The Skeptics Annotated Bible

by Wells, Steve

  (21.5) “Then Jesus saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered him, No.”

  6 And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.

  (21.6) “He said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.”

  7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

  (21.7) “That disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.”

  8 And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.

  (21.8) “The other disciples came in a little ship … dragging the net with fishes.”

  9 As soon then as they were come to land, they saw a fire of coals there, and fish laid thereon, and bread.

  (21.9) “As soon then as they were come to land, they saw a fire of coals there, and fish laid thereon, and bread.”

  10 Jesus saith unto them, Bring of the fish which ye have now caught.

  (21.10) “Jesus saith unto them, Bring of the fish which ye have now caught.”

  11 Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there were so many, yet was not the net broken.

  (21.11) “Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three.”

  12 Jesus saith unto them, Come and dine. And none of the disciples durst ask him, Who art thou? knowing that it was the Lord.

  (21.12) “Jesus saith unto them, Come and dine. And none of the disciples durst ask him, Who art thou? knowing that it was the Lord.”

  13 Jesus then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.

  (21.13) “Jesus … taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.”

  14 This is now the third time that Jesus shewed himself to his disciples, after that he was risen from the dead.

  (21.15-17) Jesus keeps asking Peter the same question: Do you love me more than all the others? Peter keeps telling him that he does.

  15 So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

  (21.15) “Jesus saith to Simon Peter … lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee.”

  16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

  (21.16) “He saith to him again the second time, Simon … lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee.”

  17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

  (21.17) “He saith unto him the third time, Simon … lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee.”

  346 Did Jesus know everything?

  18 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdedst thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not.

  19 This spake he, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And when he had spoken this, he saith unto him, Follow me.

  20 Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee?

  (21.20) “The disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper”

  21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?

  (21.22-23) Jesus implies that he will return to earth during the lifetime of John.

  22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.

  (21.22) “If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee?”

  23 Then went this saying abroad among the brethren, that that disciple should not die: yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee?

  (21.23) “Then went this saying abroad among the brethren, that that disciple should not die: yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee?” Either way, Jesus was wrong. John died nearly 2000 years ago and Jesus didn’t return.

  24 This is the disciple which testifieth of these things, and wrote these things: and we know that his testimony is true.

  25 And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.

  (21.25) “There are also many other things which Jesus did … [that] the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.” John says that a single book couldn’t contain all the things that Jesus did. Yet the author of Acts claims that he included everything that Jesus did in his “former treatise” (the gospel of Luke).

  447 Did Luke include everything that Jesus did?

  ACTS

  Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost. — Acts 5.9-10

  There are lots of firsts in the Book of Acts: the first transporter operations (1.10-11, 8.39-40), the first speaking in tongues (2.4, 10.45-46, 19.6), the first communists (2.44-45), the first prayer-caused earthquake (4.31), the first Christian couple scared to death by God (5.5, 10), the first holy prison breaks (5.19, 12.7, 16.26), the first shadow healing (5.15-16), the first handkerchief healing (19.12), the first person blinded by Jesus (9.8-9), the first person blinded by a Christian (13.8-11), the first talking ghost (13.2), the first vow-induced shaved head (18.18), the first (and only) school mentioned in the Bible (19.9), The first naked Jewish exorcists (19.13-16), the first Christian book burning (19.19), the first boring sermon casualty (20.9), the first Holy Ghost-delivered girdle message (21.10-11), The first dust-throwing, naked, murderous Jewish mob (22.22-23), the first hunger strike (23.12), and the first (and only) poisonous snake on the island of Malta (28.3-6).

  Highlights:

  While Jesus went up to heaven, two angels (men in white) tell the disciples that Jesus will return in the same way he just left them (by beaming up/down via transporter). 1.10-11

  Whoopie! It’s Pentecost: A mighty wind comes, cloven tongues of fire sit on top of heads, everyone acts drunk and talks in languages they don’t understand. 2.2-13

  Peter says that their strange behavior (speaking in tongues, etc.) was to be expected since they were living in "the last days." 2.17

  Imagine no possessions: The early Christians were the first communists. 2.44-45, 4.32-35

  Peter and God scare Ananias and his wife Sapphira to death. 5.1-10

  The sick were healed just by touching the shadow of Peter. 5.15-16

  Holy prison breaks. 5.19, 12.7, 16.26

  The Spirit caught Philip and transported him to a city miles away. 8.39-40

  The road to Damascus (three different versions) 9.3-6, 22.6-10, 26.13-1
5

  Jesus blinds Paul. 9.8-9

  Peter has a dream in which God shows him "wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls." A voice says, "Rise, Peter: kill and eat." 10.10-13, 11.5-10

  More speaking in tongues. 10.45-46, 19.1-6,

  If a husband believes, his whole family is automatically saved. 11.13-14, 16.31

  The "angel of the Lord" killed Herod by having him "eaten of worms" 12.23

  Paul and the Holy Ghost make Elymas (the sorcerer) blind. 13.8-11

  The blasphemous, envious, murderous Jews. 5.30; 7.51-52; 9.17-18; 10.39; 12.1-3; 13.45-46, 50; 14.2-5; 17.5, 13; 18.5-6, 12; 20.19; 21.17-40; 23.12, 27; 26.21

  The Holy Ghost forbids Paul to preach in Asia. 16.6-7

  Sick people were cured by touching the handkerchief or apron of Paul. 19.12

  The first Christian book burning. 19.19

  Eutychus was the first casualty of many long boring sermons. 20.9

  After listening to Paul’s speech, everyone took off their clothes, threw dust in the air, and told the soldiers to kill him. 22.22-23

  The first hunger strike: "The Jews banded together, and bound themselves under a curse, saying that they would neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul." 23.12

  Paul’s Malta snakebite story. (There are no poisonous snakes on Malta.) 28.3-6

  ACTS 1

  1 The former treatise have I made, O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began both to do and teach,

  2 Until the day in which he was taken up, after that he through the Holy Ghost had given commandments unto the apostles whom he had chosen:

  (1.1-2) “The former treatise have I made [the gospel of Luke], O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began both to do and teach, Until the day in which he was taken up.”

