by Wells, Steve
(23.8-21) David’s Mighty Men and their Amazing Killings God’s 84th killing
8 These be the names of the mighty men whom David had: The Tachmonite that sat in the seat, chief among the captains; the same was Adino the Eznite: he lift up his spear against eight hundred, whom he slew at one time.
(23.8) “Chief among the captains … Adino the Eznite: he lift up his spear against eight hundred, whom he slew at one time.”
211 How many men did the chief of David’s captains kill?
9 And after him was Eleazar the son of Dodo the Ahohite, one of the three mighty men with David, when they defied the Philistines that were there gathered together to battle, and the men of Israel were gone away:
10 He arose, and smote the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clave unto the sword: and the LORD wrought a great victory that day; and the people returned after him only to spoil.
(23.9-10) “Eleazar the son of Dodo … smote the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clave unto the sword: and the LORD wrought a great victory that day.”
11 And after him was Shammah the son of Agee the Hararite. And the Philistines were gathered together into a troop, where was a piece of ground full of lentiles: and the people fled from the Philistines.
12 But he stood in the midst of the ground, and defended it, and slew the Philistines: and the LORD wrought a great victory.
(23.11-12) “Shammah the son of Agee … slew the Philistines: and the LORD wrought a great victory.”
13 And three of the thirty chief went down, and came to David in the harvest time unto the cave of Adullam: and the troop of the Philistines pitched in the valley of Rephaim.
14 And David was then in an hold, and the garrison of the Philistines was then in Beth-lehem.
15 And David longed, and said, Oh that one would give me drink of the water of the well of Beth-lehem, which is by the gate!
16 And the three mighty men brake through the host of the Philistines, and drew water out of the well of Beth-lehem, that was by the gate, and took it, and brought it to David: nevertheless he would not drink thereof, but poured it out unto the LORD.
(23.15-16) “David … would not drink thereof, but poured it out unto the LORD.” David was thirsty, so he asked someone to get him some water from the Bethlehem well, which was controlled by the Philistines. Three of his men broke through the enemy lines, got the water from the well, and brought it back to David. But he refused to drink it and poured it on the ground.
17 And he said, Be it far from me, O LORD, that I should do this: is not this the blood of the men that went in jeopardy of their lives? therefore he would not drink it. These things did these three mighty men.
18 And Abishai, the brother of Joab, the son of Zeruiah, was chief among three. And he lifted up his spear against three hundred, and slew them, and had the name among three.
(23.18) “Abishai … lifted up his spear against three hundred, and slew them.”
19 Was he not most honourable of three? therefore he was their captain: howbeit he attained not unto the first three.
20 And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, the son of a valiant man, of Kabzeel, who had done many acts, he slew two lionlike men of Moab: he went down also and slew a lion in the midst of a pit in time of snow:
21 And he slew an Egyptian, a goodly man: and the Egyptian had a spear in his hand; but he went down to him with a staff, and plucked the spear out of the Egyptian’s hand, and slew him with his own spear.
(23.20-21) “Benaiah … slew two lionlike men of Moab: he went down also and slew a lion in the midst of a pit in time of snow. And he slew an Egyptian, a goodly man: and the Egyptian had a spear in his hand.”
22 These things did Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and had the name among three mighty men.
23 He was more honourable than the thirty, but he attained not to the first three. And David set him over his guard.
24 Asahel the brother of Joab was one of the thirty; Elhanan the son of Dodo of Beth-lehem,
25 Shammah the Harodite, Elika the Harodite,
26 Helez the Paltite, Ira the son of Ikkesh the Tekoite,
27 Abiezer the Anethothite, Mebunnai the Hushathite,
28 Zalmon the Ahohite, Maharai the Netophathite,
29 Heleb the son of Baanah, a Netophathite, Ittai the son of Ribai out of Gibeah of the children of Benjamin,
30 Benaiah the Pirathonite, Hiddai of the brooks of Gaash,
31 Abi-albon the Arbathite, Azmaveth the Barhumite,
32 Eliahba the Shaalbonite, of the sons of Jashen, Jonathan,
33 Shammah the Hararite, Ahiam the son of Sharar the Hararite,
34 Eliphelet the son of Ahasbai, the son of the Maachathite, Eliam the son of Ahithophel the Gilonite,
35 Hezrai the Carmelite, Paarai the Arbite,
36 Igal the son of Nathan of Zobah, Bani the Gadite,
37 Zelek the Ammonite, Naharai the Beerothite, armourbearer to Joab the son of Zeruiah,
38 Ira an Ithrite, Gareb an Ithrite,
39 Uriah the Hittite: thirty and seven in all.
(23.39) “Thirty and seven in all.” How come only 31 are listed in verses 24-39?
