Nate’s chest moved up and down, slowly, steadily. Then he took a deep breath. “You’ve never met any of my family, other than Eve.”
“No.”
“Did you ever wonder how Eve got the scars on her face?”
“They’re pretty obvious.”
“Yeah.” Nate blew out a breath, and his hand played with the ends of Kaitlyn’s hair. “Well, growing up, I had eight brothers and Eve. Of all the kids, everyone always said I was the one most like my dad. I thought like him, walked like him, heck, he even worked with electronics, and that’s what I do, too. He tinkered with stuff, just as I do. I’m not a mechanic, but Tank knew that I could fix his trucks, because I just have that knack of looking at something and knowing how it works. You know, the kid who takes his mother’s toaster apart and uses spare parts from the sweeper to build an automatic clothes-folding machine?”
“No,” Kaitlyn said slowly, “I’ve never met a kid like that.”
“Well, that was me.”
“It really worked?”
“Of course.” Nate sounded almost offended. “But that’s beside the point. It was something my dad would have done. Our car was always a hundred years old and running on whatever spare parts he found in the junkyard. When he wasn’t around, I kept it running.” He shrugged against her shoulder. “He and I, we’re exactly alike.”
“What in the world does this have to do with what you wear or Eve’s scars?”
“My dad threw her out of a second story window one night when she was about twelve.”
Kaitlyn gasped.
“Broke her leg and messed up her face,” he continued in a flat voice.
“Why would he do that to his own daughter?” Kaitlyn thought about how her dad put the trucks ahead of his kids, but he’d never physically abused them. Not even close.
“Temper,” Nate said, as if that said everything. “He beat us all, especially when he drank. So I’ve never touched alcohol. And I’ve been very hesitant to get close to a woman. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t turn out just like him.” He turned his head and buried his face in her hair. “Man, Kaitlyn. I’d die before I’d let myself do something like that to you, or Bobby, or Gary, or any of my kids. But I’m not a good bet. You’re so much better off without me.”
“Nate.” Kaitlyn brushed his whiskered cheek. “Listen to yourself.”
“What?”
“You just said you’d never do what he did. That’s true. Not only did he do it when he was drinking and you don’t drink, but you’ve never even partially lost your temper. You’ve never even raised your voice. Good grief, when Dusty was here practically daring you to fight, you defended yourself, but when he left he was your friend. You guys shook hands and were laughing when he got into his car. It could have been a horrible brawl, but you didn’t let it come to that.”
“Yeah? So?”
“Because you might be just like your dad, but you don’t have his temper.”
~*~
Was that possible?
Nate played with Kaitlyn’s soft hand clasped in his. Could he be exactly like his dad, the spitting image, as everyone always said, except not have his temper?
“Nate? Have you ever lost your temper?” Kaitlyn looked at him.
Conscious of his battered face, he looked at the ceiling.
But she leaned over in the chair, giving him nowhere to hide. “Have you ever hit anyone in anger?”
He shook his head, still not meeting her eyes. “It’s not enough that I haven’t. There’s always that possibility.”
“When’s the last time you lost your temper?”
She waited. Obviously, she wouldn’t let it go until he gave her an answer.
But he didn’t have one. “I don’t know.”
“What about in a fight? Haven’t you gotten angry in a fight?”
“That’s not really a valid question. And that’s part of the problem, Katie. I love fighting. Love everything about it, the strategy, the split-second thinking, the reflexive decisions, even the blood, and the pain.” He grunted. “I don’t fight mad; I fight happy. Ecstatic, even. That’s just not normal.”
“Well, no. I’d say that’s definitely not normal.” Kaitlyn wrinkled her nose. “But I don’t see how that makes you any more prone to being a wife-beater than anyone else. In fact, I’d say the fact that you’ve never lost your temper, lost control, fought angry…well, that makes you more likely to be able to keep control in an argument with your wife.” She squeezed his hand. “Plus, Nate, you and I have never argued.”
