“Cade?” Reid asked beside me.
“Yeah?” My eyes didn’t leave her. I don’t think I even blinked.
“You ok?” Who is that?” he chuckled.
“My lawyer,” I replied, not budging.
“You have a hot lawyer,” he said. I felt him move to look around me.
I snapped around, glaring at him. “Don’t look at her like that,” I commanded. My voice was harsh, lethal.
His hands shot up in surrender. “Just making an observation. While I’m at it...you got a thing for your lawyer, huh?” he smiled wickedly. Damn, he was annoying.
I shrugged, “We have history. You ready?” I asked, grabbing hold of the handle.
“Yeah, I’ll keep a distance so you two can talk,” he said, much to my pleasure. At least the guy can take a hint.
We got out of the car and I called her name. She stopped, turning to me in slow motion. Our eyes met and my knees weakened. How did she do this to me? I walked forward, taking my steps carefully. “Francesca, we need to talk,” I said. My hand itched to reach out and touch her, but I wasn’t sure how she would react.
“Cade,” she said, her voice breaking. She was hurt. Again.
“I know, I’m sorry, I have to tell you something. Let’s go in?” I suggested, nodding to the double doors staring at us.
She nodded. She didn’t speak. I didn’t know if it was because she wouldn’t, or couldn’t. My heart broke knowing I’d probably made her cry. We stepped inside, and she directed me to a little room on the side. Reid was following behind us, but not close enough to invade our privacy.
“What’s the bodyguard for?” she asked. There was a bite to her reply that wasn’t normal.
“I’m about to tell you,” I said, “He’s not a bodyguard though.”
We sat in the room, facing each other. I was nervous...like shaking hands, knotted stomach, I-may-puke-on-her nervous. She tapped her fingernail against the table, her brows raised as she watched me expectantly. Now that I was here, under her gaze, I wasn’t sure where to begin.
“Saturday morning I was having alcohol withdrawals. I was embarrassed and didn’t want you to know, so I had you call Cason. He made me promise to talk to someone Monday. Well, me being the weak bastard that I am, called a friend to bring me liquor as soon as I got home. I meant to call you Sunday, but I was so drunk I forgot. Monday rolled around, Cason showed up and dragged me to a therapist office,” I started.
Her eyes were wide as she listened. She was in a trance, her mouth slightly open from the shock of it all. She waved her fingers about, motioning for me to continue.
“When I got there, we talked...and she recommended rehab. Francesca, I’m in rehab. The last few days have been hell as I’ve been detoxing. I feel like I could die but none of it matters because seeing you, the look on your face, the hurt in your eyes, is worse. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m not allowed to contact anyone on the outside for two weeks. After that, I can only see family. My dad is paying for this place and it’s really ‘high class’,” I told her, using air quotes. “They say having outside contact may hinder the process. I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times to tell you this for you to know it. Francesca...the night you stayed with me was the best night of my life. I’ve never felt more alive, more loved, happier, than when I hold you in my arms. Seeing your face makes my heart beat faster, in a good way, and I feel this calmness come over me. I don’t know why, but it’s always been this way with you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, and I know you could do better, but I’m going to try my damnedest to make it up to you when I get out of here. I don’t care if it takes a year, or ten, or even twenty. I will make you see how much I care.” I laid it all out on the table for her. I placed my hands in the praying position, holding them in front of my face.
Her gaze was steady and calm. Her eyes betrayed her, though, because they were swimming in emotion. I couldn’t tell if it was happiness, sadness, or confusion. Perhaps it was a combination of the three. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed. She bit her lip, telling me she was thinking, but the wait was killing me. I couldn’t sit in the silence anymore.
“Reid, the bodyguard as you called him, is a sponsor and part time counselor. He’s a recovered addict, and I had to be escorted here today. My body is weak still, and I know I would go to the liquor store given the chance, so he brought me. He figured out that I’m in love with you and said he’d keep his distance. He seems like a nice guy, he’s just a little too happy for my liking in my current state,” I explained.
