“Can’t you have two assistants?”
“I’m sure I could, but I’m quite certain with you there I would get nothing done. You have this way of distracting me.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Only when I’m trying to work.” I wink, standing when my phone starts ringing from the kitchen.
“Spoil sport,” he hollers after me.
The playfulness I feel bottoms out the moment I see Nate’s name flashing across the screen of my phone.
“Everything okay?” Cole asks, not missing my sudden shift.
“Yeah, of course. Everything is fine. I just need to take this.” I swipe the screen and press the phone to my ear. “Hey,” I breathe out, surprised to be hearing from him.
Considering he’s made no attempt to contact me over the last several weeks, I just assumed he was moving on as I have been. I suddenly feel very guilty for that assumption, knowing I should’ve reached out to him sooner. Even if my heart is with Cole, Nate still deserves to know where I stand. Given that we spent two years of our lives together, I think it’s only fair.
“Hey, Mel.” His voice sounds so familiar and yet different at the same time.
“I’m gonna step outside for a sec.” I mouth to Cole. “Hey, how are you?” I turn my attention back to Nate as I slip out into the hallway.
“I’m good. How are you? How is everything? I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in forever,” he rambles.
“I’m really good, great actually.” I don’t elaborate before quickly moving on. He’ll find out why I’m so great before long. “How’s Chicago?”
“Cold.” He laughs.
“Colder than Ohio?”
“With the wind, most definitely.” A long pause stretches between us before he finally speaks again. “Listen, Mel, I just—I’m sorry I waited so long to call.”
“Don’t be. I didn’t call you either.” I remind him.
“I know that. And for a while it really bothered me. I kept waiting around thinking maybe you would change your mind, but then all I would end up doing was envisioning you with him and it made me crazy.”
“I’m sorry.” I make a lame attempt at an apology.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I have everything to be sorry for,” I disagree.
“I always knew your heart was never fully mine. From the moment you told me about Cole early on in our relationship. The way your eyes glazed over when you spoke of him, the emotion that would clog your throat, the way you could never say too much because you were afraid you would give too much away. I always knew. If there’s one thing you are not, Melanie Anderson, it’s a liar, at least not a very good one.” He chuckles.
“Nate,” I try to interject but he quickly cuts me off.
“I met someone,” he blurts.
“You did?” I ask, surprised by his sudden admission.
“She’s pretty great.”
“Wow. I’m really happy for you, Nate.” I’m surprised by how easily that statement flows, not an ounce of jealousy in my stomach.
I don’t know why I expected to be jealous. I guess when you spend as much time with a person as I did with Nate you program yourself to believe that you will feel a certain way and when those feelings are nowhere to be found, confusion is sure to follow.
“Thank you,” he says, but I can immediately sense that there is more. “Here’s the thing, no matter how much I want to commit myself to her and this new relationship, I just didn’t feel like I could do that fully without talking to you first.”
“I don’t understand. Things between us ended weeks ago. Why would you feel like you needed to speak to me?”
“Because I don’t want to end up back where I started, regretting every decision I ever made in a relationship, and in order to do that I feel like I need to find some closure with us and with myself.”
“Why would you regret every decision you made with us?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Nate.” I can’t disguise the guilt in my voice.
“Hang on, Mel, just let me say this.” He waits to make sure I don’t object before continuing. “I’ve been going back and forth with this, and I finally decided something you were right. Everything you said to me about how I put work first and how I never really saw you. It was all true. I guess I just got comfortable, and I stopped appreciating what an incredible woman you are. I took you for granted, thinking you’d always be there. I don’t want to make that mistake again.”
“Nate.”
“Please just let me get this out.”
“Okay.”
“I know this doesn’t change anything, and quite frankly, I don’t want it to. I just felt like I owed it to you and to myself to admit what really happened between us.”
“Don’t do that, Nate.” By this point I’ve nervously made my way outside, pacing the sidewalk next to the parking lot of Cole’s building. “Don’t take all this on yourself. If I’m being honest, I never gave you a real chance. I’ve been lying to myself for years pretending like everything was great. In reality, I lost a part of me years ago and never really got that part back. No matter how much I cared for you, no matter how much I loved you, I could never love you with my whole heart because it wasn’t mine to give.”
“I realized that, too,” he says, voice low and calm. “But that was my own fault. I already knew that about you, and yet I think deep down I had convinced myself that I could somehow fill the void. And when I couldn’t, I just pretended that I did.”
“I’m so sorry, Nate. I never meant to hurt you or waste your time. You weren’t the only one fooling yourself. I naively believed that if I pretended like my past didn’t exist that it wouldn’t and that it wouldn’t create a rift in the first real relationship I ever had. No, you weren’t perfect, but then again neither was I. But you loved me in a way that no one else had ever loved me, in a time when I really needed to be loved, and for that I’ll never be able thank you enough.”
“I don’t need you to thank me for loving you. I think a part of me will always love you. And I take that as both a blessing and a curse. Because, Melanie Anderson, any man who gets to love you, even if for a short time, is one lucky son of a bitch.”
