“A beast,” Samantha said. “A beast you’ve kept in a cage and all the sudden it’s on the loose.”
He took his hands away from his face and nodded. “Exactly. I don’t understand where it came from. Maybe it’s been there under the surface since Mom died.”
“Me too,” she said.
Neither of them said anything for a moment. Joseph finally put on his glasses and stood up. “Dad and I were talking and we think it’d be best if I stay over at Mrs. Schulman’s until you and your friends leave.”
He started for the door; he had started to pull it open when she said, “You don’t have to do that.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable—more than I already have.”
“I want you to stay.” Samantha kneaded the blanket in her hands as she worked up the courage to say what she wanted to say. “I know we got off to a bad start, but I think—” Her voice had begun to tremble to the point that Joseph handed the cup of water back to her. She drank the entire glass before continuing, “I think I’d like another chance.”
“Really?”
“If you want. If you don’t—”
“I want another chance. Of course I do. Unless you’re not sure. I don’t want to push you into anything.”
“I’m sure. Really, I am,” she said, trying to sound confident, but a quiver still came through.
“OK. I guess I should let Dad know then. I’ll see you later.” He stood there in the doorway for a moment, his face turning red. He took a step towards her, stopped, and then waved on his way out. Samantha waited until he left to smile.
Chapter 47: Letting Go
Samantha realized two minutes after the fishing boat left the harbor she’d made a terrible mistake. On the Primrose, concerned with manning the oars and finding the mainland, she had resisted seasickness. On Mr. Pryde’s fishing boat, with nothing to do but feel the craft toss from side to side, her stomach began to churn.
She should have stayed on the dock to keep Prudence company until they returned with the Primrose. She sat on a toolbox at the rear of the boat, pressing a hand to her face to ward off the stench of dead fish mixed with diesel fuel threatening to suffocate her. As she suffered, Wendell stood with Mr. Pryde in the wheelhouse, pestering Mr. Pryde with questions about how the boat worked. Joseph worked at unknotting several lengths of rope they might need to haul the Primrose off the beach. He glanced over at her from time to time without saying anything.
She put down her hand and tried to smile at him, but a moment later grimaced from the rocking of the boat. “Do you want to go back?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” she said. “I just need to get my sea legs.”
“It takes a little getting used to,” Joseph said. “I threw up the first time Mom let me go with Dad on the boat.” Samantha’s stomach tightened at this. Joseph’s face turned red. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It helps if you close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Pretend you’re in a bathtub at home.”
Samantha closed her eyes and tried to imagine a peaceful bathtub. Instead, she thought of the stream her first morning in Eternity. The current took hold of her and sent her careening away until Prudence managed to snatch a handful of Samantha’s hair and haul her up to the surface. She shivered at this memory. She opened her eyes and leaned over the side to throw up.
Joseph came over, brushing hair away from her face. “It’s all right,” he said. “Try to relax. Don’t think about—”
Samantha whirled around, shoving Joseph away. He collapsed onto a pile of netting. “Quit telling me what to do!” she said. “I can take care of myself.”
“I’m sorry,” Joseph said. His face turned redder. He scuttled away to the bow for the rest of the trip to the beach. Samantha sat back down on the toolbox, her nausea replaced by anger. This Joseph wasn’t much better than the one who’d hit her and nearly killed her, Prudence, and Wendell. He still thought he could control her. She’d agreed to give him a second chance, but now she knew it was a mistake.
As the fishing boat neared the beach, Mr. Pryde came out of the wheelhouse. “We’ll be there in a minute. Wendell and I will take your boat. You and Joseph can follow us if there’s any trouble,” he said.
“I’d rather go with you guys,” Samantha said.
Mr. Pryde shook his head. “I don’t want to leave Joey alone right now. He’s not a hundred percent yet. Neither are you from the looks of it.”
“I’m fine. Leave Wendell here. I’m sure he’d be a lot happier on this boat,” she said.