2 SAMUEL 24
24 And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.
(24.1) “The anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.” God tempts David to take census, though 1 Chr 21.1 says that Satan tempted David, and James 1.13 says that God never tempts anyone. Why did God and/or Satan tempt David to take the census? And what the heck is wrong with a census anyway?
212 Who tempted David?
65 Has God ever tempted anyone?
213 Is it OK to take a census?
2 For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which was with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beer-sheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people.
3 And Joab said unto the king, Now the LORD thy God add unto the people, how many soever they be, an hundredfold, and that the eyes of my lord the king may see it: but why doth my lord the king delight in this thing?
4 Notwithstanding the king’s word prevailed against Joab, and against the captains of the host. And Joab and the captains of the host went out from the presence of the king, to number the people of Israel.
5 And they passed over Jordan, and pitched in Aroer, on the right side of the city that lieth in the midst of the river of Gad, and toward Jazer:
6 Then they came to Gilead, and to the land of Tahtim-hodshi; and they came to Dan-jaan, and about to Zidon,
7 And came to the strong hold of Tyre, and to all the cities of the Hivites, and of the Canaanites: and they went out to the south of Judah, even to Beer-sheba.
8 So when they had gone through all the land, they came to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days.
9 And Joab gave up the sum of the number of the people unto the king: and there were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.
(24.9) “There were in Israel eight hundred thousand valiant men that drew the sword; and the men of Judah were five hundred thousand men.” This is a ridiculously high number for a battle between two tribal armies in 1000 BCE. (The United States had about 1.46 million active duty soldiers in 2010.)
214 How many soldiers did Israel have?
10 And David’s heart smote him after that he had numbered the people. And David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done: and now, I beseech thee, O LORD, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.
(24.10) “David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done.”
210 Did David sin?
11 For when David was up in the morning, the word of the LORD came unto the prophet Gad, David’s seer, saying,
12 Go
and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.
13 So Gad came to David, and told him, and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days’ pestilence in thy land? now advise, and see what answer I shall return to him that sent me.
(24.13) “So Gad came to David … and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days’ pestilence in thy land?”
215 How many years of famine?
14 And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great: and let me not fall into the hand of man.
(24.14) “Let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great.” After God threatens to kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people for a census that he inspired, David says, “let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great.”
120 Is God merciful?
15 So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beer-sheba seventy thousand men.
(24.15) “So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel … and there died of the people … seventy thousand men.”
God’s 85th Killing
16 And when the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed the people, It is enough: stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD was by the threshingplace of Araunah the Jebusite.
(24.16) “When the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, The LORD repented him of the evil.” Finally, when the angel is about to destroy Jerusalem, “the Lord repented.”
32 Does God repent?
17 And David spake unto the LORD when he saw the angel that smote the people, and said, Lo, I have sinned, and I have done wickedly: but these sheep, what have they done? let thine hand, I pray thee, be against me, and against my father’s house.
(24.17) “David spake unto the LORD when he saw the angel that smote the people, and said, Lo, I have sinned, and I have done wickedly: but these sheep, what have they done?” Even David can see the injustice of God’s punishment (killing hundreds of thousands of people because David took a census). He pleads with God saying, “I have sinned … but these sheep, what have they done?” But God ignores the question.
18 And Gad came that day to David, and said unto him, Go up, rear an altar unto the LORD in the threshingfloor of Araunah the Jebusite.
19 And David, according to the saying of Gad, went up as the LORD commanded.
20 And Araunah looked, and saw the king and his servants coming on toward him: and Araunah went out, and bowed himself before the king on his face upon the ground.
21 And Araunah said, Wherefore is my lord the king come to his servant? And David said, To buy the threshingfloor of thee, to build an altar unto the LORD, that the plague may be stayed from the people.
22 And Araunah said unto David, Let my lord the king take and offer up what seemeth good unto him: behold, here be oxen for burnt sacrifice, and threshing instruments and other instruments of the oxen for wood.
