“Mason,” I say over and over again waiting for a sign or some type of response to show me that the doctor is wrong. My husband is strong. He can pull through this. He just needs to know that I’m here and that I love him. I cup his face, lean in and kiss his lips. They’re cold and uninviting. I run my hand over his hair. He has an appointment tomorrow morning so he can get a trim. Every six-weeks like clock work.
“Mason, baby, please wake up.” I plead with him. “Open your beautiful eyes for me.” I lay my head on his chest to feel his heart, but it’s so faint.
“Katie?”
My head pops up and I see Mr. Powell standing at the end of the bed. I forgot to call him. He looks at me with such sorrow in his eyes. He comes to me, his arms wrapping around my shoulders. He holds me while I cry. I scream loudly, but don’t know the words that are coming out of my mouth. His body shakes with mine as we battle the pain that is ripping through our bodies. Our world is leaving us and we are powerless to stop him from going.
“We have to say goodbye.”
I shake my head. “No, he’s strong, he’ll pull through.”
“I know, Katie.” He sighs, holding me tighter. The machine beeps. We break apart. I hold Mason’s hand while his father holds his other. My fingers twist his wedding band back and forth while my other hand strokes his cheek. I lean forward, setting my lips by his ear.
“I love you, Mason Powell. You’re the best husband and father. Our daughters love you. If you can hear me, fight baby. Fight so damn hard because we need you. I need you. I don’t know how to live without you.” My tears wet the side of his face. I hear his dad take in a deep breath. I can’t even begin to imagine how he’s doing this. We were in this same hospital not a year ago saying goodbye to his wife.
Mason’s body shudders. The beeping stops. I try to choke back a sob, but it wracks through my body. I cry for the loss of my husband and best friend.
I wipe away the tears that are steaming down my face. I hadn’t thought about that night in such a long time. The nightmares are few and far between. Now I just dream about him coming for me. Months ago that is something I wanted. Not the death part, but to have him in my arms again, but now? Now I wonder if there’s something out there for me. Is Harrison the one who can turn things around for me and give the girls a father figure? The answer is no because I have a feeling that if I replaced Mason, my father-in-law might be hurt, and there’s no way I’m going to hurt him.
“I need help, Mason,” I say to his tombstone, knowing that it won’t answer, but wishing it would. “These feelings I have inside me are raging, building up to the surface and I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m antsy and on edge. Something has to change, but I don’t know what. I hate having feelings for another man when I love you so much. I shouldn’t feel like this. My heart... it should know better, Mason. Please tell me what to do.”
Of course, he doesn’t answer. He’ll never answer. He’ll never sit by my side and help me through the tiniest of problems. He’ll never hold my hand and walk with me along the path that we set out for ourselves so many years ago.
“Harrison will.”
I sit up, looking around. I see no one and can’t imagine my subconscious would be telling me to move on. Not like this. Not in the place where my husband rests.
I know what I have to do, but it won’t be easy. I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find the name that has been looming there since Mason left. I press the number and watch as my phone lights up, telling me I’m calling the one person I’d hope to avoid because I thought I was strong enough to do this by myself.
“Hello, this is Katelyn Powell. I need to make an appointment to see Dr. Brooks.”
I wait on hold until she comes back with my appointment time. I hang up and watch the other mourners, wondering if they’ll go through the same thing I have or if their lives will just continue. There are two little girls; they look to be about the twins’ age. Both are dressed the same. Mason was adamant that we never do that to our kids, but we did. I did. He laughed and went along with it, once.
I think about Peyton and Elle and how I don’t want them to grow up. How I need them to stay just the way they are so I don’t forget what it was like to have their dad around. I need Peyton to always love football, to keep Mason’s spirit alive on Sundays and for Elle to be the princess that her daddy said she was going to be. I think that is the only thing that is going to keep me afloat.
CHAPTER 17
Harrison
Grocery shopping. I hate it. And once again, I’m asking myself why the fuck did I move so far from my mom or not bring her with me? What the hell was I thinking? Right, I wasn’t thinking with my brain, but another member of my anatomy; because I thought I could win the affection of the hottest chick I’d ever come across and look where it’s gotten me. I’m in the grocery store, looking at a million different boxes of cereal, standing next to my son who can’t make up his mind on which one he wants.
Quinn stands next to me with one arm across his stomach and his other resting on top of it. His hand is almost cupping his chin as if he’s deep in thought about what cereal is going to make his first day of school better. Who knew that buying breakfast food was so challenging?
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” he says with a shrug.
“How can you not know?” his response confuses me. This kid eats cereal every day and he doesn’t know what kind he wants? This is exactly why I paid my mom to do all my shopping.
“Grandma says that I need to eat well because I’ll be getting up early and breakfast is the most important meal of my day.”
I look at him and roll my eyes because that is exactly what my mom texted to me last night after I asked her to send me the grocery list. My mom helped us get settled in Beaumont, but returned to Los Angeles when we went on tour. Big mistake. I had forgotten how nice it was to have her around. She was my personal assistant until this big move.
“Mr. James?” I turn at the sound of my name and find a tall woman with long blond hair, pushing a cart full of food, behind us.
