“I need a sign, Mason. I need something to show me that you want me to move on. That it’s okay to love someone else, because right now, I’m set to be all myself if that’s what would make you happy.”
I lie down on my blanket and look at the clouds. The day is gray and overcast. I turn on my side and run my hands over the grass that covers his casket. “Tell me what to do Mason and I’ll do it. You hold my heart, and I’m so afraid to give it to someone else without your approval.”
No sooner do I speak the words does it start snowing. I roll onto my back and close my eyes, letting the snow fall slowly down to me. The snowflakes dance along my skin, landing on my eyelashes. Snow kisses Mason used to call them. Is this my sign? Is this enough for me to open my heart to someone else with his approval?
I’m crazy for planning this party. I’m not sure what I was thinking except I needed to get my mind off of things and what better way to do it than to have my girlfriends over for a mini party. The music is on and drinks are flowing. The girls are with my parents and we’re having a slumber party. I know it seems childish, but it’s better than driving home drunk.
I carry a tray of nachos into the living room. Josie, Jenna and Aubrey are on the floor, pillows surrounding them. We’ll all in our pajamas; it’s high school all over again. The only thing missing are the boys looming outside, ready to climb up the trestle. I wouldn’t put it past Liam to do that tonight.
“Okay, we should play a game,” Aubrey says with a smile. I’m glad she decided to come and hang out with us tonight.
“Oh, games are fun,” Jenna replies as she reaches for the nachos.
“Josie, these margaritas are good.” I don’t know how many I’ve had, but each one tastes better than the last.
“What game are we playing?” Josie asks.
“How about a slight variation of twenty questions,” Jenna suggests. “Obviously, we know a lot about each other and we’re getting to know Aubrey, but it’s girls night so let’s get down to the nitty gritty.”
“I’m game,” Aubrey says.
“Katelyn, remember when Mason had that party and we played spin the bottle?”
“Oh God,” I choke on my drink when Josie brings that up. “He got so pissed that we never made it into the closet, which I didn’t understand, since we were already... you know.”
“No, I don’t know, tell us.” Aubrey winks and Jenna starts laughing.
I roll my eyes. “You know...” I say nodding my head, but Aubrey just shakes hers. “Fine, we were having sex, so I didn’t see why it was so important to go into the closet. Only later did he tell me that it’s a rite of passage that all boys need to experience. Our next date, he took me to the freaking closet!”
They all start laughing. I can’t contain my laughter and snort so loudly that they all stop, only to start up again.
“Okay, okay, okay,” I say holding my hands up. “Seriously, my husband wasn’t always the most romantic, but...” I lose my thoughts. “Shots,” I call out to diffuse the tension I just created in the room.
Josie lines up the shots of tequila on my coffee table. “Lick, suck and slam, ladies, I’m almost a married woman.”
“Oh shit, that burns,” Aubrey says after she knocks hers back. I agree, but keep that to myself. “One more time,” she suggests, and none of us disagree.
Josie pours and lines them up. We count to three and repeat the process. We break out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
“Katelyn, do you think Liam will try and sneak in here tonight?”
“Yes, I do. And probably Nick too, although not at the same time.”
“Were they ever friends?” Aubrey asks.
“Not really. Nick had a crush on Josie and Liam is possessive,” I say. “Nick moved here and just tried to fit in, but Mason and Liam had a solid friendship and it was hard for him.”
“They get along now,” Josie adds.
“Nick really loves Noah, you know,” Aubrey adds with a smile. I know she means well, but this isn’t the time to discuss their odd family relationship.
“I know he does. We’re trying, Aubrey.”
“I know and he appreciates it. Can I ask a question?”
I stop mid-bite and crunch on the chip I just picked up, slowly. I want to hear what Aubrey has to ask. I need a little bit of excitement in my life, even if it’s at the expense of my best friend.
“Sure,” Josie says.
“When Nick asked you about the wedding, you told him that you hadn’t set a date, why?”
