The leg and arm buds have begun to appear. The brain is growing and developing. The heart has divided into right and left chambers. The eyes and nostrils are developing, as are the intestines, appendix and pancreas. All this, yet it is only the size of a green pea.
Hearing the front door bang open, Kia folded the pages and quickly tucked them into her journal.
“Which clinic are we going to?” Kia yelled over the din of the boom box.
“Over on the East Side,” Derek yelled back. “Don’t want to run into anyone we know.”
Kia nodded and sat back in the passenger seat of his ’78 Chevy Impala. She watched the windshield wipers slap back and forth. The heater in his car didn’t work, so she pulled her jacket together and began to fold her arms across her chest, but that made her wince, her breasts were so sore.
Glancing at Derek as he sang along with his favorite rapper, Kia saw him check his reflection in the rear-view mirror, lick his fingers and smooth his already perfectly groomed hair. Then he went back to tapping out rhythms on the steering wheel, except when he was honking or giving another driver the finger, which he seemed to do every few blocks, just as a matter of principle. Kia looked away. Why hadn’t these things irritated her before?
They pulled into a Superstore parking lot. Kia saw the sign for the walk-in clinic to the right of the main entrance. She was beginning to think Derek had been here before; he knew exactly where to go.
The woman at the front desk told Kia to add her name to the long list on the clipboard and to have a seat. The waiting room was full; the only two vacant chairs were across the room from one another. Derek plunked himself in one, picked up a Sports Illustrated and began to flip through it. Kia sank into the remaining chair. On her right, an elderly man coughed hard, a phlegmy, rattling noise coming from his chest. She turned, putting her back to him just in time to see the small boy with a crusty nose on her left strike his baby sister in the face with a toy truck. The baby hollered, the mother smacked the little boy, and he gave a blood-curdling scream.
Kia stood up and went back to the desk. “How long do you think the wait will be?” she asked.
The woman smiled sympathetically, but shook her head. “It’s hard to judge,” she said. “Could be as long as forty-five minutes.” She placed a clipboard in front of Kia. “You might as well fill this out while you’re waiting.”
Kia took her time filling in her medical history. When she got to the last question, she paused. Reason for today’s visit, it asked. She looked over at Derek, who was still engrossed in the magazine. She considered putting vasectomy for boyfriend in the blank space, but didn’t feel like using the word “boyfriend.” She sighed and wrote in pregnancy test.
Each minute seemed an hour long. Kia paced across the front of the waiting room. The sneezing, sniffling and coughing were as incessant as the whining of the small children. She stepped outside and breathed in lungfuls of the damp air, hesitant to return to the stuffy, germ-filled room.
When her name was finally called, she glanced at Derek, expecting him to join her as she followed the nurse down the hall to the examining room. But he didn’t move, just stared back at her. She went alone.
The person who burst into the tiny room after what seemed like another hour didn’t look nearly old enough to be a doctor, but she shook Kia’s hand and introduced herself as Dr. Aya Miyata. She glanced down at the form Kia had filled out.
“So you think you’re pregnant.”
“Yes. I know I am. I took a home test, it was positive, and I feel gross. My breasts hurt. I know that’s how you feel when you get pregnant.”
“And how do you know that?”
Kia studied the doctor’s face, wondering if what she was really asking was whether she’d been pregnant before. “I took a human sexuality class at church,” she answered defensively. “We discussed pregnancy.”
“At church?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I guess sex could be viewed as a religious experience,” the doctor teased.
Kia shrugged. “My church is known for being kind of liberal.”
“Liberal? What else did you discuss at this course?”
Kia narrowed her eyes. “No, teenagers are not encouraged to have sex, if that’s what you’re asking. But we are given all the facts so we can make informed choices.”
“That’s not what I was asking,” the doctor responded gently. “But I am glad to hear someone is providing teens with all the facts.”
Kia just nodded. She regretted snapping at the doctor.
“And you obviously chose to have sex.”
“Obviously.”
“You are ... how old?” Kia could see her trying to figure it out from the birth date written on the form.
“I’m almost seventeen.”
The doctor smiled. “Almost seventeen. I like the way kids always tell you what age they almost are.”
Kia didn’t reply.
“But I guess you’re not a kid if you’re pregnant,” the doctor said quietly, looking hard at Kia.
“Yeah, well, a lot of little grade seven kids are capable of having babies, but they’re not adults.”
“Good point.” She nodded, still studying Kia thoughtfully. “So where’s the father?” she asked.
“In the waiting room.”
“Really? What’s he doing there?”
“I don’t know. Sitting.”
“What’s his name?”
“Derek.”
“Excuse me. I’ll be right back.” Kia could hear the doctor’s heels click as she marched down the hall to the waiting room. Then she heard her say, “Derek? Could you please identify yourself?” A moment later Dr. Miyata reappeared at the door, followed by a sullen-looking Derek.
“Have a seat,” the doctor said.
Derek refused to look at Kia as he plunked himself in the other chair.
“So,” the doctor said to Derek, “Kia’s pregnant.”