“Are you ok?” her voice asked softly. She sounded scared and small. Not like Francesca at all.
“I will be,” I said. I braved reaching my hand across to comfort her. Her slender fingers moved beneath mine. I was scared she was pulling away, but she didn’t. Big brown eyes never left my gaze.
“You really want this? Cason or your dad didn’t pressure you?” she inquired. She had doubts about me.
Who could blame her? I’d never given her a reason to think I’d wanted to change. Hell, I hadn’t wanted to change before now. “I want this 100%. You inspire me to do better. I’ll be thirty years old in a few years and have nothing to show for it. It’s time I grow up, take responsibility, and stop hiding behind my addiction.”
She continued to stare at me, her eyes penetrating my soul. I was certain she wouldn’t say anything else, just go in court, represent me, and that be that. My heart was slowly dying at the thought, but what could I do? Then she spoke.
Chapter Twenty-Nine-Francesca
“Cade...I came here today determined to tell you how I felt...so here it goes. I think I fell in love with you the day you offered me crackers. I don’t know why I have this strong connection to you, how to prevent it, how to stop it, but I do know it’s there. I look at you and I see my future. Now, I don’t know if it’ll work. I know it won’t be easy, because let’s face it, nothing worth it ever is. I can’t live one more day without you knowing how I feel,” I said, peering at him and fighting back the tears. I blinked several times, pushing them back, and continued. “I’m so proud of you for getting help, Cade. You don’t know how happy that makes me. I worried about you when we were younger, and I worry now. I am here for you, anything you need. I don’t want to go three months without talking to you, but if it means that you’ll be better and can actually be in this with me, then I can deal.” I reached over, taking his hand in mine. “You make me whole, Cade Kelling.”
He was around the table in seconds, pulling me up from the chair and crushing his lips to mine. His mouth was rough, needy as he devoured me. His tongue claimed mine. He was taking what was his—me—and letting me know. I snaked my arms up his chest, earning a groan from him, and around his neck, pulling and twisting his strands. We finally broke, our chests heaving as we caught out breath.
“Francesca,” he said huskily, leaning his forehead to mine. “You are amazing. Please say you’ll wait for me to get sober and let’s try this,” he pleaded with me. His eyes searched mine and I saw the uneasiness he felt.
I placed my palms on his hard chest, gripping him lightly. “It’ll always be you, Cade. And if I have to wait three years, I will, as long as it means you’ll come back to me as a whole person. I want you to be who I know you can be. The person I see when I look at you...but you have to get ahold of the addiction. We can’t work if you don’t...” I told him, reaching up and kissing him lightly on the cheek. “I want you and only you.”
He smiled widely, making my stomach flop. He licked his huge, pouty lips, and said, “I promise. For us, I will do this and we’ll be amazing.”
I knew there was a possibility it wouldn’t work. Cade’s addiction would always be a problem, something we would have to deal with, and I was ok with that. If it meant I could feel the oneness, the happiness, and the excitement I felt only with him, I would help him. Together, we could do anything.
“Let’s go let me kick ass in court,” I said, untangling myself from his arms.
>
“Anything for you, Francesca,” he stated, smiling widely and following me.
###
The judge looked at Cade wearily as I spoke. My voice started out shaky, but I gained confidence after the initial argument. Cade watched me while exuding confidence. We were in general session court, which mean a lot of others were there as well, and once I explained Cade’s alcoholism and his determination to get help, the case was closed. He got thirty hours of community service, some of which he could complete in rehab, and we were free to go. I basically won my first case. The bar owner was pissed off, wanting Cade in jail. He hadn’t even damaged the man’s property, so I didn’t know why he was out for blood, but I was ecstatic he didn’t get it. We walked out, both of our faces glowing with delight. Reid waited for us on the bench, his leg tapping frantically. His boredom disappeared once he saw us looking so gleeful, and he stood to greet us.
