by Wells, Steve
26 To cause it to rain on the earth, where no man is; on the wilderness, wherein there is no man;
27 To satisfy the desolate and waste ground; and to cause the bud of the tender herb to spring forth?
28 Hath the rain a father? or who hath begotten the drops of dew?
29 Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?
(38.29) “Out of whose womb came the ice?” Gosh, I don’t know. Was it Glinda, the Good Witch of the North?
30 The waters are hid as with a stone, and the face of the deep is frozen.
31 Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion?
(38.31) “Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades?” Does God live in the Pleiades? Jehovah’s Witnesses used to believe that God lives on the planet Alcyone in the Pleiades cluster. The only biblical justification for this was this verse and 2 Chronicles 6.21. This belief was clearly stated in “Reconciliation” (1928): “But the greatness in size of other stars or planets is small when compared with the Pleiades in importance, because the Pleiades is the place of the eternal throne of God.” This is just one of many JW beliefs that has died a quiet death and is no longer mentioned in the Watchtower.
32 Canst thou bring forth Mazzaroth in his season? or canst thou guide Arcturus with his sons?
33 Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth?
34 Canst thou lift up thy voice to the clouds, that abundance of waters may cover thee?
35 Canst thou send lightnings, that they may go, and say unto thee, Here we are?
36 Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?
37 Who can number the clouds in wisdom? or who can stay the bottles of heaven,
(38.37) “Who can stay the bottles of heaven?” I didn’t even know there were bottles in heaven.
38 When the dust groweth into hardness, and the clods cleave fast together?
(38.39-41) “Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? … Who provideth for the raven his food?” God seems pleased to have created prey for lions and ravens to eat.
39 Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appetite of the young lions,
(39.9) “Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee?”
40 When they couch in their dens, and abide in the covert to lie in wait?
41 Who provideth for the raven his food? when his young ones cry unto God, they wander for lack of meat.
JOB 39
39 Knowest thou the time when the wild goats of the rock bring forth? or canst thou mark when the hinds do calve?
2 Canst thou number the months that they fulfil? or knowest thou the time when they bring forth?
3 They bow themselves, they bring forth their young ones, they cast out their sorrows.
4 Their young ones are in good liking, they grow up with corn; they go forth, and return not unto them.
5 Who hath sent out the wild ass free? or who hath loosed the bands of the wild ass?
6 Whose house I have made the wilderness, and the barren land his dwellings.
7 He scorneth the multitude of the city, neither regardeth he the crying of the driver.
8 The range of the mountains is his pasture, and he searcheth after every green thing.
9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?
11 Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?
12 Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?
13 Gavest thou the goodly wings unto the peacocks? or wings and feathers unto the ostrich?
14 Which leaveth her eggs in the earth, and warmeth them in dust,
15 And forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them.
16 She is hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers: her labour is in vain without fear;
17 Because God hath deprived her of wisdom, neither hath he imparted to her understanding.
(39.13-17) “The ostrich … is hardened against her young ones … because God hath deprived her of wisdom, neither hath he imparted to her understanding.” Ostriches are not cruel and stupid birds who abandon their eggs to die after laying them, as these verses imply. They are, in fact, careful and attentive parents. The male scoops out a hollow for the eggs, which are incubated by the females during the day and by the darker colored male at night, an arrangement that helps to conceal them from foes. After the eggs are hatched, they are cared for by the mother for over a month, at which time the chicks can keep up with running adults.
As noted above, the Bible is wrong about ostriches being cruel and inattentive parents. But if they were, whose fault would it be? Why would God deprive them of the tools that are needed to do the job right?
18 What time she lifteth up herself on high, she scorneth the horse and his rider.
19 Hast thou given the horse strength? hast thou clothed his neck with thunder?
20 Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? the glory of his nostrils is terrible.
21 He paweth in the valley, and rejoiceth in his strength: he goeth on to meet the armed men.
22 He mocketh at fear, and is not affrighted; neither turneth he back from the sword.
23 The quiver rattleth against him, the glittering spear and the shield.
24 He swalloweth the ground with fierceness and rage: neither believeth he that it is the sound of the trumpet.
25 He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off, the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.
26 Doth the hawk fly by thy wisdom, and stretch her wings toward the south?
27 Doth the eagle mount up at thy command, and make her nest on high?
28 She dwelleth and abideth on the rock, upon the crag of the rock, and the strong place.
29 From thence she seeketh the prey, and her eyes behold afar off.
30 Her young ones also suck up blood: and where the slain are, there is she.
(39.27-30) “The eagle … seeketh the prey … Her young ones suck up blood.” God is pleased with the way that predators kill and devour their prey.
JOB 40
40 Moreover the LORD answered Job, and said,
2 Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it.
3 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
4 Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.
5 Once have I spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further.
6 Then answered the LORD unto Job out of the whirlwind, and said,
7 Gird up thy loins now like a man: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.
8 Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?
9 Hast thou an arm like God? or canst thou thunder with a voice like him?
10 Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency; and array thyself with glory and beauty.
