I set my pen down and read over the words. I like how they are coming together, how she’s bringing this out of me.
I like to drink to get drunk, its like a bullet
She’s like a drink that I need to feel like a gun needs a
I get up and pace. My fingers play with my missing lip ring. Sometimes I wish I still had it, but Quinn would’ve yanked it out when he was younger had I kept it. I read the lyrics that I wrote down. My chicken scratch is barely legible. School definitely doesn’t prepare you for stardom. Maybe if I paid more attention in handwriting class, I wouldn’t groan internally each time I’m asked for an autograph. I stop and play the air drums with the lyrics running through my head.
I have to scramble back to the couch when the next verse works its way into my subconscious.
Like a drink to a drunk, bullet in the gun, just one more kiss and I’ll be done
I soulda shoulda learned my lesson after all these days years, shoulda seen it coming but it’s already here a girl like that is Guaranteed Tears.
I hold the paper in my hand. I can’t help but smile. The first song I wrote about my feelings turned out to be shit; Liam won’t even sing it, but this... this has number one written all over it.
The high of my accomplishment quickly wears off. I have no one to share this with. Quinn is having a sleepover with Noah and Liam has Josie. JD is god-knows-where and with whom. Me? I’m alone, clutching an inked up piece of paper with a bunch of cross-outs, thinking I’ve just written a masterpiece. God, I’m such a fool. This isn’t any better than the first song I gave him. I know Liam says we need to express ourselves more, but come on. I can’t. I’ve never been good at this. I’m the silent one in the corner. The one you miss when you walk into a room. This isn’t me.
I crumple the lyrics up in to a ball and throw them toward the trashcan. The paper drops about a foot in front of it. Great, I can’t even make a basket. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I look at the clock, two a.m.
“It’s early.”
“Or late depending on where you are.”
“This is true. What’s up, Yvie?”
“Not much,” she sighs into the phone. There is definitely something bothering her or she wouldn’t be calling.
“You’re lying. I hate it when you lie to me.”
“I know,” she says quietly. “I just miss you and it’s not really a lie.”
“I miss you, too.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. I should be in bed. We are doing Disney in the morning. I could probably talk Quinn out of going first thing, but the other kids want to go and he needs to be with his friends. “So, missing me is the problem or is something else going on?”
“I have news.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I ask.
“I’ll be staring on Broadway in Enchantment,” Yvie says excitedly.
“Congratulations. When do you leave?”
“In a week.”
“That’s awesome, I’m very proud of you, Yvie.”
“Thank you. Now tell me why you’re awake. I know you didn’t have a show tonight.”
This time I’m the one sighing.
“What’s her name?”
“What makes you think there’s a woman involved?” I ask, trying to fight the grin that’s about to spread across my face. Katelyn, and how things were left, are definitely nothing to smile about.
“Quinn may have mentioned something when I called him earlier.”
“Traitor,” I say as I shake my head. I love that he and Yvie are close, even though we are living so far apart. It’s important for him to confide in her. She’s been like an older sister to him. “I like someone who can’t or won’t like me back.”
“Quinn says she lost her husband.”
I nod before realizing Yvie can’t see me. “She did and she’s raising twin daughters who are six. What else does my son say?”
“That she makes you smile and that one of her daughters really likes you.” Quinn must be talking about Elle because Peyton doesn’t like anyone right now, unless their name is Liam. It makes me feel good that Elle has taken to me. I would never want to replace her dad, but wouldn’t mind being a part of her life. Right now, Elle’s the only one willing to let me in.
“She does make me smile, but she also irritates me so much. I’m afraid to show her the real me because she definitely looks down on all my tattoos and the rejection... I’m not sure I can take any more.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them.
“Any more?”
I take a deep breath and push my hood off. “I kissed her tonight.”
“That’s good, right?” Yvie sounds too happy. I want to be her kind of happy someday.
“It was, until she pulled away. I moved too fast and probably scared her away.”
“Ah big brother, I’m sure she’ll come around. Once she gets to know you, she won’t be able to resist you. I know that for a fact.”
“Do ya now?” I ask, trying not to laugh at her enthusiasm. “And how’s that?”
“Because you’re the most amazing person I know and anyone would count themselves lucky to be loved by you.”
I can’t help but smile. “I love you, Yvie.”
“I love you too. I gotta go. I’ll call in a few days.”
“Be good.”
“Ha, you’re one to talk. Go snag your lady.”
“You’re funny.”
“I am.” My sister hangs up. I lean back and stare at the ceiling. She’s been studying and working extremely hard to land a lead on Broadway and she’s finally done it and I couldn’t be more proud. Now, if I could get my life in order, maybe the James family can finally be in sync. The only problem with mine is that I haven’t waited a year – the predetermined mourning period according to Cosmo, and now I’m stuck in limbo and don’t know what to do to get out of it. Obviously my kissing powers did nothing for her.
CHAPTER 12
Katelyn
I lean against the closed door. As much as I wanted to slam it and send the message that I’m not interested, I didn’t. My head bangs against the wood in frustration, not because he kissed me, and not because I didn’t pull away the moment his soft lips touched mine; but because I liked it and wanted so much more.