“Yes?”
“I’m Monica Lowell... from Quinn’s school... his teacher. We met at the end of the school year when you came in and registered him.”
I look at her for a moment before her words set in.
“Oh yes, hi.” I extend my hand and shake hers.
“I see you’re getting ready for school to start.”
I look at our barren grocery cart and compare it to hers. I need a lot more food. “Yeah we just got back from being on tour, need to replenish.”
“Quinn, are you ready for school?”
He shrugs, which I’m starting to think is his new thing.
“I’m sure he’s ready.” Quinn looks at me briefly before turning back to the cereal selection. Maybe he’s not ready for public school.
“Well, it was nice to run into you guys. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Bye.” I watch her as she walks down the aisle. My head bends slightly when she bends over to pick something up.
“She likes you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I can tell. She makes those eyes.”
“What eyes?” I ask.
“The same ones Josie makes at Liam all the time. Noah teases her about it. He says they’re the sexy eyes.”
“You guys watch too much TV,” I say as I push the cart away. “Pick a cereal and let’s go.”
I head to the next aisle and find his teacher there as well. She looks and smiles when she sees me. I wink, even though I don’t mean to, and the result is an instant blush. She fumbles with the box that she had in hand and I can tell she’s embarrassed.
I try not to laugh and have to turn away so she doesn’t see the shit-eating grin on my face. Quinn’s right, maybe she does have a crush.
“Oh ouch.”
I turn back around and find Monica bent over rubbing her head. “Are you okay?�
� I ask as I walk to her.
“Fine,” she responds is a raspy voice. This is the same voice that Elle uses when she’s trying not to cry. I reach for her hand and pull it away from her head. She’s got the makings of a nasty goose egg forming.
“What did you do?”
“It’s stupid. I’ll be fine. The shelf and I had a disagreement.”
“It doesn’t look fine. You need some ice.” I move her hair away from her face and study her wound as if I’m suddenly a doctor. I’m closer to her than I want to be, but I feel responsible for what she’s done to herself. I don’t intend to flirt with her, but it’s nice to be flirted with, so I inadvertently return the gesture.
“Dad, look who’s...”
My head snaps to Quinn’s voice and behind him is Katelyn. When I look at her, her eyes immediately look down to the ground. Well isn’t this great? I’m in a no-win situation already, so what the hell.
“You should really put some ice on your bump and call me if you need anything.”
“I will, thanks.”
I smile and go back to my cart. Katelyn is still standing there, and for the life of me, I’m not sure why. She made it very clear that we’ll never be anything to each other, so why does she look so down?
“Your teacher bumped her head,” I say to Quinn.
Quinn looks from me to Katelyn. I know he likes her, but I can’t force her to be with me. The look on his face tells me everything I need to know. He doesn’t want me talking to his teacher.
“Come on, we gotta finish shopping.” I set my hand on his shoulder and guide him out of the aisle without a second look at Monica and with nothing said to Katelyn.
Now I know why I paid my mom to do all my shopping. The grocery store is full of drama and confusion.
I fire up my bike for the first time in months. I don’t know why I don’t ride it more often, especially since Quinn likes it. It’s just not practical, unless we are going for a drive, and we haven’t done that in a long time. I drive to the water tower, Liam’s favorite place to sit and relax, except tonight is some type of celebration that he’s invited me to. I’m surprised that the town of Beaumont hasn’t removed the ladder and deemed water tower drinking against the law, but I suppose when your police force are all locals, they turn a blind eye to such a thing.
When I arrive, the party is in full-force. I park away from most of the trucks, the last thing I need is for a beer bottle to hit my bike. I leave my helmet on my seat and look around for Liam or Josie. Music is blasting out of a stereo, a throwback to the 80s.
“Yo, James!”
I look up, shielding the setting sun with my hand. Liam’s waving his arm back forth, trying to get my attention.
“Are you going up?” Josie steps next to me dressed in a shirt that says Liam Page’s Candy. I know he had Luke make it especially for her. If Katelyn was mine, I’d adorn her chest with something like Fuck Calm Do a Drummer or Drummers Do It Better. That thought only lasts for a brief moment because there’s no way in hell Katelyn will ever be mine.
“Yeah, probably. What’s all this for?” I motion to the crowd. There has to be twenty maybe thirty people here.
“It’s Friday night. Most of us will head on over to the school for the game, some will stay here and get the grill going. This has been tradition for a long time and Liam’s first one since he’s been back.”
“Small town living, huh?”
“Oh I don’t know about that. Beaumont isn’t that small.”
I laugh. She has no idea. You can live in Los Angeles and never run into the same stranger twice. “It’s small to me.”
“Well whatever Beaumont is, we’re happy you’re here.”
“Is that so?”
Josie nods. She looks at Liam before turning back to me. “I didn’t know how things would work when we got back together, but I didn’t care because I just wanted to be with him. I told myself I’d deal with the long nights and the travel, just as long as he always came back.” Josie toes the ground before taking a deep breath. I’m not sure where she’s going with this, but I’ll gladly lend her an ear if she needs one.
