I remembered the twins when they began crying.
“I had hoped you wouldn’t react like this, but you’ve always been about our image instead of who we really are,” he said before stomping out of the room.
“Where are you going?” I screamed at him. “It’s Christmas!”
“To a meeting if I can find one!” he yelled. The front door slammed behind him.
I seriously considered stomping on the suit I bought him, but it cost me too much to damage it.
Destination Wedding Meeting #12
After Jarena, Mimi, and Whitney realized none of them had heard from Senalda all month, the feisty search party corralled on her driveway on New Year’s Eve. Like a haunted house in a horror movie, they noticed one lone light was on upstairs but the rest of her home was eerily dark, as they noisily unloaded their belongings from their cars and headed to the front door.
“I hope she here,” Mimi said to the women as they stood together waiting.
Whitney rang the doorbell three times to no avail before finally calling Senalda’s number.
“You better let us in or we’re going to call your parents and then we’re calling the police. I know you’re inside,” she said with an attitude on Senalda’s voicemail.
They waited a couple of minutes more before seeing another light come on in the front hallway. Senalda halfway opened the door and stood there. Her bone-straight pixie cut had reverted back to her natural curls. Her lips looked leathery, as if she hadn’t moisturized them in weeks. She wore a dingy white terry-cloth robe that was pulled tightly around her but didn’t hide her ashy legs.
“So I guess you guys can’t take a hint,” she uttered finally. The smell of days-old pizza wafted toward her friends.
“Not when we haven’t heard from you in a month,” Whitney declared, holding her nose with one hand and pushing the door all of the way open with the other. “When was the last time you had a shower, sweetie?”
“You always looked like a munchkin, but now you look like a po munchkin,” Mimi said, holding a box of cupcakes. “We need to fatten you back up.”
“I know, right?!” Jarena agreed, while walking behind Mimi to the kitchen with containers of food.
“What’s going on?” Senalda said, trudging to her couch.
“We haven’t met for our Destination Wedding meeting, and it’s the last night of the year,” Jarena said with the singsong cadence of a cheerleader.
“I don’t know what happened to you, but you better tell us now,” Whitney said as she sat down next to her friend. “And after you tell us, I’m running a bath for you because you stink. You’re still my girl, though.”
The corners of Senalda’s lips turned up momentarily before they fell back down.
“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you,” she said. “Since you guys bum-rushed my house, I hope you brought something stronger than water over here.”
“A glass of wine coming up,” Mimi said. “White or red?”
“Some vodka if you have it,” Senalda commanded, holding her hand in the air like she expected a glass to magically appear in it.
“So what’s been up with you all month long, Bossy?” Jarena said. “I’m assuming Dexter has something to do with what’s going on.”
“Dexter proposed,” Senalda said, smoothing her robe over her legs.
“He did what?” her friends squawked in unison from different corners of the room.
“I refuse to say anything else before I’ve had a sip of something,” Senalda said. “My house. My rules.”
“Well, she’s still bossy,” Jarena concluded as she took a glass of wine from Mimi, brought it to Senalda and sat down on the other side of her.
Senalda snatched the glass, sipped for a few moments, and continued with her story. “So the slow diss worked. It worked too well, actually. On December 1, Dexter surprised me at my office. He said he didn’t want to spend another holiday without me and then he proposed in my office. But he also told me he was gay. Or bisexual? I don’t know,” she recounted matter-of-factly, her eyes listless.
Senalda guzzled the rest of the wine from her glass, setting it down on a table before releasing a loud and smelly burp.
“I mean… Are you serious?” Whitney asked in an incredulous tone. “For real?”
“Seriously real,” Senalda said.
“Wow,” Mimi said. “My gaydar’s pretty good. I never even suspected. But if dude is gay then why did he ask you to marry him?”
“He said a woman never made him feel like he felt with me and that he wanted to get married and start a family,” Senalda said.
“Sounds perfect. Except for the gay part,” Jarena said.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Senalda said. “Another glass of wine please.”
“What did you say?” Jarena said, getting up to pour more wine for her friend.
“I told him I didn’t want to be married to a gay man, of course!” Senalda said. “He even told me that he could be faithful.”
“So what happened next?” Whitney asked.
“After I told him I wouldn’t marry him, I took off the rest of the day and came home. I’ve been here ever since. We did have a few phone conversations and I asked him a few questions about his sexual fluidity. I think I understand better, but it’s still over. I apologize for going underground, but I had to take some me time to process…”
“Well, I hope next year won’t be the relationship disaster that this one was for us,” Jarena said. With her elbows on her thighs, she held up her face with her fists.
“Oh excuse me, I didn’t know you were in a relationship this year?” Senalda said with a snicker. “Unless there is something you’re not telling us.”
Senalda, Mimi, and Whitney howled while Jarena only smiled.
“So what should we do about our Destination Wedding project?” Jarena asked.
“I want to be optimistic, but our investment of time hasn’t yielded much of anything except heartbreak,” Senalda said. She picked up her glass of wine, holding it high in the air for a toast. “A year of meetings and zilch to show for it. Happy fucking New Year, ladies!”