“I ain’t asking you,” Mr. Pryde said. “I’m telling you the way it’s going to be.”
Now Samantha could see from where Joseph got his bossiness. “If that’s what you want. I’ll stay here with Joe.” Mr. Pryde nodded and lit a cigarette before going back into the wheelhouse. Samantha folded her arms across her chest, determined not to move from this spot. She didn’t want to get anywhere near Joseph.
Wendell and Mr. Pryde jumped down from the fishing boat, splashing over to the beach where the Primrose waited. Samantha got up from her perch to toss them a line. Joseph materialized next to her, throwing another rope to his father. “I’m sorry about earlier,” Joseph said. “I was trying to help. I don’t suppose you would need my help.”
His lip trembled as if he would cry. This was not the same Joseph who’d hit her. This was a caring, sensitive boy who’d tried to help her and she’d hurt him for his kindness. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” she said. “You were being nice.”
They fastened the lines to the fishing boat and then waited for Wendell and Mr. Pryde to signal they were ready. Samantha slipped her hand over to touch Joseph’s. His skin felt much softer now, his hands narrow and delicate like a girl’s. This was not the vicious brute who would have killed her in Pinecrest. “You are nice,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. His smooth cheek turned warm at her touch.
“You are too,” he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat before asking, “Do you want to try driving the boat? It’s not too different than a car. You don’t have to. I just thought maybe—”
She put a finger to his lips. “I’d love to,” she said. She followed him into the wheelhouse, where he showed her the controls. At first she pulled the throttle too hard; Joseph put his hand on hers to show her the proper way.
“You want to be gentle. This is a really old boat. Take it nice and slow,” he said.
“I can do nice and slow.” She turned her head to meet his lips with hers. She kept a hand on the throttle and he a hand on the steering wheel as the boat plowed forward through the waves with the Primrose in tow.
***
After Mr. Pryde severed the lines, he and Wendell took up the oars to get the Primrose underway. Wendell squinted to make out Samantha and Joseph, but he couldn’t see anything. When he strained his ears, he thought he could hear laughter over the oars and fishing boat’s diesel engine.
“This is a mighty fine boat,” Mr. Pryde said. “I knew the Amish made furniture and barns. I didn’t know they made boats.”
“It’s not that hard,” Wendell said. He considered telling Mr. Pryde about how he’d drawn the Primrose’s design in less than two hours, but thought better of it. Mr. Pryde would never believe an eleven-year-old had designed a boat like this.
“You don’t need to worry about them,” Mr. Pryde said, looking over his shoulder at the fishing boat. “Joey’s been driving that tub since he was in diapers.”
Wendell nodded. He wasn’t worried about Joseph’s sailing abilities. He thought of Joseph on the boat alone with Samantha, the two of them laughing and talking like old friends. After everything that had happened, how could she still care about him? He’d nearly killed her!
“She’ll be fine,” Mr. Pryde said. He put down the oars, reaching up to unfurl the patchwork sail Prudence and Rebecca had made. The thought of Prudence made Wendell’s stomach tighten with guilt.
“Mr. Pryde, ha
ve you ever cared about two girls and even though you know one is really great and the other doesn’t care about you at all, you can’t stop thinking about her?” Wendell said, following the grain of the wood on the deck to keep from meeting Mr. Pryde’s eyes.
“You got to let her go,” Mr. Pryde said. He flicked his cigarette into the water and then lit another one. “You got to move on. There’s a nice gal waiting for you on the dock. I wouldn’t let her go to chase after one who ain’t ever going to take notice of you.”
“Prudence is great,” Wendell said before he could stop himself. “But I can’t just forget about Samantha. I love her.”
“Sometimes we got to let go of the ones we love. Took me nine years to figure that out.” Mr. Pryde spat out the cigarette, snuffing it out with unnecessary force. “We’re almost there. Get ready with those oars.”