The way he held me to him like I was the most fragile object he’s ever touched? Mason never did that. The way he looked at me like I’m the most fragile being he’s ever seen? I can’t remember if Mason did that. Was it because we started dating so young he didn’t have to learn to be romantic? I know Mason loved me, I’ve never doubted that and I don’t want to compare them, but I can’t help it.
“Who are you looking at?”
“Mason Powell,” I say without taking my eyes from him. The school year has been good to him. He’s gotten bigger, more muscles. It’s hard to believe for only a freshman, well almost a sophomore.
“Why?” Josie asks.
I shrug and close my locker. We have cheerleading try-outs today. I’m not nervous, but I know Josie is. We’ve been waiting all year for this. We missed the try-outs before our school year started so this will be our chance.
“Do you like him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. He’s cute, don’t you think?”
I follow Josie’s eyes as she looks at him. When she cocks her head to the side, I roll my eyes and pull on her arm, leading us away from the group of football players.
“If you like him, you should ask him out.”
“No way,” I reply as we walk into the gym. “He’ll never go out with me. I’m not his type.”
“Why do you say that?” she asks as we start stretching.
“I’ve seen the way he looks at Candy. She gives all the guys the one thing I’m not willing to.”
Josie shrugs. “Maybe he’ll look at you that way too some day.”
“Yeah maybe, but I’m not willing to put myself out there, ya know? I mean, what if he makes fun of me? He’s this big time football player and everyo
ne says he’s going somewhere. He doesn’t have time to date. He’s probably like those guys we see on those stupid afterschool specials we are forced to watch. He takes the unsuspecting girl on a date, they go parking, nine months later they are expecting and he wants nothing to do with the girl and the whole town hates her.”
“You’re so dramatic, Katelyn. Seriously, if you like him, hint or something.” Josie moves into a split and pops up quickly. “Oh I know, drop your pencil in front of him and bend over, that will surely get his attention.”
“Not going to happen.”
Josie shrugs and goes quiet. All I can think about now is Mason looking at my ass and now I’m self-conscious that it might be fat or too flabby for him. I’ll have to start some butt crunches or something, like my mother does to firm it up.
“Don’t look now,” Josie says, and of course I turn and do just that and find Mason staring at me. I have to look away immediately for fear that he’ll laugh when he sees that I blush easily.
“I have to go use the restroom.”
“Josie Preston, if you leave me, we’re no longer friends.” She stands and starts laughing as she walks off. I look up, straining my neck when two muscly legs stand in front of me. He crouches down so that he’s almost at eye level.
I try not to let my nerves get to me, but I’m lost in his emerald green eyes. He could be my Saint Patrick’s Day lucky charm. Oh my god, Katelyn, you’re an idiot.
“Hi Katelyn.”
“Hi,” my voice is weak. I bite my lip, hoping he’ll go away.
“Good luck at try-outs. I can’t wait to have you cheering for me this fall.”
“Okay... I mean thanks.”
Mason shrugs. “Maybe we can hang out over the summer.”
“Yeah sure, stop by anytime.”
As soon as I say it, I know he never will.
“Thanks. See you soon.” He’s gone before I can even comprehend what the hell just happened. All I know is he didn’t even touch me and my skin is tingling.
Tingling. I didn’t think I’d feel anything when Harrison touched me. I’m not supposed to. My body isn’t supposed to react to him, but it did. When Harrison held me to him, when he cupped the back of my head so gently, despite the fact that his hand is so strong – something Mason had never done – I felt the desire to be with him course through my body. He ignited a smoldering passion that I’ve been trying to bury since Mason.
Stepping away from the door, I can’t help but smile at the memory of the first time he spoke to me. It wasn’t long after that day in school that we became a couple. We spent almost every day together the summer between our freshman and sophomore year. If he wasn’t at football camp, he was at my house. We had a pool, and he and Liam would come over and beg me to go swimming. Swimming with them was only exciting when Josie was around, which wasn’t much, since she had to work. My mom said he was using me and when school started, he’d drop me like a bad habit.
I dreaded the first day for fear that she was right. I was prepared for things to be different, but they weren’t. He ignored all the girls that flirted with him and told me he only had eyes for me. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. He was easy to love.
I look around my dark and quiet hotel room and realize that I’m alone in every sense of the word. Peyton doesn’t want to talk to me and Elle is having no problem finding a way for Harrison to fit into her life. My happy little family is slipping through my fingers.
Everything in my life is changing and there isn’t a thing I can do to stop it.
Walking through the gates, I stop and take in the surroundings with Peyton and Elle holding my hands. I pull them closer without being obvious. They don’t know how important it is that we are standing here. Mason should’ve been here with us. We had this planned out – a gift for their sixth birthday – we had started saving everything we could. We were going to make this happen, together, and now here I am with our girls and standing in front of me is a man who, I have a feeling, would move into the role of dad without hesitation, if given the chance.