He snorted.
“That has to be because of you, because I argue with everyone I know.”
“What? Not you, Katie. So sweet and easy-going, meek, and malleable.” He rolled his eyes as he said it.
“If those are the qualities you want, you’re not getting them here.”
“I know. You’re the opposite of everything I always thought I should have. But you’re everything I want. I’m drawn to you like…” He pictured a shooting star flashing across the sky. The way a meteor was drawn to earth, but it wasn’t a good description because the meteor burned itself out.
“Like…?” Kaitlyn prompted.
“Can’t think of anything to describe my attraction accurately.” Nate’s hand tightened around her fingers. “You know, if you stay here tonight, even though you’re in the chair, you probably ought to allow me to make an honest woman of you.”
“Ha. That’s sexist.”
“OK. Make an honest man of me, Kaitlyn.”
“See, that’s what I mean. You’re agreeable. Whatever I say, whatever I do, you roll with it.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“The subject scares me.”
Nate’s body twitched with surprise. “Marriage scares you?”
“Sure. Doesn’t it scare everyone?”
Nate considered. Had he ever been scared of marriage? All he could remember was looking forward to it. Maybe the unknown of his character scared him, but not marriage itself. “No.”
“Really, Nate. You’re not making any sense. In your last breath you said I shouldn’t marry you because you’d beat me. Now you’re trying to talk me into it.”
She was right. He’d been fighting within himself since the day he first saw her. “So I’m bipolar along with all my other faults.”
She laughed.
“Thing is, half of me wants to say the heck with it. That you can handle anything I throw at you…”
“Um, maybe that was bad phrasing?” Kaitlyn asked.
Nate laughed. Bobby stirred, and Nate immediately quieted. “Yeah. No punches being thrown. Man, I can’t even imagine hitting a woman.” He paused, but then continued right away, “But when my dad was sober, I’m sure he couldn’t either. I mean, he was strict, and that was good parenting, I think, but he had this weakness.”
“Alcohol.”
“Yeah, which rendered him incapable of controlling his temper.”
“But you’ve never drank any alcohol?” Kaitlyn asked, already knowing the answer.
“No. But…” He stopped. “Not trying to make you feel bad…”
“You’re scaring me.”
“Ha. Well, someone could spike a drink, slip it to me somehow…” He thought of Kaitlyn and the drug that had been in her drink. She’d understand. No matter how impossible it seemed, the impossible was always possible in the right circumstances.
“But that’s a one in a million chance.”
“That chance is enough.” He ran his fingers over the back of her hand. He’d never be able to live with himself if he hurt her, and he knew he’d feel the same about hurting one of their kids.
“Nate?” She yawned and snuggled down in th chair.
“Yeah?”
“You’ve kind of run me in circles today, but…I’ll be your girlfriend.”
His stomach kicked up its heels, and his heart stuttered. “I’m gonna marry you, Katie.”
“Never satisfied,” she whispere
d. Her eyes were closed.
“Feels good to hold your hand, but, honestly? I want more.”
“Give me a few to get used to the idea.”
“A few what?” Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?
But a soft snore was his only answer. He bit back the disappointment and after a few minutes, gently disentangled himself from Bobby. Bobby rolled and snuggled against his pillow. Even with his promise to marry her, he wanted no appearance of wrong-doing. He slipped out the back door and went home.
23
The ringing phone woke Kaitlyn from a deep sleep, still snuggled in the chair. Bright sunshine streamed through the east-facing window, and her bed was empty, although Nate’s spicy scent remained. She breathed deeply and smiled. Funny how some scents made a person feel safe and happy.
Stretching, she listened as Bobby spoke, his voice muffled by the distance. A few short sentences. Bobby’s squeaky, excited ramblings erupted and floated up the stairs. Gary squealed. A happy squeal. A few weeks ago, she wouldn’t have known her brothers well enough to tell what kind of mood they were in and wouldn’t have cared about them anyway. She’d have been annoyed that they’d interrupted her sleep.
