The door opened as soon as his knuckles rapped on the door. Annie—Miss Bliss, he reminded himself—hovered in front of him, her face echoing his own uncertainty. Tears spilled out of her eyes, when she hadn’t even cried on the day of the box social.
“Oh Lieutenant.” She sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. “How good of you to come.”
At the signs of her distress, he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. He settled for holding the back of the chair for her.
On her right, Ruth tipped her teacup in his direction.
A burlap sack lay open at their feet, hues of dark blues and greens peeking at him. Annie had been busy with her knitting needles again. Catching the direction of his glance, she handed him the garment. “This is for you. I wanted you to have it, even if…I don’t see you again.” Her face crumpled, and she began crying again.
Had someone demanded the soldiers no longer go to town? Why hadn’t he been informed? “What has happened, Annie?” Her name slipped out of his mouth.
“My brother—Samuel, the one in the army—has been in an accident. His captain contacted us, telling us that his wound is serious. Mama took the next train out. We haven’t heard anything since then.”
Jeremiah’s memory flew back almost seven years, to the day he had arrived home to a house that reeked of death. He leaned forward until he was nose to nose with Annie and the other women faded into the background. “Oh Annie.” His hand reached of its own accord, his thumb brushing away the tear hovering beneath her left eyelid.
At his touch, she shuddered briefly. She opened eyes so blue that the whole of the Atlantic Ocean could flow in tears to express her sorrow. “The person who wrote the letter said my brother might die. Lieutenant—Jeremiah—I’m so scared.”
When she reached for him, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to take her in his arms and rest her head against his shoulder while her tears drenched his uniform. He wanted to keep her there forever.
Chapter 9
As soon as Gladys reached for the last cookie, Annie grabbed the empty plate and headed for the sink. Footsteps followed her into the kitchen.
Annie busied herself with refilling the plate before turning around. Ruth, as she’d expected. Ruth, who had witnessed the humiliating display she had made at Mrs. Peate’s home. Annie drew a deep breath and steadied herself to face whatever her friend had to say.
“You can’t avoid me forever.” The smile that accompanied Ruth’s words held no reproach. “Gladys tells us everything that happens with Haydn.”
“But that’s different.” Annie bit her lip.
“How?” Ruth broke one of the ginger cookies in two and handed half to Annie. “Eat this. Maybe the sugar will help you calm down.”
Obediently Annie bit into the sweetness, but her insides still churned. “Gladys always said how charming and kind Haydn was. And all I’ve done is worry about working with the Bear. I made a terrible mistake.”
A rustle of skirts alerted Annie to the presence of the others. “Do you mind if we join you?” Gladys asked.
Ruth motioned them in, and Gladys gestured for Birdie to join them. Soon the four women were sitting around the kitchen table, their sewing projects abandoned in favor of a good visit.
“You can trust us, Annie.” Birdie spoke first. Annie didn’t doubt her. She spoke so little that she wouldn’t give away any secrets. “Have you told your mother?”
Annie shook her head. “Not everything.” In spite of the low mutter, her friends heard. Heat racing into her face, she met their concerned gazes one by one. “I should have known better. I’m not the right person to do missions. I’m too selfish, too flighty…”
“And I’m good enough?” Soft pink tinged Birdie’s cheeks. “You all keep telling me I’m a new woman in Christ. I am not the person I used to be.” Lifting her chin high, she looked pointedly at Annie. “It’s time you listen to yourself. You don’t have to be perfect, only forgiven.” She hurried on before anyone else could barge in. “And the same is true for your Bear. You’ve never doubted his faith, only his abrupt ways.”
“Have you ever considered that maybe he’s the person God wanted you to help all along?” Ruth smiled at Birdie.
Annie dropped her head into her hands so she could hide her face. No one spoke until she looked up again, somewhat composed.
“Even if all of that is true—and you’re right—I threw myself at him. No better than a…” With an apologetic glance at Birdie, she said, “Well, you know what I mean.”
“I was there.” Ruth spoke in even tones. “He initiated the intimacy. And if there was anything inappropriate about it, Mrs. Peate would have put an end to it right away. You know that.”