Suddenly Derek did look at Kia. Then he turned to the doctor. “Have you already given her the test?”
“No, but Kia’s already one hundred percent certain that she is and I’m ninety percent sure that she’s right. Have you considered what you’re going to do when it’s been confirmed by a lab test?”
“What are you talking about?” Derek sounded incredulous. “I’m seventeen, she’s sixteen, so there’s nothing to consider. She has to get an abortion.”
“Yes, abortion is one choice,” the doctor said. “There’s also adoption, or parenthood.”
Derek scoffed. “Why would you try to talk a sixteen-year-old kid into having a baby? It can’t be good for her.”
“I’m not trying to talk her into anything. But you have to make an informed decision, and abortion is not necessarily good for her either,” Dr. Miyata said. “It can leave emotional scars, and as with any medical procedure, there are risks.”
Derek shook his head. “Just give her the test, and then we’ll deal with it, okay?”
“Why weren’t you using birth control?” the doctor asked.
“That’s none of your business,” Derek blurted out, glancing sharply at Kia. “But if you must know,” he added, turning back to the doctor, “we were. I’m not stupid. We used a condom.”
Dr. Miyata tilted her head. “So what happened?”
“I dunno. We must be that lucky one percent or whatever it is.” He shrugged. “And we only did it once.”
“I think that magic number is quite a bit higher than one percent,” the doctor commented. “And it doesn’t matter how many times you do it. Nothing is one hundred percent effective—nothing but abstinence.” She scribbled something on her pad of paper, ripped the sheet off and handed it to Kia. “You need to go to a lab to get the test. Here’s the address and requisition. Call me tomorrow to get the results.”
Kia took the sheet and glanced at the scrawled handwriting.
“And don’t forget, Kia,” the doctor added as she stood up. “Your opinion in all this cou
nts too.”
Kia could see Derek’s jaw clench again. She nodded, swallowing hard. “I know.”
The lab was a few blocks away. Derek squealed around the corners and blasted his horn at every car that dared drive in front of him.
“Why don’t you just stick a picture of your middle finger in the window?” Kia asked. “It would save you a lot of trouble.”
“Shut up,” he snarled. “No one asked you.”
Fifteen minutes later, Kia came out of the lab and climbed into the idling car where Derek sat waiting. He threw the car into gear and left a long slash of rubber on the pavement as he drove out of the parking lot. Kia pulled her seat belt more tightly over her shoulder.
Just before reaching her home, Derek pulled into the driveway of the elementary school they’d both attended. He’d been a year ahead of her, but Kia had known who he was. He’d had a reputation, even back then. He brought the car to a screeching stop in the empty staff parking lot.
“Who else knows you’re late?” he asked.
“No one.”
“Good. Keep it that way.”
“Don’t worry.” Kia glared at him. “You’re not something I’m real proud of.” She shook her head. “One minute you’re kissing me, getting all psyched up to do it again, and the next you’re treating me like I have some kind of STD. Oh, yeah, like I chose a real winner to do it with. Can’t wait to tell everyone I know.”
“You were hot for me.”
“Yeah, well, my brain and my body weren’t connecting.”
He studied her, his eyes narrowed. “You know,” he said finally, “you and I could have been good together. You’re freaking gorgeous and for a first-timer you showed potential. Too bad.”
Kia stared at him, speechless. Then, still without a word, she climbed out of the car, slammed the door and stormed away in the drizzling rain.
When she got home she went straight to her room and pulled her new journal out of the drawer. She stared at a blank page. The perfect words eluded her, but she was determined to express her feelings somehow. She remembered a silly curse she’d once heard. She wrote it down, read it over, then revised it.
Jan. 10
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his Tommy
Hilfiger jockey shorts.
No, a swarm of bees—same place.
She put the journal away, feeling only slightly better but knowing Shawna, at least, would enjoy that entry.
“Kia?”
Kia shook her head slightly. “Huh?” They were walking along the sidewalk on their way home from school.
Shawna stared at her, puzzled. “Are you okay? You didn’t answer my question.”
“Sorry. What did you ask?”
“What’s the matter?”
“What’s the matter? That’s what you asked me?”
“No,” Shawna said. “That’s not what I asked you before, but that’s what I’m asking you now. You haven’t heard a word I’ve said all the way home. So now I want to know, what’s the matter?”
Kia stared at her feet as they walked. She could usually tell Shawna anything, but not this. Not yet. Not until after she made the phone call and it was confirmed. But she could give her part of the story. “It’s Derek. He’s being a jerk.”
Shawna glanced at her. “So, what else is new?”
“Thanks, Shawn. You’re a big help.”
“Sorry, Kia.” Shawna turned and walked backwards, so she could face Kia. The wind blew strands of her long, light brown hair into her face. “But all along I’ve been worried he’d hurt you. You knew that.”
Kia didn’t reply. She didn’t want to hear this again. She began to walk a little faster.
Shawna turned and picked up her pace too. “C’mon, Kia. I said I was sorry. Tell me what happened.”
Kia shook her head. “Nothing. Except that I think he’s dumping me.”
“Did he say he wanted to break up?”