Now…
Bobby’s voice became upset, panicked, even.
Kaitlyn’s brows furrowed and she flung the blankets back that someone—Nate—had placed over her. She’d gotten her money’s worth out of the blue dress she still wore. She pulled on a soft pair of jeans and an old t-shirt.
A soft knock tapped at the door.
“Come in.”
Nate peeked around the door. His brows lifted when he saw that she was up, but his strong jaw jutted out and a muscle in his cheek bunched and twisted.
“You look like you lost that fight.”
His face was a mass of swirling, angry colors. His eyes scrunched up and a shoulder lifted in acknowledgement, but his lips didn’t turn up at all. Something was wrong.
Kaitlyn’s stomach bucked and twisted. “What?”
He walked in, and she barely registered the T-shirt that emphasized his biceps. He put an arm around her as if he had to be touching her before he could tell her the bad news.
The strength of his arm settled her stomach. She looked up. “Something’s happened. What is it?”
“Karen died.”
Kaitlyn gasped. “Bobby?”
“He doesn’t know. He saw my face and got worried. I found some kind of sugary cereal in the cupboard and gave him a bowl, and it distracted him. I wanted to tell you first.” He paused and ran his hand down her back. “But that’s not all. She passed away early this morning. Your dad was back beside her—he must have left his own hospital room. After she was gone, he collapsed. He’s in the ICU.”
“Oh, no.” Her heart stuttered, and she leaned her forehead on Nate’s chest. “Did they say if anything was wrong?”
“She didn’t want to tell me that much. I…” his feet shifted, and he sounded sheepish. “I told her I was your fiancé. She only wanted to talk to family.”
“Stretching that boyfriend thing as far as you can?”
“Give me an inch…” he let the old quote trail off and his arms tightened around her.
Kaitlyn leaned into his solid warmth. She’d always prided herself on how strong and capable she was—as good as any man. But she felt weak, tired, and she had no idea how to handle any of this.
They needed to tell Bobby. She, at least, should probably go back to Pittsburgh. Should Bobby see the body? Or visit their dad? What about Karen’s family? And the funeral? Life seemed to be smothering her from all sides. She was drowning in uncertainty and the urgency of decisions. Even Nate wanted answers from her that she didn’t know how to give.
She felt weak for leaning on him. She had to do this on her own. She couldn’t be one of those women who followed behind their man, letting him protect her and be the strong one. This was her life and her trial to get through. Straightening, she pulled away briskly, noting the confusion that crossed Nate’s battered face before she turned from him. “OK. Great. Thanks for your help. I’ve got this now.” Picking up her socks she started for the bathroom.
“Kaitlyn?”
She didn’t turn around but kept marching down the hall.
“Kaitlyn, wait!”
Nate’s steps sounded behind her, but she couldn’t stop.
Karen was dead, her dad was in ICU, she had a trucking company to run, and two little boys downstairs who no longer had a mother. Her eyes pricked. Her chest heaved. She reached the bathroom door and slammed it shut before lurching to the garbage can, falling onto her knees and spewing what was left of last night’s coffee onto the empty toilet paper rolls and dirty tissues. Her body shook and her stomach heaved again. Shaking so violently she wasn’t sure she could continue to stay upright, Kaitlyn gripped the edges of the wastebasket, willing her stomach to settle.
The door opened.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Get out, Nate.” Desperately she fought the urge to dive into the bathtub and hide. She couldn’t stand for him to see her powerless and frail.
“Kaitlyn?” Bobby said uncertainly.
Tears overflowed, and she sobbed into the garbage can.
“It’s OK.” Bobby’s little hand whispered over her back as if he was afraid she’d be mad he was touching her, but he wanted to comfort her anyway. His hesitancy broke her heart.
“Come here.” She turned, wrapping her arm around him and drawing him onto her lap.