“How did it go?” he asked us, his smile wide and excited. He was nice. Cade introduced me right before we went in the courtroom, and Reid instantly treated me like a friend. His personality was contagious and I liked his easygoing nature. I believed he would be a great help for Cade in rehab.
“Thirty hours community service, some of which can be completed in rehab,” I grinned, squeezing Cade’s arm and winking at him.
“Yeah, I have an amazing lawyer,” he joked, giving a cocky gaze in my direction.
I playfully smacked him, rolling my eyes. “Cheesy.”
Reid broke in, seemingly pleased with our interaction. “I’m so sorry to break this up, but we have to get back. The nurses will need to check your vitals since they haven’t in a while.”
Panic gripped me. I’d just gotten Cade back and now he was leaving for three months, possibly more. I turned to face him, my hands shakily reaching to grip his arms. “Cade...why are they checking your vitals? Are you ok? You said you were...” I stammered out. I looked him over, taking in every feature. His bright blue eyes looked tired, but they were still enough to make me swoon under his gaze. His brown hair was ruffled and ready for me to run my fingers through. His body drew me in, calling me to close the distance. I wanted to give in, no, needed to give in, but couldn’t. Not in the courtroom.
He broke our gaze, turning to Reid. “Could we have maybe twenty minutes in the car? I don’t get to see her for three months,” he said sadly.
Reid looked at us both, mentally debating on what to do. He finally relented, nodding his head and guiding us to the door. We followed, careful to not draw attention to our relationship with each other. It wouldn’t affect the decision, but I didn’t want other lawyers deciding my reputation before I got my name out there. We walked towards Reid’s car and he nodded for us to get in. He stood, leaned against the hood, as we climbed inside.
“Francesca, I’m fine. The facility keeps tabs on our vitals during the detoxing stage because for some people it gets severe. I’m past the worst, so I’m clear. They just have to keep records,” he explained.
“I’m worried about you,” I choked out. I could feel the tears begging to break free.
His rough, calloused fingers softly caressed my cheek. “Don’t. I’ll be ok. Reid is one of the sponsors. He’ll be there for a lot of it, and he’s decided we should be friends, so I doubt I can get rid of him,” he said lightly.
“I like him. I think he’ll be good for you. He seems to care,” I told him, looking out the front window to where Reid stood with his back to us. “Maybe it won’t be so bad making a friend while you’re there.”
“Yeah, I’m just not in the mood for the excited happiness he contains,” he admitted. “He’s been in my position, though, you know? It’ll be good to talk to him, I guess. Cason can only understand so much.”
“He’s a good brother,” I told him, resting my head on the back of the chair. “I’m gonna miss you. I only got you back a couple of weeks ago,” I sniffled. The tears were freely falling now. I didn’t bother to try and stop them.
“I’ll call and write. It’ll be like I’m still right here,” he assured me, his thumb tracing circles on my arm. “Please, don’t be upset. You’ll be busy with work and stuff, so the time will fly by.”
“I quit, Cade,” I groaned out. I shifted my eyes sideways to look at him, watching the shock register on his face. It was entertaining.
His blue eyes bulged, his mouth falling open slightly. “Why in the world did you quit? You couldn’t have, you just were in there with me,” he stammered, his hands waving around in the air as he spoke.
I bit my lip, hiding the smile that was trying to break free. “I did represent you, because I called your dad and explained the situation. I quit because the firm wasn’t respecting me, they were taking advantage. It wasn’t right. So...I’m going to open my own firm. I’m starting everything next week,” I grinned when I was finished explaining.
His lips mirrored mine as he reached over, pulling me close. “You will be great, Francesca. That is amazing,” he whispered in my ear. He leaned away, looking at me with pride filled eyes. “You’re so wonderful. I can’t believe you want me.”
“Cade, how could I not want you? You make me feel...alive.”
