Slammed against the shore.
Broken once again, but so differently from that night Sean changed me—changed us forever.
A year ago:
I finally put down the files I brought home from work and rub my forehead as I glance over at the clock on Sean’s side of the bed. 11:24 P.M. Okay now I am getting mad. I know he has to put in long hours, but the kids and I would have loved to have had him here with us to share our gourmet take out dinner. Freakin’ TV chefs. Thirty minute meals my ass. Like I’ve got thirty minutes to spare when it’s already late, nothing is defrosted and I’ve got two hungry kids. At least I made the drive through effort.
I dial Sean’s cell phone and again I’m put straight to voice mail. Frustrated I click the phone off without leaving another message but instead growl to myself. He should know better. After all these years, he knows how I worry. Thoughts sweep through my mind of him lying dead in an alley or stuck in his SUV, crashed on the side of the parkway. I know it’s silly thinking, but I’ve never been one to relax and my husband knows this. I make a vow to myself to give him hell when he gets home.
I’m watching Letterman do the Top 10 list when I hear Sean come in downstairs a bit later. Even with all my anger, relief washes over me with the fact that he’s home safe and sound.
My eyes shift from the TV to Sean as he walks into the bedroom. His suit jacket is thrown over his shoulder and his shirt collar is open. His clothes are a bit disheveled, but he still looks every bit the star athlete he always has been, the man I married years ago. Looking at him, my anger starts to dissolve.
But then I look a little harder and notice that his full lips are drawn into a tense line. Something’s not right. “Why didn’t you call?” I ask nervously.
“Sorry. I just got caught up.” He says this in an abrupt tone that pricks me the wrong way.
I’m about to ask, ‘caught up with what?’ when his cell rings. Sean pulls it out of his jacket pocket, glances down at the caller ID then turns off the phone with a frown before he throws it on the bed, landing by my thigh.
“Nice to see your phone is ringing now,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest, my anger rising again. “I’ve been trying to call you all night. Why didn’t you answer?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, too,” Sean says as he places his jacket across the delicate Louis XV style chair and sits down. His “sorry” sounds hollow to me. I raise an eyebrow about to speak, and then I stop. Sean never sits in that chair. He’s always hated that chair and was annoyed that I’d get such a girly spindly-legged thing. He said it was totally impractical for a six foot four basketball player’s home. So what’s he doing sitting there now? He rubs his forehead with his palm.
“What’s going on? I know something is wrong with you so don’t go getting all tight lipped on me. Is it serious? Has someone been hurt?” My eyes go to the cell phone lying by my leg on the bed. “What?” I ask, with a slight chuckle. Trying to lighten the mood and ease my nerves. “You having an affair or something?”
Sean jerks his head up from studying the floor with a look of surprise in his piercing green eyes. He rubs his hands across his face and looks at me again. His expression is so serious, so somber, that suddenly I’m hoping somebody has died. “Bree, I have to tell you something.”
My heart drops to my stomach. There is no way I could have been right. Right?
“What is it?” My voice cracks as laughter from the TV fills the room. I pick up the remote control and press the mute button. Now is not the time for canned laughter.
“I, I need to come clean with you.” Sean’s voice is low, almost a whisper. I lean forward to hear him.
“What, Sean? Now you’re scaring me,” I say, my voice rising. I search his face to see if I can tell what he’s going to say. “Is it the job?” Oh God, please let it be the job. “If it’s the job,” I say, my voice getting higher, “don’t worry, you can always get another deal and we’ve got plenty of money. We’ll be fine. There is no reason to—”
Sean’s sigh stops me mid-sentence. “No Bree, it’s not the job. It’s me.”
The pause here is long and dramatic but I continue to babble, not really wanting him to go on. “What? Are you sick? You can’t be sick, Sean you just had a physical last week and the doctor said you were as healthy as a horse. Oh, no.” My hand goes to my throat. I’m trying to come up with anything that it can be as long as it’s not what I’m dreading. “It’s that prostate test you took. Either way we will deal with it. You’ll be fine baby. We’ll—”
“Bree, stop,” he says, cutting me off and looking at the phone. “I’m not sick and it’s not the job.” He lets out a long breath. “I, well, there was this woman. But it’s over. I swear it’s over.”
My heart stops. Like an old clock. I feel the second hand cease to move. Then I look down at the cell phone lying at my thigh like a smoking gun and know it’s true. Why would any man lie about that? But still it feels like a joke. A really sick joke. I breathe slow deep breaths. In and out. Surprised I am doing this breathing thing so well. But I know I have to stay in control.
Then I sit up a bit straighter and look around the bedroom all done up in different shades of cream. Everything gleams. Nothing is out of place. The rug is vacuumed, there is no clutter and my work clothes are hanging neatly on the outside of the closet door, ready for the workday tomorrow. It’s so different from the jam packed room Jan and I shared growing up in the small Harlem apartment with Ma. I remember I always vowed that when I had the means I’d live a clutter free well-organized life. And I do. I’ve done well.
