She'd never really believed in the idea of Hell. It sounded like a rather unpleasant place, but mostly it sounded like an empty threat.
"What's up?" she said to Ashley.
"Nothing. You just looked like you could use a little help was all."
"Thanks." She was grateful, but sad at the same time. She turned back just in time to see the front door swing shut behind Nick. He took her breath away, that boy, and she needed her breath, she reasoned; she'd die without it. Best to stay away from beautiful things that cause you to reveal your deepest secrets and take your breath away.
That night Ashley and Erin took her to a nightclub, with live music. She danced. She had fun. She flirted. She met guys who asked for her phone number. Jennifer was sure that dating would be just the thing she needed to take her mind off things. Painful things. Tragic things. Gorgeous things with jeweled eyes that made her heart pound and her knees weak — oh, and belonged to a crazy alien worshipping cult...
She did everything she could to keep things on a purely professional level while she was at work, and Erin was always happy to switch tables with her.
She went out with this guy Tom a couple of times, He had dark brown hair — like Nick's – but his was tamed and combed into place — not like Nick's gorgeous unkempt locks. But it probably wasn't a good idea to compare every guy she went out with to Nick. Also, Tom hated sour things, so it was never going to work out.
The week after that she went out with a guy named Stewart. He was a nice enough person, but he didn't tip very well no matter how good the service was, which Jennifer thought was rude. Nick always tipped well — really well. Sometimes he even tipped ridiculously well. Nick's thoughtful generosity aside, Jennifer just couldn't see herself spending time with someone who didn't value what she did for a living.
Dating was quickly becoming over-rated and obviously was not going to be the distraction she was hoping it would be. Maybe what she really needed was a hobby, or a library card.
Chapter 11
Excluded
"There's an Ange event the first part of May, a gathering," Marcus informed as she delivered their drinks one sunny April afternoon. "Not that you care..."
He was right; she didn't care.
"You wanna go?" Paul asked.
"Uhm... no. Not really."
"Not really?" Paul questioned.
"It's just information," Nick started, "a chance to hang out, meet people and..." his voice trailed, as something behind her caught his attention.
She turned to see Erin, looking as though she'd just been slapped across the face. Erin quick paced it to the kitchen.
Jennifer excused herself and followed. "Erin, what's the matter?"
"They were asking you to an Ange event weren't they?" Erin said just above a whisper.
"Yeah. I told them I wasn't interested."
Erin half-sighed, half-huffed. "Maybe you should go." She shrugged one shoulder. "It's not like they invite just anyone to those things, you know."
"What do you mean?"
Erin contemplated; "I don't fit the profile," she said quietly then picked up her next order and hurried out the door.
Don't fit the profile? That was just... stupid. Why would they reject Erin, who clearly wanted to be a part of their group and then hassle her, who clearly didn't?
"So?" Marcus eyed her when she returned to their table. "Are you interested? Are you ready for the truth?"
"Am I ready for the truth?" She turned to Nick, "Please tell me that didn't actually work on you?"
Paul started laughing so hard he started to choke. Instinctively she started patting him on the back, which only had the effect of making him laugh harder.
"I'm going to have to go with no on this one," she said over Paul's coughs. "I'm not interested in your truth, Marcus, I'm happy with my own, thanks."
Chapter 12
Roast Beef & Remorse
Nick didn't come in for the next couple of weeks, which gave her plenty of time to review their last conversation over and over again. 'Please tell me that didn't actually work on you?' her snide remarks echoed through her head. Why had she been so mean? She wanted to blame it all on Marcus – the prick. But she was the one who'd said it.
Stupid Jennifer.
Nick was by himself the next time he came in. He sat at his usual table, in his usual spot, with his head in a book.
"Hey," she slid into the seat across from him as she set down his usual drink and an order of sweet potato fries.
"What's this?"
"I'm sorry about what I said the other day," she said. "I didn't mean to imply..." she waved her hand around in front of her, "anything."