“How can you be so nice to me? After everything I put you through.”
“Would you stop, you didn’t do anything to me. I made my own bed. I only want you to be happy, Mel.”
“About that.” I start, not really sure how to say it.
“I already know.” He cuts me off before I can say more.
“You do?” I question.
“I suspected it all along, but I’m quick enough to put two and two together.” His voice is lighter this time, almost like a great weight has lifted from his shoulders. “His name wouldn’t happen to be Cole by any chance, would it?” He chuckles.
“As a matter of fact, it is.” I play coy.
“So, after all these years he finally realized what he let go?”
“I guess you could say that.” I can’t hide the happiness in my voice.
“I can’t lie and say that I’m not a bit jealous, because I am. I was never able to live up to him, and now he’s the one who gets to have you. But I’m so happy for you, Melanie, because you deserve to have everything you’ve ever wanted. I love you enough, and care about your happiness enough, to let the better man win.”
“I wouldn’t say he’s the better man because you are an amazing man, Nate. But I will agree that he is the better man for me. What can I say? He stole my heart at ten-years-old, and he’s refused to give it back ever since.”
I smile around my words, knowing just how true they are. Everything changed the moment he entered my life, and nothing has been the same since.
“I really am so happy for you.”
“And I you,” I say. “This new woman, I hope she knows how lucky she is.”
“Vanessa,” he interjects.
“Vanessa,” I repeat. “And how did yo
u meet Vanessa exactly?”
“She’s one of the daytime anchors for the network. If you’re ever curious, you can probably check out her newscast online. She’s usually on live at noon.”
“Trading up I see,” I joke.
“See, there’s where you’re wrong. There’s no trading up from you, Melanie. Vanessa is the whipped cream, you’re the cherry. Lucky for me I’ve always loved whip cream.” He laughs.
“Leave it to you to compare your old girlfriend and your new girlfriend as ice cream sundae toppings.” I try my best to disguise the laughter in my voice but fail miserably.
“You know me.” I can visualize him perfectly, shrugging his shoulders as he says it. “I love my ice cream sundaes.”
“Don’t we all?” I let out a slow breath, taking all this in.
I didn’t realize how badly I needed this moment with Nate. Just a moment to say our goodbyes, to know that everything between us is okay. While we may never be friends, we still have the ability to joke like we are.
“Well, I should probably head back up,” Nate says. “I’ve got a lot of work to get done today.”
“Yeah, of course. Me too. Busy, busy.”
“This was nice,” he says, falling serious once more.
“It was,” I admit. “Thank you for calling. I felt like we kind of left things in a weird place, and I’m glad to see that were both moving on and doing okay.”
“I agree. I feel like I can finally put us behind me and look to the future. I wish you all the best, Melanie, I really do. If you’re ever in Chicago...”
“I’ll be sure to look you up.” I finish his sentence.
“Goodbye, Mel.”
“Goodbye, Nate.”
I don’t realize my hands are shaking until I’m hitting the end call button on my screen. I’m not sure if it’s from the cold or from the realization that Nate really is a person of my past. And while I don’t regret choosing Cole for even a second, a small part of me will miss Nate—his comfort, his stability, and most importantly his friendship.
Pulling open the back door to Cole’s building, I don’t realize how cold I am until the warm air engulfs me. I may be half frozen, the March temperatures at an all-time low, but my heart has never felt so warm.
I take off up the two flights of stairs to Cole’s apartment and quickly step inside, my eyes finding his the moment the door closes behind me.
He cocks an eyebrow at me when he sees I’m shivering, realizing I must have been outside.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, dropping his notebook on the table in front of him.
“Everything is perfect.” I smile, jumping into his arms the second I reach him, straddling his lap.
“You sure because I’m pretty certain you’re frozen solid.” He pulls me against his chest and runs his hands up and down my cold arms in an effort to warm me. “Where were you?”
“I just stepped outside.” I pull back, cupping his face.
“Mel, your hands are like ice cubes.” He places his hands on top of mine so both sets are on his cheeks. “Why were you outside? Who was on the phone?”
“Nate.” The moment the name leaves my lips he pulls my hands from his face, his eyes darkening.
“Nate? As in your ex-boyfriend Nate?”
“Don’t go getting all possessive and jealous on me.” I laugh. “It was actually a really good thing.”
“How is talking to your ex-boyfriend a good thing?” I can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s not happy about this.
“We just... Well I guess you could say we made peace. He apologized, I apologized. We agreed breaking up was the right choice, and that was that.”
“That’s all you talked about?” He gives me a doubtful glare.
“You’re so damn cute when you’re jealous.” I smile, grabbing his face again and kissing him hard. It doesn’t last more than a second, but it seems to do the trick; he immediately relaxes beneath me.
“I’m not jealous,” he huffs. “You’ve always been mine.” He tightens his arms around me.
“Is that so?” I laugh when I try to wiggle from his grasp only to find myself flung backward and pinned beneath him on the couch.