Josie shakes her head slightly before looking at Aubrey. She smiles, genuinely and I know she likes her and is glad that Nick found someone.
“It was awkward to talk about getting married less than a year after he and I broke up. I froze and blurted out the first thing that came to me. I meant no disrespect and I’m happy that you’re here tonight.”
The room grows quiet except for the sounds of chips crunching and the music playing in the background.
“Most public place you’ve ever had sex?” Josie blurts out.
I’m going to need more to drink if we are playing sex games.
“Bleachers,” Jenna replies.
“I’ve never had sex in a public place, Nick was my first and it’s very cold here.” We try not to laugh, but we can’t help it. Aubrey starts laughing too. “I’ll tell him we need to try.”
“Oh yeah, Nick will love that,” Josie adds. “Fifty-yard line... last night,” she says. We look at her. Our mouths drop open. She shrugs and takes a drink of her margarita.
“I can’t believe you.”
“What, why not? Liam’s hot and yesterday he was Liam Page and I couldn’t resist. What about you Powell?”
I feel the blood rush to my head. I’ve only had sex outside one time, and that was with Harrison. “I, um... at this place called The Point, on a motorcycle.”
“What? Mason never had a... oh my God.” Josie covers her mouth. I feel my cheeks start to burn. I try to get up, but she pulls me back down. “On his motorcycle?”
I nod and am rewarded with squeals.
“Katelyn, that is seriously hot and with Harrison too. I’d do him.” I look up at Jenna and wonder why she’d say that. “Oh let’s play Kiss, Marry, Screw.” Jenna continues, “I’ll go first. I’d totally kiss Matt Dillon, but only when he was in the Outsiders. I’d marry Harrison and screw Jimmy.”
“What? Ewe Jenna. Jimmy is a such a dirty dog,” Josie says, but I’m still trying to process what she said about Harrison.
“Why Harrison?” I ask.
“Why not Harrison? A man that’s good with his son? Heaven.”
“Okay, my turn. I’d kiss Vampire Erik, marry Will Smith and screw Ryan Gosling,” Aubrey adds.
“Hey girllll,” Jenna throws out there. I look at her with confusion. “It’s his thing,” she says.
“I guess it’s my turn,” I say. “I’d kiss McDreamy, marry Prince Harry and screw Ryan Stevenson.”
“Ryan Stevenson?” Josie asks. I realize I’ve made a mistake.
“He’s a drummer.”
“You know other drummers?”
I sigh and cover my face. “Harrison showed me a picture of him one night.” I pour myself another shot and down it.
“Why would you want another drummer when you have that fine man waiting for you,” I look at Jenna questioningly. She shrugs. “Harrison’s a catch.”
“What?” I choke out.
“Nothing. My go,” Jenna says enthusiastically.
“Josie didn’t get a turn,” Aubrey adds.
Josie waves her hand. “Liam, Liam and Liam for all my answers.”
I roll my eyes. “Figures.”
“I have a good one. I’d kiss Nicholas Hoult, marry Henry Cavill and screw David Beckham,” Jenna says with a bit of flair.
“What’s with all the Brits?” I ask.
“It’s the British accent. It does things to me.”
“Ah, so that’s why you want to play with J
immy,” Josie teases.
“He’s sweet,” she says.
“But he’ll never settle down. He likes the ladies too much.” Josie knows this from Liam, I’m sure. Harrison and I never really talked about Jimmy. “But Harrison on the other hand, I can see him settling down.”
I raise my eyebrow at Josie. I don’t know what she’s playing at but I don’t like it. I take another shot. I need to erase him from my mind.
“Maybe I should ask him out,” Jenna responds.
“Um, no, maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Why not?” she asks. Josie moves closer, holding a pillow in her lap.
“Because you can’t.”
“But you broke up,” Josie throws out there. I lean over and cover my face.
“You guys, I think you’re embarrassing her.” If I could lean over and kiss Aubrey I would.
“I’m going to text Liam and tell him to come over.” Josie suddenly changes the subject.
