by Dan Glover
"I'm not sure I like where this discussion is taking us."
"I'm sorry, my lovely Lily. You're right. I'm feeling insecure, that’s all. I've been the only real man in your life for so long that when someone like Kāne appears, I feel like a child. He's thousands of years old. You knew him when you made your home under the water."
"Don't do this, my darling Nate. Did I ever give you any reason to think I was a virgin before we became lovers?"
"I know you shared a bed with Lady Lauren and Natalia. I know you still do on occasion. I appreciate your fondness for them and their love for you. You know I would never do anything to come between that. But this feels different, somehow."
"The male of my species known as Bilbla was my first lover. We were together for just a short time and I'm sure those days and times have completely faded from this man Kāne's memory, forever. This should not trouble you, my love."
"Why did you not have a child with this man?"
"We were incompatible in that department. In our species only a few males are attuned to certain females. We were not so blessed."
"Are you still in love with him?"
"Of course I am. I will always love him. The man known as Bilbla no longer exists, however. And I have so much love to share; you have no need to concern yourself with these feelings I have. You know I love Lauren too, and Natalia. Does it trouble you that I have such feelings for these women?"
"I've grown used to it, I suppose."
Nate felt like a petulant child in the presence of a scolding parent. He didn't like the tone of his voice yet he could not seem to modulate it into something gentler. He knew he should apologize to Lily yet at the same time he saw that as a sign of weakness.
Later that night, he sought out the companionship of Kirk. Since their trip to Ulan-Ude and their exploration of the old airport Nate began to confide in the boy and in turn Kirk shared his hopes and dreams with him as well.
"I thought I'd find you here."
Nate saw the campfire burning down by the sea side. He took a chance that it might be Kirk and he was correct.
"Hello, Mr. Nate. What are you doing out so late?"
"Trouble sleeping, I guess. Where's Delilah?"
"She went inside just a few minutes ago. She gets chilly out here even with the fire going."
"The nights are cool down here by the ocean."
Nate sat next to Kirk on an old stump someone dragged down by the fire pit. A shooting star flashed over the dark sea in front of them. There was an odor of rain in the air but it was dry as of yet. He picked up a piece of drift wood stirring the fire before tossing it into the flames.
"Is something wrong, Mr. Nate?"
"I'm feeling a bit out of place, my friend, even perhaps a little jealous. It isn't a good feeling to have."
"I used to feel that way when Drummond was still alive. He seemed to go out of his way to torture me. If he thought I liked a girl he'd do his best to take her away from me. Not just me, either. I know he used to bully you too when you were little. And there was Lucy. I'm sorry I didn’t stand up for you. I should have."
"I appreciate that, Kirk, but I know it wasn’t your fault. Lucy... I haven’t thought of her in years. I remember we were great friends growing up but then she fell in with Drummond. I couldn’t figure that out, especially after the way he treated her."
"It wasn’t her fault, at least not at first."
"She never said exactly what Drummond did to her but I got an idea he raped her repeatedly."
"I think he did, yes. I want you to know I never did anything like that. I liked Lucy. I thought you two made a nice couple."
"Thanks, Kirk. You were never anything but good to me."
"Who are you jealous of, Mr. Nate? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking."
"Honestly, I'm not sure any longer. I started out being jealous of Kāne. I sensed something between him and Lily and it turned out I was right. But whatever they had is long over with, or so she assured me. Still, I can't seem to shake this feeling that she is going to betray me with him. Even if she does, I don’t believe I would mind all that much. I mean, we have an open relationship so to speak."
"I can see where something like that would bother a man. I don’t think I would like it if Delilah wanted to be with another man."
"We're like children, Kirk. We play at being big bad men but when we're threatened with the unknown we turn into sniveling whining brats."
"I'm thinking of asking her to marry me. I know it's an outdated custom but Delilah mentioned something about how wonderful she thought it was that you and Lily were married. I saw her looking through one of those old wedding catalogues that Lady Lauren keeps in the library. She had this look on her face that's hard to describe, but I liked it."
"Congratulations, Kirk! You'll be happy. I notice how she looks at you each time you two are together."
"Everyone looks up to both you and Lady Lily, Mr. Nate. I'd be honored if you would be my Best Man. I mean, you can think about it. You don’t have to tell me now. I haven’t even asked Delilah yet."
"I already have my answer: yes. The honor is mine, my friend. I have a feeling you will not get a no from Delilah either, so don't be shy about asking her. I'm guessing she is just waiting for you to pop the question."
Chapter 22—Dancing
Karen missed being touched.
The sense of loneliness nearly eviscerated her heart when she saw Kirk and Delilah slow dancing. She still regarded the boy with suspicion ever since his dalliance with Marilyn ended in her erstwhile lover's demise and Kirk's potential exile from Orchardton Hall. Only Lily's deciding vote saved him from certain death.
Though she didn’t understand why, Karen couldn't help but be drawn to Amanda. They'd been working closely together for the last two decades and though she watched for signs she saw no indication that the girl was interested in anything more than a professional relationship. In fact, Amanda spent most of her time now with the newcomer, Kāne.
