Someone brought Bessy forward to encourage her to put her hand down, too.
‘Da,’ Bessy said, and put her fist squarely into the middle of the cake. And then into her mouth.
The party had officially begun.
It wasn’t just a party. It was almost a fair, without the profit making. There were donkey rides, apple bobbing, face painting. There were egg-and-spoon and sack races, and toss-the-caber competitions. There was more food than anyone could possibly eat. Pierce moved through the rest of the day as if in a dream, watching the kids-his kids-being embraced by the locals. Being welcomed. Receiving apologies, and promises of largesse from so many people.
For a man who was used to walking alone-who’d spent a lifetime perfecting the art-it was almost overwhelming.
Two of his brothers-Blake and Nik-were here, clapping him on the shoulder, laughing at him, but looking at him with some small concern. His foster brothers had all been raised in the school of hard knocks themselves. Their isolation was an art they valued. Pierce seemed to be tossing it away, and it troubled them.
It troubled him. But…
But he didn’t know what.
The kids finally wilted. He took them up to bed and came down again to find clearing up had begun. There was still a party happening outside but inside a team was washing, scrubbing, wiping, gossiping-the farm was alive.
Ruby was in the middle of it, having a ball. She saw him come down the stairs. She laid down her dish cloth and came across to him, and before he knew what she was about she’d enveloped him in a huge hug. Her small, bosomy person held him close, and he felt about six again.
He’d never let himself get too close to Ruby, but she’d always hugged him regardless. Did she know how much those childhood hugs had meant to him?
‘Thank you,’ he said gruffly as she finally released him.
‘It’s Shanni you have to thank, not me.’
‘You found Olga.’
‘She’s a treasure. She’s as desperate for a family as you were.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Not any more,’ she beamed. ‘Oh, Pierce, this is absolute joy.’
‘I’m not-’
‘Of course you’re not,’ she said, deliberately cutting across a denial she maybe guessed he was about to make. ‘We’re cleaning up. You go and find Shanni.’
‘Did Shanni organize this?’
‘Shanni and Susie. The world’s bossiest women. Go find her.’
‘Where is she?’
‘She said she was going out to talk to a bull.’
‘Shanni said…?’
‘She said it was a nice bull.’
Hell. He was out of the kitchen before she could say another word, striding through the bunches of people congregated on the veranda, seeking only one person.
He rounded the veranda and stepped down into the garden. Over to the gate to the bull paddock…
She was sitting on the gate post.
Clyde was right beside her.
She wasn’t in the actual bull paddock. If Clyde turned nasty she could simply swing herself off the post. Even so, the sight of her beside the great bull made him feel ill.
‘Shanni.’
‘Hi,’ she said without turning round. It was like she was expecting him. ‘I’ve just been explaining to Clyde that I’ve forgiven him. It wasn’t his fault. Dwayne told me what happened. Local kids being stupid. Cruel. Listening to their parents’ accounts of wanting you gone and taking matters into their own hands.’ She sighed. ‘It can happen so fast. To turn you into the local pariah…’
‘They never did that.’
‘Oh, yes they did. You were lucky they didn’t run you out of town with the odd bit of tarring and feathering to go with it.’
‘But you changed all that.’
‘I just told them the truth. It wasn’t so hard. If you’d told them yourself…’
‘How could I tell them?’
‘Any number of ways,’ she snapped, sounding irritated. ‘Like for instance stopping to gossip to the ladies in the supermarket. Asking them for the right kind of laundry powder, and admitting you’d been landed with five kids and you didn’t know the first thing about laundry. If you’d done that you would have got them behind you, no questions asked, months ago.’
‘I couldn’t…’
‘Open yourself to people? Don’t I know it.’ She leaned down and scratched Clyde behind the left ear. ‘I’ve just been telling Clyde you’re a dodo.’
‘A dodo.’
‘A very clever dodo.’
‘Shanni…’
‘Mmm?’
‘Will you…?’ He hesitated.
She straightened and stared at him. ‘Will I what?’