“Oh, have him bring Harrison too,” Jenna says excitedly.
“No, don’t,” I hastily reply. The last thing I need is for Harrison to turn up and make things even more uncomfortable than they already are.
Jenna looks over at Josie and Aubrey before continuing, “Well, if the boys aren’t coming over here, maybe we should go and see them. Josie, you can give Liam a booty call and I can get to know Harrison.” I don’t know whether it’s the amount of drinks I’ve had or the fact that Jenna seems to have a fixation on Harrison, but I do know that the idea of her getting to know him better is not okay with me.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I say quietly.
“Why not?”
“Because... I don’t.”
“But why? He’s single, I’m single, I think it’s a great idea.”
“Because I think I’m in love with him,” I blurt out. The room goes quiet and I notice Josie and Jenna exchange looks. Aubrey scoots next to me and puts her arm around me.
“What are you going to do about it?” Josie asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I can’t...” I stand up and try to pace, but I’m too dizzy. I sit back down and pull my legs to my chest. “I can’t take anymore hurt.”
Josie kneels in front of me and takes my hands into hers. “Harrison won’t hurt you, Katelyn, he’s in love with you and he loves Peyton and Elle. Just give him a chance.”
“I did.”
“And he didn’t do anything to break that trust. You were duped, just like I was last year by that wretched woman. He’s taken care of her. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have done that.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
Josie puts my hair behind my ear. “You do know, sweetie, you just have to look in front of you.”
I nod and wrap my arms around her. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but maybe Harrison and I can sit down and figure things out after the wedding.
CHAPTER 37
Harrison
“Merry Christmas!” Quinn bellows out. He runs into the house, excited to spend his last few days with his friends. He hasn’t told Noah or the girls, said he didn’t want them to be sad around Christmas time or for the wedding. I respect his decision.
The sound of laughter rings throughout the house. Quinn and I carry in our presents for everyone. The girls are dressed in matching outfits. I eye Peyton, who looks like she’s going to scream with excitement. I smile at her and am rewarded with one of the sweetest smiles I’ve ever had from her. Since the day we had our chat, things have been really good between us. Elle is twirling around like a ballerina, giggling. I feel like I’m missing something I never really had, and it hurts.
Katelyn sits in the chair next to the fireplace. Her legs are curled underneath. I miss her, but I can’t let that show, especially today. A year ago, I walked into this house and saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. When I held her hand, I knew she was going to be someone special. Everything I did, I did because I saw her as my future.
Now, she’s my past, and in a few days she’ll go from someone I know and see occasionally to someone I see rarely, if at all, and that doesn’t make me happy. But it’s my choice.
Liam walks in with a Santa hat on and the kids start jumping up and down. I kneel in front of the tree and put the presents that Quinn wrapped underneath it. I hold the one I bought for Katelyn in my hand and wonder if it should be included with the rest, or if I should leave it in her mailbox on my way out of town. It’s not meant to be a parting gift, it’s something I bought for her before shit went down. I’ve thought about not giving it to her, but it has meaning and I can’t bring myself to return it to the store.
I try not to watch her, but I can feel my body gravitate toward her. Her hair falls in her face as I pass by. I have to pocket my hand to keep me from caressing her cheek. I pinch my leg, reminding me that she quit us. I didn’t.
“Present time,” Liam announces. The kids yell with excitement and gather around the tree. Liam distributes the presents to each child, leaving the adults for last.
I try to keep my thoughts at bay. I don’t know if moving is the right thing to do, but right now, it’s what I need. I’ve put myself out there with her and I wore my heart on my sleeve. I sit back and watch as the kids tear into their presents. Wrapping paper flies all over the room and laughter rings out. Josie brings in breakfast. She hands me a cup of coffee. I know the look on her face. She feels sorry for me, and she shouldn’t. She smiles softly and turns to look at Katelyn.
I don’t want to look, but I can’t help myself, and much like last year, she’s staring at her girls, probably remembering her husband. I can’t imagine holidays get any easier when the one you love is no longer able to love you back. I should know.