"It's okay," he put his book down. "I get it."
Did he? She met his beautiful jeweled eyes. She really wanted him to ask her out, even to the Ange event. But it wasn't happening. Maybe he wasn't interested in her, or maybe she'd blown it by being such a bitch.
"So, lunch is on me today. Whatever you want."
"You don't have to do that, Jen. It really wasn't that big of a deal," his breath caught in his throat, he looked away from her and coughed. "Excuse me," he said.
He was a terrible liar.
"Okay," she stood to leave.
"Jen?"
"Yeah?"
He hesitated. "Never mind. I just..."
She met his eyes, swept away in his arms, his embrace his kiss...
"I'll have the usual," he said, deflated.
"Yours or Sammie's?"
"I have a usual?" he asked.
"Roast beef on sourdough."
"Huh." He smiled, amused. "That does sound pretty good right now, actually."
Chapter 13
Different Ideologies
That weekend she went to the library, then out on a date with a guy named Adam. She'd seen him a few times at the grocery store. They were both buying lemons when he asked her out. He was very charming, smart, funny, polite... and he already had a girlfriend. Nick didn't already have a girlfriend — if he did, he never mentioned her, of course neither did Adam. His girlfriend just sort of mentioned herself in a screaming tirade, when she saw them out together... But what did it matter if Nick had a girlfriend? She wasn't interested in him. It didn't matter. It didn't.
After Adam, there was Nate. He lived across the street. He had a lovely crooked smile and grey green eyes. Not like Nick's beautiful jewels that took her breath away, but who needed that? There's no benefit in being breathless all the time, which is exactly why she ended things with Nate. He literally smothered her with wide-mouth full-faced kisses. It was life or death.
Ugh! She really needed to stop comparing everyone she went out with to Nick. He was never going to ask her out. He wasn't interested in her. Why would he be? It was just like wishing she could be one of the cool kids again. Worse.
Except that he'd said he wanted them to be friends.
But were they friends? It's not like they did anything together other than her serving him food the two, three, four, sometimes five times a week or whenever he came in to Sammie's. What kind of friendship was that? They didn't even have each other's phone numbers. And she had no idea where he lived. She knew it wasn't the house on Francisco Street; it couldn't be. That house had status and money written all over it — even if the ivy was overgrown. And Nick... despite the fact that he tipped well, wore hoodies and t-shirts and black Converse Chucks – every day. And maybe it was an outdated concept to judge a person by their shoes but Nick's well-worn Chucks had long past their prime, and he still wore them. Every day. Money and status just wasn't Nick. He probably lived in some dark studio apartment with a flashing neon sign just outside its only window. Still, he made it look good.
Jennifer had met Riley the night Erin and Ashley had taken her out for her birthday but he'd lost her number — or at least that was the excuse he was going with. When he'd found it again — on his contacts list, where he'd entered it on his phone — he decided to give her a call.
Riley wo
rked at an office building, in the financial district. She had no idea what Nick did for a living. He could be a drug dealer for all she knew. Riley smelled good — though not as good as Nick. Nobody could possibly smell as good as Nick, his smell was intoxicating, mesmerizing... Stop it! she reprimanded herself. Just stop it. Riley was a nice guy. A really nice guy, and he liked her, and he took her to nice places, and tipped well, and... wanted her. And that was important.
Jennifer and Riley hadn't been going out very long, about six weeks, when Riley started talking about going away for the weekend. Jennifer had been trying to talk herself into the idea. Not that she hadn't thought about having sex with Riley, he hinted at it often enough. But it wasn't the same as when it was Nick in her thoughts. With Riley she had to consciously think about it, and it felt strange, mechanical, forced.
With Nick, well, he was just there, effortlessly, tangling his fingers through her hair, trailing kisses from her lips to her chest, taking her breath away with just a look. Worse still was the fact that sometimes — more often than she wanted to admit — when Riley kissed her, or touched her, she thought of Nick – wanted Nick. Her rational mind was trying so hard to be loyal to Riley, but her raging fantasies simply wouldn't allow it.