“Hol up ladies—before we go toastin’ to heartbreak, I got something to share at this last Destination Wedding meeting of the year,” Mimi said before pausing. “I got married on December 19!”
“Stop the presses!” “Say what?” “You did what?” Jarena, Whitney and Senalda shouted simultaneously. It was then they noticed the simple platinum band on Mimi’s ring finger as she held a wine glass.
“How did this happen?” Senalda asked. She wiped white crust from the corners of her mouth. “And why didn’t you call one of us to tell us before now?”
Mimi recounted how her Vegas bet ended in a wedding.
“So y’all are really married?” Jarena questioned with a laugh. “Didn’t y’all just start dating a few weeks ago? That was fast!”
“That’s why I aine say nothin’ before now. I wasn’t sho how y’all was gonna react after erethang with Jovan,” Mimi said.
“Why go slow if you have a good man and you know what you want?” Senalda said, feeling simultaneously admiration for and competitive with her flaky friend. It was the first time since her bombshell proposal that she thought their project could be extended another year after all, because if Mimi could do it, she could do it too. “I’m proud of you, girl.”
CHAPTER 14
January
Senalda
AFTER A MONTH OF wearing pajamas and devouring pizza, I declared that I was all better, or at least I would be. First, I went back to work. And I took a chance and rocked my natural curls to work, since I hadn’t seen my stylist since November.
When I stepped out of my office midmorning, everyone was there. As I walked to the break room, I could tell they were trying to not act like the last time they had seen me was the day that Dexter proposed. No one made eye contact, but I still felt their eyes on me. Only my girls knew exactly what happened, but Nashaun
had called my home every morning and left a bright, cheery and funny message after realizing that I wouldn’t be back for a month. I remember her first message was, “I know you blue but this office aine nothing without you!” I didn’t want to, but I cracked a smile when I heard it. And although I was off, she also made sure that I was abreast of anything major going on. Making my way back from the break room with my second cup of coffee, I noticed there were still a few pairs of eyes on me above their computers.
Nashaun handled them, though. “I’m sure y’all have plenty work to do while y’all are eying Mizz Warner,” she said, standing up and snapping her fingers. “And if you don’t, she can make sure that you do.”
My assistant knew me well.
I left work early to do the second thing I felt I needed to do to get myself back together. Both Whitney and Mimi said CC had really helped them. Since they met her through me, it was time that I give her services a try too. As this was my first time seeing a therapist, I had to tell myself that I wasn’t crazy as I sat in her waiting area. At 5 on the dot, CC appeared in the white room.
Okay, she has a few points for punctuality.
“Senalda, welcome,” she said as she stood in front of the door and waved her arm toward her office.
“So what can I do for you today, dear?” CC said in a calm tone that I wondered if she only used with crazy people. “How is Destination Wedding coming along?”
“That’s a long story. Are you sure you want to hear the whole thing?” I laughed, trying to hide my nervousness.
CC nodded, so I told her about the project’s progress since the conference call, ending with Dexter’s proposal.
“So, was our project crazy?” I said, immediately regretting my choice of words.
“No, I think you are exactly where you need to be, dear,” she said while jotting down notes.
“You’re not writing a prescription for Prozac, are you?”
“No, I’m not. Just reflecting on what you told me,” she said, putting her notes on the table next to her. “When you refer to Dexter, you describe him as the perfect man for you. What made him so perfect?”
I wondered what her point was, but I explained what I meant anyway.
“Other than him being fine, he graduated from Morehouse. I graduated from Spelman. Morehouse College and Spelman College are like brother and sister schools. He has an MBA. I have an MBA. I work as a client manager. He is a vice president at his company. We’re on the same path. And we have a lot of the same interests and tastes too.”
“All of that sounds good, and yet you had no idea he is gay or bisexual and ultimately not truly available to you,” she said, taking off her glasses. “Have you ever thought you could have some common ground with a man who may not seem perfect for you on the surface?”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me about your parents’ marriage,” she said.
“My mother is a payroll clerk for a bakery in New York,” I said. “Actually, she met my father at the bakery. He was the delivery driver, but he hasn’t worked pretty much since I was born because he got into a car accident. He’s in a wheelchair now and on disability.”
“So that is what they do, but what about their marriage?”
“Hmmm… They seem to be happy, although my grandparents almost disowned my mother for marrying my father.”
“Tell me about that,” CC said.
“My mother is from Puerto Rico and she was supposed to go to college in New York and come back and work at the family bakery there. But she fell in love with my father, who got a divorce just before he met my mother, and she stayed. My grandparents accept their marriage now, but they were mad for a long time. I love my father, but my mother was the one who held the household down. We didn’t have a lot of money for extras, just the basics.”
“Okay,” CC said, putting on her glasses again. “Did your experiences lead you to your career path?”
“Yes, I guess I get my math ability from my mother, but I also decided that I would never be in a situation where I didn’t have everything I wanted and needed,” I said, looking at her directly in her eyes.