There was another lengthy pause. Shanni had stopped scratching. The big bull tossed his head and nudged her legs. She gave a rueful smile and started scratching again.
‘I seem to have given myself a lifetime job,’ she whispered. ‘Will I what, Pierce?’
He couldn’t say. The words that were crowding into his head refused to be uttered.
He’d been sucked into a vortex that was terrifying. No matter what, it seemed he was going down.
His life was no longer self-contained. He had five kids. He had a convicted criminal of a housekeeper called Olga who he just knew was going to end up as dependent on him as the kids were. He had Ruby back on his case. Sometime during the afternoon she’d handed him a parcel-macramé sweaters times five.
And tonight as he’d put Donald to bed the little boy had hugged him. Donald. The last of the kids to accept him.
He’d hugged him back and, damn it he’d felt like crying. He’d let himself in for a lifetime of macramé. And domesticity. The whole catastrophe.
Did he mind?
Maybe not so much, he thought. It was as if he’d been hit by flood water but somehow he’d managed to float. Now he was being swept along, out of control, but somehow he was even managing to enjoy the ride.
But Shanni…She had what he could no longer have. Independence.
‘Will I what?’ she asked again, and the words that had half formed disappeared from view.
‘They’re taking orders for coffee,’ he said, and he felt her withdraw just a little.
‘You came to find me to see if I wanted coffee?’
‘Yes. I…And I was worried about you being with Clyde.’
‘You think I’d get in the bull paddock? I’m not so dumb.’
‘I don’t want you taking any risks.’
There was a moment’s silence. ‘You think I’m a risk taker,’ she said at last.
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not.’
‘You throw your heart into the ring.’
‘That’s risk taking?’
‘Yes.’
‘But there’s good things that can happen because of it,’ she said, so softly he had to lean forward to hear. ‘I got to toss ice water over naked people, and that has to count as one of life’s great pluses. I got my money back, thanks to Blake, the sweetie. You have the most gorgeous foster brothers. Nik has asked me out.’
That was a kick in the gut. Nik. You bastard… ‘You’re not going?’
‘I’m busy,’ she said with dignity. ‘I’m starting a new gallery.’
‘In London?’
In Sydney. I’m going to be wildly fashionable, and I’m buying a dog.’
‘A dog.’
‘Like Taffy. I want one just like Taffy.’
‘You deserve something better.’
‘Yeah?’ She turned to him then, puzzled. ‘What could be better than Taffy?’
‘I-’
‘Having five kids?’ She was teasing, smiling down at him in the moonlight. ‘And an Olga and a Ruby and a community like this?’
‘Shanni…’
‘Coffee,’ she said and jumped off the post, so suddenly that she caught him unawares. His hands came out instinctively and caught her. Steadied her. Held her close.
She smelle
d wonderful, he thought. She felt wonderful.
He wanted to…
Shanni…
She didn’t move. She stared up at him, seemingly bewildered.
And then she recovered. He saw her face change, as if coming to some sort of conclusion. She gave the tiniest of nods.
She tilted her chin and looked mockingly up at him. She put her hands on either side of his face, and she drew his head down so her mouth could meet his.
For the third time she kissed him.
It wasn’t a kiss. It was a dare.
She held him tight against her. She kissed him, like it or not, and who was he to argue? He should, but he couldn’t. Any argument was simply kissed out of him.
He didn’t move. He didn’t respond. Her kiss deepened and deepened some more. Then she was drawing away, just a little, but still holding his face in her hands.
‘Coward,’ she teased, and kissed him again.
What was a man to say to that? He’d been thrown a challenge. What was a man to do, but kiss back?
One kiss, he promised himself. This night and then it was over. She’d retreat to her life and he’d stay with his.