Maybe it was just nerves. Wasn't everyone nervous about their first time having sex? Maybe if she just got it over with, she wouldn't always be thinking about Nick.
It was a Thursday. She hadn't seen Nick in over a week and she couldn't help but smile broadly when she saw him. Best yet, he came in by himself.
"Afternoon stranger," she smiled at him.
"I have been away too long, haven't I?"
"Have you found another sandwich shop?" she teased.
"Never."
She delivered his order, roast beef on sourdough, and was blissfully imagining herself away for the weekend with Nick, when she heard—
"Jennifer?" Riley's familiar tone startled her, yanking her free from her thoughts of ecstasy — err no, not ecstasy — betrayal, she scolded herself.
Nick tensed beside her. He looked suddenly on edge. It seemed like an odd reaction, but then hers had probably seemed rather odd as well.
"Jen, who is that guy?" Nick said quietly.
She didn't want to say. "Riley," she heard herself. Damn it. She bit her lip and left to greet him, before Nick could pry anything else out of her with his magical coercive abilities.
Riley ordered a dozen sandwiches to go. A dozen. That was going to take some time.
She glanced at Nick, trying to look casual. He was talking to Erin. Damn it.
She watched him watching her from across the room, wishing he wanted her, wanted her like Riley did. Riley reached out and ran his hand down the length of her bare arm. Jennifer tensed, forcing herself not to recoil at his touch; mechanically, she leaned toward him trying to cover her odd reaction as though she'd merely been startled.
Nick gained two inches in his seat.
She didn't like Riley touching her in front of Nick, and she didn't like Nick seeing her with Riley. It felt wrong. It felt like a betrayal. It was a betrayal. But she couldn't quite get it straight in her mind that the betrayal was to Riley, not Nick. Riley. Not Nick.
The angst was making her stomach hurt. She felt like she'd just eaten a dirt sandwich dipped in mayonnaise.
Riley pulled her close and gave her a small kiss before he left. He'd done the same dozen's of times before, but it was different this time. Riley noticed it too. "I'll call you later tonight?" he sounded unsure.
"Yeah."
Why did she have to be so infatuated with Nick? Why couldn't she just get over it?
A woman knocked over her drink in an attempt to stop her son from emptying the saltshaker in his lap, and Jennifer was distracted momentarily with the cleanup. So distracted that she hadn't even noticed that Nick had gone. He left his food, untouched, and a twenty.
When Riley called her later that night she ended things with him.
"I thought we had a good thing going," Riley said.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Is there someone else?"
"I don't know. I mean, no, there isn't. I'm just confused and that's not very fair to you. You deserve better than that, Riley."
"Okay," he reasoned. "But if you don't know, is that really fair to you either?"
Maybe it wasn't, but that didn't mean she needed to drag anyone else down with her.
The Forth of July was the busiest day that Jennifer had ever worked. She was so exhausted at the end of the day she'd gone home and went directly to bed, sleeping through the evening's explosive and sparkly festivities.
By comparison, the day after was pleasantly slow.
"I think he likes you," Erin said to her as they were slicing vegetables.
"Who?"
"Marcus," Erin supplied.
"What on earth would make you think that?" Jennifer protested.
"Are you kidding? Have you not noticed how nice he's been to you? He says, 'thanks' practically every time you bring him his order nowadays," Erin argued. "That's not a small thing for Marcus. He's probably in love."
"Eew," Jennifer tossed a tomato at her. "That's disturbing, Erin. I'm going to have nightmares now, thanks to you."
"Is that what causes your nightmares?" Erin realized her slip the moment she'd said it. "Sorry," she said quickly. "It's none of my business. Unless you want to talk about it, then I'm happy to listen, but... you haven't had a nightmare in a while and... and I'm going to stop talking now." She pretended to be zipping her lips shut.
Jennifer had stopped slicing. "How did you know I was having nightmares?"
