by Regine Abel
CHAPTER 18
Amalia
Khel returned from his compound with a troubled look he tried to hide from me. I’d seen that look on slaves too many times not to recognize it for what it was; the one when you suddenly realized the world as you knew it had been a lie. The new reality was something you didn’t want, something no one had prepared you for, but worse, something you couldn’t make go away. It was the look the captives had as they went through the stages of grief; the moment right before depression finally gave way to acceptance.
Khel kept things from me because he didn’t want me worrying. The overprotectiveness of Xelixian males for females was famous. Khel embodied that tradition. But I wasn’t okay with his silence. His somber mood must be related to his efforts to find Gruuk. He treated me like a delicate flower that needed sheltering from the first gust of wind. That wasn’t ok. I needed to learn to stand on my own and weather the storm. I wanted to be his partner, not his burden. I might not be able to fight some of the battles he could, but I could help him through them.
He stood in the doorway, his broad shoulders drooping. I put down the datapad and went to him. Cradling his face, I placed a gentle kiss on his lips. We pressed our foreheads together.
“I missed you,” I whispered.
“My beautiful mate,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. He wrapped his arms around me and we held each other in a desperate hug. I’m not sure how long we stood there, silently, taking strength and comfort from each other’s embrace.
“I will run us a bath,” I said, looking into his eyes. “And then we will talk.”
Khel frowned at that last remark but nodded. I started the water, making sure the temperature was how he liked it and added bath salts. I returned to the bedroom while the tub filled. He removed his weapons and I pushed his hands away so I could undress him myself. He dropped his hands, surrendering control to me. Once done, I pulled off my short nightgown in one swift movement and led Khel by the hand to the fresher.
After shutting off the water, I got him in the bath. I slid in behind him and proceeded to wash his back with a soft sponge. That done, I wrapped my arms around him to wash his chest. He leaned back against me. I put a gentle kiss on the back of his neck before resting my cheek there.
“Talk to me, Khel. What happened?”
“Amalia… It is nothing for you to concern yourself.”
“Don’t,” I interrupted gently, but firmly. “Don’t tell me what I can or cannot worry about. Remember what you said our first morning together? For this to work, there cannot be secrets between us.”
“I’m trying to protect you.”
“But you’re not,” I said softly. “You’re coddling me. When you keep me in the dark, it’s like you think I’m too weak or too stupid to handle it.” I felt him stiffen at my words. “I know that’s not the case,” I added quickly before he argued, “but that’s how it makes me feel.”
I rubbed my cheek against the back of his neck and placed another soft kiss between his shoulder blades.
“During the Selection, I was attracted to you because you had such an aura of strength. You made me feel safe. I thought with you by my side, there was nothing I couldn’t do. But you actually won me over with one sentence. Do you know which?”
Khel shook his head.
“When you said you wanted a partner with whom you could be who you are inside, not who people expect you to be. I’d never been able to be who I was inside either. And here you were, the male I was considering pledging the rest of my life to, telling me he shared my dream. But you’re taking mine away. I want you to need me like I need you.”
He turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. “I do need you, Amalia.”
“Not like I need you. When I have a problem, I come to you. But when you have one, you go to Lhor and Ghan. How would you feel if I did the same?”
He flinched. “I’m trying to spare you the horror.”
“Don’t. Let it be my choice,” I said. “It hurts more that you would keep secrets about things that directly impact my life without including me. It’s like being back on the ship all over again. Stop shutting me out. I’m not a hero, but I’m also not useless.”
He sighed before nodding. He pulled me in front of him to sit between his legs, my back resting against his chest.
“Forgive me if I’ve ever made you feel inadequate. You’re everything to me. My instincts dictate I keep all ugliness away from you. I don’t have much experience in relationships but I’ll try to do better. I don’t want to lose you.”
“And you won’t.” I turned my head to kiss his jaw. “You said we could have a lifetime for us to get to know one another better if I wished it. I did, still do, and always will.”
Khel placed a soft kiss on top of my head then began to wash me. He updated me on all they had found out and accomplished so far. He was right – I was horrified. Tears rolled down my face when he described what went on in that abomination they called a Blood House. He tried to stop but I wouldn’t let him. I needed to know. When I asked him what he would do with Mirvhen, he hesitated to answer. He confessed the punishment, expecting me to recoil in disgust. But he was the one shocked when I mumbled that Mirvhen got off too easy; I would have chopped off his cock.
Khel had a lot to learn about me – and I about myself. He kept expecting me to behave like a Xelixian female or a broken slave – I was neither. And since my escape, the true me, repressed over the years, clamored to come out. Turns out I was far more ruthless than I ever imagined possible. I guess twenty-two years of pent-up anger would do that to you. Talking with Lhor made me realize I just didn’t give a shit about society and its rules.
The last few days made me understand that, for me, freedom was a state of mind. I hadn’t left the estate since my Fastening, aside from the trip to the hospital and clinic. Since I was zonked out the whole time, those didn’t count. Yet, I felt no desire to leave and explore. Khel thought it wasn’t healthy, that it was my conditioning over years of captivity that made me seek the safety of an enclosed environment. I disagreed.