“And so far, you have made your vision a reality except in the man department,” CC said equally as straightforwardly. “Have you ever considered that you don’t know everything you want and need when it comes to that department, dear?”
“No. I know I need a black man who is college educated and excelling in his chosen but very lucrative field,” I said, not caring that my neck was rolling like I was a stereotypical black woman. “He needs to be a take-charge person who can handle a strong woman like me. Of course, he needs to respect me, love me, you know, all of that.”
“Sounds like a male version of you, dear,” CC said with a chuckle.
“And your point?” I said, not keeping the sarcasm out of my voice.
“Maybe Dexter came into your life to show you that your male equivalent may not be the best choice for you,” she said, now serious. “Why not be open to whatever man comes into your life and see what happens.”
“I told my friend that,” I said to her.
“And yet you haven’t taken your own advice?”
“Well, she used to date creative types, kind of like her, but she just married a doctor,” I said, before realizing I proved her point. So if Mimi married a doctor, did I have to marry a janitor? I still don’t get how Mimi married before I did.
I was quiet for a few moments while she looked at me. “Okay, CC, but I’m not dating losers.”
“No one wants a loser, dear,” she said with a laugh. “Just reflect on the idea that you may not even know all of your wants and needs when it comes to a mate and see what comes into your life.”
By the time I left, I realized that Destination Wedding didn’t have to be over, but I didn’t know how to proceed this year. In my peripheral view, I saw two people laughing at the end of the hallway. I looked up to see Mimi standing there with Richie. After putting my head down, I nearly ran onto the elevator so they wouldn’t see me. I dialed her cell number while driving home.
“What you know good?” Mimi said.
“What?”
“Sorry Yankee,” she said with a laugh. “I mean what’s up?”
“Why is my newly married best friend hanging out with the husband of another one of our best friends?”
“What you talkin’ ’bout?” Mimi said.
“I saw you with Richie at the Perimeter Building earlier today,” I said, accusingly. “What’s going on with you two?”
“Oh,” she said, her voice trailing off. “I can explain… I go to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings there.”
“What meetings?”
“CC recommended that I go to these meetings because of the way I acted with Jovan and losing my job and all of dat,” she said. “She also recommended that Richie go to the meetings too, but please don’t tell him I told you.”
“Why?”
“Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is an anonymous program, and we don’t tell who we see at meetings, to protect our anonymity. So me and Richie just program buddies.”
“Does Whitney know?”
“I’ve told no one I go to meetings,” she said. “I was tryin’ to get some recovery or feel better before I tol anyone.”
“Oh.”
“So can you keep this to yoself? Richie and I are just friends. You know I’d never try to get with a friend’s husband, especially since I got one!”
Mimi was wild and crazy, but she wasn’t a man stealer and was definitely loyal to her friends.
“I won’t tell, but I won’t lie either. If someone asks me a direct question, I won’t lie.”
“Preciate that,” she said.
“So you know Victor too, huh?”
“How you figure?” she said.
“There is no other way that Richie would know a guy like that,” I said with a laugh.
“Yeah, I do,” she admitted. “He’s my sponsor. That’s someone who h
elps you to learn about the program. So what were you doing at the Perimeter Building? You seeing CC too?”
“I have to do something to get back to normal.”
“You will love her,” Mimi said. “She’s da truth.”
While getting ready for bed, I realized that it wasn’t Mimi being “program buddies” with Richie that bothered me, it was Richie being “program buddies” with Mimi. He was looking at her like he liked her, but then again, what did I know? The previous year proved that I couldn’t trust my own instincts when it came to men.
Destination Wedding Meeting #13
Senalda assembled snacks and wine on the multicolored paint-spotted table in the area she had reserved for their first Destination Wedding meeting of the New Year. Senalda had convinced Jarena to give their project another year. Mimi, who still wanted to come to the meetings when she could, out of solidarity with her single friends, arrived at Just Paint Parties in Virginia Highlands first.
“So I aine know you like to paint?” Mimi commented as she shed her coat and knit cap. “I thought I was the creative one in our group.”
“You are,” Senalda replied before taking a sip of wine. “I just thought painting would be a good way to physically create what we want to happen in our lives this year instead of doing the traditional vision board like we did last year.”
“I’m down! So what we paintin’?”
“We are painting hearts like this one,” Senalda said, pointing to a canvas of a huge heart.
Jarena arrived then. “I love paint parties,” she said, coming toward them.
“Good, because the instructor told me she would be ready to start soon,” Senalda said as a slim, pale white woman with white-blond hair, wearing a paint-spotted black apron, positioned herself in the center of the studio.
Senalda selected random colors that didn’t necessarily go together to reflect what she had been learning from CC over the past month. Ultimately, she just wanted love to come into her life, and she hoped she could accept however that love came.
Mimi painted her heart red and other bold colors, demonstrating that she was finally ready to move past her “relationship” with Jovan and forward with Ian. Still, though she would never admit it, even to her sponsor, a small part of her still had love for Jovan. But instead of nurturing that hope like she had before, her plan in the New Year was to ignore it and hope it died. Eventually.
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