by Dahlia West
Honor James seemed fascinated by the Barlows and genuinely concerned for Cassidy.
“She’s not pregnant,” Leah told her. “She’s just madly in love. And I don’t know any more about the cabin in the woods than you do. I’ve never seen it but I doubt anyone’s been there for years.”
Honor sighed and was possibly very disappointed. “I’d like to be kidnapped by a Barlow.”
Leah laughed. “I can’t blame you.”
The old man started coming their way and Honor pushed a folder across the counter to Leah. “Well, here you go!” said the girl cheerily. “Everything you never wanted to know about setting up a business account. Just come see me when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, I will!” Leah stepped outside thinking that she hadn’t planned it but she’d practically kidnapped her own Barlow. And it seemed to be working out just fine.
Back at the house, she laid the folder on the kitchen table next to an empty picnic basket.
“I’m getting rid of clutter!” Sofia called from the pantry, bringing out preserves and pickled vegetables.
“Clutter, huh?” asked Leah fingering the woven rattan of the basket.
“Ah, Dios, it’s too much. Just too much! I over planted the garden.”
Leah turned and helped the woman carry out an armful of jars and set them on the table. “How about I help you with that?” she asked with a smile.
Sofia glanced at her. “Eh? How?”
Chapter Thirty-One
‡
Austin watched his own truck rumbling down the service road on its way to camp. He checked his watch, having expected her an hour or so earlier, but at any rate, she was here now and that was all that really mattered. He feigned a surprised look when she stepped down from the cab, hauling a picnic basket along with her. “Well, this is a nice surprise,” he told her, taking it from her.
She raised herself to her toes and kissed him lightly. “Just thought you might want something better than camp food for lunch.” She gestured for him to set it down near the fire and started to open it but Austin stopped her.
“Do you really want to eat downwind from the horse pen?” he asked her.
Leah shrugged. “I don’t mind. And I brought enough for everyone.”
“Well, leave enough for us in the basket and let’s find a better spot.” He cast a meaningful glance at Court several feet away. “For more privacy. I’ll carry everything,” he told her.
Leah left the extra food and Austin hoisted the basket onto his shoulder. “We’ll be back later,” he called over his shoulder and headed up the narrow southern path. “Think you can make it up again?”
They were in front of the plateau he’d asked her to climb once before. The way up was still steep as ever but weeks of chores surely would only make it easier.
“Up there?” she asked.
He nodded.
“I can do it,” she said firmly, and moved ahead of him to start the trek.
When they reached the top, with her only having to stop to catch her breath a few times, they came to the flat, grassy area just below the peak. A large blanket had been spread out with a view of the mountains just a few miles away.
Leah gasped and spun to look at him. “I…but I brought you lunch!”
“Was it your idea?” he asked with a grin. “Or Sofia’s?”
Leah hesitated. “I thought it was mine, but…she had it laying out. She said she was organizing.”
“Mmm hmm.” He set the basket down on the blanket.
“It wasn’t Sofia’s idea, either, it was yours,” Leah finally deduced.
“Maybe,” he replied, opening the basket and setting out the plates even though he wasn’t the least bit hungry at the moment.
Not for food.
There hadn’t been time to buy a ring but he thought he could make do without one right now. To say anything about the disastrous half-assed proposal would ruin the moment now. There would be opportunity enough for apologies about that later. He wanted something from her and she needed something from him, both far more important, in his opinion.
He stood up, at their spot on top of the world, underneath the clear blue sky and the blazing summer sun. A cool breeze drifted in from the mountain peaks and rustled the blades of grass around them. They were two people, utterly alone in the entire world.
“Will you undress for me?” he asked her gently.
Her shoulders jerked. Her whole body tensed at the request. He expected it, was not offended. But if they were going to share their lives together, they had to share their bodies, their entire selves, first and Austin had begun to suspect why she might hate the very idea of it. He hadn’t let her down yet, though, and he wouldn’t falter now. “Do you trust me, Leah?”
“I…yes.” The look in her eyes, though, gave him a different answer.
“I told you I wouldn’t hurt you and I need you to believe me. You gave me your body, Leah. But it’s not enough. I want your heart. And I’m going to get it. Do you believe I’ll get it?”
She nodded, looking solemn. “Yes.”
“Do you trust me not to break it?”
“I can’t,” she told him in a voice that was heart wrenching. “I can’t!”
Austin wasn’t insulted, only saddened. Leah tried too hard to be invisible. His timid little rabbit was too afraid to let anyone see her. Perhaps she thought her appearance was too much of a burden to anyone looking. He’d prepared himself for it, for whatever he might see. It didn’t matter what she looked like. That wasn’t who she was.
He stepped forward, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her. “I can,” he whispered, unbuttoning the front of her shirt slowly. “Remember all my promises to you. I intend to keep them.” He slid the blouse off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground. Their bodies were pressed so close together he couldn’t see an inch of her, not one inch. The pulse in her throat hammered away though as Austin put his hands on her shoulders and lowered her with him into the grass.