I didn’t want to go out because there was nothing out there that piqued my curiosity. The discrimination among Xelixians upset me. The bland, monochromatic environment put me to sleep. I loved the outdoors, though. Real grass, vegetation, the suns on my face, the wind and fresh air, real water to swim in. What more could I want out there that wasn’t already available to me right here? I didn’t feel like a prisoner because I wasn’t. Freedom was knowing I could leave when I wanted to, if I wanted to, not traipsing about a place I had no interest in because that’s what was expected.
Khel brought me out of my musing by lifting me out of the water. I was all pruned up, which Khel found amusing. After drying himself too, he carried me to the bedroom and helped me don my nightgown. This was my first night since returning from the hospital. Dr. Volghan was adamant about not overtaxing myself and I knew Khel would follow those instructions to the letter.
Part of me was disappointed. It surprised me how much I enjoyed sex. With my upbringing, I feared I wouldn’t feel pleasure. But with Khel, it was magic. I couldn’t seem to get enough of him. No other male could have made me feel the same.
Lhor…
I blocked his image as soon as it popped into my head. The other part of me was grateful we didn’t have sex. Not because I didn’t want to, but tonight had been special. For the first time, I felt like we were becoming true mates, partners. Not just two people with sexual chemistry that went through the motions of being a mated pair.
Khel placed me gently on the bed before lying next to me. I curled up against him. He pulled the cover over us and caressed my back. Ok, now for part two of mission ‘getting Khel to agree to things he didn’t want to.’
“Khel?” I asked sweetly.
“Yes, Falihna?”
“I would like you to teach me how to fight.”
Right on cue, Khel froze and the hand that – quite pleasantly – caress
ed my back also stilled. Now for the sale… I lifted my head off his chest to look into his eyes. His face was inscrutable but I could see he was hurt.
“Sweetheart, it’s not what you think.” I tried to sound reassuring. “You think I want to learn how to fight because I don’t trust you to protect me. That’s not true. I know you can and I’m counting on you to do so. This isn’t about you, or anyone else. It’s about me.”
He clenched his jaw and turned his face away from me. That wouldn’t do. I cupped his jaw with one hand and forced him to look at me.
“Sweetie, listen. This is something I’ve wanted for myself for as long as I can remember. I’ll never be a warrior, but I hate feeling helpless. If I get in trouble, I want to at least have a chance to free myself long enough to get to you or the boys.”
“The boys?” he asked quizzically.
“Yeah,” I said, with a mischievous grin. “Lhor and Ghan – the boys!”
Khel chuckled, some of the tension bleeding out of him. “I don’t think Ghan would be amused by that nickname.”
“Ghan is awesome. I like him.” I smiled with affection, thinking about the gruff giant.
Ghan had scared the living daylights out of me the first time I met him in the compound. What an idiot I’d been for not realizing I was hacking into a military network. But that prank had been impossible to resist. I nearly pissed myself with relief when Ghan didn’t throw me in a cell. Since then, he’d shown me a weird form of clumsy kindness. I was socially awkward, but Ghan took awkward to another level. And it was so adorable! He had a terrible sense of humor, but it was cool to see him try.
“He likes you too,” Khel said. I could tell he was pleased.
“He’s such a grumpy pants. He’s the badass big brother I always wanted.”
Khel looked at me with such tenderness, I felt my heart tighten in my chest.
“You are everything to me, my Amalia. It saddens me that you feel the need to learn to fight, but I understand your reasons. I want you to have everything your heart desires.”
I squealed with joy and crushed his mouth with a passionate kiss. He smiled against my lips before pushing me back.
“But…” he added sternly, “that doesn’t let you off the hook from your swimming lessons. No swimming means no fighting. Is that understood young lady?”
“Yes, General. As you command.”
He laughed, shaking his head before putting a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.
“I’m so glad I chose you,” I whispered.
* * *
Ghan was sleeping in his military bunk when the alarm went off at the same time his com chimed. Instantly awake, he shoved his bare feet into his boots as he answered the com.
“Ghan,” he said.
“Inbound missile, three o’clock. Launching anti-missile,” Yhan reported.
“Acknowledged. On my way.”
Ghan ran out of the compound while hailing Khel on the com. Up ahead, Sivh and Jhola, along with other members of the staff, ran to the bunker.
A violent explosion rocked the night as Yhan’s missile destroyed the one threatening the compound. Yhan’s voice sounded again over the com.
“Two more inbound, three o’clock and nine o’clock.”
“I’ve got the nine,” Sohr said.
“Acknowledged,” Yhan replied.
The missiles came faster. No, not faster. They launched closer. The sky lit up with explosions as acrid smoke descended upon the estate.
“They’re using mobile ground-to-air missile launchers. They’re closing in on our position. You soon won’t have enough reaction time to counter them. I’m going in,” Khel shouted. “Sehn, Fehr, with me. Ghan, your command.”