But meanwhile…
He kissed her as if he’d never let her go. He kissed her as he’d never kissed a woman before, letting go, releasing all his pent-up longing, his aching to be loved, his need to be a part of something that wasn’t just him…
She must feel what he was feeling. She must know…
She was the other half of his whole. She was the partner he’d never hoped to find-the woman he hadn’t known existed. Shanni…
The kiss went on and on, achingly, heartbreakingly wonderful. He couldn’t release her. He mustn’t. Shanni…
‘Coffee!’ The yell was loud enough to wake the dead. It was Dwayne, yelling into the darkness, straining to see beyond the pool of light cast by the lanterns on the veranda.
‘Hey, guys, come and get coffee. And Shanni, Ruby says are you going to drive her home, cos if you don’t come soon she’s sleeping off the champagne here and now. And Mum says everyone can stay for breakfast if they want, but there’s not enough eggs.’
And that was that.
They broke apart. Rational thought prevailed. Sort of.
Shanni took a step back and gazed up at him in the moonlight. She looked bruised, he thought. Confused.
Frightened?
Yeah, frightened. He couldn’t bear it. He put a hand on her cheek lightly, a feather touch.
If he was falling for someone with the encumbrances he had, he’d be terrified as well.
‘Hey, don’t look like that. I’m not asking anything of you.’
‘No?’
‘It doesn’t mean anything.’
‘What doesn’t?’
‘Kissing.’ He had to say it. Dwayne was still staring down into the darkness. Any minute now he’d get sick of staring and jump down and make certain it was them.
‘It’s just…kissing?’ she whispered.
‘Of course it is. What else could it be?’
‘You don’t want…?’
‘Hey, I have enough encumbrances,’ he said, trying to keep his voice steady. ‘I’m not in the market for more.’
The fear he’d seen-or had he imagined it?-faded. It was replaced by bleakness. And maybe a little anger.
‘I guess I’m not either,’ she managed.
‘You’re setting up an art gallery in Sydney.’
‘So I am.’
‘It’d never-’ He paused. ‘No.’
‘It might,’ Shanni said urgently. ‘Pierce, it might.’
‘I don’t do relationships.’
‘No?’
‘No,’ he said flatly and then again as if it needed accentuating. ‘No.’
‘But you’re father to five…’
‘Yeah, so isn’t that enough?’ He hesitated, but it had to be said. He might be falling in out of his depth, but he was damned if he was dragging her down with him. ‘Get out of here, Shanni,’ he said gently. ‘While the going’s good.’
‘You mean cut and run?’
‘Yes.’
‘As you’d like to do?’
‘Yes.’
‘Would you really like that? To be free again?’
‘Of course.’
There was a moment’s silence. ‘Coffee?’ Dwayne called again from the veranda, sounding unsure. He’d assumed they were out there but he couldn’t hear them.
‘I don’t-’ Shanni said, and then she stopped. ‘Pierce…’
‘No,’ he said, so forcefully that Dwayne heard.
‘It is you,’ he said from the veranda. ‘Everyone’s looking for you. Mum says do you want her to come back at breakfast time and bring eggs?’
‘No,’ Pierce said again.
‘No?’ Dwayne sounded confused.
‘Everyone’s going home,’ Pierce said, but his eyes didn’t leave Shanni’s.
‘Everyone?’ Dwayne asked.
‘Olga can stay,’ he said.
‘That’s magnanimous of you,’ Shanni muttered. ‘Your brothers have come from overseas.’
‘You sent for them.’
‘Ruby did. She said she was worried about you, and before we could blink they were in the country.’ She hesitated. ‘Blake’s been magnificent. And…’ She took a deep breath. ‘Nik is cute.’
‘Don’t you dare go out with him.’
‘Why not?’
‘He’ll break your heart.’
‘Not possible.’
‘Of course. Mike’s already broken it.’
She flinched. Then, ‘You know, I thought for a bit that he might have,’ she said. ‘But I didn’t know the first thing about loving. And I sure as heck didn’t know the first thing about broken hearts. It’s taken an expert to teach me.’
‘Shanni…’
‘If you really don’t want me, then I’ll go,’ she said, and she broke away. ‘I’m coming, Dwayne,’ she called. ‘And your mum doesn’t need to worry about eggs. There’s enough food in the kitchen to feed Pierce’s immediate family and he has no intention of expanding it.’