23 All these things did Araunah, as a king, give unto the king. And Araunah said unto the king, The LORD thy God accept thee.
24 And the king said unto Araunah, Nay; but I will surely buy it of thee at a price: neither will I offer burnt offerings unto the LORD my God of that which doth cost me nothing. So David bought the threshingfloor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.
(24.24) “David bought the threshingfloor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.”
216 For how much did David buy the threshing floor?
25 And David built there an altar unto the LORD, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the LORD was intreated for the land, and the plague was stayed from Israel.
1 KINGS
He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall … according to the word of the LORD. — 1 Kings 16.11-12
God, I love the way First Kings starts!
Old king David could get no heat (and David was used to getting a lot of heat), so they searched through the kingdom for a young virgin that could do the trick for him. They found one, too, (Abishag) and “the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.” Shucks! 1.1-4
It gets boring toward the middle with the construction of the temple, but it picks up toward the end. See chapter 20 for five of God’s killings, more than any other chapter in the Bible.
Here are the highlights:
Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him. 1.1-4
In David’s last words, he commands his son Solomon to murder Joab and Shimei. 2.1-9
Solomon kills his brother. 2.13-25
He carries out the deathbed wish of his father David by having Joab and Shimei murdered. 2.29-34, 44-46
He killed and sacrificed 1000 animals to God at Gibeon. 3.4
He killed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep when dedicating the temple to his bloodthirsty God. 8.63
He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. 11.3
God withers, and then restores, the hand of King Jeroboam. 13.4-6
So there were these two prophets. The first prophet lied to the second. To punish the second for believing the first’s lie, God sent a lion to kill him. 13.11-24
To punish Jeroboam, God killed his son. 14.17
Baasha kills Jeroboam’s entire family, leaving none “to breath.” This slaughter was done “according to the saying of the Lord.” 15.29
Zimri kills all of Baasha’s family and friends “that pisseth against a wall… according to the word of the Lord.” 16.11-12
Elijah kills 450 prophets of Baal after beating them in a prayer contest. 18.22-40
God kills 100,000 Syrians because they said he was God of the hills. 20.28-29
He killed 27,000 men with a falling wall. 20.30
A son of a prophet said to his neighbor, “Smite me.” But the neighbor refused. So God sent a lion to devour him. 20.35-36
If you grovel before God, then he won’t punish you; He’ll punish your children instead. 21.29
God puts a lying spirit into the mouth of prophets. 22.22-23
He killed Ahab for showing mercy to king Benhadad. 22.35
1 KINGS 1
(1.1-4) Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him.
1 Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.
(1.1) “King David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.”
2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.
(1.2) “Let there be sought for my Lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.”
3 So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.
(1.3) “So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag … and brought her to the king.”
4 And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.
(1.4) “And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.”
5 Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king: and he prepared him chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him.
6 And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so? and he also was a very goodly man; and his mother bare him after Absalom.
7 And he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest: and they following Adonijah helped him.
8 But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and the mighty men which belonged to David, were not with Adonijah.
9 And Adonijah slew sheep and oxen and fat cattle by the stone of Zoheleth, which is by En-rogel, and called all his brethren the king’s sons, and all the men of Judah the king’s servants:
10 But Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah, and the mighty men, and Solomon his brother, he called not.
11 Wherefore Nathan spake unto Bath-sheba the mother of Solomon, saying, Hast thou not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith doth reign, and David our lord knoweth it not?
12 Now therefore come, let me, I pray thee, give thee counsel, that thou mayest save thine own life, and the life of thy son Solomon.
13 Go and get thee in unto king David, and say unto him, Didst not thou, my lord, O king, swear unto thine handmaid, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne? why then doth Adonijah reign?
14 Behold, while thou yet talkest there with the king, I also will come in after thee, and confirm thy words.
15 And Bath-sheba went in unto the king into the chamber: and the king was very old; and Abishag the Shunammite ministered unto the king.
16 And Bath-sheba bowed, and did obeisance unto the king. And the king said, What wouldest thou?
17 And she said unto him, My lord, thou swarest by the LORD thy God unto thine handmaid, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne.
18 And now, behold, Adonijah reigneth; and now, my lord the king, thou knowest it not:
19 And he hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and hath called all the sons of the king, and Abiathar the priest, and Joab the captain of the host: but Solomon thy servant hath he not called.