“Dad, can I give Peyton and Elle their presents?” Out of the corner of my eye I see Katelyn look over. It makes me wonder what she’s thinking.
“I’d like to watch them open them. Can you bring them over here?” I ask. Quinn nods and returns to the girls. He picks up their presents and shows them to them. The three of them, who have grown close this past year, come over and sit in front of me.
“From me and my dad,” he says handing them each a box. Quinn picked out the red wrapping paper and blue bow. The girls tear open their boxes and open the lid.
“Oh look, mommy, I got a necklace.” Elle shuffles over to her mom and shows her. I look at Peyton, who holds her necklace in her hand.
“What’s in there?”
I move to sit down on the floor next to her. I pick up the vial and spin it around. Her eyes go wide with surprise as the gel moves around. “Inside are two names, yours and your dad’s.” I take the necklace from her hand and secure it around her neck. “This way, your dad is always with you.”
“Is mine like that too, Harrison?” Elle walks on her knees over to me and hands me her box. I take out her necklace and hold it up so the sunlight can hit it. “It sparkles,” Elle squeals and claps her hands.
I spin it around and hold it in my hand so she can see the inside. “That one there says Elle and that one there says Mason.”
“Can you put it on for me?” Elle turns around and lifts her hair like a true princess. I fasten her necklace and sit back. The girls play with their necklaces, mesmerized that each time they tilt the vial, their gel and names move. I went with leather as their chains so they won’t break on them.
“This is from my dad,” Quinn says. He hands Katelyn her box. I didn’t even know he brought it over. Honestly, I thought I hid it far enough at the back that Liam would find it last and I would be gone. I don’t want to do this family shit right now.
“Thanks, Quinn.” Katelyn takes the present from him and pulls the ribbon. The satin falls onto her lap and she tears off the paper. I look at Liam, who is focusing on Josie and Noah. They’re oblivious to what’s going on.
My heart beats faster when she starts to lift the lid. I need to get out of here. I stand just as she gasps. I look down at the ground. I can
’t bear to look at her. I hear the charms clank together as she pulls out her bracelet. When I bought it, I thought it was a good idea. Now, I’m second guessing the decision to even give it to her.
“Harrison?” I close my eyes at the way my name sounds. I shake my head and walk out of the room. I don’t want her to tell me she loves it or that she’s thankful. I did it because I wanted her to know that all of us, including Mason, can fit into a life together. But that’s not what she wants.
I don’t want to leave Quinn, but the pain is too much to take. The studio is cold and far too dark for my liking. We haven’t practiced or even jammed in weeks. I turn on the light and shut the door. I need to be alone. Pulling out my stool and putting on my headphones, I sit down. My sticks are sitting there, evidence that Peyton has been down here practicing. I like that she feels comfortable, and hope that she tells her mom that she wants lessons, because I think it’s helping her self-esteem and it gives her something to do, aside from her fascination with football.
The beat of the drums soothes me. This is my escape. I need this, even if my left hand is hampered by a cast. I know I’m a shit for ditching out on Christmas, but I need to be able to clear my head. When she’s in my vicinity, my judgment is clouded. All I want to do is pull her into a corner and beg her to give us a fair chance. There’s no way I can do that and save face at the same time. She was loud and clear when she kicked me out of her house that night. She wasn’t willing to look at the possibility that the photos were lies. She just thought I was a liar and a cheat, something I’ve never been.
I freeze when the beat of her song starts coming from my drums. What would possess me to play this, I don’t know. I put the sticks down and take a deep breath. The door opens and footsteps come near me.
“Are you really leaving after the wedding?”
I look up at Liam and nod. “I can’t be in the same room as her and she’s always around. I need my space.”
“How does Quinn feel?”
“He’s fine,” I say as I run my finger of the rim of my set. “He knows we’ll come back sometimes, and since he’ll be homeschooled, he can travel back and forth with me.”
The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories Page 26