In the beginning, Amanda claimed she was merely interested in his personal history. She told Karen how she hoped to perhaps convince him to donate some of his genetic material to them for their research. Amanda felt they were closer than ever to developing a viable hybrid capable of reproducing more than a single child and who could be compatible with humans as well as the Lake descendants.
Karen didn’t want to shatter the girl's dream by telling her that goal had already been achieved with Nate. Though she couldn’t be certain, there was no viable reason why he couldn’t procreate with human beings as well as Lily of the Lake.
Lily could bear no more children, however. That much was clear. Since the birth of Maon, she had fallen into a morose sort of brooding that didn’t seem apparent to anyone but Karen. Then again, perhaps it was only around her that Lily fell into her dark mood. If she had a way of leaving Orchardton Hall and surviving, Karen would have done it immediately. She knew better.
It appeared that living at Orchardton Hall agreed with Kāne. Upon his arrival Karen took him for little more than a wandering vagrant while he seemed to regard her with an air of ambiguity. He reclaimed a portion of what must have been his former splendor during the last few weeks, however, and now he appeared as regal as the Ladies with some strange inner light shining forth even through the flowing blue robes that they all favored wearing.
One thing that did not change was his attitude toward her. On the few occasions she spoke to him, Kāne acted as if he did not hear her words. She felt like an echo around the man, lost amid the reverberating moments of his psyche.
Though she didn’t usually attend the Dance, tonight she made an exception. Perhaps it was Amanda's scolding that brought her here, or maybe it was her own meager hope a partner of her own might magically appear.
"You never get out and socialize. Come to the Dance tonight, Karen. I'll teach you to boogie if you like, or you can just watch. I hate how you isolate yourself like this. You haven’t been out of the laboratory in w
eeks."
"I'm at a critical stage in my experiments, Amanda. You know that."
She tried to sound resolute and in charge but hearing her own voice Karen sounded like a school girl fearful of going on a date with the star quarterback. She grimaced as scurrilous memories of long ago days washed through her mind.
"Oh, give it a rest, girl. Take a few hours off and you'll come back refreshed. This habit of locking yourself away isn’t a good thing. Come on and go with me tonight. You may as well say yes. Otherwise I'm coming by your room and kidnapping you."
She didn’t like to admit it but Amanda was right.
"I'll be ready and waiting for you. Thanks, Amanda. I'm actually looking forward to it."
Lying did no good. As soon as Amanda left the laboratory Karen began thinking of excuses as to why she could not attend the Dance. Having never attended one, she knew she'd be completely out of place. Everyone would be staring at her. Ever since the night she forgot her lines in that stupid play she hated being the center of attention.
"You never leave the dormitory unless it's to go to class. Come on and go with me... you'll make a perfect Desdemona, Karen. And don’t worry... you'll only be an understudy. You'll never really have to put on a performance in front of an audience."
It was her junior year at Oxford University and her roommate—what was the girl's name?—implored Karen to attend the tryouts for Othello. Despite her misgivings, Karen agreed. To her horror, on the eve of opening night, the girl who was playing Desdemona had a horrible automobile accident so the part fell to Karen.
She flubbed her lines so badly that the director was forced to replace her midway through the first act with another girl who hadn’t even read for the part. Karen sat behind the stage red-faced praying the new girl would do as poorly but she didn’t. She nailed the part.
It was just one failure in a string of them that dominated her life yet once the memory lodged in her mind it was all she could see. Even now, when she should be a fully aware human being, Karen knew she was nothing more than a figment in her own mind... a girl pretending at being someone and something she would never be.
Life was too cruel to live and yet the alternative horrified her.
Now here she was sitting at the Dance watching as everyone whirled and twirled. Delilah and Kirk were incredible dancers and so sensual it made her uncomfortably aware of her own lack of intimacy.
It was as all her fears were coming true... she was a wallflower, an unknown.
About the time she decided to slip off unnoticed into the night Kāne approached her with an outstretched hand. She hadn’t heretofore realized how startlingly black his eyes were or how the depth of his pupils seemed to lead into infinity.
She shook her head but he stepped forward taking her arm to gently lead her onto the polished hardwood dance floor. Knowing she was clumsy she kicked off her shoes before she waded into his arms in her stocking feet. She felt the slipperiness of waxed wood through her cotton socks as she glided in time with Kāne's every move.
She was secretly thrilled. She could not remember ever being asked to dance. At the same time she knew Amanda put Kāne up to it. If left to his druthers she was positive he'd rather be dancing with someone else, with anyone else but her.
She had spent all day trying to think of a way to get out of coming to the dance and now she longed for it to never end. It was funny to think that she was over a hundred years old and had never danced even once.
"There is a daddy-daughter dance on Friday night, mother. Do you think father would like to go with me?"
She had been sixteen years old, an ugly duckling if there ever was, and she hated even asking her mother. At the same time, though, she knew if she asked her father, he would insist on asking mother first before he even thought of acquiescing to her desires. Rather than getting her hopes up, Karen thought it best to bypass father all together. And she was right.
