by Lisa Jordan
“It was only for one day. Because your grandma didn’t have an appointed legal guardian, and I had only her verbal permission to keep you while she was in the hospital. Children and Youth Services had to get involved. I have my emergency certification now, so you can come back with me. Ian and Agnes James are licensed foster parents. Besides, they’re good friends and related to my brother through marriage, so they’re practically family.”
“Well, they’re not my family. Toby’s the only family I’ve got.”
“You have me. I promise to move mountains to keep you guys permanently.”
“Yeah, for how long? I gotta get out of here. I hate this place.”
Sarah’s shoulders sagged as Daniel stormed from the room. A moment later, the door slammed. Toby glanced at her with fear in his eyes, hesitated a moment, then ran after his brother. “He’s been like this since CYS came.”
“He’s angry and hurting. Give him time to blow off steam.” Alec wrapped an arm around her.
Sarah sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. “I know. Thank you for staying. It means a lot.”
“No problem. That’s what friends are for. Let’s go find the boys, then get out of here so you guys can relax.” They stood and he placed a hand at the small of her back and guided her out the door held open by the assistant funeral director.
They headed outside onto the wide front porch, where Ian and Agnes stood talking to the boys. Seeing Sarah, Toby walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Daniel strode off the porch and stood in the driveway, looking a little lost.
When he saw Sarah dab a tear from the corner of her eye with her finger, Alec handed her a handkerchief. “Let me take you guys home.”
She wiped her eyes, then balled the cloth in her fist.
Toby released his hold on Sarah and joined his brother in the parking lot.
“I hate this. They’ve been through so much already. It’s so hard on them.”
“I know, honey.” He’d give almost anything to take away her pain. “Death isn’t easy on anyone.” He tipped her chin to meet her eyes. “It’s heroic of you to take care of these boys, but you also need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, so you don’t end up sick. When was the last time you ate? Or slept?”
She shrugged. “I don’t have much of an appetite. Between CYS and funeral appointments, eating’s become less of a priority.”
He pressed a hand to her back and guided her to his car. “Let’s grab a pizza on our way to the house.”
She laid a hand on his cheek. “Thank you. You’re a good friend.”
Friend.
Is that all he was to her? Is that all he wanted to be?
A few days ago he’d considered their relationship to be more, but then things changed in a flash. Sarah was talking about keeping the boys permanently. Not that it was a bad thing or anything—they needed someone to love and care for them. But building a relationship with someone who came as a package deal was even more of a challenge.
Question was: How badly did he want to be with Sarah that he would even consider a ready-made family?
Chapter Twelve
Baking his favorite cake was the least Sarah could do to thank Alec for all that he’d done the past couple weeks while she had helped the boys through the difficult days that had followed their grandma’s funeral.
A boxed cake mix and canned frosting was more her speed, but she wanted to show Alec his cooking lessons had paid off.
She frosted the rest of the chocolate cake with the coconut pecan frosting, licked the knife, then dropped the empty bowl into the sink of soapy water.
How did other people cook without making such a mess?
Sarah took her time wiping flaked coconut off the counters, washing the measuring cups and round cake pans, and sweeping cake flour and sugar off the floor.
She was going to miss this kitchen when she moved. She and the boys needed a larger place to live—someplace that gave them a little breathing room.
She covered the cake with wax paper and made her way downstairs. Spying her mail in the box outside her door, she grabbed it, only to find it was another letter addressed to Alec but placed in her box. That was the second time. Their mail carrier needed to pay better attention.
Balancing the cake plate on one hand, she rang the doorbell and waited for Alec to answer. When he didn’t come, she rang again.
His car was parked in the garage. She’d heard him come home earlier and hadn’t noticed him leave again.
Maybe he was in the backyard. She stepped off the porch and followed the sidewalk heading in that direction. He wasn’t on his patio. She started to head back to her apartment when she saw him sitting in an Adirondack chair under the cascading weeping willow tree that bowed low over the trickling stream that ran behind the house.
Sarah walked barefoot through the sun-warmed grass. Eliza spotted her and barked, running in circles around Alec’s chair. He looked up as she approached and turned the book he had been reading upside down on the arm of his chair. “Hey, what are you doing?”
She thrust the plate at him. “I baked you a cake.”
He took it and peeked under the wax paper. A slow smile spread across his face. “A cake? For me? Why?”
“To thank you for everything you’ve done for us the past couple of weeks. I don’t know how we would’ve made it through without you. This isn’t much, but you said German chocolate was your favorite.”
“I did? When?”
“When we had the liquid nitrogen ice cream.”
“You remembered.” He scooped up a dab of frosting and tasted it.
“I remember a lot of things.” She winced. Why had she said that? “Anyway, I didn’t mean to intrude. I can take the cake back upstairs and bring it down later.”
“I have a better idea. Let’s have some now. We can eat on the patio.”