Ghan watched Khel jump on a hover bike to go after the mobile launcher, followed by his warriors. Just as Khel approached the gate, two more missiles dropped toward Yhan’s position. Yhan managed to deflect one, but the second hit the wall. He died instantly. Khel and Fehr dodged the flying debris, but Sehn wasn’t as lucky. His skull was fractured by a large piece of debris.
Ghan ran to a stable section of the broken wall with a portable missile launcher to compensate for Yhan’s loss.
“Khel!” Ghan shouted, “there are two in Credhan’s Clearing. Take them out, NOW!”
Ghan took out an incoming missile but couldn’t reload in time to deflect the second one. The impact took out a large section of the wall, leaving a huge crater behind.
“GHAN!” I yelled, sitting up in bed, soaked.
Khel grabbed me by the shoulders. “Calm down, Falihna. It was just a bad dream.”
“Oh Goddess! Khel…” I said, my eyes bulging in horror, “… you have to sound the alarm. There’s an attack incoming. We’ve got to stop them now or Ghan, Yhan and others are going to die.”
“Amalia,” Khel said, uncertain, “…it was just a dream.”
“Khel, listen to me.” I placed my palms on his chest. “This was not a dream. I have foresight. I’m telling you in the next five to twenty minutes, we’re going to be attacked with missiles.”
Khel stared at me for a few seconds then went to the control panel to sound the general alarm. He raised Ghan on the com. The look he’d given me said this conversation wasn’t over. I should have told him about that ability. I don’t know why I hadn’t. But now wasn’t the time to worry about this. I just thanked the Goddess he’d chosen to believe me. I got dressed.
“Ghan, there’s an incoming airstrike against the estate. ETA five to twenty minutes,” Khel said in a commanding voice while putting on his combat clothes.
“Acknowledged,” Ghan replied.
“Wait!” I exclaimed. “Wait… You said something…” I racked my brain to remember. It was important. “Oh yes! Khel, you said they were using mobile ground-to-air missile launchers. They were closing in on us. You had to stop them before they were too close for your soldiers to deflect the missiles. Ghan told you to get to Creda… Credo… someplace with clearing…”
“Credhan’s Clearing,” Khel said.
“Yes! That! Ghan said there were two in that clearing. That you needed to take them out.”
“Anything else?” Khel asked.
“Hmmm, there was a third one, at nine o’clock. Sohr was deflecting its missiles. That’s it.”
“Acknowledged,” Ghan said through the com. “Deploying intercept units.”
“On our way.” Khel grabbed my hand as I finished putting my shoes on and dragged me out of the room. We met Lhor on the stairs and Khel updated him as we raced toward the entrance.
“Go to the bunker,” Khel ordered. “And Lhor, take care of her.”
“With my life,” Lhor said with a stiff nod.
Lhor led me by the hand to the bunker. Sivh and Jhola ran ahead of us with a number of staff members. Once inside, Lhor released me and we watched as two warriors escorted in the few straggling staff. The warriors verified everyone was accounted for then encoded the access to the lift that took us down into the bunker. They sealed the entrance’s vaulted doors.
At the end of the corridor, another vaulted door gave access to the bunker. It opened onto a medium-sized guards’ room with a series of monitors displaying various camera feeds around the compound. It showed Khel’s warriors ready on the roof and by the gates. The living quarters and medical facility were located in the back. The right side was occupied by a meeting room, weapons cache and holding cells.
Lhor led me into the meeting room where another set of monitors greeted us. He tried to get me to sit on one of the swiveling chairs, but I wouldn’t move. My eyes were glued to the action outside. Eight minutes had passed since my vision. The speed and efficiency with which Khel’s squad had gotten us all to safety astounded me. I stared at the camera covering Yhan. That’s where the first missile would land. Nothing yet. It could come any time in the next twelve minutes.
“I don’t see Khel.” I touched Lhor’s upper arm to get his attention, my eyes scanning the monitors.
He s
tiffened and pulled away from me. Stunned by the unexpected reaction, I turned a quizzical look at him. Our eyes connected.
He’s hurt…
“Lhor? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Any other special abilities you forgot to mention?”
I cast my head down and shook it pitifully before looking back up at him, my head still bowed in shame.
“Why?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” He raised a dubious eyebrow at me. “It’s true, Lhor, I don’t know. I’ve spent so many years hiding that ability from Gruuk, it’s just become second nature. It never even crossed my mind to bring it up. I just… I don’t know. Please don’t be angry with me.”
He pinched his lips. He held my gaze for a moment before closing his eyes with a heavy sigh.
“Don’t ever lie to me, Amalia.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I wrapped my arms around his waist then buried my face in his neck. He didn’t react at first but then he put an arm on the back of my head, holding me against him.
“Khel must be livid,” he said.
I nodded slowly against his neck, tightening my hold around him.
By the Goddess, he feels good.
I inhaled his fresh, masculine scent. Lhor was perfect, like his body was made to wrap around me. He wasn’t as tall or as broad as Khel, but he too was all muscles. Mine.
Lhor released me and gently unwrapped my arms. “He’ll forgive you. Khel will always forgive you. In fact, he probably already has. As far as he’s concerned, you all but walk on water,” he said. He paused and gave me an odd look before raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Do you?”