Gladys grinned. “From what Ruth has told us, he sounds like a man in love.”
“Then why hasn’t he contacted me?” Annie shut her eyes against fresh tears. “I’m afraid he’s disgusted with me and never wants to see me again.”
“You’re not done with each other.” Ruth grinned. “My father met with the church elders, and they are ready to plan the next social. We need you and the lieutenant to help us plan.”
“Oh no, not again.” Annie groaned.
“I can do all things… .” Birdie quoted Paul’s words to the Philippians. “Stop worrying and let God work through you.”
Annie looked at her friends, letting her gaze linger on each dear face. “You’re not going to give up until I agree, are you?”
“No,” Gladys said cheerfully.
“Then I’d better get back to knitting sweaters.” She stood, and the others followed.
A week later, Annie kept reminding herself of all the reasons why she had agreed to meet with Mrs. Peate and the lieutenant again. This time Gladys rode with her.
“You’re quiet today.” Gladys bounced on her horse. Annie knew she would have preferred a sturdy walk, but the fort was too far away. “You have a lot on your mind, between your brother’s injury and the lieutenant.”
Annie nodded. “I can’t do anything for my brother, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing with the soldiers. All I wanted to do was to make things for young men who were cold and lonely so far from home.”
“If it matters, Mr. Keller and Haydn both like the idea very much.” Gladys’s face softened as it always did when she mentioned her beau. “Haydn says his mother would like to start a similar project at the closest fort. And my mother wonders why the ladies didn’t think about doing it long ago. In spite of what happened.” Gladys added the last under her breath.
Annie brought her thoughts back to the present. Gladys remained pleasantly quiet while they passed cottonwood trees, their leaves now green instead of white, the rush of winter runoff sounding over the stones in the brook. He washed me white as snow. Even here in the open fields green with new wheat, God reminded her of the gift of new life in Christ, the clean slate He gave those who believed.
A meadowlark swooped overhead, its cry raising praise to God, at peace in doing exactly what God had created it to do. After a week’s soul searching, Annie knew what God wanted her to do. She just didn’t know if she could do it. Even if she wanted to. Lord, fix my “wants.” I will obey You; make me a vessel of Your love.
The yellow-bellied bird glided through the air and landed on a tree branch. Cocking its head, it chirped at Annie. Such a simple act reminded her of God’s promise to love her more than the sparrows of the field.
“It will be all right.” Gladys interrupted her thoughts. “You’ll see. ‘All things work together for good to them who love God.’ You know what Paul says. Even when you work with a bear of a man.” She chuckled. “Come to think of it, at the beginning Mr. Keller was a bit like a bear waking up from hibernation, hungry and growling.”
That almost made Annie laugh. In the distance, she spotted the gates to the fort. “Good. We’re almost there.” She urged her horse to a slightly faster pace, and they arrived at the fort not much later. The guard was one she had met
several times before. What was his name? Ruth would remember, along with a number of pertinent details. He tipped his cap at the two women. “Good morning, Miss Bliss. Lieutenant Arnold informed me you would be visiting Mrs. Peate today with a guest.” He swung the gate open.
“Thank you, Private.” She gave him her bravest smile and rode in.
“Thank you, ma’am, for the socks. They’ve been most welcome.”
His kind words and the beam Gladys directed at Annie helped sugarcoat the fears rumbling through her stomach. This shouldn’t be so hard. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Jeremiah appeared on the lawn in front of the captain’s quarters as they neared. Annie knew the moment he spotted them. A smile spread across his face. He had shaved his chin so that he sported a goatee instead of a beard.
Jeremiah felt the smile forming on his lips. He wanted to call it back when he saw the answering look on Annie’s face. Stricken, afraid—of him? His heart constricted in ways he hadn’t felt since his fiancée’s death.
Annie glanced at her friend and said something Jeremiah couldn’t hear before she dismounted and walked with her horse in his direction. “Good afternoon, Lieutenant.”
A small smile had taken the place of the frown.