Alec collected his book and an empty glass. He whistled for Eliza, who had curled up in the grass next to his chair. Together they walked across the lawn to the patio.
Alec nodded toward her upstairs windows. “Where are the boys?”
“Daniel’s working at the store, and Toby went fishing with Caleb and Griffin.”
“You had time to yourself, and you made me a cake. I’m touched.”
“Yeah, well, I’d say wait to thank me. You haven’t tasted it yet.”
“If the rest tastes as good as the frosting, then I’m in for a treat.” Alec set the cake on the tiled patio table, then disappeared through the back door. He returned a few minutes later with plates, forks, a knife and two bottles of water. He set everything on the table then pulled a lighter out of his back pocket and lit the yellow citronella candle in the middle of the table.
He sliced two pieces, put them on plates and slid one to her. “Eat up.”
“Thanks.” She took her portion, but waited for Alec to try his first.
He took a bite, then smiled. “This is really good cake.”
“For real? You’re not just saying that?”
“I’m serious. The cake is moist. The frosting is perfect. Not too sweet. I’m really impressed. You did a great job.”
His words made her feel like a contestant on a reality cooking show facing a celebrity judge and receiving the top score. She took a bite. Not bad. “I guess this proves I was paying attention during your cooking lessons.”
“You’ve done a great job.”
He didn’t realize how much his praise meant to her. She ate a few more bites, then set her fork aside and picked up her bottle of water. Instead of uncapping it, she rolled it in her hands. “I need to talk to you about a few things.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“If you remember, after Nancy died I became an emergency foster parent for Daniel a
nd Toby.”
“Right. Something about not enough foster parents in the area or something like that?” Alec finished the last bite of his cake, wiped his mouth and then leaned back in his chair.
“Yes, they had to stay with Ian and Agnes for one night because of some glitch, but usually Children and Youth Services tries to keep the kids where they feel comfortable. Jeanette, the boys’ case worker, said since they were teens, they could choose where to go, and they chose to stay with me.”
“I can understand that.”
“I’m taking foster parenting classes, but this also means I need to find another place to live that’s big enough for all three of us. My lease is up in a couple of weeks anyway.”
“Are you looking to rent or to buy? I can show you current listings, if you’d like.”
“Well, there’s something else.” Sarah paused to take a drink of water. “The morning Nancy passed away, my friend Jonah called. He’s the director of Proclaim Missions. The mission coordinator position he expected to open in the fall became available sooner. He offered me the job.”
Alec’s head jerked up. “What does that mean? What did you tell him?”
“I said I needed to think about it. I have a lot of responsibilities here to consider. Plus, it would mean moving to Virginia.”
“Virginia.” His face remained neutral as if she’d said she’d be moving across the street. “Would you be able to do that if you become the boys’ foster parent?”
“I don’t know. The past couple of weeks have been crazy with funeral arrangements and then moving the boys out of Nancy’s rented trailer. Today’s the first day I’ve really had time to think about it. I haven’t even mentioned it to Caleb yet. Our summer outreach program ends in a couple of weeks, and I still don’t know if they’re going to extend it into the fall. I need to be able to provide for the boys.”
At her words, he felt his ribs constrict with pressure. “You have a lot to consider.”
She toyed with the remains of her cake. “I know. My family’s here, too. The boys are getting settled in Shelby Lake, and I’d hate to uproot them with everything they’ve been through, but Proclaim Missions offers a full-time paycheck with benefits.”
“Yes, but wouldn’t you have to travel? What will you do with the boys? Being so far from your family, you’d have to do everything by yourself. If you really want this job, then you need to reconsider keeping them.”
They weren’t going to get into that again, were they? “I can’t turn my back on these boys. They need me.”
Alec held up his hands. “I’m not saying you should, but be sure you’re making the right choices for the right reasons.”
“I need to pray about it. I can trust God. He has a plan and a purpose for all of us.” Sarah rested her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes.
“If you say so.” He wadded his napkin and tossed it onto his empty plate.
She sat up and looked at him. “Of course I do. You don’t believe that?”
“I believe it’s up to us to take care of ourselves.”
“That’s selfish thinking.”
He frowned. “How do you figure?”
“Trusting God requires a commitment to stay with Him even when times get tough. Life is too difficult to go it alone, Alec. If the circumstances were reversed and your wife had been left without you, would she have given up on God?”
Alec didn’t respond. He stood and stared across the yard, his expression stoic. The last thing she wanted to do was push, but she needed to show him hope was his for the taking.
“Tomorrow there’s a picnic after church. We’ve invited everyone from the outreach program. How about coming to the service with us? I’m sure the kids would like to introduce you to their families.”
Alec scrubbed a hand over his face and turned to look at her. “Okay, fine.”
Even though the words sounded as though they had been dragged from his throat, Sarah’s stomach fluttered. Maybe, just maybe, this was the opportunity Alec needed to see God was simply waiting for him to come back.