"You know how busy your father is, Karen. By the time he gets off work, he'll be exhausted. What on earth makes you think he would want to drag you to a dance?"
She had loved her father and yet hated him too. He reminded her of all her own faults, her lack of will, her penchant for entering into wrong relationships with domineering people who all seemed to sense her weakness.
On the other hand, she had never loved her mother. Oddly, she felt nothing at all toward the woman. It seemed pointless to expend energy hating her. Mother was the kind of person who simply didn’t care what anyone else thought, especially those closest to her... a cruel, heartless woman whose only delight seemed to be in destroying the hope in her husband and her daughter.
"Besides, you’re such a clumsy girl... what makes you think you could dance? You'd only embarrass yourself as well as your father."
"You're right, mother."
There was never a singular point in life that she had stopped caring. Rather, the cumulative effects of the years spent with her parents had gradually worn her down to the point that anything was preferable to spending even another moment with them.
She had spent fifteen years as Hector Ramirez's mistress, bending to his every whim while knowing she was far better than him, and yet unable to extricate herself from his subjugation. Though she wanted to blame her mother for that, it was her fault.
Killing the man had been such a thrill that she longed to share it with someone yet she never did, not even with Marilyn. Her only regret was not doing it sooner. Though she didn’t think of herself as a treacherous person, she doubted anyone else alive was more morally perverse than she.
Until she met Kāne, that is. It wasn’t a look so much as a feeling she got when he touched her. The man was capable of anything. He looked at her as if he couldn’t decide whether to rip out her throat with his teeth or to ask her for another dance. Rather than frightening her, however, it thrilled her to be in his arms if even for a moment.
The good life was tiring. The pretense that went into making believe she loved everyone maddened her yet the alternative chilled her. Looking into those jet black eyes of Kāne's—eyes without remorse—reminded her of staring into a mirror when she was but a girl and realizing for the first time who she was and what she might one day accomplish.
"You're a great dancer, Karen! You two look as if you're made for one another."
Amanda approached her when the music stopped and Kāne drifted back to the world only he inhabited. Karen was out of breath, her legs ached, and she knew Amanda was lying but none of that mattered.
She was happy.
Chapter 23—Memories
She told herself it was surely an oversight.
It troubled Lauren perhaps more than it should how Nate neglected to ask her and Lily to come along on the cruise to old France where they discovered Kāne. Still, an atypical anomalousness had wrapped itself about Nate of late. He gave up flying after coaxing Ena into becoming a pilot. He no longer worked in his shop putting out invention after invention all for the sake of better living. He seemed to shun Lily in a way he had never done before.
Though she delved about his psyche for answers his mental processes seemed so jumbled she could not make sense of his thoughts the way she once could. She suspected either he was severely troubled about his life or else something deeper was going on, some dread disease, perhaps the direct result of his being conceived in the way he was.
"Beautiful Natalia, have you noticed anything odd about lovely Nate?"
"Why no, precious Lauren... tell me what you mean by this. I have had no visits from Nate for a number of weeks now... which is in itself odd. He used to always stop by if but to say hello."
"Oh, it is probably nothing, my darling Natalia. I am no doubt overreacting. Tell me to be quiet, that I am a meddlesome fool, and let us leave it at that."
They were lying together in an enormous hammock strung between two poplar trees that grew among many in a line straight and close like a fence along the south side of Nate's old workshop. The hammock was one of Nate's many gif
ts to the Ladies woven of an incredibly strong and yet an impossibly soft material that withstood all manner of weather. It had the quality of duck feathers in that it shed moisture and so was resistant to mold and mildew.
"I know you too well, my lovely Lauren. You are certainly no fool, and you will not speak of anything unless you are greatly concerned. Tell me more."
It was a lovely late spring afternoon with a gentle rain pattering upon the umbrella that covered their hammock. A delicate mist gathered about the rocks by the seaside weaving tendrils up the slope to the stone breakwater just below the estate. Gray and white gulls screeched out as they took turns diving into the surf surfacing with beaks stuffed full of slithering silvery fish.
"He forgets things, lovely Natalia. He no longer seems interested in his work. I walked down to his shop a couple days ago thinking he might be there. He wasn’t. Everything is covered in dust, as if no one has been there in ages. His inventions are lying about half finished. It is as if he just walked away from it all."
Birds twittered rain songs in the nearby pear trees which were a few days away from full blossom. Lauren loved lying about on drizzling spring days with the promise of new birth and the fresh clean odors arising from wetted soil and freshly sprouting flowers. She wondered how she could think such dark thoughts on a day like this.
"Have you discussed this with our lovely Lily, my darling Lauren?"
"She tells me how Nate has grown covetous and insecure ever since Kāne arrived. He is almost childlike in his jealousy once he learned our wonderful Lily had once been Kāne's lover. Even though she assured him that was long in the past, Nate cannot seem to let go of these disabling feelings."
"Tell me, my precious Lauren... is this why we haven’t shared our bed with sweet Lily in so long?"
"I suspect so, yes."
"Have you spoken to our doctor?"
"No. I need your moral support to do such a thing. Will you be by my side while I talk to Karen about my concerns?"