“No. Not in those words.” Kia thought back to what he had said. You and I could have been good together. “But he made it clear. And I guess he’d never made any commitment to me in the first place,” she added quietly.
“Kia, I’m sorry. I know you really liked him. Liked him enough to ...” She left the sentence unfinished.
That reminded Kia of the phone call she had to make.
They had reached her driveway, and Kia stopped, crossed her arms and faced Shawna. “You’re not sorry at all. You never even liked him.”
Shawna flushed and narrowed her eyes. “You’re right. I think he’s an arrogant prick. And he never sticks with one girlfriend very long. You know that.” Her voice softened. “But what I think doesn’t matter. You like him and I hate seeing you hurt. I know how it feels to get dumped.”
“I thought Derek and I had something different going on.” Kia couldn’t meet Shawna’s eyes. “Something special.”
“Did you really believe that?” Shawna asked quietly. “Given his track record?”
“Yeah, I did. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand, Shawna.” Kia abruptly turned away and started up her driveway, blinking back tears. “I gotta go,” she called over her shoulder. “See ya.”
She quickly let herself into the house, trying to push away the meanness that was gnawing at her like a flesh-eating disease. All she could think about was how she wanted to hurt Shawna, for being right. But she had a phone call she had to make, and she had to make it now, before anyone else got home. She’d deal with Shawna later.
Pulling the doctor’s phone number out of her pocket, Kia picked up the phone and, her hand shaking, began to punch in the numbers. She stopped before hitting the last one. She put the phone back in its cradle. Her pounding heart felt like it was wedged in her throat, threatening to choke her. There was no way she’d be able to speak. She wiped her hands on her jeans and sat down, breathing deeply. Then, when she felt her heart had settled enough for her to talk, she tried again. The phone rang once, twice, three times.
“Hello. Fairview Medical Clinic. How may I help you?”
Kia cleared her throat. “Hi. Yeah. This is Kia Hazelwood. I was in ...”
The receptionist cut her off. “Yes, Kia. The results from your test came in this afternoon. Can I set up an appointment for you with the doctor?”
“No. Just give me the results.”
“I’m sorry, Kia, I’m not at liberty to give that kind of information out over the phone. How about if I get the doctor to call you?”
Kia struggled to maintain her temper and to keep her voice steady. “But I need to know. Today.”
“I’ll get her to call right after she’s finished with her patient.”
“Fine.” Kia hung up the phone without another word. She sank back in the chair and waited, trying to hang on to the miniscule trace of hope she still had, but it wasn’t much. Her breasts ached in her too-tight bra. She unzipped her jeans and placed her palms on the warm skin at the base of her tummy. Was something happening in here? Her stomach was flat, but she did feel different. Was she just imagining it or could she actually sense a tiny life growing inside her?
The ringing of the phone made her jump. Pulling up her zipper with one hand, she grabbed the receiver with the other. She felt the pounding in her chest begin again.
“Hello?”
“Kia.”
Kia recognized the male voice. “Yeah, it’s me.” She knew exactly why Derek was calling.
“Well?”
She shook her head. He was certainly being frugal with words today. “I’m waiting for the doctor to call. I thought you might be her.”
“Call me as soon as you hear.”
“I will.”
The moment Kia hung up it rang again. “Hello?”
“Kia?” This time it was a female voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Dr. Miyata?”
“Yes, hello, Kia. I’ve got the results of your pregnancy test.”
“Uh-huh.” She took a deep breath.
“Are you ready?”
“Yeah.” She exhaled.
“It was positive.”
“Positive? That means ...”
“You’re pregnant.”
Positive. As the truth of it swept over her she felt her stomach heave. Dropping the phone, she ran to the bathroom.
Jan. 11
I remember ...
– knowing ... that he was in the room, and becoming aware, somehow, that he was watching me, like a cat watches its prey. I could feel it. My skin prickled with it.
I remember ...
– wondering ... why me? I’m not one of his kind, one of the ‘beautiful’ people, the cool ones.
I remember ...
– daring ... finally, to look back. Our eyes met and held fast across that crowded, noisy kitchen. He smiled, just a little. My stomach flipped. Did I smile back?
I remember ...
– watching ... as he crossed the room. He came straight to me. We talked, but the words were not important. Something had happened. It was like there was only the two of us there, like we were in a bubble of our own, or perhaps a force field surrounded us, one that no one else could enter. It was hypnotic. I knew that the party was going on all around us, yet we were absolutely alone. I was drawn into him, his breathing, his heat, his eyes. It felt like he was looking deep inside me.
I remember ...
– aching ... to be with him. Craving him, from then on. And he seemed to crave me. I couldn’t believe that Derek Klassen, THE Derek Klassen, liked me! I became one of THEM.
I can’t believe I just wrote that. Is that what it was all about?
I am so lame.
From: Kia
To: Justin
Date: Jan. 11
Subject: Re: all ears
hey justin, i’m ready to talk. u sure u want to listen? does anyone else read your e-mail?
kia
and T.O.Y. means????
* * *
From: Justin
To: Kia
Date: Jan. 11
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