Lieutenant again. How Jeremiah wanted to invite her to call him by his given name again, but he didn’t dare ask. Not here, not like this. Instead, he nodded, removing his cap. “Miss Bliss.”
Her mouth twisted, but she edged closer to him by a few inches. Her horse snorted, blowing warm air over Jeremiah’s suddenly cold hands. He reached in his pocket for a bite of carrot he had set aside for his mare and held out his hand with the treat. While the horse munched, he faced Annie. “How are you today? Any news about your brother?”
“Nothing about Samuel yet.” Annie sighed. “But I’m fine. I’m glad I met you out here.”
Jeremiah’s heart double-timed in his chest. “Is everything all right?” What a ridiculous question to put to the woman he had held in his arms. The hard shell that he had put so much effort into erecting around his heart had shattered, and every question pierced him like a fresh arrow.
Mrs. Peate stood in the doorway. After waving to her, Jeremiah offered Annie his elbow and led her away from the Captain’s quarters, granting them as much privacy as was available at the fort. “What’s troubling you? Have you changed your mind about helping with the outreach between the fort and the town?” He held his breath. “The men who acted inappropriately the last time will be confined to the fort.”
She shook her head. “That’s not it at all. I believe…” She kept her face toward the ground, where he couldn’t read her expression. When at last she looked up, resolution shone in her eyes. “I believe God wants me to speak with Private Jackson. With a chaperone, of course.” Her voice sped up. “God wants me to forgive him as He has forgiven me.”
Jeremiah blinked against the sense of unreality flooding him. “You wish to speak with Private Jackson?” He repeated her question foolishly, as if he was slow of understanding.
Annie nodded. “And I would like you there as well.”
Jeremiah had no answer to Annie’s convictions. Not when God was prodding him to do the same. “You shame me, Miss Bliss. When do you want to see him?”
Annie’s clear blue eyes searched his face. “Now, if he’s available. I don’t feel free to make further plans until I have settled this matter.”
Jeremiah nodded. “He should be nearby. I’ll let Mrs. Peate know we’ll be back soon so she won’t worry.” He pressed her hand, spoke briefly to their hostess, and rejoined Annie. “Come with me.” After they took care of the horses, he led Annie to the chapel. “I’ll be back with Private Jackson. You should be safe enough here.” He smiled ruefully. “Aside from Sundays, I’m almost always alone in our house of worship.”
Annie’s gaze swept across the room, and she chose a seat on the front row. “I’ll be praying.”
On the way to find Jackson, Jeremiah wanted to slow his pace. Instead, the Holy Spirit urged him to speed. He spotted Jackson striding away from the barracks. “Private!” Jeremiah shrank at the edge in his voice.
Jackson stopped in his tracks, turned smartly on one heel, and faced Jeremiah. “I was coming to see you, Lieutenant.”
That solved one problem, how to explain his sudden reason for seeking out the private. “Come with me to the chapel.”
Jackson took a couple of steps away from the open windows of the barracks, where they could speak without fear of being overheard. “I know that Miss Bliss is here again today. I wish to speak with her.” Before Jeremiah could form an answer, he rushed on. “To apologize for my behavior the last time we met.”
Jeremiah nodded. “That’s good, because she wants to see you as well. She is waiting for us in the chapel.”
Chapter 10
When Jeremiah opened the door to the chapel, he saw no sign of Annie. Then, with a rustle of skirts, she stood to her feet by the front pew, a serene expression having overtaken the fear etched there earlier. She nodded her thanks to Jeremiah, but she looked directly at Private Jackson.
Rather than walking to the front, Jeremiah remained near the door, where he could see and hear what happened. “Go ahead.” He nudged Jackson’s back, praying that he was making the right decision.
Jackson walked the aisle with military precision. The uniform he wore today was clean; he had spent as much time on his appearance as he had back on that fateful Saturday. He cleared his throat. “My mama says ladies should go first, but I’m the one who did you wrong, so I figure I better speak up. The captain told us no alcohol would be allowed, but some of the boys…” He glanced back at Jeremiah and shrugged his shoulders. “Mainly me, I admit. I didn’t see the harm in a small drink or two, and I thought it would help when I was speaking with a woman I never met before. We’d both be more relaxed, see…” His voice trailed off.