She left soon after. She helped Ruby into the car, and the two of them headed off, with only Ruby looking back.
‘I hate to leave,’ Ruby whispered as the lights from the farm faded from view. ‘It seems wrong.’
It did seem wrong. Shanni’s face was set. Ruby glanced at her cautiously and then looked away.
‘I’m sorry, dear.’
‘It’s not your fault he’s a pig-headed, independent, bottom-feeding maw worm.’
‘You’ve got it bad,’ Ruby whispered.
‘I have,’ Shanni agreed and didn’t say anything.
‘You love him very much?’ Ruby murmured after a while.
‘More than life itself. Almost more than I love his kids.’
‘Oh, Shanni…’
‘But I’ll get over it,’ Shanni muttered. ‘I have to. And Mum and Dad get home tomorrow. Yay, I’ll get my bedroom back. I’m in extraordinary need of Susie Belle.’
‘Pierce?’
He was back standing against the post where Shanni had sat. Even Clyde had deserted him. Behind him, the house was in silence. The partygoers had gone. Blake and Nik were still here, as was Olga, but he’d said goodnight and left them. He’d assumed they were asleep.
But not Blake. Blake was two years older than Pierce, and he’d taken on the role of eldest sibling.
‘There’s a beer back here on the veranda,’ he called.
‘I don’t need a beer.’
‘Yeah, you do,’ Blake said easily. ‘You’ve hardly had a drink all night. You’ve looked like you were being chased by demons. Everyone else has had a ball, and you’ve looked like you were being chained and tossed into a dungeon.’
‘Hell, I didn’t…?’
‘Oh, you smiled,’ Blake said. ‘No one who didn’t know you well could guess.’
Should he say he hadn’t guessed himself until Ruby had grabbed him on the
way to the car? ‘Talk to your brother. He’s in love with Shanni and he won’t admit it,’ she’d said.
Talking personal stuff didn’t come easy to any of them, but for Ruby’s sake-and for Pierce’s-he guessed he’d try.
So Blake tugged a couple of ring pulls and they drank beer and stared into the night for a while. Pierce had turned off all the outside lights and Blake hadn’t turned them on again. There was only the moonlight. And silence.
‘Ruby says you’re in love with Shanni,’ Blake said at last, and Pierce almost choked on his beer.
‘What the hell?’
‘She says you’ve got it bad. But you’re being stubborn.’
‘What does she know?’
‘Of all the people in the world, maybe it’s Ruby who knows us best,’ Blake says. ‘She’s seen us at our worst. She took us in and loved us, regardless.’
‘She’s great.’
‘Shanni says we have to toss out the stipulations on her apartment. She says it’s cruel.’
‘Shanni’s right.’
‘She’s quite a girl,’ Blake said cautiously. ‘Mind, she’s Ruby’s niece, so she has a head start. Nik is really taken with her.’
‘Tell Nik to leave her alone.’
‘Tell him yourself, little brother. And, if you don’t want her, what’s the problem?’
‘She deserves better…than us.’
‘What’s wrong with Nik? He scrubs up quite well. You’ve seen him in a suit. He earns a fortune. Some women would describe him as a catch.’
‘Yeah, but you know us. We don’t do…the love bit.’
‘I’m seeing you come pretty close,’ Blake said cautiously. ‘Five kids. What the hell were you thinking?’
‘If you’d met Maureen you wouldn’t ask. There was no choice.’
‘No.’ He hesitated. ‘I guess there wasn’t. But after it was a done deal, you could have packed them all back to Sydney. You’d get housekeepers there. You could have organized a crèche and after-school care. You could have stayed almost as independent as you once were. But you stayed here, boyo. Something inside must have seen what these kids needed.’
‘That’s Ruby talking.’
‘Yeah, it is,’ Blake agreed ruefully. ‘She said your independence is shot to hell and you’re in love with Shanni, and why don’t you ask her to marry you and be done with it.’
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