waiting for the world to spontaneously rearrange itself so that it made sense once more. Jenny could feel her whole body vibrating with a terrible energy that she feared might tear her apart. All she could do was breathe in and breathe out. She became aware of the smell of mesquite smoke on the breeze that was coming from the open front door. She became aware of Ruth, who had controlled herself until Lucy left and was now softly weeping. Jenny thought she heard Amanda’s laugh from the next room, and the hair on the back of her neck stood up. Then she realized that it was a night bird calling from outside.

  It wasn’t long before they saw the lights of the Bernalillo County Sheriff’s cars coming from the gate. A coroner’s van followed the police cars. They went outside to greet the sheriff, whom Luke and Ruth called Bill. He was a handsome young man with his light brown hair neatly parted and a deferential manner. Luke repeated what he had told the dispatcher who had answered his 911 call. Jenny and Ruth had little to add. The sheriff said, “Well, we’re figuring that the shot had to come from those hills to the south. We have deputies out there now, along with the state police. I’m real sorry about this. It’s a terrible thing.”

  The coroner’s assistants wheeled a gurney out of the house and up to the back of the unmarked van. They opened the doors and collapsed the gurney’s legs to slide it in. Jenny crossed to them and said, “Wait.” She stood beside the gurney and pulled the sheet back. Amanda looked as if she were asleep, her hair in disarray. Jenny touched her hair, so luxurious and soft. Tears welled up in her eyes. She kissed Amanda’s forehead. “Goodbye, honey,” she said.

  Then they pulled the sheet over her face and Jenny went inside and dialed the phone.

  “Harry,” she said. “It’s over.”

  50

  LUCY FLED ACROSS the powdery waste among the stunted piñon trees. It was still dark when she caught
a ride on the feeder ramp to Interstate 25 going north. It was a big eighteen-wheel rig carrying disposable diapers. The trucker’s name was Ned. He said he was from Kentucky. They shared a laugh about the diapers. He bought Lucy breakfast in Colorado at daybreak. She had eggs and hash browns. One of the things that Lucy liked best about America was ketchup. Ketchup and Tabasco sauce. He let Lucy out north of Denver, and she picked up a ride on I-80 from a periodontist who kept putting his hand on her thigh and telling Lucy how much he admired young male athletes. He drove her to a rest area, where he tried to take her pants off. She bit two of his fingers off and left him writhing in pain in the grass beside the parking lot, the taste of his blood sharp in her mouth.

  The leaves had already fallen in Iowa. The wind was blowing on the highway, and the weather had turned cold. A van full of Christian women picked Lucy up and drove her all the way to Milwaukee. One of the dominant females took Lucy by her hands and said, “Son, please consider accepting Jesus as your personal savior. Just consider it.”

  Once she reached Milwaukee, Lucy took a city bus to the zoo. She waited for sundown and slipped in the back way through the forest. The leaves were all down. She heard the bonobos begin to cry out as she drew close. The screaming grew to a crescendo, and after a time, Donna appeared by the back fence. Shivering with the cold, Lucy waved to her. Donna recognized Lucy immediately. She rushed into the forest and held her.

  “Oh, dear, oh, dear,” she said. “Is that really you, Lucy?” She looked at her and said again, “Oh, dear … What did they do to you? Who got you?”

  “I’m sorry. They cut me. They cut my hair off. They cut the whole top of my head off.” Lucy began to weep.

  “Oh, no, poor thing.” Donna began leading her toward the building. “At least you made it. How are—” She hesitated. “Is Jenny okay?”