“If we were both drunk?” Annie’s voice held a strong hint of vinegar.
Jackson hung his head. With shoulders hunched over, he lifted it again. “I’m sorry. I did wrong, and maybe I encouraged some of the others to do the same thing. You don’t have any reason to forgive me, but I wanted to speak my piece.”
At that, Annie smiled, a sweeter smile than anything she had ever sent Jeremiah’s way, and jealousy tickled his nerves. Then she smiled at him as well, and his world turned right side up again. “That’s why I wanted to speak with you, Private. God reminded me that I need to forgive you. I’ve already talked with God about it, but I needed to tell you in person. I have already forgiven you.”
Jeremiah had shifted his place so that he could see both their faces. The enthusiastic nod of Jackson’s head resonated like a great huzzah.
Annie lifted a finger. “But there is one more person you need to apologize to.”
Confusion crossed Jackson’s face. He nodded at Jeremiah. “The chaplain?”
Annie looked confused for a moment, then her expression cleared. “Perhaps. But I was speaking of God. Have your asked His forgiveness? For what you did at the picnic?” She drew a Bible from the back of the pew on her right. “Have you ever asked Him to forgive you for all the bad things you’ve done in your life?”
The wooden floor squeaked as Jackson shifted his feet. “Not exactly.”
“Do you want to?”
When he nodded, Annie turned a pleading look to Jeremiah. “We have the right man here to help you do that. I can share what I know, but…”
“I guess that’s all right.”
Annie returned to the first row of seats and knelt. Jackson bent his knees and joined her on her left. Jeremiah joined them on the other side. “You don’t need any fancy words, Mack.” Calling him by rank or surname seemed inappropriate for a man seeking a relationship with the personal God. “You’ve already done the hardest part, admitting what you did was wrong. With God, you admit you have done wrong things—sins—many things.” He went on, talking about Jesus’ d
eath on the cross and the forgiveness God offers to everyone who believes in Him.
Annie joined the conversation. “Do you have any questions?”
“No.” Jackson shook his head. “I mean, I’ve heard you preach about this lots of times. I just never thought I needed to worry about it.” He looked a long second into Jeremiah’s eyes. “Until now.”
“So is this something you want to do?” Jeremiah paused. He always felt he had to add this last bit. “I’m not asking you as Lieutenant Arnold. If you only say the prayer because your superior officer says it’s a good idea, it won’t go any higher than the ceiling. I’m asking you as your fellow man, another sinner who needs God’s grace as much as any other man.”
“Yes sir. I know this is what I want to do.” Jackson looked between Annie and Jeremiah. “So is this when I pray?”
Annie and Jeremiah nodded as one, and Jackson prayed a sinner’s prayer, one more man brought into the family of God.
Tears tumbled from Annie’s eyes, and only strict discipline kept Jeremiah’s from brimming as well. All of his calling and Annie’s mission to befriend soldiers had led to this moment in time.
The soldiers marched into Calico to cheering crowds in honor of Decoration Day. Annie scanned their ranks. Young Private Jackson wasn’t among them, even though they had decided the wrongdoers could attend if they wanted to. If the rest of those soldiers were like Mack Jackson, they needed the reminder of God and family more than the others.
Children ran in circles behind the soldiers, boys on bicycles, girls waving streamers. Men who had served in the Civil War, regardless of which side they fought for, carried the stars and stripes. One of the youngest veterans, who would have been only a boy during the fighting, beat a slow drum as they marched, each man’s face a study in hidden memories.
Their expressions reminded Annie of Jeremiah. She spotted him, his uniform emphasizing his broad shoulders, at the back of the line. Most of the soldiers under his care were too young to have fought during the civil conflict, but she imagined that chasing rampaging Indians and hunting for criminals also caused a measure of pain. Of course he would reenlist. He must. His calling didn’t allow for the same things that other men enjoyed, things like family and a permanent home. A shadow fell across her heart.
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