His lips found mine, gently tugging and caressing as he ravaged me with his tongue. I knew this was the last kiss we would share for a while. The finality of it was depressing, making us both much more eager. Our connection deepened, leaving me breathless and dizzy when we eventually broke. He gazed into my eyes, memorizing every inch of my face, before speaking again. “I’ll miss you. And you make me feel more than alive....” He gave me a tiny peck on the top of my nose, then a regretful expression replaced his happy one. “Reid is fidgeting. I think it’s time to go,” he said, staring out the window and lifting a finger to let Reid know he understood.
“Be strong, Cade. I know you can do this. I know.” I emphasized.
He nodded, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I inhaled his scent, realizing it was a bit different now that it wasn’t masked by alcohol. I etched him into my memory, this moment in time one I’d never forget. I released him, climbing out of the car. I could feel his eyes following my every move. Reid smiled at me sweetly, showing he understood.
“Take care of him, Reid.”
“I will,” he said, patting me gently on the back. I headed to my car, not looking back. I couldn’t stand seeing him watching me with the sadness in his eyes. They were gone when I finally got the nerve to turn in his direction.
###
Hamlet sensed my despair and didn’t leave my side the rest of the day. I stayed strong, working on filling out paperwork to get permits and licenses to open my firm. I knew Cade would be ok. This was best for both of us. Once he was in recovery, we would be able to be together...something new for us. We fell in love nine years ago and only just confessed our feelings for one another. I couldn’t think about missing him for the next few months, only about seeing him again. He would be different, a changed man, but he’d also be broken. It had taken a lot of courage for him to admit he needed help and I was immensely proud of him for it. Excitement filled my being as I anticipated our future.
Cade’s First Month of Rehab
Chapter Thirty-Cade
Rehab wasn’t what I expected. The meetings, all the talking, it was difficult to get accustomed to. I went to meetings every day, sometimes more than one. Cason visited once a week, usually bringing Mom with him, but Pops wasn’t happy. During our family meeting, the counselors had informed him they all were my enablers. He didn’t like that much and stormed out. I hadn’t heard from him since. I wasn’t sure if I cared, honestly. I thought of Francesca every day. We wrote letters weekly, keeping the other informed of progress regarding my treatment and her grand opening. I anticipated her mail, though I didn’t want anyone to know just how important hearing from her was. Knowing that she was thinking about me, missing me, kept me sane. I still wanted alcohol, and according to the people I talked to every day, it would be a constant issue to deal with for
the rest of my life. I was working on learning new ways to handle any problems I faced. It was hard, but no one ever claimed it was a walk in the park. Reid visited me every day. The guy wasn’t so bad, now that I wasn’t half dead. His cheery personality was contagious. I wanted to be that happy. To love my life so much that no one could bring me down. I knew I was on the right path. I just wasn’t sure how long it would take me to get there.
A knock on the door distracted me from the television. “Come in,” I called.
Reid sauntered in, a huge smile adorning his face as usual. “Hey, Cade! I brought the mail,” he taunted, waving it in the air.
I knew there was a letter in there. He was the only one that really knew about Francesca. All the doctors and counselors stressed to not start anything serious while in rehab. In reality, it started nine years ago, so there wasn’t any rule or advice breaking. “Reid...can I have it, please?” I inquired, giving him a stern look.
“I dunno. Wanna tell me how many times you’ve wanted a drink today?”
“Four. Now, give it to me,” I commanded, reaching my hand out.
“Four isn’t so bad. Not as many as yesterday,” he smiled, placing the treasure in my grasp.
“Thanks, man. Now get out so I can read it,” I chuckled.
“I’ll be back later. Enjoy,” he called, leaving me alone.
I ripped the envelope open, peeling out the delicately folded paper. Her handwriting reflected her, soft and gentle, but you could see the passion in each stroke. She used different paper each time. Each contained a flower of some sort. I’d never realized she enjoyed flowers so much, but I made a mental note to get her lots of them once we had time together. I considered having Cason order some for me, from me, as a “thinking-of-you” surprise. I unfolded the letter, sitting back in the seat to devour every word.
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