Her boots came off next and then Austin unzipped her jeans and tugged them down along with her panties. When he looked up again, he saw that Leah’s hands were covering her eyes and he was tempted to reach up and pull them away. The effect was disheartening to say the very least.
“Leah, look at me,” he demanded.
But she shook her head, gaze still hidden from him. “I don’t want to see your face,” she whispered. “I don’t want to look at you while you’re looking at me.”
Austin didn’t argue. This was not the time. Instead he focused on the body displayed before him. Leah had scars. Almost a dozen, on her chest, under her collarbone. The raised white flesh stood out in the sunlight. They weren’t just scars, he realized suddenly. They were battle scars.
Austin’s little rabbit was no rabbit at all. She was a lion, as fierce and powerful as any he’d faced down out here on the range. He ran a hand over her chest, just below the base of her throat, touching one of those ragged edges. “Leah—”
“No,” she said weakly.
He wasn’t sure what she meant. She wasn’t pushing him away or stopping him. It was just a word. No. As though saying it might make it all her pain and embarrassment go away.
Austin couldn’t take away her pain. He couldn’t turn back time and make sure Leah had never gotten the diagnosis, had never had to go through treatment, had never spent one minute afraid she wouldn’t have a next one. But he could take away her embarrassment. Because as far as he was concerned, she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing at all.
She’d fought—bravely and mostly alone.
And she’d won.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her damaged skin. “You’re so beautiful, Leah. Will you say it for me?” He teased her into declaring herself ready to fuck but somehow he knew this would be much, much harder. “Tell me you’re beautiful,” he demanded quietly as he dragged his lips over her.
She didn’t speak but she shook her head, still hiding her face f
rom him.
“Then I’ll say it for you.” He ran his palms over her warm skin as though salving every wound. “You’re beautiful, Leah, strong but soft. You haven’t let it harden you, or make you afraid.”
“I am afraid,” she whispered.
“Not anymore. You sang a song, you drove a stick shift, you climbed a mountain…you fucked a cowboy. There’s no hiding away now, not from me. You’re not afraid, Leah. You’re fearless. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. I wish you could see what I see, Leah. I just wish you could see.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
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Leah still had difficulty seeing what Austin saw when he looked at her, only what she saw when she looked in the mirror, ugly scars, reminders of pain, neither of which would ever go away. Whatever he saw, there was no disgust in his gaze, no curled lip or grimace as he looked at her naked body. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t invisible. And for the first time in her life, she was tired of being afraid.
“I need you, Leah. Ever since the minute we met, there was something between us, something real and unbreakable. Even when I couldn’t find you that morning at the hotel.”
Leah swallowed hard and finally found her ability to speak. It only came out in a whisper but it was good enough. “You…looked for me?”
“I looked everywhere for you. I wasn’t ready to lose you then and I’ll never be able to give you up now. Do you think I’d let this amazing woman slip through my fingers? I love you,” he whispered into her ear as he pressed down between her thighs.
She sobbed then. A huge lump lodged itself in her throat and wouldn’t budge.
“Leah?” Austin paused, holding himself over her. His heated look clouded over into concern. “Leah? Are you all right?”
She wanted to hide again, cover her face and disappear completely. But she knew he wouldn’t allow it. All she could do was nod. That and take deep, shuddering breaths, trying to hold herself together.
“Do you want this?” he asked and she nodded again, wiping tears from her cheeks but fighting the urge to keep her hands at her face.
He entered her then, slowly. Gone was the frantic pace, the near madness the night of the storm. But the need was still just as intense, for him as well as for her. She could tell by the way he gripped her hips, the way his hot breath tickled the skin of her throat.
Leah was overcome by the knowledge that he wanted her. Not just sex, not just an orgasm, but her. Austin wanted her. At The Spur, at the wedding, he hadn’t even glanced at anyone else. She didn’t understand it. In fact, she could hardly believe it, but it was true. Austin Barlow wanted her and no one else.
He pushed gently as though she were delicate, but she was ready for him, slick and hot and nearly on fire as he filled her. It was both ecstasy and agony. Every thrust pushed her higher, closer to the edge, but every withdrawal left her feeling achingly empty “Austin!” she cried, worried it might never happen.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you there. I won’t stop until I do. I promise.” He slid an arm underneath her, lifting her, and pulling a nipple into his his mouth.
Leah’s breasts, so sensitive from the pregnancy, flooded with heat. Her bud tightened between his lips.
“Squeeze me,” he ordered.
“Wh…what?”
“Tighten up on my cock, Leah. Squeeze it hard. Your body knows what it wants. It’ll take over. You’ll get there. We’re not coming down off this rock until you do.”
Leah tried desperately to pull him in further, to hold him there and never, ever separate. Flame licked her insides, urging her to grip him harder to make him stay to make him hers. She did it over and over, each release sending new waves of sensation throughout her body.
“Again,” he demanded, driving himself in deep. Leah bore down on him again, with enough effort to cry out. As predicted, she felt a shiver in her belly, this time one she had no control over. Austin stayed inside her then, grinding against her. Her fingers dug into his back as she came shuddering against him.