My gaze keeps going around the room and stops again on the cell phone. “That was her, right, on the phone?”
Sean nods his head as he looks down at the floor.
I tighten my already crossed arms as if I can protect my heart. “So what? You’ve decided to leave me?” For the first time my mind goes to the kids. How will I explain to Zach and Mackenzie that Daddy has a new wife? ‘Sweeties, Daddy won’t be living with us anymore, but on the upside you’ll now know what all the other kids from broken homes are raving about.’
I blink back the tears forming in my eyes. I can’t believe this; my life is changing right now, right in front of me. I feel like I should be taking notes and documenting it.
12:15: Woman’s world falls apart. Husband rips her heart out.
12:16: Woman eats ton of chocolate and ass immediately triples in size.
12:18: Woman throws all chocolate out of the house. She’s not having that dick cheat on her and triple the size of her ass.
“No, that’s not it. Of course I’m not leaving you,” Sean starts. His voice growing stronger and bringing my mind back to the room. “It’s nothing like that. It’s over with her. Well, it never really started. I just had to be honest with you. I wanted to be honest with you.” He waves his hands in time to punctuate every word.
A painful laugh escapes my lips. “Honest? Are you fucking kidding me? You must think I’m the biggest idiot in the world? That was her, calling you after midnight. Wanting you to get caught, so you thought you’d just beat her to the punch, right?”
“No, of course not.” He runs his hands over his face. “I mean, yeah, it was her, but it’s not like that. I ended it. Tonight. I know it should have never started. Look, I’m sorry. So sorry. I want to make things right with you.”
I blink harder now and close my eyes for a few moments. Make it right. He must be out of his mind. I know nothing can be right again. My thoughts fly out of my mouth. “Make it right? You have got to be crazy. You tell me you had an affair and in the next breath you want to make things right? You obviously don’t have a clue of what right is.”
The questions start to fly fast and furious. “Who is she? Where did you meet her? When do you meet her?” Business meeting my ass, I realize, feeling like a fool. “How could you do this to me? To us?” I almost laugh at my own trite lines.
Sean answers my questions like a perp being inter
rogated who is now singing like a canary. “Her name is Dana Weathers. She works for the station; it doesn’t matter where we meet. Um, met.” Long pause here.
God damned bastard.
“I’m sorry, Bree. Really sorry.”
Dana Weathers. I know her. So, I’m being cheated on with a TV bimbo with a made-up name. This is beneath me. The house phone rings and we both jump. It’s her. I know it and so does he. We both look at the phone. The silence between rings is deafening. Finally the machine picks up and I can tell Sean is holding his breath. Click. A hang up. We both breathe again.
Suddenly, I’m a character in my own life. I look up at Sean. His green eyes glisten, his caramel skin making them stand out in the dim light of the bedroom. There is now a ringing in my ears. My husband had an affair. My-husband-had-an-affair. The voice in my head doesn’t even sound like my own.
“Get out,” I say, with a calmness that surprises me.
“Bree, please.”
“Get the fuck out of here!” My voice rises and I quickly pull it in check, remembering the children sleeping just down the hall. “Leave now or I don’t know what I will do.” Scary, violent thoughts rage through my head and they all end with Sean bloodied and in pieces as I wonder just where the scissors are right now.
Sean gets up and comes over to the bed reaching for me. My hand shoots up to stop him. “Don’t touch me. Don’t say a word. Just go.” I look him in the eye, no longer seeing the man I thought I knew. This man is now my enemy and I wonder for a moment where my husband went. “Go now. I don’t care where, just go. Having you near me makes me ill.” I reach over and shove his cell phone into his hand.
Sean takes it and steps back. He grabs the suit jacket off the chair and walks to the bedroom door. “Bree, I’m so sorry. Please don’t let this be the end of us.” His voice cracks and I almost say something to stop him from going. But I don’t. There is nothing to say that won’t be a scream.
I listen as his car leaves the driveway, then the tears start to flow. Big fat tears that I quickly swipe away with my freshly manicured hands.
My husband had an affair. A terrible laugh escapes my lips. Me, Sabrina Jacobs, a woman who up until this point has had it all together is being taken down by a scrawny, twenty-something with big hair, skinny thighs and silicone-enhanced boobs.
I breathe hard against the rage, but all I see now is a 90’s Angela Basset in my mind—she’s scarily similar to today’s unchanged Angela—and she’s lighting a match. The smell of sulfur is pungent and satisfying and the flames are yellow and orange and oh so beautiful. The fire is hot. Almost as hot as the pain in my belly and it feels good to watch it burn so high and strong. Almost as good as the screams I let go of as my babies were ripping their way into the world. Coming to us. Into their father’s waiting arms. I fight for breath. Fight to douse the flames. I can’t light that match. I know I can’t. If I do the fire may never go out and then where will I be? Where will Mack and Zach be without the two of us?