From this, Wendell knew the conversation was over. He had to admit Mr. Pryde was right. Samantha would never see him the same way he saw her. She would never love him. He thought of kissing childish little Samantha in his nightmare. That was as close as he could ever get to her.
As they reached the dock, he saw Prudence waving to them with her good hand. He waved back. He leapt from the Primrose onto the dock, racing up to her. She wrapped her arm around him, pressing him close. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing’s wrong. Not anymore,” he said. As Mr. Pryde said, it was time to let go of Samantha and focus on the girl who loved him and whom he loved.
Chapter 48: A Choice
They decided to share one last dinner at Mr. Pryde’s house. He asked a friend of his to keep an eye on the Primrose at the dock and then drove the children home to dine on a round piece of bread topped with cheese and circles of red meat that reminded Samantha of her pimples. A pizza, she recalled. “Sorry I can’t make anything fancier,” Mr. Pryde said.
“It’s all right,” Prudence said. She nibbled at her wedge of pizza instead of devouring it as she would have weeks ago. A change attributable to the hideous nightmare caused by Joseph’s potion, but also something else. A glow came off Prudence now, especially in close proximity to Wendell, as she was now at the table. They’re in love, Samantha thought.
She knew the feeling all too well from her time with Joseph. Samantha only hoped Prudence and Wendell’s love turned out better than hers. She looked over to the foot of the table, where Joseph sat, a slice of pizza hanging limp in his hands. Behind his glasses, he looked ready to cry.
“You know, things are usually pretty normal around these parts,” Mr. Pryde said. “Maybe you could come back this summer to see for yourselves. Joseph and I can put you up again.”
Joseph perked up at this, his eyes meeting Samantha’s for a moment before he looked away. “That’s nice of you to offer, but I’m not sure we’ll be able to come back then,” Samantha said. “There’s a lot of work that needs to be done at home.”
“I suppose you’re right. But anytime you want to come back you’re more than welcome,” Mr. Pryde said.
Joseph stood up from the table. “I have to go check on something upstairs,” he said. From the way he hurried out of the dining room and up the stairs, Samantha could tell he was trying not to break down in front of them.
She pushed away from the table. “I think I left something back in my room,” she said. The concern on Prudence and Wendell’s faces made it clear they didn’t believe her.
She knocked on his bedroom door and heard his muffled voice say, “Go away.”
“Joe, it’s me. I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to you.” She waited a moment and then the door opened, Joseph’s eyes still puffy and red as he answered the door. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish I could stay—”
“So stay. What’s keeping you there? Raising barns and milking cows?”
“It’s complicated,” Samantha said. “Can I come in?” He stepped aside, motioning for her to sit on the bed. He sat down next to her, staring down at the carpet without his glasses. “Things have changed a lot in the last month. There’s so much I don’t understand about myself, about who I am. What I do know is I haven’t been a good person. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t want to lose you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Joe, please, I need some time. I need to think things over and decide. This is something I have to do on my own.”
“Why? Whatever you need to think about, I want to be there to help you. I care about you, Samantha.”
She bit down on her lip to keep from bursting into tears. She wanted to stay here with Joseph, wanted to see where life would take them, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk doing to him what he had done to her under the potion’s spell. “I’m sorry, Joe. I can’t.”
“Will I see you again?”
“I don’t know.”
Joseph went to his desk and picked up a package wrapped in red paper. He dropped the package beside her on the bed. “I bought this for you the other day.”
“Joseph, I couldn’t accept this—”
“I want you to have it. Please.” She tore the paper off the box to find a tiny black telephone inside. “It’s a cell phone. I didn’t think they had phones in Amish country. See, I wrote my number down in there so you can call me whenever you want. There’s even a battery charger. I did a few modifications so it’ll run on solar power. All you have to do is leave the charger in the sun when the battery runs down. If you ever want to talk, that is.”