He lowered her down to the soft grass and kept moving inside her. Leah was spent, exhausted, and did her best to lift her hips again but whimpered at the effort.
“Just relax,” he told her. “You’ve given me enough.”
Leah closed her eyes while he finished, with her fingers tangled in his. He kissed her as he throbbed inside her. A chaste brush of the lips at odds with the sensation below. When he finally pulled out, he rolled to his back, beside her in the grass.
“Perfect,” she whispered to the clouds overhead.
“Not quite,” he replied as he took her hand. He ran his thumb over her bare ring finger and she shivered. “Not quite.”
He wanted to marry her. Marry her! Not out of guilt or obligation, it seemed, but because he loved her. If Leah could’ve wished for anything in her life, anything at all, it wouldn’t have been for that. She had never even considered it a possibility. None of this seemed real, this man, this place, this life growing inside her. It felt like being in someone else’s skin, but when she looked down she only saw her own, scarred as it was. And Austin still wanted her.
It was its own little miracle, really.
She buttoned her shirt, hastily, now that the haze of lovemaking was starting to fade but suspected she would have less trouble taking it off the next time. When she turned to him, he had his own shirt on, as well, and his hat once again covering his wavy dark hair.
“I love you,” she told him. “I don’t know why I couldn’t say it before.”
Austin wrapped one arm around her, pulled her into his side, and squeezed. “Because life’s a gamble, Leah, especially when you want something this much. I don’t blame you for being afraid to trust it. I’m all in, though. Are you?”
She beamed up at him, her Star Valley cowboy. “Yes. Absolutely, yes. I’m all in.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
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Austin helped her back down the slope and guided the way back to camp, sad that it had to end so soon. He squeezed her hand gently, though, because he knew he would miss her touch and wanted it fresh in his memory after she left.
“We considered sending a search party but no one wanted to be blinded by your lily white ass,” said Court.
Beside him, Leah whimpered and he tightened his arm around her waist. “We’re getting married.”
Court grunted.
“I mean, obviously,” Austin added.
“Oh, obviously,” Court bit out. “What does that mean? Obviously?” Austin’s eyebrows shot up. “What exactly are you trying to say? Bringing your woman out here, parading her in front of me, telling me it’s so obvious y’all are getting hitched.”
“Court, I—”
“Fuck you,” snapped Court. “How’s that for obvious.” He turned and nudged BlackJack into a trot.
“Hey!” yelled Austin. “I wasn’t trying to say anything! I didn’t mean—”
But there was no point in yelling. He was yards away now, galloping hard, and showed no signs of stopping.
“Damn it,” Austin muttered. He turned to Leah’s whose mouth was still open. He shook his head slowly. “I kind of knew Sawyer and Cassidy’s wedding would rub him the wrong way.”
“Why?” asked Leah, staring after the man who was abandoning them.
Austin sighed. “When Rowan came back to take care of her father, that was the first anyone had ever heard about Willow.”
Leah gasped. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope. She had tried to tell Court when she first got pregnant but he didn’t want to hear it, wanted nothing to do with her and…well…he thought she’d taken care of it.”
Leah stilled beside him and he squeezed her again.
“He never told us, never brought it up once. So when Rowan came back and we all saw that little girl…”
“She looks exactly like you! Like all of you!”
“Yeah, it was kind of hard for her to hide it. And Court, dumb as he can be sometimes, thought
he was going to get her back, get both of them. A ready made family, I guess. Just add water, I heard Sawyer say once. Pretty much sums it up.”
“And she didn’t get a choice?”
“Well, she did get a choice and she didn’t choose him.”
“I mean, he didn’t ask her?”
Austin shook his head. “No. No, he did not. My little brother, unfortunately, has gotten everything he’s ever wanted his whole life. I won’t say he didn’t work for it. I know he did here on the ranch and I know he did in the rodeo, but he still had it all come easy. Too easy, our dad would say. And when Rowan turned him down…” He winced still remembering how dark things had gotten. “Well, it wasn’t good. And he’s still pretty sore about it, still an asshole on most days. But…I didn’t mean anything by it when I said we were getting married.”
“He took it for a rebuke.”
“I think so. Which I would do, if he weren’t already so torn up about it. I don’t think he needs any of us kicking him while he’s down.”
“Is he going to come back?”
Austin kicked up some dirt with the edge of his boot. “Yeah. Believe it or not he’s become pretty responsible these days. Not that he’d ever go to town and prove that to any women willing to give him a chance. Without his help, I wouldn’t have made this much progress up here. He knows it. He knows I need him. He’ll come back in an hour or so, once he’s cooled off.”
He turned to Leah and she rubbed his arm, trying to soothe him. The corners of her mouth were tight and he could tell she was trying to hide her true feelings by offering him a smile. He sighed. “I know. But a week’s not that long, and it’s my turn. Gabe and Seth need a break.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
He reached up and touched her nose with his finger. “You didn’t have to.” He was getting much better at reading her face.
“I know you have to stay. I just…I’ll miss you. That’s all.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re all I’m going to think about while I’m up here.”