  447 Did Luke include everything that Jesus did?

  (1.3, 9) Jesus ascended into heaven 40 days after his resurrection.

  428 When did Jesus ascend into heaven?

  3 To whom also he shewed himself alive after his passion by many infallible proofs, being seen of them forty days, and speaking of the things pertaining to the kingdom of God:

  (1.3) “He shewed himself alive … forty days.”

  4 And, being assembled together with them, commanded them that they should not depart from Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father, which, saith he, ye have heard of me.

  (1.4) “[Jesus] commanded them that they should not depart from Jerusalem.”

  412 Where did Jesus tell his disciples to go after his resurrection?

  5 For John truly baptized with water; but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Ghost not many days hence.

  6 When they therefore were come together, they asked of him, saying, Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the kingdom to Israel?

  7 And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.

  8 But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.

  (1.8) “Ye shall be witnesses … in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.”

  352 Should the gospel be preached to everyone?

  9 And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.

  (1.9) “When he had spoken these things … he was taken up.”

  (1.10-11) While Jesus went up to heaven, two angels (men in white) stop by to tell the disciples that Jesus will return in the same way he just left them (by beaming up/down via transporter).

  10 And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;

  (1.10) “While they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel.”

  11 Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.

  (1.11a) “Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven?” This verse was used by a Dominican friar to discourage the use of Galileo’s telescope. (Notice the pun on Galileo’s name in “men of Galilee”.)

  (1.11b) “Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.”

  12 Then returned they unto Jerusalem from the mount called Olivet, which is from Jerusalem a sabbath day’s journey.

  13 And when they were come in, they went up into an upper room, where abode both Peter, and James, and John, and Andrew, Philip, and Thomas, Bartholomew, and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon Zelotes, and Judas the brother of James.

  (1.13) “Judas the brother of James”

  351 Who were the apostles?

  14 These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

  15 And in those days Peter stood up in the midst of the disciples, and said, (the number of names together were about an hundred and twenty,)

  (1.15) “The number of names together were about an hundred and twenty.”

  448 How many believers were there at the time of the ascension?

  16 Men and brethren, this scripture must needs have been fulfilled, which the Holy Ghost by the mouth of David spake before concerning Judas, which was guide to them that took Jesus.

  (1.16) “The Holy Ghost by the mouth of David spake.”

  431 When was the Holy Ghost given?

  17 For he was numbered with us, and had obtained part of this ministry.

  18 Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.

  (1.18) “This man purchased a field … and falling headlong, he burst asunder … and all his bowels gushed out.”

  388 Who bought the potter’s field?

  387 How did Judas die?

  389 What did Judas do with the silver?

  19 And it was known unto all the dwellers at Jerusalem; insomuch as that field is called in their proper tongue, Aceldama, that is to say, The field of blood.

  20 For it is written in the book of Psalms, Let his habitation be desolate, and let no man dwell therein: and his bishoprick let another take.

  21 Wherefore of these men which have companied with us all the time that the Lord Jesus went in and out among us,

  22 Beginning from the baptism of John, unto that same day that he was taken up from us, must one be ordained to be a witness with us of his resurrection.

  23 And they appointed two, Joseph called Barsabas, who was surnamed Justus, and Matthias.

  24 And they prayed, and said, Thou, Lord, which knowest the hearts of all men, shew whether of these two thou hast chosen,

  (1.24) “Thou, Lord, which knowest the hearts of all men”

  18 Does God know everything?

  149 Does God know what is in everyone’s heart?

  25 That he may take part of this ministry and apostleship, from which Judas by transgression fell, that he might go to his own place.

  26 And they gave forth their lots; and the lot fell upon Matthias; and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.

  (1.26) “The lot fell upon Matthias.” Judas’ replacement is selected by lottery.

  141 Is gambling condemned by the bible?

  ACTS 2

  2 And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.

  (2.2-13) Whoopie! It’s Pentecost: A mighty wind comes, cloven tongues of fire sit on top of heads, everyone starts speaking in languages they don’t understand and act like they’re drunk.

  2 And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.

  (2.2) “Suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house.
”

  3 And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.

  (2.3) “There appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.”

  4 And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

  (2.4) “They were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.”

  431 When was the Holy Ghost given?

  5 And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.

  (2.5) “There were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.” (Polynesians, Native Americans, Australian Aborigines, Japanese, you name it.)

  6 Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language.

  (2.6) “Every man heard them speak in his own language.”

  7 And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans?

  8 And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?

  9 Parthians, and Medes, and Elamites, and the dwellers in Mesopotamia, and in Judaea, and Cappadocia, in Pontus, and Asia,

  10 Phrygia, and Pamphylia, in Egypt, and in the parts of Libya about Cyrene, and strangers of Rome, Jews and proselytes,

  11 Cretes and Arabians, we do hear them speak in our tongues the wonderful works of God.

  12 And they were all amazed, and were in doubt, saying one to another, What meaneth this?

  13 Others mocking said, These men are full of new wine.

  (2.13) “These men are full of new wine.” Those who heard the apostles speaking in tongues thought they were drunk.

  14 But Peter, standing up with the eleven, lifted up his voice, and said unto them, Ye men of Judaea, and all ye that dwell at Jerusalem, be this known unto you, and hearken to my words:

  15 For these are not drunken, as ye suppose, seeing it is but the third hour of the day.

  16 But this is that which was spoken by the prophet Joel;