“You’re mine, Melanie Anderson. I’ve waited too long to have you to let anyone else take you away.”
“No one is taking me away.” I pull his face down to mine, kissing him gently. “You’re right. I am yours, have been since we were ten-years-old. And I made sure to tell Nate just that.”
This brings a smile to his lips just seconds before they’re claiming mine once more.
It’s strange how life works. How one minute you’re living one life and the next you feel like everything around you is changing. Things between Cole and I have escalated so quickly sometimes I find myself having trouble keeping up.
Not that I’m complaining, quite the opposite actually. I love Cole. I mean, I’ve loved him over half my life, but loving him like this... I can’t even describe in words what that feels like.
I’m over the moon for our upcoming long weekend in New York. I’ve never been and until recently, never wanted to go. It was the place that stole Cole from me, so for years I despised it until I didn’t anymore.
So this morning I made the trip back to Irving to pack and check in on a few things before we leave.
I spend most of the afternoon stopping in to check on everyone, mainly Corrine and Joan. I haven’t seen them nearly enough recently, and since Cole and I are leaving, I wanted to see how they were all doing.
My first stop was Corrine. I went from spending at least every other Sunday at their house for dinner, to barely seeing either her or Kyle.
I’m pleased to see how quickly they’re adjusting to their unexpected pregnancy. The spare room is already under construction to become the new nursery, and I counted six large boxes of diapers sitting in the hallway next to the bathroom. Corrine says Kyle is out of control.
The entire time I was at their house Kyle wouldn’t let Corrine lift a finger. He waited on her hand and foot. While I could tell it grated on her a bit, she never complained probably because she knows how happy it makes him to take care of her.
Cole crossed my mind several times while I was there. So many things Kyle did I could imagine Cole doing for me if I were pregnant, which in turn made me wonder if kids were in our future, and what kind of mom I’d be if they were.
I didn’t have to wonder what kind of father Cole would be; I already knew the answer to that.
Amazing.
Just like he is with everything.
After leaving Corrine and Kyle’s I headed to Joan’s house. She seemed happier than I had seen her in a while; the support group she’s a part of is helping her in ways I never thought possible.
We spent most of our time together talking about Cole. She wanted to know everything. Of course I held back certain, too hot for mom ears, details, but otherwise confided in her a lot about how I was feeling.
How in love I am. How scared that makes me.
Of course, Joan gave me the one response I needed to hear.
“Being scared means it’s real. Hold onto that feeling.”
I plan to.
I was hoping to take her to dinner, but she already had plans with a lady from the support group. I’m so happy to see she’s made some friends.
I ended up leaving right around five so she had time to get changed, but was nowhere near ready to go home yet.
I guess that’s how I now find myself making the walk through the woods heading toward the fort. I feel like I need some way to connect it all. Where I was versus where I am now.
My phone vibrates in my coat pocket, and I smile the moment I see Sexiest Man Alive flashing across the screen.
“There’s my number one girl,” Cole chimes before I even say a word.
“Well hello to you too, handsome.” My smile is evident in my voice.
“I miss you. Please tell me you’re on your way back—like now,” he whines into t
he phone.
“I miss you, too.” I giggle. “But I already told you I’d be back in the morning. I need to pack for New York.”
“Wait, you were serious about staying at your place tonight? I thought you were just messing with me.” Even though he’s completely serious, I know he’s just picking on me.
“Hush. You knew I wasn’t coming there until the morning.”
“But. But.”
“Not buts, Cole Lincoln. I have things to do.”
“How’s Joan?” He switches gears with ease.
That’s how well he knows me. I didn’t even tell him I was stopping to visit her, and yet he knew that’s exactly what I’d do.
“She’s doing pretty well. I guess she’s made a few friends at the support group and has been meeting them for dinners and playing bingo. Her strength is astonishing.”
“That’s Joan.”
“Yes it is,” I agree.
“What are you doing now?” he asks.
“Heading back to the old fort.”
“Without me?” I can envision him holding his chest like I’ve just broken his heart.
“I just thought I’d stop out there for a minute.”
“Any reason why?”
“Not really. Just sounded good.” I shrug, turning sideways down the overgrown path to avoid getting any of the low hanging branches stuck in my hair.
“Well, be careful. And make sure you don’t stay long. It’s cold as hell today.”
I love how protective he is of me. He’s always been that way. Maybe less when we were teenagers, but I think even then he kept a close watch. I just didn’t realize it at the time.
“I won’t stay long. Promise. I need to leave enough time to pack.”
“You know.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “If you just moved in with me you wouldn’t have to go anywhere to pack your things.”
“What?” I croak, not sure if he’s really saying what I think he’s saying.
I mean, it’s only been a few weeks. Sure, we’ve known each other forever, but this is all so new to us. Then again, this is the first night we’ve spent apart in a month, so I guess we pretty much live together as is.
“You heard me. Move in with me.” Even though I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to say, just hearing him say it makes it hard to breathe.
How We Fall Page 20