* * *
Why had he told Sarah he’d go to church?
The closer the clock ticked toward ten, the tighter the knot had cinched in Alec’s stomach. He hadn’t been inside a church since Christy’s memorial service. And he hadn’t planned on going back. But when Sarah had asked, he’d found himself agreeing.
What was she doing to him?
He sat in the parking lot with his engine idling, trying to decide if he wanted to enter the building or go back on his word and head far away from the place that once used to bring him solace.
Now it served as a reminder that God was selective in answering prayers.
Sarah had asked what he was afraid of. At that time he hadn’t had an answer. And he probably still didn’t. He just knew he couldn’t go in there and smile as if everything was just fine.
But debating about going inside the church wasn’t the only thing eating him.
How could Sarah even consider leaving Shelby Lake? What could he do to convince her to stay?
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of yellow at the same time someone knocked on his window. He turned to find Sarah waving at him.
Sighing, he turned off his engine and exited the sanctuary of his air-conditioned car.
She flung her arms around his neck. “I’m so glad you came.”
That made one of them.
Breathing in her fragrance, he tightened his hold for a second, almost as if she were his lifeline.
With her arm tucked in the crook of his elbow, they walked up the wide concrete steps and entered the foyer.
Sunlight streamed through the stained glass windows, sending confetti of colored light across the light oak pews and ruby-colored carpet.
He caught Gran’s eye and gave her a tight smile. She missed a note, but recovered quickly, blinking several times. Chloe turned and waved.
Alec hesitated in the aisle—did he sit in Gran’s regular pew with her and Chloe, or did he sit with Sarah?
As if realizing his struggle, Sarah slid in behind Chloe. Without another thought, Alec sat beside her and forced himself to stay put...no matter how badly he wanted to run.
For the next hour, he managed to make it through the singing, the greeting and the sermon without bolting out the door. Sitting next to Sarah and feeling the softness of her short-sleeved white sweater brushing against his arm helped to keep him rooted in place.
Even when Pastor Nathan asked, “How do we continue to trust God when life breaks our hearts?” and preached about different men in the Bible who continued to trust God despite their circumstances, Alec stayed.
But now he’d give almost anything to walk away from the picnic that followed. If it hadn’t been for some of the teens who looked almost as uncomfortable as he felt, he would’ve ditched the whole thing.
White canopies shaded picnic tables covered in red-checked tablecloths. Long tables had been set up to hold the variety of potluck dishes prepared by members of the congregation.
Kids ran around the tables with balloons in their hands. The teens threw a red Frisbee to one another. Young moms clustered with their strollers and tended to their babies while their husbands congregated around the grill, holding hamburgers and hotdogs overseen by Pastor Nathan. Older members sat in their lawn chairs and discussed the weather and their array of ailments.
Where did the stuck-in-a-rut widowers hang out?
Taking another swig of his bottled iced tea, he searched the front lawn for Sarah. Maybe she’d be fine with him leaving.
Her laughter alerted him to her location before he saw her. Following the familiar sound, he found her running barefoot in the grass, chasing Amber’s little brothers. She’d shed the sweater she’d worn during the serv
ice, exposing lightly tanned shoulders. Her yellow dress nipped in at the waist, then flared to brush the top of her knees. With her tousled hair secured with a matching headband, she looked like a breath of sunshine on the cloudy day.
Spying him, she gave him a little wave. With a hand on her chest, she staggered toward him and leaned on his arm to slide her feet back into her sandals. “Save me. They’re wearing me out.”
Alec slung an arm around her shoulders. “Showing your age, are you?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Need a drink?” He gestured to his half-empty bottle.
“Yes, please.”
They headed to the coolers filled with ice and beverages. Sarah chose water, uncapped it and drank several swallows. She nodded toward the teens hanging out at one of the tables filled with items highlighting what the church had to offer, including several photo albums showcasing different events through the years. “You think they’re enjoying themselves?”
He shrugged. “They were throwing a Frisbee a few minutes ago.”
“Let’s go talk to them.”
As they approached the table, Amber glanced at them, then dropped her gaze to the open photo album. She looked at them again and then back to the pictures. “Hey, Alec? This you? If not, this guy sure looks enough like you to be your twin.”
“I don’t have a twin.” He leaned over her shoulder and looked at the photo she’d marked with her finger—a candid shot of him and Christy at the annual church picnic a year and a half after they were married. He sat with his back against a tree and his arms wrapped around his very pregnant wife. She had turned to say something, and whoever took the picture snapped the photo as he dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.
The air whooshed out of him as if Amber had jabbed her elbow below his rib cage. He forced a smile. “Yes, that’s my late wife, Christy, and me.”
“Oh. Sorry.” She turned the album page quickly as pink colored her cheeks.
“No need to apologize. She’s been gone several years.” He gave her shoulder a light squeeze, then drained the last of his iced tea. “Excuse me.”