“Anyway, when you decided to move here, it made his decision easier. So I thank you, Harrison. Because of you, my son has his dad home for more nights.”
“I didn’t do anything. I like it here.”
Josie smiles and leans in to give me a hug. I wrap my arms around her and look up at Liam. He’s shaking his head. Josie steps back, she looks around before looking at me again.
“You’ll find happiness here.”
I shrug. “I’m not worried.” It’s not exactly a lie, but if I stress about it too much I’ll let my productivity suffer and I can’t do that. My drums can take a beating before I let the band down. “I’m going to head up with Liam. I’ll see you later.” I lean in and kiss her on the cheek. Liam is one lucky son-of-a-bitch.
I climb the ladder and am greeted by a beer being tossed at my head. Liam snickers as I fumble the catch, almost losing a full one. The other guys with him laugh and make small talk. A few I’ve met, others are new. I sit next to Liam. My legs dangle over the edge. I look down and question my sanity and the stability of this walkway. If this tower is still used, how often are they doing repairs? I pop the cap on my bottle and down my beer. The thought of drinking enough so I don’t feel any pain is a pleasing thought, but tomorrow will suck and that’s not fair to Quinn.
I let my bottle sail into the back of a truck at the same time I see Katelyn walking across the field toward Josie. She’s dressed in those stupid daisy duke shorts that my sister likes, and even though she’s about a foot shorter than I am, her legs go for a mile long until her strappy sandals come into view. What the fuck is wrong with me? I shake my head to clear my vision, but that does nothing for me as my eyes watch some dude come up to her and give her a hug. His hand lingers on her back longer than it should. She doesn’t move his hand or step away from him. They stand there talking to Josie like they’re some couple.
Is this who she wants to be with, some slack wearing, tweed sport coat type of guy? How boring is that? I reach for another beer, popping the cap and downing this one just as fast. I throw it hard, hoping to catch her attention. I don’t and it pisses me off. I should’ve known she was coming here tonight. If this is their tradition why would she stay home? These are her friends, not mine.
I reach for my third, catching Liam’s eye in the process. His eyebrow is raised and he’s smirking. I hate when he smirks. It usually means something’s on his mind and I’m about to hear some insightful bullshit from the great Liam Page.
“What?”
“Nothing man. Just haven’t seen you drink that fast in a long time. Josie’s my DD tonight you can crash at the house if you want.”
I pop the top and set my beer down between my legs. Tonight is supposed to be fun, the last hurrah before summer is over and the adults have to focus on their kids, yet all I want to do is get drunk and create havoc. I haven’t felt this wound up in a long time. I lean against the rail and look out over the crowd. I try not to seek out Katelyn, but my eyes gravitate toward her, no matter how hard I try to stare at the other scantily clad women that are here. I could go back to the way I was before I moved here – keeping a woman on standby for a few months at time – no connection, no emotions.
But that’s not what I want.
I want her.
Everything in me is saying give up; that I don’t need her, but I do.
I need her like I need to breathe.
“So,” Liam says breaking my reverie. I take a long pull off my beer and look at him. “I’m thinking the four of us hit L.A. for a combined bachelor/bachelorette party.”
“You’re having a party?” Why on earth would he want to do this? He’s got the perfect woman on his arms and he wants to fuck it up with a night in L.A. where all the groupies are.
“Why wouldn’t we?”
“I don’t know, because you’re not single.”
&nb
sp; “Nah, it’s not like that. Josie wants to go to L.A. and we have an awards show coming up. Let’s take the girls.”
I shake my head and start peeling the label off the bottle. “You act like Katelyn and I are together and were not. Hell, we aren’t even speaking right now.”
“No, but she’s Josie’s... whatever you call it and you’re my best man. This is like wedding law or some shit. I don’t know. I’m just trying to make her happy.”
“Whatever, man. L.A. and awards shows are a mistake, especially with Sam being there.” I down the rest of my beer and throw it to the bed of the truck. “But if that’s what you want, fine.”
The only exciting idea about going back is that I’ll be able to sleep in my own bed. Yvie moved into my apartment when I left and she’ll be on Broadway with her show.
“I’m going to take off,” I say as I get up, patting him on the shoulder.
“I’ll come down with you.”
Liam and I descend the rickety ladder one at a time. I’m going to suggest an alternative place to hang out. I’m not sure the ladder is going to hold many more of us. I’m sure it was fine when they were teens, but some of them have put on a few pounds since.
We walk... well I walk, Liam struts to where Josie and Katelyn are. The douche that was touching her is still near her, but with his back turned. How can any man turn his back on her, I’ll never understand.
“So baby,” Liam says as he wraps Josie in his arms. She giggles, and while that used to make me cringe I’d give everything to hear Katelyn do that as a result of my arms. “We’re going to go to L.A. for our dual parties.”
“What if I wanted a stripper?”
My mouth drops. Katelyn stifles a laugh behind her hand. Liam’s face turns red as his mouth open and shuts. Josie stands there with her eyebrow raised and her arms crossed. Oh this will be good.
“You...” Liam looks down at the ground and takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he says when he looks back at Josie, who looks like she’s about to crack under pressure.
The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories Page 12