I look around half expecting to be in some alternate universe. To be in someone else’s bedroom or someone else’s body. But no, it’s mine.
The bile rises in my throat and I run to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time. My knees hit the cold tile floor, and I heave and retch until there is nothing left.
I stand slowly as I grab for a towel to wipe my mouth. A perfect white Egyptian cotton monogrammed towel. SSJ. Sean and Sabrina Jacobs. I quickly wipe my face and throw the towel down in the hamper. I glance at myself in the mirror. My eyes are hollow and red-rimmed. My normally smooth, tan skin is puffy and blotchy. A desperate feeling overtakes me and my heart is beating so fast it feels like it’s about to jump out of my chest. I force slow breaths through my nose.
No way, this is not you, Sabrina. Get it together girl. I rinse my mouth and face, splashing the cold water over and over until my skin stings. When I look at the mirror again, I blink a few times until I can recognize a hint of myself. I pick up a brush and start to smooth my hair. I make a mental note to make an appointment for a touch-up on my relaxer. Just because your marriage is a wreck, it’s no excuse to let yourself go. I snort to myself. Sabrina Jacobs does not do sad and tired.
No. Not me. This will not happen to me. My marriage will not fall apart. My kids will not grow up without a father. Not like I did.
With that thought I know that I will take him back. There is no way I’m letting him go, letting this go.
I will not fail at this, I vow this to myself before I shut off the bathroom light and head back to my beautiful, beige, empty bedroom. I get into bed, and reach for the phone on the nightstand. I clutch it tightly to my chest for a few moments as I gather my strength and still my racing heart. Calmed, I let out a long breath and dial Sean’s cell. Again.
Bounce, available now!
Praise for the works of K.M. Jackson
“A lush island setting provides the backdrop for this equally lush romantic tale. K.M. Jackson’s wonderful writing voice brings her characters to life. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this sexy island adventure.” –Farrah Rochon, author on Through The Lens
“A fun Sexy Island romp that’s totally addictive,” —Phyllis Bourne, author on Through The Lens
“Not just sex in the city—Seduction’s Canvas Sizzles!” Two strong People get weak in the knees as this story heats up.” —Megan Caldwell, author on Seduction’s Canvas
“K.M. has a very fluid writing style, with just enough detail to keep you hooked….she’s good at creating characters that feel real and relatable… Threads of Desire did not disappoint.” —Christina Jones, author
“Deeply emotional, heartbreaking, funny and full of hope, K.M Jackson’s, Bounce is absolutely fantastic!”—Lauren Dane, New York Times Bestselling Author
“Full of humor, unforgettable characters and a story that will have you wondering just how it’s going to end, Bounce is a must-read!”—Juli Page Morgan, author of Athena’s Daughter
“An intensely personal look at modern marriage. Heart-wrenching as well as heart-warming with plenty of humor to soften the edges. One of my favorite reads this year.”—Irene Preston, author of Infamous on Bounce
“This story is funny, completely modern, emotional and heart wrenching at times… Bounce plays out almost like a Lifetime movie, except with more interesting characters and richer dialogue, complementing the storyline.”—RT Book Reviews
“With a sensitive touch, and an expert hand, Jackson leads the reader into a world that matches our own, into lives that could be ours, into problems that we’ve heard or experienced. The story had a real touch that can be appreciated. Great book club pick.” –USA Today Happy Ever After on Bounce
“Bounce by K.M. Jackson was one of those books that completely took me by surprise… heart wrenching and inspirational… It is a genuine real-life portrayal I think every woman should read and Sabrina Jacobs reminded me why I am so proud to be a woman. In all our glory, we truly are the stronger sex and she is no exception!”—Scandalicious Book Reviews
Other titles by K.M. Jackson
The Creative Hearts Series
Book 1: Through The Lens
Book 2: Seduction’s Canvas
Book 3:Threads of Desire
Bounce
About the Author
A native New Yorker, K.M. Jackson spent her formative years on the ‘A’ train going from her home in Washington Heights to The Village where she attended high school. On that long ride to study math and science, K.M had two dreams: 1. to be a fashion designer and 2. to be a writer.
After graduating from high school, K.M. studied fashion design at FIT. She then spent ten years designing for various fashion houses. But after having twins K.M. took the leap of faith and decided to pursue her other dream of being a writer.
She currently lives in a suburb of New York with her husband, twins, and a precocious terrier named Jack that keeps her on her toes.
Kwana can found on her blog, on Facebook, on Twitt
er or you can get in on the fun and excitement of her special Facebook chat group by joining her over at TEAM KMJ! Don’t forget to sign up for her newsletter to stay up to date on her latest releases and all the thrilling happenings in the KMJ world.
Table of Contents
Copyright
Other Titles by K.M. Jackson
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
Bounce
Reviews for the works of K.M. Jackson
About the Author
Threads Of Desire (Creative Hearts Book 3) Page 20