Nate stood in the doorway holding Gary. She met his eye for the briefest of moments before looking away, hugging Bobby tighter. But Nate didn’t take the hint and stepped into the bathroom anyway, sitting on the floor next to her, wrapping the arm that wasn’t holding Gary around her. It was impossible to resist his strong support. Hating her weakness, she leaned into him anyway.
“Let me be strong for you now. Someday, it’ll be me who needs your strength.” Gary wiggled and Nate adjusted him. “I think that’s what this relationship stuff is. I cover your weakness with strength. And you cover mine.” He turned to look at her, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Together, Kaitlyn. Let’s do this together.”
But she didn’t know how to do together. She only knew alone. Her mind whirled while her heart cried out, begging her not to throw this opportunity away. To learn something new. Together. “I can’t give you that kind of control.” It had to belong to her.
“I’m not asking to lord it over you. I want to stand beside you. We’ll hold each other up. Like a three-legged race.”
Kaitlyn gave a watery snort. “What does a three-legged race have to do with anything?”
“I know how competitive you are. Thought it might help.”
He was right. She was competitive.
“I’m not trying to beat you. I’m not even trying to get ahead. But when two people get married, they become one. They’re on the same team.”
“We’re not married.”
His lips flattened. He had the patience of Job.
How long before he lost his temper as her gums flapped uncontrollably?
He looked away. “I know,” he said softly.
She hated that he looked away, pulled away from her. “I’m sorry. I want to marry you.”
“Not now, Babe. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You’ve been hit with a lot. Let’s get through it first. Together.”
“Me, too,” Bobby piped up from Kaitlyn’s lap.
“You, too,” Kaitlyn said sadly, stroking his hair. She glanced over at Nate. His expression was also one of sadness. How did you tell a seven-year-old his mother was dead? When? Who?
“Why are you crying, anyway? You never cry.” Bobby’s hands gripped her face. He peered into her eyes as if the answer was somehow on her face if he could just see it. “Are you sick?”
“I’m sad.”
Nate’s arm tightened around her. A silent message that if she chose to tell Bobby right now, he was there for her.
Kaitlyn
couldn’t see any reason to put it off, other than her own cowardice. “Your mom’s been in the hospital.”
“I know. The doctors will make her better.” Bobby patted her cheeks.
“God decided he needed her, and he took her to Heaven last night.” Kaitlyn’s body tensed, waiting for the explosion.
Bobby’s eyes narrowed. Then he shrugged. “He can’t have her. She’ll get better in Heaven and come home.”
Kaitlyn swallowed. Tempted to pull him tighter against her, she resisted, not wanting him to feel trapped. “I’m sorry, bud. She’s not coming home.”
“Yes, she is.” Bobby’s voice raised, but he wasn’t quite shouting. He pulled his hands from her face. “She’s coming home. You said she was. When she got better.” He stared at her face, and fear started to creep into his eyes as understanding dawned. “You told me she would come home when the doctors made her better.”
Tears ran down her cheeks. “I was wrong,” she whispered.
Bobby opened his eyes wide. His body stiffened, and his panicked gaze went from Kaitlyn to Nate. “She’s lying!” he yelled, as if saying it loud would make it true. “Tell her to stop! You tell her my mommy is coming home.”
Compassion bled from Nate’s expression, but his jaw remained tightly closed. That was his answer. Both of Nate’s arms were full, so Kaitlyn reached to draw Bobby to her, but he yanked away and jumped up.
“You’re wrong! She’s coming home!” He backed away from them. “She’s coming home when the doctors make her better!” He turned and ran from the bathroom.
Immediately Nate stood, reaching a hand down to help Kaitlyn up. “Will you take Gary, and I’ll go after him?”
Kaitlyn held her arms out for the baby. He was an orphan. She pushed the thought away. “Get him and we’ll make him sit at the table and talk to him some more. I don’t think he understands that she’s…dead.”
“I think he needs to run right now. That’s how I’d feel. Or I’d feel like punching something, ripping something apart.” He raised his brows in silent question.
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