"I used to hear you cry sometimes, in your sleep." Erin shrugged. "I was worried about you, but I didn't want to intrude."
"I should be the one apologizing," Jennifer said. "I've kind of... always had nightmares. I've gotten used to them, but I still hate when they find a way to disrupt somebody else's sleep."
"That's not something you need to apologize for, Jennifer. It's not as if you have any control over it."
"What are we talking about?" Ashley sidled up to the cutting table.
"Nightmares," Jennifer said in her spookiest tone. "Erin was just suggesting that Marcus might be interested in me."
"I think..." Ashley shuddered and swallowed hard "I might have just thrown up a little."
"Okay, he's a jerk, but he's a cute jerk," Erin smiled.
"No he isn't," Jennifer and Ashley said in unison.
Brett leaned out of the office, "I agree, the guy's a toad. Did you leave Jamie out there by herself?" he asked Ashley.
"Ryan's here," she frowned.
"Oh," he said then disappeared back into his tiny office.
"I'll go," Erin offered.
"What's up with you and Jamie?" Jennifer asked when Erin was safely out of earshot.
"I'm surprised she hasn't told you," Ashley said, assuming Erin's slicing duties. "Jamie tells it differently, but basically I exposed a couple of her boyfriends as... well, let's just say, less than loyal to her. I was doing her a favor if you ask me, but she doesn't see it that way," she shrugged. "So now I just stay away when her new guy's here."
"Do you think he's the loyal type?" Jennifer asked.
"No. I don't think Jamie knows how to attract the loyal type — and if she did, it would only be a matter of time before they began to feel suffocated by her. She drives men to cheat."
"She drives them, and you entice them. Did I get that right?" Brett said poking his head back out of the office.
"Shut up, Brett," she scowled.
"What do you know about unrequited love?" Jennifer asked half-joking.
"You don't mean Marcus do you?" Ashley scrunched up her face.
"I hope not." Jennifer shuddered. "Maybe unrequited isn't quite the right word. I'm not even sure love is the right word for it. I've just never felt like this before. I mean, it's like I want this guy so bad but at the same time I know it's just a terrible idea, and it's never going to
happen, and I just want to stop thinking about him and wanting him all the time. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about or am I just completely nuts?"
Ashley glanced toward the office. "No. I get it," she smiled.
Jennifer's eyes went wide and her mouth would have to if she hadn't clamped it shut, "You and Brett?" she mouthed.
Ashley nodded.
"How long?" Jennifer whispered.
Ashley shrugged. "Since I met him."
"Does he know?"
Ashley shook her head. "He doesn't see me that way."
"And you..."
"I love him," Ashley whispered. "Weak kneed, head over heels, want to have his babies," she sighed.
"What are you two whispering about?" Brett narrowed his eyes at them, sitting in his chair, at his office door.
"Oh, nothing much," Jennifer put on her best innocent act. "Ashley was just telling me that she's totally in love with someone," Jennifer declared.
"Oh yeah?" Brett stood abruptly, knocking his chair over in the process.
"What are you doing?" Ashley mouthed, mortified, while Brett righted his chair.
Brett fell in line at the cutting table, trying to act casual. "Anyone we know?"
Jennifer nodded. "Yep.'
"Well, who is it?" he pressed.
"Can't tell," Jennifer pursed her lips. "It's a secret you know. That's why we were whispering."
"Hey I heard you say unrequited," he pointed accusingly at Jennifer. Brett turned to Ashley, "So this uh, whoever it is, doesn't love you back?"
"Nope." Ashley shook her head, careful to keep her eyes averted from Brett.
"Isn't that just the most absurd thing you've ever heard of Brett?" Jennifer scoffed.
"Who wouldn't love Ashley?" Rauly chimed in.
"A dumb ass," Sam offered.
The entire kitchen, save for Brett, burst out laughing. Ashley laughed along, but her eyes were sad.
The Aeon Star Page 10