Samantha couldn’t hold back the tears now. “Oh, Joseph, thank you so much. I love it.” Their friendly embrace soon turned to a passionate kiss. She wanted to stay there with him forever, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk hurting him.
She eased away from Joseph, the package tucked under her arm. She didn’t know what to say, finally blurting out, “Thank you.” Then she hurried out of the room and downstairs, where Prudence and Wendell were waiting.
“Is he coming?” Mr. Pryde asked.
“No,” Samantha said. Mr. Pryde nodded in silent understanding. He ushered them out to the car, where Samantha rode in the front seat so Prudence and Wendell could be together. She hoped Joseph would come bursting out the front door to meet them, but he didn’t. She watched for any sign of him in the rearview mirror until the house disappeared from view. She turned her head just enough so that she saw Wendell take Prudence’s hand.
On the dock, Mr. Pryde thrust his hands into his pocket and stared out at the water. “You kids remember what I said. You’re welcome to come back here anytime.”
“We’ll remember,” Prudence said.
“You all be careful out there.”
“We will,” Wendell said.
“Thank you for everything,” Samantha said. Mr. Pryde continued to stand on the dock, watching them as the Primrose made its way out of the slip, towards open sea. Samantha thought she saw him wave before he disappeared from sight, but she couldn’t be certain.
“Do you think we ever will come back?” Prudence asked.
“I hope so,” Wendell said. Samantha said nothing. She rowed the oars with Wendell until the sail caught a breeze to carry them back to Eternity.
As the Primrose glided along the water, Samantha considered her future. A life with Joseph wasn’t possible, nor could she stay in Eternity. She had been a criminal, a fugitive from justice, and sooner or later that past would resurface as it had when she took Joseph’s potion. Next time she might not just insult Prudence and break her arm; next time Prudence or someone she cared about might end up dead.
She made her decision there in the middle of the sea. After they unloaded the supplies and everyone else went to bed, she would sneak out to the boat and sail away. Not to Seabrooke—never to there again—but to some far distant place where she could live out her days in solitude, isolated so she could never again hurt someone she loved. Prudence and Wendell and Becky and Molly would grieve for her, might even try to find her, but they would get over her departure a
fter a while. They would move on with their lives, as would Joseph. It’s better for everyone this way, she thought.
They reached Eternity as the sun went down, a shadow on the dark water forming into the familiar coastline of the island. “We’re home!” Prudence shouted. She hopped around with such excitement Samantha thought the boat might tip over.
They rowed the Primrose ashore with all three manning an oar, Prudence using her good arm to paddle. They beached the Primrose in the sand and then Wendell jumped down with a rope to secure it to a boulder. Samantha helped Prudence down to the ground before getting off the boat herself. “It’s too bad we couldn’t let them know we were coming,” Wendell said.
“Everyone will be asleep by the time we get there,” Prudence added. “Maybe we should wait.”
“No,” Samantha said too quickly. “We should get this stuff out in case a storm comes up or some animals try to get into it. We wouldn’t want this to all be for nothing.”
Prudence and Wendell agreed. They each took some of the provisions with them as they trudged along the familiar path from the beach into the town. When the church steeple came in sight, Samantha felt a twinge of sadness. This would be the last time she ever saw it.
They stopped by Becky’s cottage first only to find it deserted. “Do you think something happened to them?” Wendell asked, picking up one of Molly’s dolls.
“They’re probably conserving firewood,” Samantha said.
They walked down the silent row of shops to the girl’s dormitory. Before she opened the door, Samantha took a deep breath and tried to force a smile to her face. She didn’t want any of the girls to suspect what she was planning.
“Hello everyone, we’re home,” she called from the parlor. They waited there a moment, a rustling coming from downstairs. Then a head of curly red hair bounded over the stairs and into Samantha’s outstretched arms. “Molly! Oh, you’ve gotten bigger since I left. I don’t think I’ll be able to pick you up soon.”
“Aunt Samantha, I missed you so much,” Molly said.
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