The girls and I walk forward. Elle lets go of my hand and walks right up to Harrison. I try not to show any emotion when she slips her hand into his. Quinn doesn’t seem to care, so why should I? Peyton lets go next, leaving me to stand awkwardly in the middle of the entrance to Disney World by myself. Josie shoves me lightly when she walks by. I want to kick her. Tackle her to the ground like I did when we were in kindergarten. Childish, yes, but the look in her eyes tells me enough. She knows Harrison is watching me. I know it too because I can feel his eyes on me, even if they are covered by dark glasses.
Harrison steps forward and onto the path that will lead us to the most magical place on earth. I check on Peyton, who is firmly attached to Liam’s hand, just as Elle is with Harrison. He looks back at me, clearly waiting for me to follow. He doesn’t need words, it’s like I can read him already.
Two bodyguards with two more in front of Liam flank me. If it were just the guys out today, we wouldn’t need them, but with the kids out, the security is required. The guys also don’t want to sign autographs today, which is understandable. Jimmy comes up behind me and puts his arm around my shoulders. It doesn’t escape my attention that Harrison’s already somber expression turns even bleaker.
It’s nice to be out as one big family. People stare and point, no doubt recognizing the guys, but they ignore them. This is our day; a day to be away from our jobs and their public life and to give the kids some fun.
Jimmy runs ahead and scoops Peyton up, throwing her over his shoulder. She laughs, and the sound brings tears to my eyes. Harrison slows down and walks next to me with Elle on his other side. She hasn’t let go of his hand, nor has she stopped talking, and Harrison hasn’t missed a word, even though he’s looking at me every few seconds.
It’s only a matter of minutes before my camera is out and both girls are wrapped in Mickey Mouse’s embrace. Noah jokes that Mickey is for babies, earning an ear flick from Liam.
“Go stand with the girls, I’ll take your picture.” His warm hand covers mine. His lips are dangerously close to the ear. My tongue is thick, no words willing to form as I hand him the camera and walk over to my girls. I bring them both into my arms, kissing them both on their cheeks before posing for what will surely be our Christmas card. We didn’t send one out last Christmas, so maybe we’ll do it this year.
“Thank you,” I say when Harrison shows me the picture. He stands next to me, his chest pressed against my shoulder. I should step back and remind him that we can never be anything more than co-workers, but doing that might be rude and presumptuous. He’s just being nice right now.
Jimmy, I’ve determined, is the biggest kid of all of them. He races the boys and Peyton to the lines so they can start riding, even though it clearly says no running. I’ve never been one for rides, so I’ve gladly accepted the photographer role.
I’m surprised when Harrison appears. I thought for sure he’d be with Quinn. For a brief moment I worry about Elle, but remember that Liam and Josie are there and neither of them would let anything happen to her. Harrison stands next me, his body brushing up against mine. Today he’s wearing a baseball cap and it’s starting to bug the shit out of me.
I try to adjust my body so that we aren’t touching, but fail in my attempt and end up creating just enough friction to cause the hairs on my arms to rise. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything and for that I’m thankful.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
I shake my head. “It was a mistake.”
Harrison sighs. He hangs his head and turns slightly to look at me. “It didn’t feel like one to me.”
I don’t have an answer and I think that upsets him. I look down at the manicured garden in front of me, fearful of seeing his expression. My eyes start to water and for what? Nothing can happen between us, he knows this.
We hustle from ride to ride and even though I’m not riding them, I’m exhausted
from the stories that Peyton and Elle are telling me. Peyton is having a blast. Seeing her smile gives me hope that she’s turning the corner in her mourning. Not that she needs to be rushed, but I miss my little girl.
“Mommy, I’m tired.” Elle pulls on my t-shirt to get my attention. We’re in one of the many gift shops looking at souvenirs. It’s also a great place to cool down from the beating sun.
“Are you ready to go back to the hotel?”
“No, can you carry me?”
“Elle, there’s no way I can carry you. You’re too big.”
Elle leans against me, grinding her face into my side. This is typical Elle – she’s the child that loves to nap – whereas, Peyton can go all day. I play with her ponytail, contemplating what to do with her. I don’t want to ruin her day, but carrying her is out of the question.
“Excuse me, where can I rent a wagon?” I ask the clerk behind the counter.
“What do you need a wagon for?” I turn to find Harrison behind me. He gazes down at me. His eyes are soft and forgiving, showing no mention of our earlier conversation.
“Elle’s tired. I can’t carry her, so I need something to put her in or we need to go back to the hotel.”
Harrison nods. He bends over and says something to Elle before he picks her up from behind and places her on his shoulder. Her face beams as she steadies herself.
“We won’t be needing the wagon,” he says to the clerk who shrugs. I stand there stone-faced as he walks out of the store, ducking when they get to the entrance, with my baby on his shoulders.
“Hey, is that Harrison James?”
“No,” I say as I leave.
“Harrison?” he stops and faces me. His sunglasses are covering his eyes again and it makes me wonder if Elle did that for him. “You don’t have to carry her, she can walk.”
Harrison looks up at Elle while she looks down at him. They smile at each other as if they are sharing their own secrets. “Princess Elle, I’m your Henchman, what say you?”
I smile and laugh at the way Harrison is talking to her.
“Take me to my palace and I shall feed you for the night,” Elle says in her princess voice. Good lord, he fell right into her game.
The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories Page 8