11 Cast abroad the rage of thy wrath: and behold every one that is proud, and abase him.
12 Look on every one that is proud, and bring him low; and tread down the wicked in their place.
13 Hide them in the dust together; and bind their faces in secret.
14 Then will I also confess unto thee that thine own right hand can save thee.
15 Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox.
16 Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly.
(40.15-16) “Behold now the behemoth … his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly.” Bible believers have identified the behemoth as a hippopotamus, dinosaur, wildebeest, or crocodile. But my favorite is the way thes
e verses are translated by Stephen Mitchell: “Look now: the Beast that I made: he eats grass like a bull. Look: the power in his thighs, the pulsing sinews of his belly. His penis stiffens like a pine; his testicles bulge with vigor.”
17 He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together.
18 His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.
19 He is the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him.
20 Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play.
21 He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens.
22 The shady trees cover him with their shadow; the willows of the brook compass him about.
23 Behold, he drinketh up a river, and hasteth not: he trusteth that he can draw up Jordan into his mouth.
24 He taketh it with his eyes: his nose pierceth through snares.
JOB 41
41 Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?
(41.1) “Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord?”
2 Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn?
3 Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee?
4 Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever?
5 Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?
6 Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants?
7 Canst thou fill his skin with barbed irons? or his head with fish spears?
8 Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.
9 Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?
10 None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?
11 Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.
12 I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.
13 Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle?
14 Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about.
15 His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.
16 One is so near to another, that no air can come between them.
17 They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.
18 By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.
19 Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.
20 Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.
21 His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.
22 In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.
23 The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved.
24 His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.
25 When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves.
26 The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.
27 He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.
28 The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.
29 Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.
30 Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.
31 He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.
32 He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary.
33 Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.
34 He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.
JOB 42
42 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
2 I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.
(42.2) “I know that thou canst do every thing and that no thought can be withholden from thee.”
59 Can God do anything?
18 Does God know everything?
3 Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not.
4 Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.
5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.
(42.5) “I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.”
49 Can God be seen?
6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.
7 And it was so, that after the LORD had spoken these words unto Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.
8 Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you: for him will I accept: lest I deal with you after your folly, in that ye have not spoken of me the thing which is right, like my servant Job.
9 So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went, and did according as the LORD commanded them: the LORD also accepted Job.
10 And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.
11 Then came there unto him all his brethren, and all his sisters, and all they that had been of his acquaintance before, and did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him, and comforted him over all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him: every man also gave him a piece of money, and every one an earring of gold.
(42.11) “All the evil that the LORD had brought upon him”
288 Did God or Satan bring evil to Job?
12 So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses.
(42.12) “So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses.”
13 He had also seven sons and three daughters.
14 And he called the name of the first, Jemima; and the name of the second, Kezia; and the name of the third, Keren-happuch.
15 And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren.
(42.13-15) After God and Satan finished tormenting Job, God gave Job even more stuff than he had before, including children. God gave Job another set of 10 kids, with even prettier daughters! (This is where Job’s Daughters International comes from.)
16 After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, even four generations.
(42.16) “After this lived Job an hundred and forty years.”
17 So Job died, being old and full of days.
PSALMS
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. — Psalm 137.9
The thing that stands out about the psalms is how violent, vengeful, and vindictive they are. “Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth … let them be cut pieces.” Such prayers fill the psalms along with statements like this: “The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.”
Here are some highlights:
God will hit the heathens with a rod of iron and “dash them in pieces.” ?2.9
“My God …
thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly.” 3.7
God hates sinners. 5.5
Dead people neither remember God nor give him thanks. 6.5
“God will whet his sword; he hath bent his bow … He hath … prepared … the insturments of death.” 7.11-13
“Thou hast destroyed cities.” 9.6
God hides from those who need him the most. 10.1
“His eyelids try the children of men.” 11.4
God will rain fire and brimstone upon “wicked” people. 11.6
Atheists are fools who never do anything good. 14.1, 53.1
“At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” 16.11
Smoke comes out of God’s nose and fire comes out of his mouth. 18.8
God rides upon cherubs and can fly. 18.10
The God of Peace teaches us to kill our neighbors in war. 18.34, 144.1
God helps believers kill and enslave their enemies. 18.40-43
If you make God angry, he’ll burn you and your children to death and shoot you in the back with his arrows. 21.9-12
If you forget God, he will tear you in pieces. 50.22
If you don’t trust God, he’ll kill you, and while you’re dying the “righteous” will laugh at you. 52.5-6
Bad people are bad from birth—God made them that way. 58.3
“Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth … let them be cut pieces.” 58.6-8
“The righteous” will rejoice when they see “the wicked” being dismembered by God. They’ll “wash their feet in the blood of the wicked.” 58.10
The heathen “make a noise like a dog … Behold, they belch out with their mouths.” 59.5-7
God will “wound the head of his enemies” and the righteous will dip their feet in their blood. 68.21, 23
“Let their eyes be darkened … and make their loins continually to shake.” 69.23
The earth is stationary and does not move. 93.1, 104.5
God will “fill the places with dead bodies.” 110.6
He is praised for slaughtering little babies. 135.8, 136.10
Happiness is smashing your little children against rocks. 137.9
God is in hell. 139.8
“Do not I hate them, O Lord? … I hate them with a perfect hatred.” 139.19-22